


How Hope Answers the Water Rail's Knock

by thecenturies



Series: Endless Summer [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Bearded Liam Dunbar, Bearded Theo Raeken, Cooking, Cuddling & Snuggling, Day At The Beach, Domestic, Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Good Theo Raeken, Hairy Liam Dunbar, Idiots in Love, Intimacy, Jealousy, Less Like Slow Burn And More Like Two Idiots Standing About On Fire, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Misunderstandings, Oblivious, Pining, Post-Traumatic Growth, San Francisco, Sharing a Bed, Sightseeing, Underage Drinking, Undressing, Unresolved Sexual Tension, mental gymnastics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:48:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 111,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28266408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecenturies/pseuds/thecenturies
Summary: Malia discovers karaoke. Everyone is on board and delighted for the most part.Except for Liam whose life blows up somehow. It may have to do with the kind of songs Theo sings.This is not a songfic.ORIn the months following the conflict with the Anuk-Ite and the hunters, Liam and Theo become close friends.They both grow up. Theo gets his life together with Liam’s help, and Liam tries to be a good friend and a good person all around.Liam’s affection for Theo grows into something more, except he is mostly unaware until Theo’s song choices during the pack’s karaoke nights show Theo in a different light.Things escalate during a full moon, and Liam tries to make sense of his feelings and his friendship with Theo.A lot happens in the next eight days.
Relationships: Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken
Series: Endless Summer [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2110719
Comments: 228
Kudos: 140





	1. Chapter 1

*

It’s the beginning of summer when Malia discovers karaoke.

Liam tries to wake up slowly, his beard scraping roughly against the pillow as he buries his face in it. His phone is on the bedside table, exploding with notifications as Malia lets them have it in the pack’s Slack channel, her indignation and excitement punctuated by an onslaught of emoji and gifs.

She can’t believe that this was a thing people could do. It sounds amazing. Why has no one ever told her about it? Do they hate fun? What was wrong with them? They need to go. Immediately. She _deserves_ this.

 _Sure. Why not._ Lydia says in the chat.

The next Friday night Malia, gathers everyone up and drags them to a karaoke bar. It doesn’t take much. Everyone seems really into it.

That first time, everyone is surprised when the MC calls out Theo’s name. He’s come a long way with the pack, especially in his friendship with Liam, but Liam is still floored by the idea of Theo getting up in front of not just them but a whole bar full of strangers to sing karaoke.

But there Theo goes, grabbing the mic from the MC and sliding into Taylor Swift’s “The Archer.” For a while everyone is just too shocked at the sight of it to do or say anything.

Corey, though, is the first to acknowledge the situation out loud. He lets out a cheer and yells, “Go, Theo!”

Theo’s singing voice is nice. A little higher than his speaking voice, and a lot different from what’s Liam is used to hearing, which is usually Theo exasperated with him, or being fond, or bossing him around, or laughing at him, or making fun of him, or being weirdly professional and corporate during work calls.

Liam settles down and tries to pay close attention.

It takes him a few seconds, but he starts to reconcile the lyrics with the way Theo sounds and the way he looks.

It’s sad and lonely and full of regret. He looks increasingly upset as he sings.

It’s just a song, Liam tells himself. Isn’t it? Things have calmed down a lot in the months after the crisis, and there hasn’t been an incident since. It’s a double-edged sword: with no trouble to occupy them, they’re left with a lot of time to reckon with everything that happened and everything each of them did, and, for some of them, to sit with their grief.

In different ways and with varying degrees of success they’ve all started to move on.

Theo has had a rough time of it, Liam knows. How do you get past living half your life with monsters who then raised you to be one? The violence he committed willingly, the monstrous things he felt forced to do. It pains Liam now to think of what Theo has had to pay.

Did time pass differently in the skinwalker prison? How long did Theo suffer until Liam pulled him out only to drag him into more trouble?

Liam wouldn’t be alive if not for Theo saving him, time and time again. Out of what? A sense of obligation? Or was it self-preservation? To win Liam’s good graces and, in turn, Scott’s?

No matter his reasons then, things are so different now.

At first they spent their time fighting and hurting each other, and maybe that was because conflict was the only context they had for their relationship. Each in opposition to the other. But that’s not how it is anymore.

They’ve become proper friends eventually. And if they’re still a little rough with each other, it’s affectionately done. Even Mason and Corey have come around.

On stage, Theo is wrapped up in his song. Lit up by the stage lights Liam can see him clearly, and the look on his face isn’t something Liam’s used to seeing at all.

He’s seen Theo be evil and manipulative. He’s seen him savage and fearsome. He’s seen him in ways that made him feel terror for himself and for his friends.

But he’s also seen Theo fight to protect him. He’s seen him put himself between Liam and danger. He’s seen Theo pull him back and anchor him to his humanity every time he felt himself slipping.

Theo is fierce and strong and heroic.

He’s seen Theo fight to do good.

And when Theo was held to account Liam watched him take it standing up.

After all of it, he watched Theo start over, more or less alone except for Liam, and build something for himself.

He sees him working toward amends where forgiveness is withheld, no matter how well or how badly it’s received.

Every day Liam sees Theo choose to be the person he has become, the person Liam knows him to really be, the man he was always going to be despite the horror done to the boy he was.

Theo has clawed through to the other side of it, not quite whole but piecing himself together.

Liam is so proud of him.

He tries hard to make Theo feel not alone, draws and redraws a shape in his life for Theo to always fit into.

Most people don’t see Theo the way he does.

Theo is snarky but not impolite. He’s flirtatious with strangers, especially service and retail workers. He’s gregarious and hyper-competent at work.

To Liam he’s bossy but fond. He’s taciturn but demonstrative in his way of being of service. He’s generous but pretends to be put upon. He’s very protective of and indulgent with Liam.

He’s nice to Liam’s parents.

Liam has gotten to know Theo’s soft heart, and it’s easy to see how he learned to harden himself to guard it.

Sometimes he notices Theo quiet and unsettled, and he knows he’s doubting his place. He can sense him wondering if Liam’s friendship is conditional, or his place in the pack, and that Theo is just waiting for the other shoe to drop like it has every other awful time in his life.

That he’ll be alone again.

On really bad days Liam sees shadows of the old Theo as the new one lashes out preemptively, striking out first in self-defense, acerbic and venomous with his words.

But Liam knows he doesn’t mean it. That it’s fear that’s making Theo act out. And so Liam would always put himself next to Theo so that they’re side by side. And would tell him simply, “I’m here.”

Anyone who remarks derisively or dismissively about their friendship does so only once and never again within Liam’s hearing.

He doesn’t like to think about Theo putting up with hostility or abuse without him there to shut it down, but Theo can take care of himself. Theo has always been able to take care of himself. And now he has Liam.

Liam takes a sip of his soda and tries to swallow past the lump in his throat.

He’s never seen Theo be vulnerable or look hurt in this way. Not in private when it’s just the two of them and his hard looks soften and he laughs more easily and is freer with his smiles and his affection. Certainly not in public for everyone to see and hear.

Liam wants to fight whatever is doing this to Theo.

The song ends to a polite round of applause. Theo acknowledges the crowd with a small wave.

Liam registers the inquisitive and uncomfortable looks on the pack’s faces.

“That’s…different,” Stiles can’t help pointing out.

Liam tries to catch Theo’s eyes. It’s brief as Theo looks shyly away, touching his scruffy cheek the way he does when he’s feeling bashful.

Stiles’s turn comes around again, and he and Malia rile up the entire place with Flo Rida and T-Pain’s “Low.”

Even Theo laughs.

*

The next time they go, Malia and Stiles sign up right away. Everyone else takes a bit more time scanning the catalog. Theo doesn’t browse it at all, and Liam starts to feel disappointed that maybe he won’t hear Theo tonight.

But pretty early on Theo does go on stage, and then proceeds to fuck everyone up with a heartbroken rendition of “If I Die Young.”

By the end of it, everyone in the pack is tearing up. Scott and Lydia have to excuse themselves.

No one says anything, except for Stiles who hisses at Theo, “Dude, what the fuck. Now it’s gonna be weird when I do ‘Hot In Herre’. Go last next time if you’re gonna pull this kinda shit,” and storms off to comfort the others.

Theo simply shrugs.

Liam takes a look around at the rest of the pack.

Lydia, as sharp as the edge of cut glass and ethereally beautiful, yet haunted. Stiles, frenetic and bright like an electron and made that much more darkened in his quiet moments. Malia whose strong sense of self Liam envies as much as he relates to her kindred wildness. Scott who seems grown up and always taking care of everyone, but he’s so young, barely an adult, just like the rest of them. Mason and Corey whose innocence they’ve somehow managed to hold on to the way they hold on to each other.

The elders barely out of their teens and the younger having _just_ turned eighteen, but they’ve already been through hell. Nobody talks about how they’re all just kids caught up in something bigger and more dangerous than themselves.

Liam’s chest tightens thinking about the constant threat of peril hanging over the people he cares about.

They’ve had losses. They each carry their own grief. Sometimes the pain is like a distant memory. Other times it’s as near as the present.

For a while Liam allowed himself to drown in anger. It’s familiar, though dangerous, and it’s predictably unpredictable. But it’s what he’s always had.

Then Theo came along and helped him find something else. And Liam just…responded.

His eyes are drawn to Theo who is quiet in his seat. He gets up and takes the spot next to him. “I’m here,” Liam says.

He looks at Theo’s silhouette. Prays that when the time comes he’s strong enough and brave enough to keep him safe. To keep them all safe.

*

It becomes a regular thing for those of them in town.

Malia and Stiles, by far, have the best, most ridiculous time, losing it to outrageous hip-hop party tracks and Gaga. Scott seems to favor rock bands, but also, weirdly, ‘80s power ballads. Liam, Mason, and Corey stick mostly to top 40 hits.

Lydia turns out to be a karaoke assassin with an arsenal of radio hits from the last ten or so years. Now and then she pulls out a fun one from her secret repertoire of country songs.

And, once, Ariana Grande’s “7 Rings,” which sends Liam, Mason, and Corey right up front, dancing and singing along, miming the lyrics like fools and having a blast. They absolutely lose their minds when Lydia nails the rap verse.

That Theo sings should be an innocuous piece of trivia, yet it opens up entire avenues for Liam to explore in his mind, and he’s only a little bit embarrassed to admit that he spends an inordinate amount time thinking about it.

He has heard some of the kind of music Theo listens to, in his truck when they drive, in his apartment when Theo works remote. But what about the kind of songs Theo loses himself in, the ones he sings to himself when he thinks there’s no one around to hear? What songs make him feel what feelings?

It’s been months now since Theo has become as much a part of Liam as Mason is, as his mom. It’s a kind of bond grown begrudgingly out of strife and horror and then nurtured by mutual service to each other and hard-won affection.

Where Mason is Liam’s childhood best friend, Theo now fills the spaces of Liam’s maturing heart.

And now something new seems to be happening and it casts a different light in how he sees Theo.

It feels strange but good.

*

Life is, frankly, a little disconcerting in its normalcy.

The whole town as if in silent agreement simply fell back into its usual swing of things, everybody hurrying to get things back to normal.

There’s school and sports and family and work, and things just inexorably carry on, looking much the same now as it did before.

Liam’s life, for his part, looks a lot different.

For one, Theo is a fixture in it.

They found reasons to stay in each other’s orbit, providing help for each other for the most part. It was supernatural stuff at first as they cleaned up in the aftermath of the war, and then became increasingly mundane like Liam helping Theo sort his stuff out and advocating for his place in the pack; Theo teaching Liam how to drive and taking him to the DMV to get his license.

Eventually, Liam introduced Theo properly to his parents as his friend. Even now Theo encourages Liam to do more around the house and spend more time with them.

It’s one act of service after another until they just settled into place in each other’s lives.

They spend a lot of time together. They do yard work at Liam’s and run household errands on the weekends. They go grocery shopping and Theo lets him get all the junk food he wants. Theo bullies him into doing chores, like washing his parents’ cars, but he always helps. Liam finds that he’s so happy with the company he doesn’t even mind it at all. Theo has even got him waking up early now.

Theo sleeps over sometimes. Liam keeps a toothbrush for him. On school nights Theo would drive Liam to school the morning after, before heading home to his apartment where he works remote. If it’s a weekend Liam wakes up to Theo making coffee and breakfast in the kitchen for Liam and his parents.

They love having him over.

Now that school’s out they’re together even more.

Liam rides his bike to Theo’s and lets himself in with the keys Theo gave him the same week he moved in. He works out at the apartment building’s gym where the attendant recognizes him as Theo’s. He ends up smelling like Theo when he uses his things in the shower. He keeps clothes in the dresser in the spare bedroom of the apartment. He makes fresh cold brew coffee for Theo when the carafe in the fridge starts running low. Theo even lets him water his plants.

Other times he comes over with Mason and Corey in tow just to kick it and bother Theo while he’s at work or hang out at the rooftop deck. They raid Theo’s pantry for the junk food he keeps there just for him. Theo makes lattes and mochas and cappuccinos for them with the espresso machine he bought that is Liam’s in all but name. He never uses it for himself; he only ever drinks iced coffee. And then he cooks dinner for Liam, or for anyone else visiting. Sometimes it’s Liam who cooks.

Liam always asks how Theo’s work day looks like, and whenever Theo’s calendar is light he makes him come over his house and work there. But they often end up just roughhousing in the backyard, shirts off and feet bare. And then lying on their backs on the cool grass to watch the clouds until Liam gets peckish and drags them back inside inside for lemonade and snacks.

Once, Theo loses track of time and has to jump into a video call with his team only to realize he doesn’t have a shirt on. Liam, also shirtless and in plain view of the camera, passes behind Theo’s seat and drops Theo’s shirt on his lap, which Theo quickly pulls on, hoping no one has noticed. The amused and scandalized looks on everyone’s faces on the screen say otherwise, and Liam cackles in delight when somebody says, “Thanks for joining us, Theo,” voice tinny through the MacBook’s speakers, just as Theo hisses, “Liam, you’re gonna get me fired!” A smattering of laughter comes through before Theo frantically mashes the mute button.

Some nights they run the preserve, off-trail and shifted. Their senses wild and acute, eyes bright in the dark, their claws digging up clumps of loamy soil and tearing at tree bark and rocks as they wrestle and chase each other through the wilderness.

They sit at the overlook, legs dangling freely at the abyss below them, Beacon Hills lit up in the night like a tiny galaxy dense with glittering stars.

They’re there now, sitting quietly together, surrounded by nothing but the hushed woodland sounds and the inky blue of the night sky, the soft huffs of their breathing.

Liam turns to take in Theo beside him. Theo’s thick hair, windswept and damp with sweat, curling adorably behind his ears. His brows smooth and at ease. His plush mouth soft-looking amid the close-cropped full beard Liam knows he’s grown out to look older in front of his work colleagues. The sharp cut of his cheeks and jaw. His face dappled in shadow and starlight.

He looks at peace.

A breeze kicks up and Liam’s nose catches the bright pine-resin scent of Theo’s deodorant, breathes in the smell underneath of ripe masculine sweat, of just Theo.

Liam bites his lip, feeling confused.

He thinks about Theo singing sadly and has the urge to reach out and reassure himself that he is as okay on the inside as he looks on the outside.

Theo, sensing him, turns his head toward him and looks searchingly at his face, Liam doesn’t know what for, but he lets himself be seen. Theo doesn’t seem to find it but his handsome face breaks into a smile anyway.

Something inside Liam cracks and an exquisite aching warmth begins to fill the fissures. Theo’s sweet smile is like the sun coming out from behind a cloud. Liam feels lightheaded at the sight of it and he can’t help but smile back.

He shifts closer until they’re pressed shoulder to shoulder, looking back out into the sprawling view of the town.

Liam doesn’t know when he’s felt this content and happy. He thinks maybe it’s the first time.

*

Theo starts to develop a reputation at the karaoke bar. It’s bound to happen. They come every Friday night and he never goes for anything normal or casual. He only ever sings introspective songs and torch songs and breakup songs, and it’s always sad all the time.

Stiles even comments, “I wonder what weirdly revealing song he’s going to sing tonight.” Everyone laughs about it like it’s some big joke, Theo included.

Even the MC starts to say, “Oh, god, here we go,” when he announces Theo.

Everyone is a little weirded out, especially Liam, who is increasingly concerned for him. Everyone wonders about Theo’s song choices.

Some of the songs are objectively cheesy, but Theo’s earnest and vulnerable way elevates them so he doesn’t look or sound foolish at all, just honest and forlorn.

It gets worse.

Theo purposefully flips the pronouns and words in the lyrics around so that he’s always singing to a he/him or to a boy/guy, or so that the songs sound like the lyrics are about two guys.

The first time it happens, it’s their third night there and Theo’s singing “Wait For You.”

It’s Stiles who catches it as Theo sings, _Boy, you could have stayed but you wouldn’t give me a chance._

“Whoa—did he just—”

And, yes, Theo just did. Everyone is suddenly giving each other shocked looks, except for Malia who smirks.

 _Theo likes boys_ , a devilish thought in Liam’s mind whispers crazily and totally unnecessarily.

Liam has to remind himself to breathe. He thinks with some alarm that he hasn’t noticed Theo dating anybody—boy or girl.

Scott raises an eyebrow at Liam, asking, “Is he…you know…?”

“I have no idea what’s happening right now,” Liam says honestly through his rising hysteria.

Liam thinks maybe it was just a slip of the tongue, but that same night it’s consistent. He. Him. Boy. And every night after that.

The only exception is when Theo sings SZA’s “The Weekend.” That one he leaves entirely intact, which just makes it so much more glaringly obvious.

“Dude?” Scott asks again in Liam’s general direction.

“You’re with Theo every weekend, right?” Stiles asks slyly.

“I don’t know! I hate it here!” Liam wails miserably in response, rubbing both fists roughly through his beard.

As Theo returns to their table, Stiles says loud enough for all of them to hear, “So. It’s guys for you, then?”

“Yeah,” Theo says easily, looking cool even as he shrugs.

Liam’s ears start ringing.

When Theo goes to the bathroom, everyone turns to Liam with questioning looks.

“At least it wasn’t a sad song?” he offers conciliatorily.

Which Theo ruins by closing the night with “Ocean,” sounding and looking so raw and defeated it makes Liam bang his head on the table.

He wonders if this is what it feels like to lose your mind.

*

The following Friday night the performance list is pretty sparse. It happens sometimes, and when it does they let people go a couple of times or more in a row if they want.

So Theo does.

He goes up there and _goes in_ on “We Belong Together” and “Secret Love Song, Pt. II” back-to-back, laying it on so thick his eyes actually well up.

He looks like a kicked puppy left out in the rain.

It makes Liam want to howl.

There’s a few seconds of stunned silence and then somebody yells from across the bar, “Bro, who hurt you?!”

And Liam absolutely wants an answer to that, feels burning anger flaring in his chest toward this faceless, unnamed boy who broke Theo’s heart.

And then someone else goes, “He’s not worth it!”

He is absolutely not.

Liam whips his head frantically around the room, looking for any dude who looks like he might be Theo’s unworthy secret boyfriend so he could beat the hell out of him.

Mason and Corey turn to look at Liam and he wonders at the curious expression on their faces.

“Is something going on with…” Mason asks, trailing off and gesturing vaguely.

“No,” Liam grunts through clenched teeth, unsure what it is he’s answering to, only that a denial feels like the right thing to say.

“You okay?” Mason tries.

“Yes,” Liam growls, feeling murderous and not okay at all.

He’s grumpy after that despite Mason and Scott’s attempts to soothe him.

He only eases up when Theo sits with him for the rest of the night and doesn’t sing any more stupid songs about some other guy.

He doesn’t smile again until Theo pushes his own basket of cheesy tater tots in front of him. Liam inhales it, like he does all food.

*

Liam tries to cope, he really does, but he can’t let it go.

Everybody’s acting like it’s not a big deal, whatever, Theo likes boys and sings brokenhearted songs about them. It shouldn’t matter, but for reasons Liam is unable and unwilling to interrogate, it does.

More importantly, _who the hell_ is this dude that Theo has been pouring his heart out for in song every damn week?

Liam is hella pressed about it and struggles for days.

But the thing is, apart from Liam driving himself insane with it, everything is otherwise normal.

He and Theo go on as regular.

They still hang out all the time. Theo visits and spends time with Liam’s family. Liam is at Theo’s a lot. They work out together. They go swimming at the pool in Theo’s apartment building. They cook meals together. They play fight. They run wild and carefree at the preserve and stargaze at the overlook. They sleep over each other’s places.

They do their normal friend stuff.

They do everything except talk about what Theo does in front of the pack every Friday night, and Liam doesn’t bother Theo with it.

And if it’s obvious to his other friends and his parents that Liam is bummed some of the time, they don’t say much about it to him and for the most part they leave him be.

There’s no sign anywhere of the guy Theo sings about outside of the lyrics in his Friday night performances.

Still, Liam thinks about how he spends the most time with Theo out of anyone else in the known universe, so where the fuck was he when Theo 1) got himself a secret boyfriend, and 2) got his heart broken?

The thought of a heartbroken Theo without Liam there to comfort him hurts Liam in a real way. He feels like a bad friend. He and Theo are close enough now that he should’ve known something even if Theo never said anything.

Everybody keeps making it worse by needling him about it, but Liam just. Doesn’t. _Know_.

*

It comes to a head the night of a full moon.

It’s a Friday and they keep their new tradition, confident of every shapeshifter’s control. And, why not? They’re old hats at this.

Theo sings “Delicate” really flirtatiously, goes so far as to look at and wink at a blue-eyed guy with jeans and Nikes on when he gets to that part of the song.

That’s just egregious, Liam thinks angrily.

Liam starts grumpily crushing ice from his drink between his teeth.

But then later Theo sings “You Are the Reason” with such painful heartbreak and yearning, something inside Liam snaps and he goes off the rails.

He doesn’t notice until it’s too late to pull it back that he starts thinking Theo is actually in love with some guy. And he’s convinced that Theo has been in love this entire time and he’s been doing it all for months behind Liam’s back.

It snowballs as Liam’s imagination runs riot with images of a naked Theo tangled up with and professing his love to someone else. Of Theo giving his body to someone who doesn’t deserve him, to someone who hasn’t even earned his heart. Of Theo broken up about it enough to expose his feelings publicly but still not talk to him. Of leaving Liam out of all of it. Of Theo not even telling Liam first about him and boys that Liam didn’t even have a chance to—

Liam sees red.

It’s just a song. They’re just songs. They don’t mean anything more than that.

Stop, he tells himself, this is a disproportionate reaction. Liam, you need to stop.

But he’s been worked up from week after week of this compounded by the intense and increasingly confusing feelings he feels around Theo, that he can’t see past the red haze or hear anything over the thundering of his heart.

There is a precarious moment when the pack tenses up, primed for danger and violence. Liam’s wild instincts respond in kind, and the bomb starts ticking.

Scott tries valiantly to assert control. While a true alpha’s dominance may compel temporary submission, it can’t substitute for the enduring influence of a steadfast anchor.

Scott knows it. They all know it. And their fear and sense of peril only feed the thrashing wildness inside Liam.

A shroud of warmth descends on Liam and envelops him in a cocoon of safety. Liam imagines a little ball of sun, warm and bright. It subdues the wild thing trying to claw its way out of his skin and quiets the noise enough for him to find himself again and quell the chaos.

It’s Theo’s hands on his cheek and over his heart. It’s Theo’s voice in his ear saying, “I’m here, Liam. It’s Theo.”

Liam’s breathing begins to level out, and there is Theo’s familiar smell. Liam breathes in lungfuls of it. He nuzzles into the warmth of Theo’s hand, eyes unseeing.

_That’s Theo lying next to him on the grass, chuckling about a cloud shaped like the poop emoji._

_That’s Theo climbing up on his back and dunking his head under the pool water, Theo’s peals of laughter sounding muffled to Liam’s submerged ears._

_That’s Theo scraping eggs from a skillet onto Liam’s plate, laughing with his parents as his dad tells a funny story about a patient._

_That’s Theo’s excited grin as he waits for Liam at the school parking lot to tell him he got the promotion. Theo’s “Oomph!” when Liam tackles him into a tight hug and tells him he’s so proud of him._

_That’s Theo looking fondly at Liam sprawled out on the floor and whining about the one piece of flatpack furniture Theo let him assemble on his own when Theo got his new place._

_That’s Theo saying, “Hey,” and smiling so softly at Liam for the first time that Liam feels a seed taking root in his heart. The moment they recognize that they’re finally friends._

Steadily Liam comes back, blinking the world into focus, and those are his Theo’s worried eyes and his Theo’s concerned face. It pains Liam to see it. “Theo,” he whines brokenly, reaching for Theo’s face to smooth out the knotted brow with gentle swipes of his thumb. “I don’t like this,” he says, hearing the upset in his own hoarse voice, “C’mon, Theo, I don’t like when you look—”

Someone clears their throat. It’s Stiles, and Liam suddenly remembers where they are, understands what’s happened and what he’s doing now.

He doesn’t have to look to know that everyone’s eyes are on him and Theo.

“Liam?” Scott’s voice.

Liam allows himself a long moment to trace his thumb over Theo’s eyebrow once more and squeeze his hand over Theo’s on his chest before they pull away from each other.

“Sorry,” he says to everyone in general, “Sorry. I’m okay now.”

Theo hands him his glass of water and Liam takes a sip of it. “I’m not sure what happened.”

The undercurrent of unspoken questions electrify the air. Stiles is vibrating with it. Mason and Corey make no effort to hide their shock, Malia seems irritated but intrigued, Lydia’s expression is arch.

Scott has a knowing and very determined look on his face.

“Theo, can we—” Liam starts just as Scott opens his mouth to say something.

“Anything you need, Liam,” Theo says resolutely.

Liam gets up, feels Theo’s warm hand on the small of his back as Theo escorts him out the door.

There’s the shuffle of everyone’s movements as they follow.

Outside, Liam breathes in the fresh summer air but he’s still so solidly anchored to Theo that it’s Theo’s smell that fills his nose.

“Liam, hang on! Theo!” Scott calls out.

“I’m all right,” he tells everyone again, “I think I’m just gonna go home. But you guys should stay. I didn’t mean to mess anything up for everyone,” his embarrassment beginning to turn into anger.

“I’ll take care of you,” Theo tells him.

Liam starts walking toward Theo’s truck. He tries to ignore it but the chatter still carries in the air as he walks away.

“—his _anchor?!_ ”

“—did you see how—”

“— _Theo?!_ ”

“—long has that been—”

“—knew they were close, but—”

“— _Theo?!?!_ ”

“—touching him like—”

“—hasn’t said anything to me—”

“— _THEO?!?!?!_ ”

Liam’s knuckles crack in his balled up fists.

“C’mere,” Theo says quietly, arms wrapping tightly around Liam and tucking Liam’s head in his shoulder, “You’re all right. Let it pass.”

Liam nods stiffly, vaguely aware of the chatter’s abrupt stop, one or two shocked gasps. He tries to calm his breathing.

He lets Theo herd him to the passenger’s side, studiously ignoring the warped reflection on the truck of the pack watching them intently. He settles into the seat as Theo opens and closes the door for him. He looks away as Theo leans over and buckles him in, tries not to chase the tickle of Theo’s hair as it grazes his cheek.

Theo starts the truck and drives on.

Liam feels himself making a decision.

*


	2. Chapter 2

*

They drive in silence. Liam in the passenger’s seat is growing more and more agitated.

He doesn’t bother hiding it, knows that Theo is used to these moments, though it has been a long time since there’s been one.

He doesn’t say anything when Theo pulls into a parking space in front of their favorite ice cream spot. Stays obstinately in place even as Theo cuts the engine and pauses to wait for him before eventually going inside the shop on his own.

Theo comes out holding two cups of ice cream, vanilla and coffee. He settles back into the driver’s seat, holds out the cup of vanilla to Liam and keeps the coffee for himself.

It’s Liam’s favorite flavor and Theo even put sprinkles on it just the way Liam likes. The gesture is so fucking sweet it just pisses off Liam even more until he finally erupts.

“Do you have a—boyfriend?” he spits out angrily, incensed with himself for tripping over the word. To Liam’s own ears he sounds deranged, like he’s demanding that Theo better give him the correct answer or else, though what the correct answer might be, Liam doesn’t know. Or else what, he doesn’t know what the hell either.

But he’s going to get some answers even if he has to pick a fight. They haven’t had one in months, and that’s not really something they do anymore. Liam knows he’s ruining it, feels _awful_ about it, but he can’t see past this moment through his banked fury.

Theo swallows his bite of ice cream. “What?” he asks quietly.

Liam tries to reign the anger in. He’s being unfair to Theo and he knows it. Theo’s… _whatever_ is absolutely none of his business. But Liam can’t help himself.

“You heard me.”

“Liam.” Theo says warningly.

“Just answer the question!”

Theo shifts in his seat until he’s facing Liam.

Liam stays put, glaring at the jolly little ice cream shop through the windshield. He can’t bear the thought of facing Theo now and seeing the look of anger or disappointment he’s sure he’ll find in Theo’s eyes. He wouldn’t be able to take that, not now that they’ve come so far together.

“They’re just songs.”

 _Lie_.

Liam’s anger ignites at hearing it. A pained growl tears itself out from his throat and before he knows it he’s whirling toward Theo, face dark like a storm cloud, eyes lightning gold, and everything just starts coming out and Liam can’t stop it.

“I don’t care who the hell this guy is—point him out, Theo! Point him out and I swear to god I’m going to make him pay for hurting you—”

“Liam, I don’t have a—”

“—if this other guy’s lucky enough to—I’m not gonna let him make you feel like less than you are because he’s too stupid to see what he has in you!”

The air reverberates with Liam’s words. He tries to calm his breathing but fails miserably.

“God, Theo, you’re—” Liam stops completely, arrested by the peculiar and confusing look on Theo’s face which Liam can’t discern. Liam is close enough to see the thin ring of color in Theo’s eyes, his dilated pupils. He can feel the puffs of displaced air on his face as Theo breathes shallowly.

Liam’s own breath catches in his throat.

His eyes fix on Theo’s parted lips, the quick dart of Theo’s pink tongue. Liam feels himself reflexively mirroring it and licks his own lips.

He tries to blink through his sudden confusion.

He’s lost all train of thought. He’s aware only of his left hand on the driver’s seat headrest, his knees and shins supporting his weight on the center console, of a pull in his heart while he looks at Theo caged in and pressed flush against the truck door.

There is a creaking sound as Liam’s weight shifts forward so close that his nose nearly grazes Theo’s.

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” Theo says finally, and Liam’s eyes fly back up to meet Theo’s.

 _What_.

Liam hangs back, dazed, eyes flitting to Theo’s chest to reconcile the truth of it with Theo’s steady heartbeat.

“I’ve never had a boyfriend,” Theo adds, heartbeat just as steady.

The fight has gone out of Liam entirely, replaced with growing confusion. “Oh,” he says awkwardly. So then what was the lie about? He turns it over in his mind. That they aren’t just songs? What the hell does that even mean? “Okay, then?” He doesn’t know where to go from here, but it doesn’t matter because Theo goes for him.

“I’ve never even kissed a guy.”

Truth.

Liam gasps.

Theo keeps going.

“I’ve never done _anything_ with a guy.”

Truth.

Liam feels like he’s going to pass out. Or go insane. Or both. There’s a weird, warm tingling in his chest that’s radiating outward. “Good,” he says without thinking, incredibly nervous for some reason.

Theo blinks at him. “‘Good’?”

Liam’s heart stops. He tries to recover and figure out what the hell he’s saying, but his mouth says, “I mean good that there isn’t some other guy out there hurting your—”

“‘ _Other_ guy’?”

Liam feels like he’s actually going to die, right here, in the passenger’s seat of Theo’s truck. His ice cream cup squeaks as the plastic strains in his tightening grip. “You know what I mean,” he insists stubbornly. “Stop making it sound all…” he trails off, gesturing with his free hand like Theo is the one being strange and unreasonable.

Theo lets him off the hook, mouth quirking into a small smile.

Liam’s heart lifts to see that smile even if he thinks it looks sort of regretful.

“You all right?” Theo prods.

“Yeah.”

“Eat your ice cream before it melts.”

Liam nods and starts scarfing it down. “Thank you for my ice cream, Theo,” he tries to say around mouthfuls, “Did you get our card stamped?”

“Duh.”

Theo laughs at him when he inevitably gives himself a brain freeze.

They don’t talk about the thing anymore the rest of the night. But something changes for Liam. He feels different somehow, even if he can’t really place it.

*

The drive home is much nicer, the silence easy and comfortable.

Just as Theo stops at the house, Liam asks, “Theo, do you wanna sleep over?”

“Um…”

“I know I’ve been a jerk to you tonight, and I’m sorry—fuck! And I didn’t even say sorry earlier,” he winces, “I’m so sorry, Theo, for blowing up.”

Theo nods.

Liam bites his lip for a moment and then presses on, “And I’m really sorry for invading your privacy and listening to your heart.”

More than anything else tonight, this is what’s important for Liam. He hopes Theo can see how much he means it.

Before they were anything to each other Liam constantly honed in on and monitored Theo’s signals and heartbeat. And somehow he had just let it carry on even after they became friends.

Theo, of course, noticed, and said to Liam, “I know you don’t trust me,” with barely masked insecurity and dejection that Liam immediately understood and regretted what he was doing.

He stopped then and there, disgusted with himself for violating Theo, and vowed to him: never again.

Theo takes a moment, breathing shakily, and Liam knows Theo is remembering the same thing. He gives Liam a thoughtful look. “It’s okay, Liam. You were upset.”

“No, it’s not okay. I made you a promise,” he says sadly, shaking his head. “But let’s end on a good note. Stay with me tonight.”

Theo raises an eyebrow.

Liam winces again, face burning, “I mean, stay over tonight. My parents would be glad to see you anyway.”

“Okay,” Theo says.

Liam sighs in relief. What the hell is wrong with him? Why is he so flustered? It’s Theo. They’re friends. He already screwed things up a couple of times tonight and now he’s being weird. Theo probably thinks he’s a disaster.

In any case, it doesn’t really matter now. Theo has already said yes, and it’s all going to be fine.

“You can park in the left side of the driveway. They keep it open for you on the weekends anyway in case you stay over.”

The left side is open, his parents’ cars double parked behind each other in the right side.

“All right.” And so Theo does.

Liam’s parents are both asleep already, so they try not to make any noise on their way in.

Upstairs, Liam fixes up the guest room as quietly as he can and leaves a maroon shirt and gray sweatpants on the bed for Theo to use. Theo already knows where to get himself a fresh towel.

Liam points happily at Theo’s toothbrush next to his in a cup in the bathroom when they go to brush their teeth together.

Liam washes up first. “Come to my room after,” he tells Theo, “We can watch something to wind down.”

While Theo is taking his turn in the bathroom, Liam tidies his room a bit even though it’s a lot cleaner nowadays that Liam’s been conditioned by Theo’s constant bullying to do chores.

He checks his hamper, only half full of dirty clothes, and taps on the bathroom door before letting himself in.

Like always the steam is thick and heavy in the air as Theo takes his usual lava-hot shower. “Theo, I’m gonna put your clothes in the wash, okay?” he tells the shadow of Theo behind the fogged up glass of the bath enclosure’s sliding doors.

Theo wipes a spot on the glass with his hand until it’s clear, and there’s Theo with his floppy wet hair and his happy smile.

Liam’s heart goes soft.

“Thanks, Liam.”

Liam finds himself smiling back. He picks up Theo’s jeans first, emptying out the pockets and putting the stuff on the sink counter. He pockets Theo’s phone in his shorts. “And I’m gonna charge your phone.”

“Okay. Thank you, Liam.”

He gathers up the rest of Theo’s clothes, making sure both socks and Theo’s blue-and-white striped briefs are accounted for before taking them to the laundry with his own stuff.

He fills a couple of glasses of water in the kitchen and takes them back up to his room to put on both sides of the bed. He sets Theo’s phone on the charging cradle on the right side.

He checks himself in the mirror. Liam started growing his beard out soon after Theo did his. They both keep it groomed pretty close, but Liam’s hair grows in thicker just like everywhere else on his body. It makes him look and feel older, like a man instead of a boy.

He proceeds to fingercomb his beard and mustache with the same beard balm Theo uses. It smells deliciously of sweet almond oil. Theo finally bought him his own tin of it when he noticed how much Liam kept using his every time Liam is at his apartment.

Then he hops on his bed and sits back against the headboard to wait for Theo. When he hears Theo’s footsteps approaching, he makes a split-second decision to take his shirt off to get comfortable.

He’s pulling his shirt off his arms just as Theo enters the bedroom. Theo’s eyes widen for a brief moment before his expression returns to normal.

“Hi,” Theo says faintly.

Liam pats the space on his right invitingly. “Saved you a spot,” he says with a hopeful lilt.

Theo slides in. He’s kind of looking at Liam weird, so Liam asks, “What?”

Theo waves a finger in Liam’s general direction and licks his lips before saying, “You’ve got some, uh, stuff on your…”

Liam looks down at himself, his muscles flexing. He gets a whiff of his own masculine smell and then sees the pieces of lint stuck to the thick hair on his chest and belly. “Oh, whoops, new shirt,” he says, feeling shy. He runs a hand leisurely across his pecs and abs. “Did I get it all?” he asks, looking playfully at Theo.

Theo swallows thickly. “Yeah.”

Liam smiles. Things are good again, and it feels good to have Theo here with him. “Thank you for taking care of me tonight, Theo.”

“Always,” Theo says, tilting his head to the side to nudge Liam’s in acknowledgment.

Later, Liam moves the laundry to the dryer.

They fall asleep in Liam’s bed with Netflix on the TV asking them if they’re still watching.

*

Liam wakes up alone the morning after, his blanket tucked comfortably around him, and he knows it’s much later in the morning than he’s gotten used to waking.

There’s a kind of weightlessness in his chest that makes him feel giddy and unmoored. It feels like release and recklessness, like permission to _go_. He feels brave and fearless and bold, and he lies there letting the feeling suffuse him.

He turns over and snuggles into the pillow on the right side, smiling. _Theo_. Breathes in the comforting smell. _Theo._

His other senses begin to wake up, hears _Theo_ downstairs putzing around in the kitchen with his parents.

He vaults off the bed and scrambles to put on his shirt. He takes two steps at a time down the stairs and barrels into the kitchen.

And that’s _Theo_ looking at home in Liam’s shirt and sweatpants with his bedhead and a large pint glass of iced coffee, standing barefoot by the kitchen island while Liam’s parents are at the kitchen table eating the breakfast that Theo has made for everyone. Just like he always does when he stays over on a weekend.

“Good morning,” Liam says to everyone, eyes locked on Theo’s amused face. He walks up to his parents at the table, squeezing his dad on the shoulder and bending over to kiss his mom on the cheek.

“Someone woke up on the right side of the bed,” his mom comments laughingly as Liam continues on.

“Yeah,” Liam says, taking Theo’s coffee out of his hand and putting it on the counter. He pulls Theo into a tight hug and rubs their bearded cheeks together, smiling into it. _Theo_. “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” Theo says huskily as he returns the hug. He clears his throat. “I made you a plate.” He jerks his head toward the table where there’s a plate covered in foil.

Liam smiles dopily at him. “You’re my favorite.” He makes for the espresso machine, but Theo shoos him away.

“I got it,” Theo says, “Sit. Eat.”

Liam does as he’s told. He peels off the foil cover from the plate, balling it up, and finds a nice pile of French toast, eggs, and bacon, still warm. He looks around the table and sees his own smile reflected on his parents’ faces but wonders at his dad’s waggling eyebrows.

“I love it when he’s here,” his mom says, his dad humming in agreement.

“Yeah,” Liam sighs happily, digs in.

A short whistle pierces the air and quiets down to a hiss as Theo heats the milk in the steamer, followed by the bubbling sound of Theo frothing the milk.

When Theo sets down Liam’s latte next to him it’s exactly how Liam likes it: extra foamy with a dusting of cocoa on top, just hot enough to gulp, and served in Liam’s favorite white ceramic mug.

A sense of daring blooms in Liam’s chest, and he catches Theo by the wrist before he’s able to pull away. He smiles up at Theo, who looks a little stunned, and says, “Thank you, Theo.”

Theo blinks at him, lets in a slow inhale through his slightly parted mouth. “Dork. Eat your food,” Theo manages to say, keeping his wrist in Liam’s hand until Liam lets go.

Liam chuckles a little. “Yep.” He takes another look around the table at his parents and thinks nothing of the amused but pointed looks on their faces.

“It’s nice to see you’re feeling better, Liam,” his mom says.

Liam feels caught, and Theo just looks curious as he sets a glass of water at the table for Liam.

“Yes, your moping was starting to reach new lows,” his dad says teasingly, looking back and forth between him and Theo.

Liam feels himself turning red. “Yeah, I was just being dumb.”

“Nothing new there,” Theo snarks. “Your shirt’s inside-out. Again.”

Liam grins and doesn’t bother righting it.

The rest of breakfast is nice and easy. There’s not much conversation, just Liam’s parents and Theo asking each other how work is going. Otherwise the relative quiet is comfortable. Liam’s mom takes her time eating. His dad absentmindedly takes bites of his food while reading a journal.

Liam scarfs his meal down quickly as usual, patting his belly as he burps. His mom and Theo both look horrified.

After, Liam gets up and collects the dishes to clean while Theo makes him another latte and pours himself more iced coffee.

“I was thinking the front and side yards could use a trim,” Theo says to no one in particular.

Liam’s dad gets up and helps himself to more coffee. “You don’t have to that, son,” he says to Theo.

“I don’t mind it, sir,” Theo says, pinking.

He pats Theo a couple of times on the shoulder. “Stay for lunch, then. I’m grilling tri-tip.”

Liam smiles stupidly to himself, knows the invitation isn’t impulsive. Theo loves tri-tip.

*

Liam is lifting a bag of green waste into the bin when Theo asks him, “What are you doing next week?”

Liam turns around and wipes his hands on his shorts. “Um, nothing, I don’t think? At least I don’t have any plans other than the pack’s usual Friday. Why?”

“I have the week off.”

That’s unexpected. “Oh, how come?” He asks casually.

“You’ve been weird lately,” Theo says, “I thought maybe it would take me at least an entire week to slap you out of it.” He tries to sound long-suffering and irritated but Liam knows better.

He takes note of how Theo doesn’t mention anything about last night, when they already worked out what’s bothering Liam.

He smiles widely at Theo.

Theo rolls his eyes. “Shut up. So do you wanna do something, or?”

“Yeah, let’s make it a whole thing.”

“All right.” Theo pulls his phone out and checks some stuff in it. “I’m gonna work a little bit later today and maybe tomorrow to get everything ready for when I’m gone, but otherwise we’ve got a whole week.”

Liam starts thinking about possibilities and he’s getting seriously hyped. “Is there anything you had in mind?”

“Anything you want, Liam,” Theo says seriously.

Anything Liam wants.

Liam grins toothily. “You might regret saying that.”

There’s a look on Theo’s face that could mean maybe he might, but wouldn’t mind if it’s for Liam.

*

Liam wants to go to San Francisco.

He has been wanting to all summer. He has even drafted exploratory itineraries on his laptop to get an idea of what’s possible in a single day trip, how many and what sights he could cram in.

It’s a nice thought, but everybody seems so busy. His own days are full of Theo and sometimes Mason and Corey, which is just as well for Liam.

But now Theo is giving him an opening.

“I’ve gone on day trips with family,” he tells Theo, “But it was a long time ago, and I remember the drive there and back was so long we were always in a hurry once we got there…”

Theo picks up what Liam’s putting down.

“Yeah, San Francisco sounds good,” he says, nodding.

There’s a self-satisfied look on Theo’s face that Liam wonders at but can’t explain. He looks questioningly at Theo but Theo doesn’t respond to it.

“We can stay a couple of nights,” Theo continues instead. He raises an impatient eyebrow at Liam. “You know you could just _tell_ _me_ you want to stay a couple of nights, right? Instead of whatever this nonsense is you’re doing with your face,” he accuses, gesturing at Liam’s exaggerated hopeful expression.

Liam grins impishly. “Yeah, but I like when you offer me things.” He’s being a brat, he knows, but he’s gotten used to Theo letting him get away with stuff.

“Oh, you do, do you?” Theo pulls out his phone and pretends to read something in it, making a show of toggling on the ring button. “Oh, shucks, you know what, Liam? I just got a message from work,” he says with what Liam thinks is hella fake-sounding regret, as he waves his phone’s screen in front of Liam.

Liam gapes when he recognizes Slack opened to Theo’s work channel and the sound of new messages coming in.

Theo takes it away before Liam can actually read any of it, “Looks like they’re scheduling a bunch of all-hands next week.” He turns around, ignoring Liam’s spluttering, and starts making his way back to the house. “We’re gonna have to take a raincheck…” he trails off, voice dripping with disappointment.

Liam chases after him, yelling, “Theo? You’re just joking, right? Right? Theo!”

Theo shrugs ambiguously and adds, “I dunno, Liam, work _is_ important…”

Liam’s eyes widen in alarm. “What! Theo, no! _I’m_ important!”

He tackles Theo in the hall before he could escape, making sure to turn Theo around in his arms and angle both their bodies so that even though Theo loses his footing Liam is still able to hold them both up.

They’re both breathing hard from laughter. Liam looks down at Theo and his laughing smile. God, he’s handsome. Liam knows he’s smiling like an idiot, too, but it’s always fun to roughhouse with Theo, and the happy look on Theo’s face when they do always makes Liam feel good.

“Yeah, Liam,” Theo huffs contentedly, “You’re important.”

He feels Theo’s thumb drag slowly where his free hand is gripping Liam’s forearm. Time seems to dilate as Liam’s senses drive into hyper-focus at the contact, and the inches that Theo’s thumb travels on the bare skin of Liam’s forearm feel like miles and miles and miles.

“Come on,” Theo says, pulling himself up, “I gotta ask your parents if it’s all right.”

Liam blinks, nonplussed. “Yeah, okay,” he says, following Theo inside and fighting the strange urge to touch the hem of Theo’s borrowed shirt as it shifts on his lower back.

*

Liam loves the way Theo is with his parents. He’s boyish and respectful. He stands with his hands at his sides or clasped behind him. On the seldom occasion he sits in their presence, mostly during meals, it’s with his back straight and his elbows tucked in. He calls them Mrs. and Dr. Geyer.

“Please, Theo, I think by now you can call us by our first names,” his mom told Theo once.

To which Theo responded, “Sure, Mrs. Geyer,” with a polite but ironic smirk.

When it’s not Mrs. and Dr. it’s ma’am and sir. Liam used to make fun of Theo for it until one night when Liam’s dad caught them sitting together on the rooftop outside Liam’s window and called up to them, “You boys be careful up there.”

And Theo responded with, “Yes, sir.”

Liam asked him, “Why do you do that? How come you call my parents sir or Dr. or ma’am or Mrs.?”

Theo looked at him thoughtfully and said simply, “They’re important to you. I want them to like me.”

The surge of fierce affection Liam felt for Theo in that moment was by then already something familiar. It’s something that Theo continues to make him feel.

He feels it now, watching Theo make his case to Liam’s mom even though Liam knows there’s zero chance of Theo getting shot down.

“I was thinking of a hotel downtown?” Theo explains.

Liam’s heart warms at the sight of Theo rocking on the balls of his feet.

“Right by Union Square? For a couple of nights, if that’s okay with you?”

“I think that sounds lovely,” Liam’s mom says, “Is anyone else going with you? Mason? Corey?”

Theo seems taken aback by the question, and looks at Liam. “Um,” he hedges, sounding unsure, “Yeah, of course, if Liam wants?”

“No, mom, I think it’ll just be the two of us,” Liam says, surprising himself with his own answer. An adventure to the city with Theo and Mason and Corey sounds amazing, actually, but Liam finds himself wanting this trip to just be him and Theo.

The pleased look on Theo’s face is gratifying.

“I was thinking we drive up on Tuesday and come back by Thursday afternoon?”

“That sounds fine, dear.”

“Okay, good,” Theo says, smiling in relief, “Thank you, Mrs. Geyer.”

Liam gives him an excited thumbs-up. “Mom, we’re gonna go up to my room and plan, okay?” He starts herding Theo toward the stairs.

“Liam, your shirt’s still inside-out!”

“Excuse us,” Theo hurries to add as Liam manhandles him out of the room.

*

“Okay, so—let’s figure out the hotel first.” Liam takes his shirt off and plops immediately at his desk and opens his laptop. Once the browser’s up he goes to _booking.com_ and sets the location to San Francisco. He checks that the shirt is straight and slips an arm into one of his shirtsleeves as he turns to look at Theo who’s still standing by the closed door. “You said you wanted one near Union Square, right?”

Theo shuffles in place. He ducks his head bashfully and scratches at his beard.

Liam pauses. “Theo?”

“It’s already taken care of.”

“Wait, what do you mean?”

Theo tries to look put upon even as he rubs a hand on the back of his neck. “I already booked the hotel a couple of weeks ago.”

Liam gets up and stalks toward Theo, shirt forgotten on the desk chair, and a wolfish grin quirking on his face.

“You seemed down lately, even though you never said anything,” Theo gestures at Liam’s laptop, “And I remember seeing a couple of months ago some stuff on your computer about San Francisco.” Theo shrugs ruefully, eyes widening as he tracks Liam prowling closer. “I wasn’t snooping. You just left it open there,” he says defensively.

Liam is full on beaming now as he backs Theo to the door.

It starts to makes sense to Liam, the self-satisfied look on Theo’s face earlier when Liam mentioned San Francisco and insinuated staying in the city.

Theo noticed he was bummed and worried enough about him to do something to make it better. He saw something that Liam wants and he’s making it happen for no other reason than _it’s Liam_ and that’s the way Theo is.

Theo, attentive and thoughtful. Theo, kind and generous. Theo, proving everyone wrong about him time and time again as he shows Liam his soft heart.

Liam’s thoughts drift away like smoke.

He feels lightheaded and fuzzy as instinct moves him forward and pins Theo with his gaze. His heart feels full and heat coils in the pit of his belly as his hands grab hold of Theo by the waist, thumbs hooking under his shirt and uncovering bare skin. Fingers and palms sliding hot and slow just below Theo’s ribs.

There’s a quiet thunk as the back of Theo’s head hits the door softly.

Liam’s left knee pushes between Theo’s legs and urges them open. He slots himself in place, front pressed against Theo’s, his naked torso touching hot skin where Theo’s shirt is rucked up. Liam breathes him in.

The wild thing inside Liam preens at the sight of Theo caught like prey: Theo’s chest heaving, eyes blinkered and fluttering like butterfly wings.

“When did you get to be such a sweetheart?” Liam asks huskily, “Huh, Theo?”

Theo swallows thickly, a pink blush dappling his neck and his scruffy cheeks. He looks Liam straight in the eyes, and says in a soft, brave voice, “You said you like when I offer you things.”

Yeah, he does at that, doesn’t he? Liam chuckles, the motion of it rubbing him up on Theo. He nuzzles Theo’s cheek, eyes drifting closed as he delights in the feel of their beards scratching softly against each other.

“You’re my favorite,” he says, lips grazing Theo’s cheek.

He pulls away from Theo with a lazy smile and beholds the wreck of him. Theo’s back slumped against the door and his legs parted, the flustered look and heavy breathing, the bunched up shirt and exposed midriff, his right hand pressed firmly flat on the front of his borrowed sweatpants.

Liam pinches the hem of Theo’s shirt between finger and thumb. He pulls it down slowly, the back of his left hand dragging along Theo’s ripped abs and where the patch of hair low on his belly converges in a thicker trail down his navel.

A finger dips below Theo’s waistband, pulling it a couple of inches before letting it snap back with a soft slap.

A low whine begins to escape from Theo’s lips, cut short as Theo reigns it back.

Liam turns around as he starts to come back to himself.

He absentmindedly and reflexively adjusts himself in the crotch of his shorts, frowning in confusion as he tries to gather his wits about him and shake himself out of the mindless daze. He grabs his shirt from the desk chair and puts it on properly.

He takes the full glass of water left on his side of the bed from last night and drinks a little before offering it to Theo.

Theo drinks it all in one go, throat working as he swallows in audible gulps. “Thanks.”

“More?” Liam asks.

“No more, Liam. Please,” Theo says strangely in a rough pleading voice.

Liam wonders at it but acknowledges him with a small smile. He takes the glass and sits Theo down on the edge of the bed before returning to his seat at the desk. “All right,” he says, clapping his hands together excitedly, “Tell me what you have planned so far.”

*

Apart from the hotel and the museum trips, Theo doesn’t give away much else of what he has planned for their trip. Liam is all right with that. Theo hasn’t let him down since they became friends.

He heads home after lunch. Liam’s dad sends him away with extra tri-tip that he set aside especially for him, and Liam packs it separately from Theo’s freshly laundered clothes.

Theo looks self-conscious at the attention but is super grateful nonetheless.

“Can I text you when I finish with work?” he asks Liam.

Liam beams. “You read my mind,” he says, “I’m just gonna do some chores, and maybe see if Mason and Corey want to hang out at the park, but, yeah, text me.” He walks Theo to his truck and puts the food and clothes in the passenger’s side.

He grabs Theo by the wrist, stopping him from going around to the driver’s side.

“Wait,” he says, frowning.

“Yeah? Everything okay?” Theo asks, concerned.

Liam chews on his bottom lip. He tries to sort out his feelings. “I just. I dunno.” His frown deepens. ”I feel something here,” he says, putting a hand on his chest where it’s aching. The thought of parting with Theo now makes him feel painfully adrift. “Like a discomfort,” he says, “Is that dumb?”

Theo turns his wrist in Liam’s grip and shifts it to hold Liam’s wrist and forearm. “Hey, no,” he says gently, “You had a rough full moon. It happens.”

“Not in a while. Not since…y’know…” Liam hopes Theo understands.

He seems to. “I would never let anything bad happen to you, Liam. I got your back.”

Liam sighs in relief, nodding. The ache doesn’t ease but somehow he feels better that Theo seems to understand. He pulls Theo in a hug. “Text me when you get home,” he says.

“I will.”

“Text me when you finish work.”

“I will.”

“Be careful driving.”

“I will.”

He lets Theo go.

They wave each other goodbye as Theo pulls out of the driveway and disappears down the street.

Back inside the house Liam’s mom asks him if everything’s okay.

“Yeah,” Liam says, and spends the next hour doing the dishes and cleaning the grill

He smiles down at his phone when he gets a text from Theo of a blue car emoji parked next to a building emoji.

Liam double-taps the message and vacillates for a few moments between the heart and thumbs-up react. He feels like he’s on the back foot somehow, like the strangeness he’s feeling inside is starting to show.

He hits the one that feels right.

*


	3. Chapter 3

*

Liam texts Mason and Corey to see if they want to pass a ball around at the park. They plan for later in the afternoon, and Liam decides to spend the intervening time lying in bed. He sets an alarm for 3:30 PM just in case.

He leaves his bedroom door open, soothed by the sounds of his parents moving around the house. He plops facedown in his bed and plays around on his phone for a little bit.

He opens up Slack and checks the pack channel. There’s a message from Scott from last night asking Liam if he’s all right. Liam considers ignoring it, but replies instead:

_@Theo took care of me._

Sure enough, tagging Theo earns Liam the response he wants when just a few seconds later Theo sticks a _100_ emoji on the message.

Liam taps on Theo’s name and looks at his professionally done profile picture. Theo had a set of them taken when they were putting together his CV and setting up his LinkedIn account with Liam’s dad’s help. Liam remembers Theo waiting impatiently for a decent amount of facial hair to grow in and age him up a bit. It was a smart idea and the photographer generously offered to pencil Theo in without a deposit until his face was good and ready.

Liam scrolls through the set where he has them saved in his photos. There’s Theo in a suit and tie. Theo in a casual jacket and a V-neck shirt. Theo in one of his heavy-duty hoodies smiling charmingly at the camera; this is the one Liam uses for Theo in his contacts, and, incidentally, the one he goes back to any time he just wants to look at a picture of Theo.

Theo paid only for the most basic package, but the photographer thought it would be a good idea for him to have a wider spectrum of looks showing varying degrees of smiles and neutral expressions.

She wasn’t wrong, but Liam believed that it had more to do with the pleasure of having Theo as a model. He felt vindicated then when she asked Theo if he would be open to working with her in the future for her portfolio.

Liam cut in and agreed for Theo. She hits up Theo now and then, and Theo agrees in exchange for one or two updated business photos, and, most recently, a few shots of him and Liam.

It’s hard to believe how different things are now from back then. Things were so rough, and Liam and Theo were just as rough with each other.

When they ran out of things to fight about and punches and shoves turned into forearm handshakes and hugs, Liam moved on to haranguing Theo about his disaster of a life, pushing him to get it the hell together.

Finding out that Theo was homeless felt like a punch in the gut. More than pity for Theo, Liam took it as a personal failure. They'd all banded together to save the town, and yet they were all so caught up in their own self-congratulations that they overlooked one of its heroes. Regardless of his past, Theo’s part in what came after makes him just as heroic as anyone else.

Liam talked to his parents about it and they offered Theo a place in their home.

Theo didn’t take it well, at all. They fought and it took Liam a while to understand Theo’s wounded pride.

Instead he helped Theo find a hostel and they moved him in as Theo aggressively completed his GED using one of the many links Liam flooded his text messages with, and took crash courses on productivity suites and coding.

The LinkedIn account they set up for him paid off, and Theo found a position working front desk at a small accounting office that couldn’t afford to pay more than the minimum wage. It was a mountain of work with numerous ad hoc responsibilities for absolutely crap pay. In truth, it was an office manager position disguised as receptionist. No one lasted on the job but Theo was eager to snatch it up.

Liam is still proud of himself for successfully forcing his laptop on Theo while he himself settled for the terrible school-issued Chromebook, so that Theo could work on his own stuff any time.

He did what he could to help, like stealing Theo’s dirty laundry from his truck and doing them at home. Or on the rare occasion Theo got off work on time, bullying him into picking Liam up from school after practice and manhandling him into staying for dinner so he can have a proper meal. Stuffing Theo’s bag and truck with shelf stable snacks and Gatorades. Swinging by with dinner when Theo had to stay late at work.

It wasn’t charity or pity. It just felt like the right thing to do for Theo. To make it easier for Theo to help himself.

When Liam told his mom and dad about Theo’s situation, they were mindful and respectful of Theo’s dignity and proud of his efforts. Dinner invitations were given casually and without ceremony. They sent him away with plenty of home cooked meals. They always asked whether Theo was staying the night regardless of how many times Theo said no before finally saying yes some of the time. And then he’d stay up late working on his courses. Sometimes Liam made sure to wake up before Theo so he could hurry outside and wash Theo’s truck for him.

It wasn’t long before a client at the accounting office took notice of Theo’s hyper-competence at work and encouraged him to apply for a position at his company, a health tech startup based out of San Francisco with an office in Beacon Hills.

Theo jumped at the chance and things changed quickly and drastically once he was hired as a specialist.

The pay bump was exponential relative to what he was making at the accounting office, and he was able to move out of the hostel and sublet a studio in the industrial part of town.

Theo hit the ground running and quickly stood out in the workplace as an omnitalented and reliable worker, inquisitive and solution oriented, and so demonstrably hungry for it.

Even now he says yes to almost everything at work while learning the next job up and nurturing connections in different departments. His work calendar is so impeccably maintained that his colleagues use it alongside project timelines and the company roadmap.

It became comically clear very early on that Theo in his position as a specialist was an egregious waste of company asset, and his department head recommended him for promotion to project coordinator. Theo’s new team is comprised of people working at the San Francisco office and independent contractors from different countries, so Theo’s position is 100% remote.

And with that came another significant pay bump. After celebrating with Liam, Theo dumped nearly his entire bank account on the security deposit, first and last month’s rent, and furnishings for his new 2-bedroom loft apartment.

It’s still at least eight months out until the next promotion cycle, but Liam already knows Theo is gunning for project manager. Theo says it’ll be at least another year, maybe two, before his company thinks he’s ready for it, but it doesn’t matter. He’s going to go for it. There’s no downside.

In the meantime he’s working on his Agile and Lean Six Sigma certifications.

Liam’s parents couldn’t be more excited or prouder of Theo, and they’re happy that he’s around to be a good influence on Liam.

Throughout all of it, Theo showed up for Liam. He helped with homework and projects, and carted Liam to wherever he needed to go—school, away games, dentist and doctor’s appointments, SATs and ACT exams, errands. He still drives him around even though Liam can just as easily drive himself.

He was there at every one of Liam’s games. He helped him with university applications. He encouraged Liam to spend more time with his parents. And Liam has become a better werewolf with Theo’s guidance and help. He’s become a better person all around.

Liam remembers a night at the rooftop deck of Theo’s apartment building. He came over with Mason and Corey, and Theo made dinner for them. They brought it up there to eat while enjoying the view. After Mason and Corey left for the night, Liam stayed behind with Theo to just hang out and listen to music.

Liam asked him then, “How come you’ve been so hardcore with…everything? It’s like you’re in a hurry.”

Theo gazed toward the cityscape. He was quiet for a while, but when he finally spoke Liam got the impression that it was something Theo had been thinking about for a while.

“I used to think I knew how I wanted my life to look,” Theo said, looking back at Liam, and Liam understood he was talking about being a monster with his own pack of monsters. “And I did what I could to make that happen.”

He looked back out into the distance. “You changed that. You saved me. Whether or not I deserved it. Whether or not you meant to. Whether or not you wanted to.”

“Theo…”

“And I don’t just mean when you brought me back. After. You just kept saving me, Liam. You didn’t have to do any of it but you did.”

Liam got up then, feeling overwhelmed with emotion. He put his hands on Theo’s waist and rested his forehead on Theo’s back.

“I’ve always been a survivor, but surviving isn’t enough anymore. I want to earn the life you saved.” Theo turned around in his arms and pulled him into a hug. “I want to show you that everything you did was worth it. That I’m worth saving.”

Liam couldn’t bear looking at Theo and hid his face in Theo’s neck instead.

Liam remembers saying through the lump in his throat, “You are.”

He felt embarrassed then by the tide of feelings that overwhelmed him. But he hasn’t been embarrassed since.

The last thing on Liam’s mind before he dozes off is the memory of Theo that night, rubbing his back and petting his hair. Of Theo saying softly, just for Liam’s ears, “This is how I want my life to look now.”

*

Liam wakes up from his nap about fifteen minutes before his alarm goes off. He rolls out of bed and stretches, feeling antsy and energized.

He changes into a drop armhole tank top and jersey shorts, then gets some of his things together—a couple of balls, his keys, a canister of water—and stuffs them in a small backpack, strapping on his crosse with a wide velcro tape.

A text message arrives from Mason saying they’re leaving for the park soon. Liam opens it and lets his read receipts acknowledge for him.

Liam puts his shoes on and heads downstairs. “Guys, I’m heading out to the park with Mason and Corey!” he calls out to his parents.

His mom and dad come into view around the hallway, and his mom asks, “Are you coming home for dinner?”

Liam thinks about it, rubbing a hand on his chest where the ache continues to pull. “No, I don’t think so,” he says, shaking his head, “I wanna be with Theo tonight. Is that okay?”

His dad raises his eyebrows. His mom blinks. “That’s fine, sweetie. Tell Theo we said hi,” she says. She looks Liam in the eyes and adds very seriously for some reason, “Be safe.”

Liam beams and leans over to kiss her on the cheek. “Thanks!”

“And be careful on your bike,” his dad says. Liam answers with a little salute.

And then he’s out the door, hopping on his bike and speeding away toward the park.

He makes it there just as Mason and Corey are getting out of their car. As he chains his bike up to a nearby rack it occurs to him he forgot his helmet at home. Damn it. Theo is going to be pissed. He shakes his head and jogs down to meet his friends.

They say their hellos and walk to a nice grassy patch next to the basketball courts. They indulge Liam while he runs a couple of laps to work off some of the excess energy he’s been dealing with all day.

Then they settle into leisurely play of passing a ball around.

“Hang on,” Mason says, motioning for everyone to move farther down. “All right, this is good.”

“Yeah, the view is better from here,” Corey adds, looking past Liam’s shoulder.

Liam looks off to the side where they’re much closer to the shirtless buff dudes playing basketball and he bursts into laughter, taking Mason and Corey’s meaning.

“Oh, it’s definitely much better from here,” Mason says lasciviously, “Don’t you think so, Liam?” He nods toward the dudes.

Liam doesn’t bother looking and just shrugs disinterestedly. He cradles the ball as he strides side to side, keeping his guard up against imaginary players, and then passes to Corey. “I guess? You do you, bro,” he says good-naturedly.

“Uh huh…” Mason looks put out for some reason, eyes narrowing as he catches an easy pass from Corey who seems to be making a serious face at him. “Speaking of buff dudes…what’s up with you and Theo?” he asks weirdly, lazily passing back to Liam.

It’s a terrible throw but Liam catches it easily. He never misses a pass from Mason, no matter how bad.

“Lord,” he hears Corey mutter to himself.

His friends are being weird. Okay, Liam can roll with it.

He pops the ball up and down a few times, pivoting in place. “What do you mean?” He passes it again to Mason who just passes it right back.

“You guys seem really close…”

Ah.

“Is that what this is?” he asks, grinning widely at Mason. “You’re _jealous_ ,” he says triumphantly.

The effect is immediate and dramatic.

Mason looks befuddled, his mouth hanging open uselessly.

Corey facepalms.

Liam presses his advantage, smirking. “Don’t worry, Mason,” he crows magnanimously. “Theo’s not stealing your place as my best friend,” he adds in a playfully condescending tone. He punctuates it with an easy pass to him.

Mason facepalms and shakes his head. “What? That’s not what I—” he turns to Corey in distress “—can I get some help here?”

“Uh uh, this is all you.”

Liam makes an impatient gesture. “Guys, let’s keep it going.”

“Fine,” Mason says firmly, passing hard to Corey.

Corey cradles the ball for a bit, doing some footwork, which Liam is glad to see. As fun as it is to include Mason in play he never really seems to get into it.

Now and then, Mason and Corey’s eyes drift toward the shirtless dudes, ogling openly. Liam lets them have their fun, working on his moves until either of his friends are ready for another pass.

“I just mean, last night,” Mason continues, “At karaoke, it seemed like you guys were, you know…”

“Over here, Corey,” Liam calls out, suddenly impatient.

“Think fast!” Corey says before hurling the ball with some force.

Liam springs into action, catching it easily. “Nice!” He sees Mason narrow his eyes impatiently at Corey.

“So?” Mason presses.

Liam sighs. He shoulders his crosse and walks up to Mason. He puts a hand on Mason’s shoulder and says as gently and as reasonably as he can, “Mason. You’ll always be my best friend—”

“That’s not what I’m—”

“Yeah, me and Theo are close,” Liam continues over the interruption, “but people can have more than one person they’re close to. Look at you and Corey.”

“Yes! Exactly!” Mason latches on excitedly. There’s a wild gleam in his eye. “But Corey is my _boyfriend_ ,” he says pointedly, “is _Theo_ —”

“I know _that,”_ Liam cuts in, “I just meant that you can have as many people as you want to care about, and it doesn’t mean they get to have less of you.So _you_ have nothing to worry about.” He gives Mason’s shoulder one more reassuring squeeze before backing up and passing to Corey.

Mason buries his face in his hands, muffling his frustrated scream, but Liam doesn’t know what else he can do about that.

“Mason,” Corey says before passing to Mason.

Mason pauses to consider the ball in the pocket of his crosse, looking determined before seemingly coming to a decision. He makes an easy pass to Liam. “Does Theo have a boyfriend?”

Liam fumbles the catch.

“Fuck!” he mutters. He scoops the ball up from the ground and then transitions to a pass to Corey. “No,” he says.

“What? How do you know?”

“I asked him.”

“When?”

“Last night.”

“Hmm, okay. What else did he say?”

Liam levels Mason with a look. “Listen, I’m not comfortable talking about Theo’s private business like this. And it’s really not cool of you to put me in that position,” he says seriously but not unkindly.

To his credit, Mason looks apologetic. “No, you’re right. I’m sorry.” He pauses and then adds persistently and strangely, “But isn’t it _your_ business, though?”

Liam frowns, confused and increasingly frustrated. “What? Theo’s love life is exactly _zero_ of my business. What are you even—” Liam shakes his head and tries to calm down. “Look. I’m just saying if you guys wanna talk to him about this stuff, he’s your friend, too. Just don’t be rude about it. Theo’s a good guy.” Liam drops his crosse on the grass. “You guys wanna do a couple of laps?”

Mason and Corey shake their heads.

“All right. I’m gonna run for a bit.”

Liam dashes off. He thinks he hears Corey say to Mason “— _told_ you they’re not—” but he tunes them both out.

Liam picks up his speed and the exertion clears his mind. By the time he returns to Mason and Corey he’s worked up a lot of sweat but he feels a little more relaxed.

“You guys wanna keep going?” he asks them.

“No, I think we’re gonna head back. It’s way too hot out,” Mason says. “Sorry about earlier.”

Liam smiles at his best friend. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Can we give you a ride home?”

Liam shakes his head. “Nah, I’m gonna bike over to Theo’s.”

“You don’t want a shower first?” Mason asks, wrinkling his nose.

“I’ll shower at Theo’s,” Liam answers easily, “I keep some clothes there.”

There is a weird moment when Corey’s hand shoots out and squeezes Mason’s arm.

“Okay,” Mason says, carefully restrained, after several beats.

Liam chugs his water and then packs away his stuff. He waves goodbye to his friends as they pull out of the parking lot. There’s a text from Theo of a laptop and a green checkbox emoji sent from about a half an hour ago.

 _Just got done at the park. Can I come over?_ Liam sends back.

 _Yes, please._ Theo replies.

Liam smiles and touches himself on the chest where it tingles.

He rides his bike to Theo’s at top speed.

*

Liam unlocks the building entrance with his key fob, takes the service elevator with his bike to Theo’s loft, and lets himself in with his key.

He’s drenched in sweat. His hair is plastered to his forehead, his tank top is sticking wetly to his back and chest, and he’s swampy in his shorts.

He can smell how ripe he is as he raises his arms to hang his bike on the bike hooks Theo mounted on the wall for him.

“Need some help?”

Liam looks up from where he’s pulling off his shoes. Theo is standing where the hall opens up into the loft. He’s just above the recessed floor where the living area is set up with a couch, a loveseat, a coffee table, and the TV on top of the entertainment center.

“ _Theo_.” Liam nearly trips on his feet in his hurry as he barrels into Theo and squeezes him in his arms.

“Hi, Liam,” Theo says laughingly, arms coming up below Liam’s to hug him back.

Liam sinks into it. The ache he’s been feeling all day melts away.

“Where’s your helmet?”

Liam cringes. “I forgot it at home.”

Theo grunts in disapproval as his hand starts rubbing Liam’s back gently.

Liam tucks his chin over Theo’s shoulder, beard rasping against Theo’s shirt, and tightens his squeeze. “Why does it feel like it’s been weeks since I’ve seen you?”

The rumble of Theo’s chest as he chuckles only makes Liam burrow in further.

Liam notices Theo breathing him in discreetly. He pulls away some, wincing. “Oh, man, I’m so gross. I can smell myself,” he says apologetically, “and I’m getting my funk all over you.”

Theo blushes a little. “You’re not gross,” he says fondly. “And I don’t mind,” he adds, blush deepening as he takes in an obvious breath. He brings a hand up and pushes Liam’s sweaty hair up toward his hairline, tucks a wet curl behind his ear.

The gesture makes Liam’s heart swell with affection, and the peculiar glint in Theo’s eyes makes Liam feel shy. “Yeah?”

Theo nods. “Did you have fun at the park?”

“It was all right.” Liam brings his hands down to Theo’s waist. “Just passed around a lacrosse ball, ran some laps, but Mason and Corey were distracted by some guys playing basketball.”

“Oh?”

“They were shirtless.” Liam rolls his eyes. “I just wanted to play, but what can you do?”

There’s a searching look on Theo’s face like he’s trying to find something out. He doesn’t seem to find it but he nods anyway, looking unsure but trying to hide it.

“All right, I’m gonna take a shower.”

“Right,” Theo says, “Leftover tri-tip for dinner? Maybe some rice?”

“That sounds great.” He gives Theo’s waist a squeeze before letting go.

Liam looks Theo over and gasps.

Instinct overrides Liam’s sense as he sees the glistening spots on Theo’s skin where he got his sweat all over him.

There, all up on Theo’s neck where Liam was pressed against him; everywhere on Theo’s biceps and the crook of his elbows where they touched Liam’s underarms and ribs left exposed by the wide armholes of Liam’s tank top; all down Theo’s inner forearms and wrists where they held Liam’s sweaty back; Theo’s palm and fingers where he touched Liam’s face and hair.

Liam’s hands rub themselves slowly on all those places on Theo’s body, his fingers and thumbs smoothing out his sweat over Theo’s skin until he’s satisfied he’s worked it all in.

Theo allows it. Flustered and seemingly pained, red in his cheeks and ear tips, and breathing hard, but Liam doesn’t really register any of it nor the trembling and near-silently whispered _Liam_ that escapes Theo’s lips in a shaky breath.

Liam pulls away and turns to Theo with blinkered eyes. He takes a whiff of him, his hand coming down to adjust himself where it’s gotten tight in his shorts. Satisfied, he makes for the stairs.

It’s not until Liam is halfway up the stairs leading to the elevated loft space where the bathroom and bedrooms are that he regains his senses fully. He snaps out of the daze and falters on his next step.

He climbs back down and finds Theo taking careful, even breaths. “Sorry, I, um, I forgot I just dumped my stuff in the hall.”

Theo’s hands are clasped together awkwardly in front of him and his body seems weirdly angled away. “It’s all right, I’ll take care of it,” he says quickly, nervously.

Liam puts his hand on Theo’s shoulder. “You sure?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it. I’ll put them in the hall closet.”

Liam gives him a squeeze. “Okay. Thanks, Theo.” He goes back up the stairs.

“Liam?” Theo calls up, clearing his throat, “I, uh, washed the clothes you let me borrow. They’re in your room.”

Liam turns around. “My room?”

“Yeah, in your dresser with your other clothes.”

Liam glances up at the spare room. “Oh,” he says faintly. “Thanks.” He pushes the thought away and just continues on to the bathroom to take his shower.

After he finishes, Liam enters the spare room to get dressed. He takes off the towel and hangs it up on the door.

The room is spartan but welcoming. There’s a queen bed with a couple of identical pillows, the one on the left he’s come to think of as his favorite when he stays here. There’s a charging cradle he brought from home on one of the side tables. Liam sets his phone on it. By the window is a work desk and a chair. There are some of his history books, his blue fidget spinner, the journal Mason gave him two birthdays ago that he just uses for scratch notes and the odd sketch, some university brochures. There are cabinets, a dresser, and a mirror.

He opens the door to the closet and puts his dirty clothes in the hamper inside. He finds a lacrosse bag on the top shelf with one of his spare lacrosse sticks already strapped to it. Next to it is his bicycle repair kit. There’s a couple of button up shirts hanging up, a pair of black slacks and a pair of khakis, black and brown leather belts, dressy boots. They’re from when they’d gone out to nice restaurants and just came back here after.

 _You have a winter coat in the hall closet downstairs_ , an errant thought supplies.

He goes to the dresser and pulls the top drawer open. It has his shirts and a couple of hoodies folded neatly. He selects a ratty tank top. There’s the shirt Theo wore last night. The next drawer has shorts and sweatpants; he picks a pair of worn out shorts. There’s the sweatpants Theo borrowed. The bottom drawer has his underwear and socks; he looks at it for a moment before deciding to freeball.

Liam puts on his clothes. He looks around the room, recognizes the framed art on the walls as the ones he’s helped Theo pick over time at stores and the flea market. Theo ordered a bunch of photo frames recently, and they put up photographs on the walls as well as the the tabletop surfaces. Of his parents, of Mason and Corey, of the pack, of him and Theo.

There’s a footlocker at the end of the bed where he’s got a bunch of other stuff.

What the hell.

This isn’t the spare room.

This is his room.

*

Liam makes his way back downstairs and to the kitchen.

It’s a cozy space partially enclosed by a bar counter. The counter itself is illuminated by five small pendant lights spaced one foot apart from each other. Tucked under the edge of the bar are four stools where Liam likes to sit to keep Theo company in the kitchen.

Theo’s at the stove, frying up wild rice and chopped asparagus in a buttered skillet and searing thick slices of tri-tip in another.

Liam opens the cupboard above Theo’s left. He braces his right hand on Theo’s shoulder for support while pushing up on his toes to reach for a couple of plates.

He sets the plates down on the bar and brings cutlery and napkins to the dining table.

“Thanks, Liam,” Theo says.

“Thank you for making dinner.” Liam lays out two place settings with two glasses of water and smiles up at Theo.

Theo’s face softens when he sees what Liam is wearing; the ratty tank top, the worn out shorts. “You’re staying the night,” he sighs, face breaking out into a smile at the realization.

Liam feels his ears go hot. “Yeah. I hope that’s okay.”

He watches as Theo turns off the fire and quickly plates the meat and rice to join him at the table, food in hand. “You’re always wanted here,” Theo says softly, setting the plates down.

Liam feels his smile turning shy. “Yeah?”

“I always want you here.”

The dining table is set in front of a huge wall window with a view of the outside. There’s a chair on both ends, two on one side, and a bench on the other.

Theo slides in on the bench and Liam takes the spot on his left, sitting close enough for their knees to touch. From here they can see the view out the window of the neighborhood.

Liam takes a bite of his rice and promptly loses his mind. “Oh my god,” he says, shoving forkfuls in his mouth. “This rice is incredible,” he tries to say but it comes out muffled.

Theo looks on with some horror, but Liam is used to it. His expression turns into a fond smile as Liam goes in on his food. “I’ll remember to make it again for you. Any time you want, Liam.”

Liam swallows his food and beams at Theo, “You’re my favorite,” he says, putting his right hand on Theo’s left where it’s resting on the table. He leaves it there for a few moments before letting go so he can cut his meat.

Liam finishes first, as usual. He keeps his seat, turning to straddle the bench so he can look at Theo.

Theo allows himself to be observed, smiling now and then at Liam.

Liam makes small talk about how hot it is today, how hot it’s going to be all week, maybe even up at San Francisco where a heatwave is forecast to reach. He tells Theo that his parents say hi. He talks about what he’s going to pack for the trip, what kind and how many changes of clothes.

“Don’t forget to bring swim stuff,” Theo says. “Remember we’re getting in early and hanging out at the beach before we check in at the hotel.”

“That’s right,” Liam says, making a mental note to pack his frisbee ring and sandals. “Let me,” Liam says once Theo finishes eating. He gathers the dirty dishes and takes them to the sink to clean.

“Thank you, Liam,” Theo says politely.

“You’re welcome, Theo,” Liam replies, heart filling with warmth.

It’s another thing they do that Liam doesn’t notice happening until they’re already fully in the swing of it. Thanking each other. Articulating their gratitude.

Always saying each other’s names.

The first time Theo thanked Liam sincerely instead of sarcastically or sneeringly, Liam was so taken aback that he just stupidly responded with, “You, too.”

But as Liam thought about it he understood how much it must’ve taken for Theo to put himself out there like that, and so he watched for the next opportunity to return the gesture. When it came, Liam took care that Theo knew what was happening and said, “Theo? Thank you.” And Theo’s eyes widened as he mumbled, “You’re welcome, Liam.”

It takes off from there.

They do it all the time. They’re always genuine, even for the smallest things. And it always feels good.

Liam believes it’s one of the hallmarks of their friendship, and one of the reasons why they’ve grown so close.

It’s easy to realize how much you have to be grateful for and to whom when there’s always a reminder.

It’s easy to know who makes your life better and whose life you make better when you hear yourself always thanking him and being thanked in return. When you hear yourselves say each other’s names with affection.

In the beginning Mason and Corey asked about Liam and Theo’s friendship—the constant thanks, the name repetition, the sometimes stilted but incredibly open and honest way Liam and Theo talk to each other, the touching.

Liam tried explaining as best he can then, but even now he still has a tough time when he thinks about it.

What he knows is Theo doesn’t have people apart from Liam and his parents, and in some ways the pack. What he knows is Theo has been to hell and back. What he knows is Theo is choosing to be a good person now and is choosing to do the right things.

Liam wants to recognize and honor all of that, even though many people don’t seem to want to. He doesn’t hold it against them, and Liam even allows that they’re entitled to it.

But for the longest time, Liam was all Theo had and they weren’t even friends. How do you convince someone who thinks he’s a monster and who gets treated like a monster that _he isn’t_? That Liam knows he could be more and that he sees him trying?

Theo’s life has value. It starts and ends there.

He wants Theo to know that he means what he says and that their friendship is real. That Theo is not alone. That even if Theo feels like he doesn’t have anyone, _he has Liam_.

So it comes out as candor. Candor about feelings and candor about thoughts.

It comes out as open, truthful, and vulnerable honesty with someone who was victimized by and trafficked in lies and manipulation.

It comes out as friendly and gentle affection toward someone who has only ever known abuse and hurt ever since he was a little boy.

And sometimes it’s awkward and difficult, but it’s worth it. When someone’s self-worth is at stake, when their future is at stake, it’s worth it.

When they live the kind of lives they do, when any of them can be taken at any time, it’s worth it.

“You make me so proud to be your best friend, Liam,” Mason said then, pulling him into a tight hug. “You’re right. And everybody can see how much he’s changed—how much you’ve both changed—for the better.”

Since then, Mason and Corey are freer with their handshakes and back slaps and hugs to Theo. It starts awkward, at first, but Theo reacts so receptively to it that even Mason and Corey tell Liam privately, “Okay, that was cute,” and are surprised to find how rewarding it feels to be affectionate with Theo.

“Liam?”

Liam looks up from where he’s drying his hands. “Yeah?”

Theo is sitting on one of the stools and leaning at the bar. He tilts his head and asks, “Is there anything you want to do tonight?”

Liam walks over and puts a hand on Theo’s wrist. “You don’t have to entertain me. I feel at home here.”

“That’s—thank you. For saying that. It means a lot,” Theo says, smiling and turning his hand over to grip Liam’s wrist right back. “But the offer stands.”

Liam checks the time. Just after 7:00 PM. “It’s been a long day. Maybe just sit and read for a bit and have an early night?”

They move to the other side of the apartment, the area below the elevated loft space, where Theo set up an office library. There are floor-to-ceiling bookshelves mounted against the walls and a couple of red cushioned wingback armchairs with a coffee table in the middle. Off to the side is Theo’s svelte low profile work desk that Liam put together himself and a matching swivel chair. There’s his company-issued MacBook, a portable secondary monitor propped up in its folding slipcase, and a black softcover notebook bulging in the middle from the pen left inside. The big dark-rimmed non-prescription glasses he wears for work to add to the illusion that he’s much older.

They read for a bit. Liam with a knot tying manual and a length of lacrosse net string to practice with. Theo with a well-thumbed copy of _Night Sky With Exit Wounds_.

It’s a curious detail about Theo that fascinates Liam. Theo likes reading poems. There’s an entire section in his shelves that’s all poetry, most of the names and titles are unfamiliar to Liam. He looks into them now and then, choosing poems at random. Many of them don’t make sense to him, and just as many others seem intense, romantic, erotic.

Liam realizes now that maybe it tracks with Theo’s affinity for brokenhearted love songs during karaoke nights.

Theo catches Liam looking.

“Ready for bed?” He asks.

“Sure,” Liam nods.

They kill the lights and head to the bathroom to brush their teeth together.

The ache returns to Liam’s chest.

He grabs Theo by the wrist just as Theo is turning in the direction of his room.

Theo reflexively turns his hand to grip Liam by the wrist and forearm, holding fast the way he always does every time Liam reaches for him.

“Wait,” Liam says, feeling much the same now as he did when Theo left his house after lunch earlier. “I—” he fidgets in place and summons his courage. “Can I stay with you?”

Theo looks at him thoughtfully. “Yeah. Of course. Anything you need, Liam,” he says firmly, “Come on,” and leads them to his room.

It’s a fairly large space. There’s a king bed to the right of the door with tables on the sides and a cushioned bench at the foot of it, a dresser, a wardrobe, a freestanding mirror, a sitting area where a couple of cushioned armchairs, a loveseat, and a table are arranged by the windowed wall. The walls and tabletops are decorated with framed art and photographs like the other room—Liam’s room. Everything is neat and tidy just like the rest of the apartment.

“Left side, right?” Theo asks.

“Yeah.”

Theo sits him down on the left side. “I’ll be right back.”

Liam takes off his tank top and throws it on the bench.

Theo comes back with two glasses of water and a pillow from Liam’s room, the one he’s come to think of as his favorite. He sets the water down and replaces the pillow on the left side with Liam’s favorite, and puts the extra one on the bench with Liam’s tank.

Liam’s heart swells around the ache.

They slide under the sheets and turn to face each other. There’s a worried look on Theo’s face.

Liam reaches a hand and loosens the knot in Theo’s brow with his thumb. “I don’t like this,” he says softy in the dark.

“I know,” Theo says just as softly, “But I’m a little worried about you.”

Liam nods to himself. Tries to find his courage again. “Theo, do I feel different to you?” He hopes Theo understands.

Theo thinks it over before saying very carefully, “Sometimes, I think you do.”

Liam doesn’t know what answer he’s looking for, but this seems at once close enough but also nowhere near.

“I feel closer to you lately,” he confesses through the fear.

Theo looks at him searchingly.

Liam knows that look now, and the one that inevitably follows, of Theo not finding what it is he’s looking for no matter how open Liam tries to be in the moment. He feels like he’s found wanting somehow, like he’s letting Theo down, and thought of it makes him sad.

Liam takes Theo’s hand and puts it over his trembling heart. “Lately I’ve had this feeling here, like…” _Push through the fear._ Liam tries to find the words. He wants to say it right so that Theo understands. “Like my grip is changing around my anchor until it detaches.” He swallows past the lump in his throat. “And then I’m adrift.”

Theo presses his hand firmly on Liam’s chest, his fingers burying through the thick patch of hair there. “It’s okay to be afraid.”

“I am.”

“I know. I always know when you’re afraid, Liam.”

Liam frowns.

Theo moves his thumb soothingly on Liam’s chest. Liam leans into it.

“But it’s not your fear I recognize. I only know when you’re afraid because I see your courage coming through.”

Liam imagines a desert. Water pouring into a clay jar.

Theo takes both of their free hands and puts them over his own chest, closing the loop as they hold each other’s hearts.

“You can listen,” he says, “I want you to hear.”

Liam does.

“I will always be here for you.”

Steady.

“I will always take care of you.”

Steady.

“ _Always_. _I promise._ ”

Steady.

Steady.

Steady.

The jar overflows. Cool water spilling in the hot sand.

*


	4. Chapter 4

*

When Liam wakes it’s to the morning light streaming through the windows and to Theo holding his hand.

He opens his eyes slowly, and there’s Theo’s sleepy smile and adorable bedhead, Theo’s warm eyes and fond look.

He commits the moment to memory and tucks it away in his heart.

“Hey,” Theo says, voice deep and quiet and sleep-rough.

Liam scoots closer until their legs are touching and he can feel the warm puffs of Theo’s breath on his face. He lets his eyes drift closed once more as he breathes him in. “ _Theo_.”

“I’m here.”

Liam opens his eyes. “I know.” He reaches out and rubs the back of his free hand on Theo’s chest and belly, feeling Theo’s warmth through the rumpled white shirt. “You’re usually up’n at it by the time I wake up. Why’re y’still in bed?” he asks sleepily.

“I didn’t want you to wake up alone,” he says gently, nestling into his pillow.

Liam wonders if he's ever seen Theo look as soft as this. He tries to fight the smile coming on and tries to bury his face in the pillow, but Theo nudges him gently on the chin.

“Hey, no. C’mon,” Theo says, frowning a little. He drags a slow swipe of his thumb on Liam’s bottom lip and traces it to the corner of Liam’s smile. The touch feels new, and Liam shudders from it. “Liam—I want—please lemme see it,” Theo murmurs. He hasn’t asked for anything in so long that Liam doesn’t know when or what the last time was. Liam gives in and lets Theo see him. “There it is,” Theo sighs.

Liam huffs a little laugh. “Shut up,” he says, trying to sound put out. But he’s the one taking Theo’s hand and pressing it to his face, inviting him to continue, seeking his touch now that he's felt it.

Theo pets everywhere on Liam’s face. He touches his fingers and thumb to Liam’s cheek, his beard and mustache, his jaw, the bump of his Adam’s apple and the hollow of his throat, the shell of his ear, his eyebrow, his nose. He traces Liam’s hairline and tucks away stray tufts of hair. “How do you feel?” Theo asks. He lingers on Liam’s lips, touching even as Liam speaks.

“Good. Really good,” Liam says. “I feel…” he trails off as Theo’s touch moves on from his lips, in no hurry to find the word as he protracts the moment of Theo’s thumb softly stroking his cheek.

Theo’s soft chuckle lets Liam know he’s been found out. But Theo indulges him anyway, like he always does.

Liam sighs happily. “I feel…solid.”

“That’s good,” Theo says, nodding, his beard scraping audibly on the pillow. “It makes me feel good knowing you feel better.”

Liam holds Theo’s hand steady on his cheek and nuzzles into it. “I know it does. You’re a good guy, Theo.”

Theo just hums in acknowledgement. “Breakfast?” he asks.

“Five more minutes,” Liam says, “can I?” trying to scoot in closer.

“Yeah, yeah,” Theo opening his arms as Liam wraps himself around Theo’s torso and tucks his head under Theo’s chin.

Liam settles in as Theo’s warm hand rubs his naked back. He slides his own hand under Theo’s shirt and presses his forearm along Theo’s back as well. “Is this okay?” he asks nervously, lips grazing Theo’s throat. Theo's own affection is an invitation, isn’t it? It’s all right to ask, isn’t it?

“Anything you want, Liam,” Theo says, like he always does.

Anything you want, Liam. Anything you need, Liam. All the time.

Liam wishes everyone could see this Theo he knows who gives and gives. This Theo who asks for so little and so rarely, when Liam would give him anything he needs, any time. Does Theo know?

He takes a deep breath.

It catches in his throat.

He isn’t spying, but that’s his—

Liam’s heart stutters at the recognition.

“Theo, I—” he gasps, shocked and embarrassed, “Why do you—you _really_ smell like—”

Theo’s chest rumbles with his soft laughter. His hand continues rubbing along Liam’s back. “Yeah, yesterday. You were all sweaty and you kind of, you know…”

“Oh my god.” It’s only a faint memory that comes to him, but Liam shuts his eyes and buries his face in Theo’s neck out of sheer embarrassment. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s all right,” Theo says easily, like it’s nothing, like Liam wasn’t taking egregious liberties, “It was less than a day after the full moon. It happens.”

“Oh my god.”

Scott had told him some of the stuff he could expect when he was newly turned, shared his own experiences of waking up in the woods with no recollection of how he got there, of giving into impulses he would never entertain in his right mind, some he would remember, most he wouldn't.

"How many times?" Liam asks, very much afraid of the answer.

"Just a couple of times," Theo shrugs. "Two or three."

" _Two or—_ _?!_ Oh my god." He burrows further into Theo, hiding his shame and seeking comfort there.

"It’s okay. You didn’t hurt anyone." Theo clears his throat. “And I…um, I don’t mind.”

Liam opens his eyes and sees the red climbing up along Theo’s neck.

Liam’s five minutes ends up being twenty.

*

Liam lets Theo use the bathroom first. He grabs his phone from his room and trudges downstairs to get breakfast started.

He fills a pint glass with ice all the way up and three parts water before adding one part concentrated cold brew coffee from the carafe in the fridge. He grabs a stirring spoon from the bar to use and sets the glass aside on a coaster for Theo.

He gathers what he needs to prep to make scrambles: one potato, half an onion, a small tomato, an avocado, a couple of chicken apple sausages, some eggs, some greens, and shredded cheddar cheese.

He notes the salmon fillets chilling in the fridge and keeps it in the back of his mind.

He washes what needs washing and gets started. He’s dicing the potatoes when Theo joins him in the kitchen.

Theo takes his coffee from the bar and relishes the first sip before walking over to Liam and squeezing him on the shoulder. “Perfect as usual, Liam. Thank you,” he says, smiling the way only the day’s first sip of coffee can make him.

“You’re welcome. Can I try?” Liam takes a sip as Theo tips the glass to his mouth. “Yeah, no, it’s just not for me,” he smiles ruefully. “But I’m glad to get it right for you.”

“You always do.” Theo sets the glass down. “Your turn?” he asks, gesturing to the red espresso machine.

Liam sets the knife and potatoes down and goes to wash his hands. “Sure. Do you wanna take over while I use the bathroom?”

“Go, go,” Theo shoos him out of the kitchen.

By the time Liam comes back the potatoes are already cooking in a nonstick skillet and there’s an extra foamy latte on the counter for him with a cocoa smiley face stenciled on top. Liam beams at Theo who’s pretending not to look, but there’s a smirk on his face so Liam knows he knows.

Liam takes a couple of quick gulps before going over to help Theo. He sets his mug down and pulls the filleting knife off the magnetic wood block on the wall and starts on the sausages. He dices one the way Theo prefers, and juliennes the other for himself. He turns to Theo and asks, “Do you want garlic?”

Theo’s answer dies on his lips as he sees Liam. “You’ve got a mustache,” he says, smiling fondly and gesturing at Liam’s face.

“Yes? I do? I have all kinds of facial hair?” Liam says, confused. “Are you having a stroke?”

“No, doofus, I mean you’ve got a milk foam mustache.”

“Oh, whoops,” Liam tries to get it with his bottom lip. “Did I get it?”

Theo pulls a sheet of paper towel from the dispenser and wipes Liam’s mouth around with it. “You’re a disaster,” he says fondly.

“I’m getting it together, Theo, I swear,” Liam says playfully. “So, garlic?”

“Yeah, a little.”

They make each other’s coffee again as they finish up the scrambles in two different skillets. Liam loves avocado but he portions more of it for Theo’s scramble because he knows Theo loves it, too.

He hisses as tiny spatters of hot oil hit his naked torso, but he just says, “No, thank you; I’m fine like this,” when Theo offers to fetch his tank top or the apron.

“Suit yourself,” Theo says faintly as Liam runs his hand all over his front, “Don’t get happy trail hair in my scramble.”

Liam feels himself blush, but he does peer into each skillet just to make sure.

Theo catches him at it and laughs.

Breakfast turns out super delicious, and Liam burns his mouth a little as he wolfs down his food.

“Do you have to work some more today?” he asks.

Theo swallows his bite of food. “I don’t. I finished the critical action items yesterday, and I’ve farmed off the rest. I’m actually ahead by half a week,” he explains evenly but Liam thinks his expression seems carefully neutral.

Liam can also hear the unsaid _but I want to_. He knows enough about Theo’s work ethic to understand Theo is probably a little uncomfortable being away for a whole week when he hasn’t even been with the company for a year. That’s fair.

He thinks about what it must’ve taken for Theo to ask for the whole week off. For Liam.

He puts his hand on Theo’s shoulder. “Do you want some company while you work?”

Theo’s eyes fly up to Liam’s. His gaze softens as he realizes what Liam is saying, when it dawns on him that Liam is reading him right. “Thanks, Liam. I always want you here. But I think I can get a lot more done if I just hunker down. And even finish early.”

“You got it, Theo.” He moves his hand up to the back of Theo’s neck and plays with his hair a little.

Theo’s eyes drift closed, head tipping back as he nuzzles into Liam’s hand.

“ _Although_ ,” Liam starts, grinning wickedly, “I did hear from some guy that you _could_ just tell me you want to work today instead of whatever this _nonsense_ is you’re doing with your face,” he finishes mockingly.

The look on Theo’s face as he recognizes his own words thrown back at him is more than enough to crack Liam the fuck up.

Theo slow claps. “Nicely done, sir. Nicely done.”

Liam tips an imaginary hat. “Thank you, thank you.”

Theo doesn’t push off Liam’s hand.

And Liam leaves it there to continue playing with Theo’s hair.

If Theo is a little slow eating the rest of his breakfast, neither of them comment on it.

When he finishes, Liam clears away all the plates and cleans them at the sink. He sits back down with Theo and they drink what’s left of their coffee.

They plan for Liam to come back later in the afternoon so they can work out at the gym on-property.

In the meantime, Liam decides to head back home to wash his parents’ cars.

He goes to the bathroom a second time. Then he changes into something more decent to wear in public for the bike ride back to his parents’. Theo offers to drive him, but Liam wants the exercise.

Liam hugs Theo goodbye at the door.

Theo goes for it, but he still walks Liam out of the building, carrying his bike for him. He buckles the chest strap of Liam’s backpack for him and pulls on the whole rig to make sure it’s secure. He tucks a tuft of Liam’s hair behind his ear and says, “Be careful on your bike, okay?”

“I will.”

“Don’t forget your helmet next time.”

“I won’t.”

Liam pulls him into one more hug before riding off. He smiles the whole way home.

When he comes back later in the afternoon as they agreed, there’s a new hook on the wall next to the bike hooks. A bright white collapsible helmet hangs on it by its strap. Liam tries it on.

It’s a perfect fit.

*

Sometimes when Liam recalls certain memories—a particular day at school, an adventure with Mason and Corey, a quiet night in his room—he feels like Theo was there for it even though he wasn’t.

He has to remind himself that, no, Theo couldn’t have been there because it’s a memory of school and Theo was out already by then. No, Theo couldn’t have been there with Mason and Corey because he was actually held up at work until late that night. No, Theo couldn’t have been in his room because Liam was alone in bed.

It used to be it’s when they’re talking to each other a lot, through texts or the odd phone call just to hear the other’s voice. It’s usually Liam who calls.

But now, even in moments when Theo isn’t around and they’re not texting or talking, it still feels like he’s here with Liam.

It’s a weird thing to reconcile, and Liam is a little uncomfortable with the idea that he’s implanting himself with false memories. It’s just that Theo is…always there. Liam doesn’t know if it’s normal, but it feels right for him and Theo.

He tries to imagine what life was like before—even before having the kind of problems that come with being a werewolf in a crazy supernatural town. He has always had loving and supportive parents and friends, but his life wasn’t as good as it is now with Theo in it.

The last couple of years, especially the hard road to his friendship with Theo, really put Liam to the test. And he’s through to the other side of it stronger and happier. The losses he’s seen makes what he has now all the more precious.

He thinks about the new bike helmet Theo got for him.

Liam looks at his parents seated at the table for dinner. He puts his fork down and gets up to kiss his mom on the cheek and hug his dad from behind.

When he returns to his seat both of his parents look bemused.

“Everything okay, Liam?” his dad asks.

Liam nods, chewing his food. “Yeah, everything’s fine.”

“That was very sweet just now,” his mom adds, “can I ask what brought it on?”

Liam smiles to himself. “Theo reminded me today that it’s important to show people you care about them.”

His mom’s eyes well up, and both his parents look proud. Of him or of Theo—probably both.

“Oh, Liam, that’s so…That boy is something really special, isn’t he?”

“Yeah. He’s my favorite.”

*

The next day Liam is standing in the middle of his bedroom at his parents’ with the closet doors and dresser drawers all open. His duffle lies open and empty on the bed.

 _Help. I don’t know what to pack_ , he texts to Theo. Theo, thankfully, sends him a list a couple of minutes later.

_Day 1_

_-Beach stuff._

_-Post-beach clothes._

_Day 2_

_-Maybe two sets of clothes if you want to change after sightseeing and museum hopping._

_Day 3_

_-Maybe 2 sets of clothes: #1 for if you want to hang out in the city a bit, and #2 if you want to change for the drive home._

_Misc._

_-Toiletry kit_

_-Something to sleep in for two nights._

_-A nice shirt and pants in case we go somewhere fancy._

_-It could be warm this week but it’s San Francisco, so bring a sweater anyway._

It’s simple when Theo lays it out like that. _THANK YOU_ , he sends back, and gets right to work.

He pulls his swim trunks out from the closet and runs downstairs to the garage to get his frisbee ring and sandals. He grabs a plastic bag from the kitchen to wrap the sandals in.

Back in his room he chooses a couple of tank tops, four of his nicer shirts, and a couple of henleys, one casual short-sleeve and the dressy long-sleeve one Theo got for him, the luxury dark indigo denim, also a gift from Theo, and two pairs of joggers, one khaki and one gray, linen-cotton shorts for outside and jersey shorts for inside, four pairs of socks, and his favorite bandana, blue patterned with little pineapples stitched in white.

He finds himself spending some time standing over his underwear drawer. There are the basic boxer briefs in black, white, and gray, and the plain boxers in solid colors and argyle.

But he also has a growing collection now of nicer ones in playful colors and patterns, mostly briefs, the kinds Theo seems to prefer for himself. Liam has done enough of Theo’s laundry to know. They’re nice, so Liam has started buying them online for himself. He selects six briefs.

He pushes up on his toes to reach in the top shelf of his closet for the toiletry bag he used to take for away games.

He dumps the contents on his bed and does some inventory. He throws out the old toothbrush and grabs a new one from the bathroom. He pops off the old blade cartridge on the razor and packs a couple of fresh ones.

He has to sit on his duffle to get it to zip closed. He may have overpacked, but Liam can be a sweaty guy so better to have more clothes than not.

Lastly, he fills a rucksack with a phone charger, a fresh canister of water, and some snacks for the road.

He’s energized after packing, excited for the trip and restless. He steps out the door and looks up at the dark clouds. It’s still warm but it isn’t hot. There’s electricity building in the air.

He decides to go for a walk.

*

Liam doesn’t know if there’s even anywhere he wants to go for his walk. But he goes for the doing of it, clearheaded and easy, letting his legs do the walking.

Liam imagines he’s walking a giant labyrinth, mindful only of each coming step, trusting the path unfolding in front of him will eventually lead him to its center.

Things have been so overwhelming lately, and, sure, some of it he can blame on the full moon and the werewolf-induced fugue states, but not all, because things been building up for him for at least the last month and a half. The full moon and his wild instincts may have thrown fuel to the fire, but they didn’t ignite anything that wasn’t already smoldering.

Theo has been kind and generous, giving Liam the full moon as an out. But Liam knows it’s mostly been him driving himself up the wall.

It’s a lot. It’s mostly good, but it’s a lot. He’s better equipped now to wrestle his feelings so they don’t blow up and ruin his life. And of course there’s always Theo.

When Liam gets his bearings he is bemused to find himself around Theo’s neighborhood just a few blocks from the apartment. It’s some distance from his parents’ house, maybe about an hour’s brisk walk.

He heads to the direction of the general store where he and Theo shop for groceries, and he buys a peanut butter and jam sandwich and a half-liter bottle of water.

He decides to head to the park nearby to eat his snack. There are people already at the benches and picnic tables, so he walks farther out to where the trees are and finds a spot for himself under the shade of an oak.

The sandwich is good—it always is from that place—the strawberry preserve is flavorful and bright and not overly sweet, and the peanut butter is crunchy. It was Theo who introduced him to it.

Liam chugs his water, drinking about half of it in one go. He slumps against the tree crosslegged, tilts his head up until it’s resting comfortably on the trunk.

He thinks about Theo.

He thinks about the walk. He doesn’t remember it.

He remembers making a choice at each diverging path, which stretch to follow and which turn to take, only to find himself here.

He lets himself slip into a superficial doze. It’s a curious mix of awareness and not, as he counts a couple of hundred heartbeats before his active consciousness takes a backseat for several minutes.

“I thought that was you.”

 _Theo_.

Liam finds himself smiling before even opening his eyes. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Theo says, eyes crinkling as he smiles back.

Liam pats the patch of dirt to his right. “Saved you a spot.”

Theo sits leaning on the tree, legs stretched out in front of him.

Liam scoots to close the gap between them until their shoulders are touching and Liam’s right knee is resting on top of Theo’s left thigh.

“What are you doing here?”

“Just out for a walk. Kinda just ended up here.”

“It’s a little far from home.”

“Hmm. Depends on how you look at it.”

In his periphery, Liam gleans Theo looking thoughtfully at him.

Theo folds his legs up and hugs them to his chest.

They sit in silence for a few minutes. Liam’s gaze roves unseeing at the people leaving the park, the cars passing by, the thick gray clouds darkening and rolling heavy.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Theo says.

“No charge for you.” Liam nudges his shoulder to Theo’s. A breeze kicks up. “Theo, can I ask you a question?”

“Sure,” Theo says easily. He crosses his legs in front of him, seems to open himself up.

Liam pauses. It’s a door Theo leaves wide open out of trust, like he always does, for Liam. Liam respects the boundary and walks quietly in. “Why did you stay in Beacon Hills?”

Theo mulls it over for a bit. “I think about that all the time,” he says. “Everything I had was here.”

Liam frowns. “Everything you had was in your truck.”

“Not anything that really matters to me.”

Liam feels the air steal out of his chest. He tries to swallow past his suddenly dry throat. He uncaps his bottle of water and takes a swig, caps it back. His heart starts to pound for some reason.

The rest of the people at the park seem to have all cleared out. The darkening sky looks ominous.

“What about you?” Theo asks.

“What about me?”

“Why did you stay in Beacon Hills?”

Liam pushes up off the tree and turns toward Theo. “What do you mean?”

“I—” Theo starts, looking abashed, “I really thought you were going to try to go after Hayden, after everything settled down.”

Oh.

Liam sits with it for a moment.

He casts his mind back to a year ago. It seems so far away now, like a whole other life. He closes his eyes and touches a hand to the back of his neck, the way Hayden sometimes did when they kissed. He tries to remember the tight feeling in chest, the vice grip around his heart of being so in love with her that it choked everything else out and drove him crazy.

There’s a warmth in Liam’s heart as he thinks of her, like the faint glow of a memory of where longing for Hayden used to be. He hopes she’s happy. That she and her sister are both happy and safe, and that their lives are good.

He comes back to the present, to the moment here with Theo.

“I almost did,” he says honestly, “I wanted to. I think maybe I would have.” He opens his eyes and tries to hold Theo’s gaze. “But I was needed here.”

Theo nods, looking away. “Right. Scott needed you to take charge here.”

Liam tries to catch Theo’s eyes again but Theo seems to be avoiding his gaze.

“Theo?” There. Liam looks straight into them. “Not just Scott. And not just that.”

Theo looks perplexed.

Liam tilts his head. “Do you want this?”

A wild, hunted look crosses Theo’s face.

The plastic bottled water makes a crinkling sound as Liam uncaps it.

Theo’s eyes flit frantically between the bottle and Liam, confused.

Liam passes the bottle to Theo. “Here. Take it.”

Theo takes a gulp.

Liam hears himself say, “You can have all of it.”

Theo’s eyes squeeze shut as he drinks the rest of the water. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, gasping for breath after his long drink. “Liam, I—” he starts. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, I got you.”

Liam catches the flash of lightning reflected in the black of Theo’s dilated pupils before thunder cracks open the sky.

*

They get caught in the rain.

It comes down in torrents and not even the large oak’s foliage can keep them dry.

There’s nothing for it. They run across the park, laughing and yelping as the cold California summer rain hoses them down.

Liam hooks Theo by the waist with his arms when Theo tries risking a street crossing just as a car without its headlights on comes barreling down. “Wait,” he says, pressing Theo to his front, the warmth of Theo’s back radiating through their wet clothes.

Theo puts an arm on top of Liam’s where Liam is holding on to him as they wait for traffic to die down.

Liam feels his heart swell with affection, and he tightens his arms around Theo who leans in. They’re so close there’s only a whisper of space between his nose and the nape of Theo’s neck.

“We don’t have to hurry, Theo,” he tells him. “We’re already wet.”

Theo sinks into him.

Liam looks both ways after a couple of minutes, dismayed to see that traffic has cleared enough for them to cross safely. He gives Theo one last squeeze before going ahead and nudging his nose to Theo’s nape. “Go,” he says, urging them forward.

It’s a few blocks to the apartment building, and when they get there they’re completely soaked through.

Theo lets them in with his fob, and they scrape their squelching shoes on the rug. They’re dripping water everywhere. The rain mats have been laid out on the lobby’s floors and on the way to the elevator bay.

“Nando,” Theo calls out to the front desk attendant, “We’re so sorry about the mess we’re making.”

“Not a problem, Mr. Raeken. It happens. The custodial staff is on it.” Nando looks at Liam. “Hey, Liam,” he says.

Liam gives him a little salute. “Sup, Nando. Sorry about this,” he says with a chagrined smile. “We’ll get out of your hair.”

The ride up the elevator to Theo’s loft is long enough that they leave a puddle of rain water behind.

When they finally get to the apartment they’re both shivering from the air-conditioned temperature inside. They empty out their pockets and drop their stuff on the entry table.

Liam digs into the hall closet for one of the utility towels Theo keeps there. He wraps it around Theo’s shoulders and uses the edges to rub Theo’s hair as dry as he can get them while Theo toes off his shoes and no-show ankle socks.

“There should be another one in there for you,” Theo says, hair like a hatched duckling’s.

“I know,” Liam replies, rubbing the towel over Theo’s wet ears. “Take your shirt off.”

Theo reaches back to pull his shirt off over his head and through his arms.

Liam’s eyes lock on the flash of creamy skin and dark armpit hair. He gets the familiar whiff of Theo’s deodorant.

“That smells good,” he says absentmindedly, doesn’t bother trying to hide it as he takes a couple of sniffs of Theo. “I like it on you.”

“Yeah,” Theo says, “You’ve said before.”

“Hmm.” Liam covers Theo with the towel, rubbing his back and arms dry. He wipes down Theo’s lightly haired chest and belly, dipping the towel with his fingers through the ridges of Theo’s muscles, gets up and down Theo’s flanks.

Liam feels for a less wet patch of the towel and uses it to wipe Theo’s face gently where his eyebrows and beard are wet with rain water. “You’re really handsome, Theo,” he says softly.

”I—” Theo huffs, ”Thanks, Liam.”

Liam wraps the towel around Theo to ward off the chill.

“Take your shorts off.”

Theo nods. He unbuttons his fly and draws down the zip, bracing himself with one hand on Liam’s chest as he tries pushing off his shorts with the other. He gets stuck.

Liam crouches down on one knee and pulls Theo’s shorts through his thickly muscled thighs and all the way off.

The towel slides down from Theo’s shoulders as Liam rubs Theo’s legs dry.

Then he throws it over his shoulder and holds on to Theo’s waist as he stands back up.

Theo’s cheeks and ear tips are pink and he’s looking off to the side.

“Theo?”

Theo turns his head toward him.

“This little guy, too,” Liam says, thumbs flicking playfully at the waistband of Theo’s green-and-white striped briefs.

Theo’s heated gaze pierces through Liam, his thick lashes clumped darkly together with wet.

Liam dips his head and looks past Theo’s shoulder to give him his privacy as he pushes his briefs down. There’s a momentary shuffle of limbs as he pulls them all the way off.

The wet slap of Theo’s soaked briefs as they hit the polished hardwood floor sounds obscene in the quiet of the hall.

Moments pass and Liam’s eyes are so fixed on a spot on the wall behind Theo that he doesn’t notice his hands are splayed out on Theo’s now naked hips.

“Liam?”

Liam shakes out of it. “Sorry,” he says and wraps the towel around Theo’s waist. He feels short wet hair touch his knuckles and the back of his hand as he tucks the towel low in front of Theo. His hand lingers there. His eyes start to drift downward.

“ _Liam_.” Theo’s own hands fisting the towel.

Liam looks back up. “Go take a shower,” he tells him, patting him on the chest gently. “I’ll take care of everything here.”

“Okay,” Theo chokes out, red-faced and awkwardly hunched over, clutching the towel tightly and pushing it down on his front. “Thank you. I’ll try to be quick.”

Liam grabs the other towel from the hall closet and dries himself off as best he can. As soon as Theo disappears from sight, he strips fully naked, struggling with the wet tightness of his boxer briefs, and gives himself a decent rubdown. He ties off his towel around his waist and bundles up all of their wet clothes together.

He looks for the super absorbent As-Seen-on-TV rags they use to wash Theo’s truck and mops the floor clean with them.

He jogs up to his room to put on some dry clothes before returning downstairs to collect his phone, keys, a handful of detergent pods, and all the wet things and their shoes to take to the building’s laundry room.

It’s not long after he comes back that Theo exits the bathroom and calls down to Liam, “Shower’s free.”

Liam goes.

*

They’re on the couch, scrolling through their phones while listening to Spotify on TV where Theo pulled up a chill hip hop playlist.

The rain has slowed down to a light patter, but the sky is still dark for a summer afternoon. The laundry has been washed, dried, and put away, even the shoes.

“That was fun,” Liam says, laughing to himself.

“Yeah, it was,” Theo agrees. “Do you want a latte?”

Liam checks the time; it’s past 5:00 PM. “Nah, it’s late. It’ll just keep me up.” He sits up, realizing how late it actually is. “Shit. Do you think you could give me a ride back to my parents’?”

“Sure,” Theo nods, “Of course.” He seems to hesitate.

“Theo?”

“Could you stay?”

“For dinner?”

Theo looks down. His finger worrying at the seam of a cushion. “For dinner. For the night. For…”

Liam puts his phone down, smiling. He traps Theo’s restless hand with his own and waits for Theo to look up.

Theo does.

“Anything you want, Theo.”

Theo smiles shyly, nodding. “Yeah, all right.”

“Lemme call my mom.”

Liam grabs his phone and walks to the library to make his phone call.

Theo pauses Spotify and joins Liam to fetch his AirPods from his desk and slot them in his ears to resume the music there, like he does almost every time to give Liam some privacy on the phone.

Liam’s mom answers after two rings.

_“Hi, sweetie.”_

“Hi, Mom. I’m at Theo’s. I was out for a walk and got caught in the rain here. Is it okay if I stay the night? Theo can drive me home if not.”

_“Oh, no, that’s fine. I guess your dad and I won’t see you until you’re back from San Francisco?”_

“Yeah, probably.”

_“Okay, no worries. Listen, honey, I’m going to send you some money for the trip.”_

“Mom, no, you don’t have to. I have some saved up.”

“ _Liam, listen to me. I’m going to send you the money. Please, please, please do not let Theo get away with paying for everything again.”_

“Ugh, I know. He’s the worst at that.”

_“Tell me about it. Remember your birthday dinner? How did he even…”_

“He gave his card to the host when he went to the restroom.”

_“That boy, I swear. Anyway, sweetie, I gotta go. Please don’t forget what I said. And take lots of pictures.”_

“I will.”

_“Tell Theo I say hi.”_

“I will.”

_“And, Liam?”_

“Yeah? I’m here.”

_“Be. Safe.”_

“I will,” Liam replies automatically, shrugging and wondering at the weird way she keeps saying that. “Okay, Mom. I love you. Bye.”

_“I love you, too.”_

Liam turns around toward Theo who has his back to him. He slides a hand up Theo’s back and rests it on his shoulder.

Theo turns around and pops off his AirPods. “Hey.”  
  
“Hey. My mom says hi.”

Theo nods.

Liam’s phone vibrates in his hand as a Cash app notification comes in.

“Can I make you some dinner?” Liam asks even though it’s not really a question.

*

Dinner takes some time to cook.

The salmon is quick and easy. It’s already defrosted and chilling in the fridge from yesterday. Then it’s just kosher salt, cracked pepper, garlic powder, and butter at twenty-five minutes in the oven.

The greens are even simpler—just baby spinach and arugula tossed in olive oil and lemon juice.

It’s waiting for the potatoes to cook that takes forever, so Liam puts them on first.

Towards the tail end of cooking the salmon and after preparing the greens, he pulls the potatoes out and mashes them in a mixing bowl, leaving plenty of lumps with the skin on, and dumping a ton of butter, kosher salt, tarragon, and thyme, crushing the herbs on the back of his wooden spoon before adding them in. Then a tiny amount of lemon juice to bring the flavors out.

It’s one of Theo’s favorites.

Theo lays out two place settings, and Liam sits again to his left on the bench at the dining table.

“Oh, man, I love these potatoes,” Theo says.

“I know,” Liam replies, smiling and feeling super self-satisfied. “That’s why I made them.”

Theo bumps him with his shoulder. “Where’d you learn how to cook anyway?”

Liam takes a few moments to swallow a particularly big bite. “Remember when you worked at that accounting office?”

“Oh, god.”

“Yeah. And you always worked late and you still had all that GEDstuff and online courses to do at night?”

Theo puts down his fork and shifts in his seat to face Liam. “Yeah, and you used to bike over to bring me dinner…” Theo’s eyes widen as he seems to put it together. “Liam, did you…?”

Liam feels strangely exposed somehow.

“At first it was just leftovers from the day before, but there wasn’t always leftovers and my parents didn’t always cook every time. And I didn’t want you to have just leftovers. I always left snacks in your truck, but… Theo you were working so hard.

“So I watched some videos and read some recipes online, and I just learned how. I’d go straight home after school and make something. If I had a busy week coming up, I’d do some meal prep.” Liam shrugs. “And, then, you know. Just bring it over to you and make it back in time for dinner with my parents and to do homework.”

“On your bike…” Theo says softly.

Liam laughs a little. “Yeah, I got a lot of cardio those first couple of months. And my calves were _crunked_.”

The bench makes a loud and abrupt creak against the hardwood floor and Liam has to brace himself as it scoots back past the rug when Theo stands up suddenly and steps out of the table.

Liam looks up at him with some concern. “Theo?”

“Come over here, please,” Theo says firmly, averting his eyes and looking straight down.

Liam is barely out of the table when Theo pulls him by the shoulder and crushes him in a tight hug. He can feel Theo’s chest heaving and hear his ragged breaths. Theo’s arms tighten even more as Liam brings his arms up to hug him back.

“Theo…”

Theo doesn’t say anything. He just holds on to Liam as he takes deep, shaky breaths.

Their food is on the cooler side of warm by the time Theo calms enough and lets him go.

A few minutes pass before Theo says anything again, and when he finally does it’s to say in a hoarse voice, “Thank you, Liam.”

Liam feels so choked up with emotion that he doesn’t trust himself to say anything.

But…nothing about the meal requires more than a fork in hand, freeing up Liam’s right hand to hold Theo’s left without interruption until they both finish eating.

It might be the first time Liam has ever eaten slowly.

*


	5. Chapter 5

*

Liam is up just before daybreak.

He makes up his bed and walks as quietly as he can manage to sit at the top of the stairs, just outside Theo’s room. Theo’s door is open, like always. Liam wonders whether he leaves it open all the time or just when Liam stays.

In the half-light passing through the windows, of the streetlights and the breaking dawn, the apartment looks even more beautiful. The high ceilings, the well appointed furnishings and rugs, the dark hardwood floors set against the whitewashed walls of the distressed brick interior.

From here he has a total view of the kitchen. Liam looks at the grocery list in his terrible cursive stuck on the fridge, Theo’s additions and vetoes in his neat block lettering. The glass-paned cupboards with a stack of mugs inside identical to Liam’s favorite at his parents’. The heavy ceramic plates Theo insisted on getting even though Liam feels clumsy washing them. The utensil organizer with the shitty spatula Liam uses almost exclusively for some reason despite all the newer and nicer ones Theo bought after moving out of the sublet studio.

He looks down at the recessed floor of the living room, the fabric upholstered couch Theo went for when he noticed Liam’s discomfort in leather seats. The coffee table Theo really likes even though Liam bangs his knees on them all the time. The gigantic TV.

It was the last major thing Theo bought for the apartment when he first moved in, an extravagance that Liam doesn’t really understand other than Theo really, really wanted it. It spends most of the time either in screensaver mode, showing slides of art and photography, or playing Spotify.

There are pictures everywhere of him and Theo and their family and friends, mostly taken by Liam with his phone, some by Theo’s photographer, others by Liam’s parents.

There are solo shots of Liam, taken mostly by Theo and some by the his photographer as well, but none of Theo himself. At least not out here. Liam looks up at his room where he has frame after frame of candid shots he’s taken of Theo.

There’s the rustle of sheets from behind him, the soft padding of feet on the runner, and there’s Theo, sleep warm, sitting down to his right.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

Theo puts an arm around Liam’s bare shoulders. “Aren’t you cold?”

“Nah.”

They sit quietly together, Theo’s hand rubbing up and down along Liam’s naked back as they lean into each other.

The sun comes and fills everything with light.

Liam feels warm and at home.

*

They have such a long morning that it almost feels like an entire day.

They make each other’s coffees and bring their breakfast of grilled cheese with bacon up to the rooftop deck.

Theo asks if Liam is going to put a shirt on. Liam just shrugs. There’s no one else up there anyway. He does pull on some shorts over his boxer briefs.

They watch the neighborhood wake up.

They talk about summer like it’s going to stretch on and on.

It won’t. Nothing really does.

But the long morning and Liam’s warm grilled cheese and Theo’s even warmer smile, Theo’s laughter as Liam cracks a stupid joke, Theo playing keep-away with his own grilled cheese because Liam ate his too fast, just like always, and he’s still hungry and wants a bite of Theo’s, the chase around the rooftop deck, Theo allowing himself to be caught in Liam’s arms only to shove what’s left of his sandwich in Liam’s mouth, getting crumbs and grease everywhere on Liam’s beard and mustache as Liam chomps and growls playfully, Theo’s soft, happy expression and his little huffs of laughter as he cleans up Liam’s face with his palms and fingers, and then Liam’s chest when Liam tells him he missed a spot and looks down at the crumbs trapped in his chest hair, Liam’s hands warm on Theo’s waist, the joy and affection thrashing wildly in his heart at the sight of Theo’s blush and shy smile, make Liam feel like summer could last forever.

*

They have a second breakfast of chicken and waffles because Liam is still hungry and doesn’t want to stop on the road for lunch.

Theo drives them to Liam’s parents’ to pick up Liam’s things. Liam fills a second canister of water for Theo and stuffs in it his rucksack, while Theo carries his duffle for him and puts it in the truck with his own bags.

It’s barely 9:00 AM and the day is already super hot. Theo puts the AC on full blast before he pulls out of the driveway.

Liam looks at Theo. His backward hat, the black cutoff shirt, the flex of his beefy arm as he leans it up on the seat to look over his shoulder while backing up, his armpit hair already damp. The cabin fills with the pine-resin scent of Theo’s deodorant.

Liam shifts in his seat, face burning. “I like this smell on you,” he says.

Theo smiles at him as he shifts into gear. “I know. You comment on it all the time.”

Liam facepalms and laughs quietly at himself. He gestures to Theo’s phone mounted on the dash. “Should I set the navigation?”

Theo hums and taps on the wheel. “Wait until we’re out of Beacon Hills. You can play some music, though.”

“Okay.” Liam unlocks the phone with Theo’s PIN and pulls up Spotify. He connects to the truck and chooses Theo’s regular driving playlist. 

“Oh—text your mom and tell her we’re heading out.”

Liam pulls out his own phone and texts his mom, and then he sends Theo fifty bucks for gas through the Cash app.

Theo tries to argue about it when he hears the app’s tell-tale notification sound of coins dropping and sees it pop up on his phone.

He only stops when Liam says his name in a firm, warning voice.

*

As they drive past the Beacon Hills city limits, Liam takes a smiling selfie with his deuces up and Theo looking effortlessly handsome and beefy in the background as he keeps his eyes on the road.

Liam posts it on Instagram and immediately gets a message from Mason on Slack linking to the post and asking where they’re going.

 _@Theo’s taking me to San Francisco for a few days_ , Liam replies.

And then adds that they’ll be back on Thursday when he sees Malia’s _?????_ and Scott’s _Are you guys gonna be back for 4th of July on Saturday, though?_

 _That’s awesome. Have fun and post lots of pictures,_ Corey says with a heart emoji because he’s a little jelly bean. A lot like Theo, actually.

Liam settles in for the long drive. Passing Theo snacks and uncapping his canister of water for him.

Theo hums and sings softly along to some of the music, smiling at Liam now and then.

Liam fights to keep from dozing off, afraid to miss any of it.

*

They stop at a gas station right off the freeway somewhere in Palo Alto to use the restroom. Theo fills up the tank while they’re at it.

They’ve been on the road for a couple of hours and they’re making really good time. The drive can take over three hours, but at this rate they’ll be in San Francisco in the next half hour or so.

Liam walks around a bit to stretch his legs. It’s hot out. The sky is a vast blue with only wisps here and there of feathery clouds.

He hears the sound of the truck’s engine start and sees Theo pulling out of the filling alcove and into a parking spot.

He watches the entire time as Theo approaches. Theo’s hat is still backward despite the sun, and he’s looking right at Liam with a small smile on his face.

Liam misses him all of a sudden. Theo is six feet away and closing in, and Liam misses the hell out of him.

Something must show on his face because Theo’s smile fades into a look of concern and he says, “You all right?”

Liam doesn’t say anything, just pulls Theo into a hug. He slaps his back a couple of times before letting him go.

“Stanford is near here, isn’t it?” Theo asks. He points to the University Avenue sign. “Yeah, just down there.” He turns to look at Liam. “Do you wanna drive by it? We applied there, didn’t we?”

Yeah, they did. Stanford and a ton of others. Theo with printouts and brochures of colleges and universities all over the country. The long conversations they had on weekends in Liam’s room late into the night as they worked on different drafts of Liam’s personal statement.

Theo deftly coaxing feelings and thoughts out of Liam and helping him articulate them into hopes, goals, the direction he wants his life to take. Showing Liam virtues he didn’t think he had until Theo lay them out for him, clear as day.

Is that how Theo sees him? He wanted to ask then but said instead, “You’re making me sound like some kind of hero,” laughing to lighten the mood.

Theo didn’t laugh with him. He just said, “You are,” and let it hang there.

And then rejection and acceptance notifications started coming in, and choices were made.

Liam imagines the calendar app on his phone, sees in his mind’s eye his thumb swiping left six times. His eyes well up as he tries to tamp down the sting of sadness.

He shuffles closer to Theo, head bowed, and tugs on the hem of Theo’s shirt. “Is it okay if we don’t talk about college?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Theo says gently, cradling the back of Liam’s head and pulling him in.

Liam makes himself small and tucks into Theo’s body, his head under Theo’s chin and their arms wrapped around each other.

He breathes in the warm smell of him, nuzzles his face in the soft juncture of Theo’s neck and shoulder, and feels instantly better, amused that Theo has to push up on his toes.

*

The weather is perfectly warm in San Francisco, and it looks like everybody and their mom decided to be out and about. The streets are full of people dressed in summer clothes, with their hats and sunglasses and shorts and summer dresses, their cardigans and light sweaters tied around their waists.

Every green space they pass is crowded with people.

“Fair warning,” Theo says as they drive up the hilly streets, “Parking is gonna be a nightmare.”

And it is.

Liam doesn’t mind, and Theo indulges him every time he says he has a good feeling and points them to a direction where he’s sure there’ll be parking available for them.

There never is.

“Okay,” Theo says, “I’m taking charge now because you are terrible at this.”

“I knooow!” Liam wails, slumping in his seat.

Theo smiles at him and gives his hand a squeeze.

They spend another half an hour driving around and waiting in turn, until finally a car pulls out and Theo steals into the spot. It earns them some glares and the middle finger from other drivers waiting.

A pleasant looking mom with a carload of kids tries it with a beseeching look at Theo, but Theo gives zero fucks.

Liam jokes that Theo is totally going to get his truck keyed.

Theo gives zero fucks about that, too.

Theo grabs their swim shorts and sandals from their bags and they change right there in the parking lot, giving each other as much privacy as they can.

“Here,” Theo says, holding his briefs in one hand and making a grabby gesture in the air with his free one.

Liam tosses him his own briefs, and Theo puts them both in his bag.

“Should I bring a bag, too?” Theo asks.

Liam shakes his head. “No, let’s just use mine.”

They add to Liam’s rucksack a squeeze tube of sunscreen and the frisbee ring. They put in their canisters of water but take out most of the snacks, leaving only two packs of granola bars. They each grab their beach towels and head down to the sandy dunes.

The beach is pretty crowded but not as crazy as Liam expected. They choose a spot with several yards of clearance between them and other people.

They lay out their blankets side by side and Liam dumps out his rucksack. He throws Theo the sunscreen and works on burying the corners of the blankets with some sand to hold them down.

He looks up at Theo whose broad chest and tight abs are glistening with sunscreen. Liam gulps as he watches Theo finish up his beefy arms. Theo squeezes a generous amount on his palm before tossing the tube back to Liam and starts working on his legs.

Liam pulls off his own shirt and starts working the sunscreen in on his torso.

“Dude,” Theo says pointedly.

“Fuck, I know,” Liam whines pathetically, trying to smooth out with one hand the white globs of sunscreen clumping up in the thick spread of hair on his chest and abs.

Theo takes the sunscreen from his hand. “Here,” he says, motioning for Liam to hold out his palm. Theo squeezes a good amount on it. “Do your arms.”

Liam spreads the sunscreen on his hands and does his arms while Theo’s hands take over on his torso. It takes a bit of time there, too, because his forearms are just as hairy as the rest of him.

He peeks down at his front. It looks like Theo is doing a good job of declumping his body hair and getting Liam some decent coverage.

He lets him continue.

“You’re really hairy, Liam,” Theo says in a strange, husky voice.

Theo’s hands rove almost reverently all over Liam’s torso, but Liam tries to think of it as perfunctory.

“Do you ever think about grooming it?” Theo asks.

“Oh,” Liam says, feeling a little insecure. “Do you not like it?”

“No—that’s not—”

“Do you want me to groom it?” he asks dejectedly.

“No, Liam, come on. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“I don’t even groom down there either,” Liam mutters toward his crotch at the same time that Theo says, “I like it.”

“What?” they both say at the same time again.

There’s red all over Theo’s cheeks and ear tips as his eyes flit between Liam’s chest and crotch. Liam watches Theo’s throat work as he swallows.

He squeezes some more sunscreen in his hands and starts on Theo’s ears. “You’re starting to get red here already,” he says. “And here,” moving on to Theo’s cheeks. He does Theo’s nose and forehead, making sure to get the edge of his hairline. “Turn around.” He takes his time on Theo’s back, making sure his shoulders have full coverage.

Theo squirms when Liam works on his flanks.

“Tickles,” Theo says.

Liam gives Theo’s shoulder a pat. “All right, you’re good.”

Theo faces Liam and holds his palm out. “Your turn,” he says.

Liam squeezes a good amount on Theo’s cupped palm. He turns around and lets Theo get to it while he does his own ears, face, and neck.

Theo’s open hand reaches out from behind, and Liam squeezes more sunscreen into it. Theo crouches on one knee and does Liam’s legs from behind.

The attention is gratifying. Liam’s heart goes soft at the feeling of Theo taking care of him.

He turns to face Theo as Theo gets back up.

“Does your lip balm have SPF?” Theo asks.

Liam pats his zipped up pockets, feels only his phone and nothing else. “Yeah, but I left it in my other shorts.”

Theo takes Liam’s hand and puts his own lip balm in it. “Here.”

Liam pops off the red cap, turns the yellow tube’s clicky dispenser wheel just enough, and puts some on. It smells of the warmth and subtle hint of camphor and menthol he’s come to associate with the puffs of Theo’s breath every time their faces get close enough.

“Thanks,” Liam says breathlessly, returning Theo’s lip balm and trying not to huff his own upper lip as he subdues his flailing instincts. “And thanks for…” he adds, gesturing at his general whatever.

Theo smiles fondly. “You’re welcome, Liam,” he says, “Let’s go have some fun.”

*

They throw Liam’s frisbee ring around for a bit. It starts off easy and becomes increasingly wild as Theo starts making outrageous throws. The wind makes it worse, changing the ring’s general direction every which way.

Liam has to really work for it. He summons up his werewolf speed and agility when he notices he’s having to do more chasing rather than catching. He’s pretty sure Theo has been doing it from the beginning, that bastard.

He makes a wild throw, knowing Theo would spring into action with the effort of trying to catch it, and while Theo is distracted Liam charges forward and barrels into him.

Theo notices too late.

Liam is careful in his playful attack, pulling on Theo’s thigh to upend him with one hand while supporting his back with the other. He braces their fall into the sand, smirking predatorily at Theo.

Theo’s shocked look takes on a wicked gleam. His legs clamp around Liam’s waist, ankles and shins locking together on Liam’s back, as he heaves with his strength to reverse their position.

They wrestle in the sand, laughing as they take turns letting each get the better of the other.

Theo leaps up and runs toward the water, Liam giving chase. They’re thigh-deep before Theo turns around with a smirk and cups his hands in the water.

Liam realizes too late. “No no no no no!” he says, yelping as Theo starts splashing him with the freezing cold water. He tries to cover his chest with his arms but it just exposes his back. “Fuuuck!” he yells, “Theo, that’s so fucking cold! Oh my god oh my god oh my god.”

Eventually he acclimates to it and starts splashing Theo back, who gets it worse as he’s much farther away from the shore. Liam splashes him the entire time he retreats back to the sand.

They’re huffing and puffing as they make their way back to their towels. Liam plops down dramatically and waits for Theo to join him.

Theo uncaps Liam’s canister of water and hands it to him. “Do you want a snack?” he asks.

Liam gulps some water and thinks about it. “Hmm, maybe later.”

Liam takes a ton of pictures, uploading them to Instagram as he goes.

He takes wide angle shots of the beach, the white crush of the waves, the ranging blue sky, the sandy dunes, the rocky cliffs of Land’s End to the west, the Golden Gate Bridge to the north.

He takes selfies, solo and with Theo, and Liam doesn’t even have to bully Theo into smiling for them, he just already is.

He takes shots of Theo as he plays in the sand and builds mounds and moats. Theo looking out into the horizon. Theo hurling the frisbee ring up and down.

Theo’s handsome face as he looks at Liam with a fond smile.

He takes off running and jumps up on Theo’s back. Theo reflexively grabs on to his thighs and carries him piggyback.

Liam takes a selfie.

And gets the shot just right.

It catches them both from the waist up. Liam’s happy expression as he looks out into the middle distance, one arm curled around Theo, and Theo smiling up at him.

They both look so happy it makes Liam’s heart feel full to bursting.

He takes a picture of Theo lying on his towel with his hands behind his head, skin smooth and golden in the sun. Theo’s closed eyes and small smile, his wet beard, the expanse of bare skin glittering where there are drops of water and grains of sand, the dark wet hair on his legs, his torso, his armpits.

It’s altogether such an intimate sight that Liam feels shy and hot all over.

He doesn’t dare post it online. He considers deleting it entirely.

Liam bites his lip, fighting being impulsive and wanting to stay respectful. He musters up his courage. “Theo?”

“Yeah?”

“Is it okay that I took a picture of you like this?”

Theo’s smile widens, his eyes still closed. “Sure.”

Liam’s breath catches in his throat. He presses his luck. “Can I take another one?”

Theo’s smile doesn’t falter. “Anything you want, Liam.”

He sets his camera to take a live photo and captures Theo like this. When he plays it back, the live photo shows Theo’s chest rise and fall and his abs flex with each breath.

He puts his phone down and allows himself the liberty of gazing at Theo. He closes his hands into tight fists as they start to tingle with an itch.

Theo winks one eye open and his smile turns fond as he sees Liam watching him. He pats Liam’s towel on his left and says, “Saved you a spot.”

Liam curls his arm under his head and lies sideways to look at Theo who’s doing the same, close enough that their knees and elbows touch.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“Are you having a good time?” Theo asks, fingers playing restlessly on the towel.

Liam takes Theo’s restless hand and puts it on his cheek.

Theo sighs like he’s been holding his breath, smiling sweetly as his thumb pets Liam’s cheek gently.

“I really am. Thanks, Theo.”

“I’m glad. Do you wanna go for a little hike?”

“Sure,” Liam says. He reaches a hand and strokes Theo’s chest with the knuckles of his fingers. “Five more minutes, though.”

It actually is five minutes this time, because the sun is too hot to stay in a single position.

They go to the water’s edge and splash themselves to cool down before packing up their stuff to hike up the beach. Theo offers to carry Liam’s bulging rucksack, but Liam waves him off.

As they approach the large rocks Liam notices the people in varying degrees of nudity. Women topless and men in jockstraps here, fully naked men and women there.

“Um,” he says.

Theo smiles sheepishly. “Yeah, um. The north end is clothing optional.”

“Oh,” Liam says faintly. “Should we be naked, too, or…?”

“What—no! Do you _want_ to get naked?”

Liam shrugs. “I dunno. I don’t wanna get in trouble if there’s a dress code.”

Theo facepalms.

They continue on.

“Hold up.” Theo points at the rocks ahead of them. “See those rocks?”

“Yeah.”

“There’s some really awesome views from there. You can see the Bay, and the Golden Gate Bridge, and the Marin Headlands. And you can see the dunes and the beach stretch out all the way to Land’s End.”

“Okay?”

“You can take some really great pictures there.”

“Okay?” Liam frowns. “I feel like there’s a but.”

Theo sighs. “There’s gonna be a lot of butts. Yeah, just past those rocks.”

“You mean…?”

“Yeah.”

Liam’s eyes widen. “Oh. I mean, that’s all right, I guess?” Liam shrugs, gesturing around them, “There’s already lots of butts here.”

Theo dips his head and scratches his beard bashfully. “On a summer day like this—warm and sunny and perfect—Liam, there’s probably gonna be dudes having sex there. Like a bunch of them. Just, out in the open. Going at it.”

Liam gapes. “Oh. That’s a thing?”

“It’s a thing,” Theo replies. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

Liam thinks about it. “Okay, then I just won’t look,” he says, nodding bravely.

Theo’s expression is inscrutable. “All right,” he says softly. “But if you feel weird or uncomfortable, even just a little bit, we’re turning right around. Okay?”

“Okay.”

They head out.

Climbing the rocks turns out super fun. It’s nothing too crazy, but the novelty of it is undeniable. They come across other beachgoers, some nude, some not. They smile politely and keep their eyes averted.

They climb up to where Liam thinks is the best spot, and he takes a ton of landscape pictures and selfies. He makes sure to get a whole bunch of him and Theo together and a ton of just Theo.

He switches to the telephoto lens on his phone’s camera and captures a shot of the Golden Gate bridge and the Marin Headlands. There’s a little island covered in bird poop jutting out from the water. He takes a picture of that, too.

There are, in fact, hella dudes having sex, some even in groups of three or four. But they’re far enough away that you’d have to look on purpose to really see them.

Liam tries to be as respectful as possible, making sure no one is caught in the frame when he takes his photos. He keeps his gaze away from them and just enjoys the splendor of the beautiful vistas.

It truly is breathtaking.

Liam pockets his phone and reaches for Theo’s hand.

He scans the horizon, committing it to memory. He closes his eyes and breathes in the fresh air. He casts his hearing out toward the Bay, the undulating surface, the crash of waves on the rocks, the whisper of seafoam filtering through the sand.

He drags his thumb slowly back and forth on Theo’s hand, soaks up the warmth of Theo at his side.

He opens his eyes and looks at Theo.

Theo lets himself be seen, smiles sweetly at Liam.

He steps in front of Liam, gaze fixed on him only and nowhere else. Not at any the spectacular views. Not the golden dunes rising up behind Liam with seaside plants spread along it like verdigris, or the striking formation of rock carved by wind and time on the cliffside.

Just Liam.

Theo cups Liam’s face with his free hand, tracing Liam’s eyebrow and stroking his cheek. He touches his thumb to Liam’s closed mouth, following the curve of his top lip toward the dip in the middle and lingering on his bottom lip where it’s plush and thicker.

Liam holds Theo’s gaze. “I want to remember this forever,” he says out loud without meaning to, Theo’s thumb warm on his lips where he’s still touching.

“Me, too.”

*


	6. Chapter 6

*

The hike back to the truck is strenuous, but they both appreciate the workout. They’re sweaty and sticky by the time they get there.

They shake out the sand from their towels and mop up their bodies as best they can.

Theo digs into Liam’s bags and throws him his shorts and deodorant. “Do you want the briefs you already wore or a fresh one?” he asks.

Liam thinks about it. “The one I already wore is fine.” It’s just for the drive to the hotel, anyway, where they can shower and change into fresh clothes.

Theo goes into his own bag and pulls out their briefs, tosses Liam his.

Liam looks away while he and Theo both put on some deodorant and change back into their clothes.

It’s nearly 2:00 PM by the time they’re on the road toward the hotel.

Liam checks his phone. There’s a ton of notifications of Instagram likes and comments. There’s a comment from his mom on the piggyback picture of him and Theo, saying, _My handsome boys!_ followed by a heart emoji. There’s also a text from her saying she wants a copy of the picture. Liam sends the high-res original and makes a mental note to make prints.

There are other comments as well, but they seem impertinent so he ignores them for now, unwilling to spoil his good mood and the awesome day he’s having with Theo.

There’s a text from Mason which says, _WHAT is going on over there???_

Liam replies, _We went to the beach, and now we’re going to the hotel._

Mason instantly sends back four facepalm emoji, which Liam hits with the question-mark react.

 _Never mind. You guys have fun! Corey says hi and to stop bothering you._ Liam hits the thumbs-up react. And then another one comes in, _He says keep taking lots of pictures._

 _For sure_ , he replies.

Liam looks up at Theo. “Theo?”

“What’s up?”

“Thank you for driving,” Liam says, “I know you’re tired. And I’d volunteer to take over but it’s crazy here and I’ll probably just end up getting us both killed.”

Theo chuckles at that. “You’re welcome. And I don’t mind driving.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

“Could use a shower, though.”

Liam slumps in his seat and sighs. “Hard fucking same, dude.”

*

When they get to the hotel Theo leaves the truck with the valet parking.

Liam watches as Theo brings to bear his flirtatious charm on the front desk attendant when they check in. Theo is generally flirtatious. He's that way a lot with Mason, and even Stiles. But he absolutely does it all the time to servers, baristas, cashiers, any and all service and retail workers.

He’s not uncouth or sexual about it. He smiles a lot, licks his lips, locks eyes with them, does little flirty laughs. Add to that his good looks and masculine voice, and the effect is devastating.

It’s always fun to watch.

More so now that Theo is wearing a cutoff shirt and his beefy arms are in full flex as he leans on the counter.

And it’s not like he does it to get free stuff or special treatment. He just _enjoys_ it. But, also yes: he does get a lot of free stuff and special treatment. And if Liam just happens to be a secondhand beneficiary, well, it is what it is.

He also gets a lot of phone numbers and straight up propositions from women and men, and he’s always charmingly yet neutrally receptive but still noncommittal.

Liam wonders at that. Theo turns people down all the time. He doesn’t seem to date. And, well, he doesn’t do hookups either.

Liam burns when he remembers Theo’s confession in the truck the night of the full moon when Liam lost it. Theo is a virgin. Unless something has changed drastically in the last four days, that is. Gosh, he’s never even kissed a guy. It’s not for want of opportunity, so what’s the deal?

Liam shakes himself out of it, disappointed with himself for being invasive even if it’s just in his thoughts.

He sidles up to Theo at the counter. “What’s up?” he asks.

Theo, still fully flirtatious, says, “Well, Angelique here is being really great and letting us check in early.” He beams at the front desk worker processing their check in. “She’s awesome.”

“I’m more than happy to accommodate your request, Mr. Raeken,” Angelique says, increasingly flustered yet admirably marshaling her professionalism.

“Please,” Theo says, smiling gently, “Call me Theo.” He signs the form, turns it around so that it’s facing Angelique the right way, and politely hands her the pen.

Angelique, blushing, says, “And you said you’d like a room on the twelfth floor?”

Theo nods. “If it’s possible.”

“Perfect.”

Theo tips his head, looks straight into Angelique’s eyes, and says softly. “No, _you’re_ perfect.”

Angelique turns beet red as she fails utterly to fight back her own beaming smile. “Thank you—Theo,” she says breathlessly. “May we assist you with your bags?”

Theo flexes his arm unnecessarily as he picks up his bags. “Thank you for the sweet offer, Angelique, but I think we’re good here.”

Angelique’s eyes track the movement of Theo’s arm. “Okay. Um. Here are your keys, gentlemen. Welcome to San Francisco.” She hands him a couple of packets with their key cards.

Theo takes them gently, letting his index finger just almost graze Angelique’s hand if only she’d move to it a millimeter. “Thanks, angel,” he says, winking.

They head for the elevator.

When Liam looks back over his shoulder, he sees the wreck of Angelique face down at her desk and getting teased by her colleagues.

“Dude, you have so much game,” Liam says as the mirrored panels of the elevator doors close.

Theo looks at Liam’s reflection and smiles ruefully. “That’s all it is, Liam. Just a game. It’s not real.”

*

The room is nice. Small, of course, but charming and cute in that boutique hotel way.

“Can I take the bed by the window?” Theo asks.

“Yeah, of course.”

“Thanks.”

They start unpacking their stuff and putting their clothes in the dresser. “Hey, Theo, how much is the hotel?”

Theo stops what he’s doing. “Why?” he asks in a voice dripping with suspicion.

Liam braces for it. “I wanna pay for half.”

Theo’s face hardens. “No.”

“Theo—”

“Liam,” Theo says warningly, overly loud in the small space of the room. He eases up, seeming to realize what he’s doing, and softens his approach. He walks up to Liam and puts his hand on his chest. “This is supposed to be a gift for you,” he says gently. “Remember?”

Liam puts his hand over Theo’s. “I know, but you always pay for stuff. You don’t have to, and I don’t want you to. You do so much for me already, and sometimes I feel like I don’t—”

Theo’s face looks stormy as he takes a step closer to Liam and crowds him. “You do _plenty_ for me, Liam. Don’t you _ever_ think that you don’t.” His voice is thunderous.

“So lemme do this,” Liam insists.

“No.”

Liam huffs in frustration.

“But,” Theo pauses, frowning in consideration. “I respect that this is important to you.”

“Yes,” Liam says, squeezing Theo’s hand.

“You can fill up the truck’s tank when we get back home. We’re not going to be using it much here, so you can pay for Lyft and Uber, too, ‘cause we’re going to be taking that everywhere.” Theo raises an eyebrow. “Good?”

“And the food.”

“We split the food,” Theo responds testily.

“No.”

“ _Liam_.”

Liam tilts his head and blinks. “The longer we argue about this, the longer you have to wait for your shower,” he retorts.

“ _Fine!_ ” Theo narrows his eyes. “The museum tickets are already paid for, so don’t try to get any movement on that.”

Liam shrugs and pulls Theo into a hug. Theo sinks into it. “Go take your shower. I’ll put away the rest of your stuff.”

Theo nods, their beards rasping together. “Yeah, all right,” he mumbles. ”I’m sorry for raising my voice, Liam,” he adds, arms tightening around Liam.

It’s a couple of minutes before they disentangle.

*

It feels like one of the best showers Liam has ever taken in his whole life. Mostly because he feels so gross. And the water pressure is incredible and the green tea bar soap provided by the hotel thoroughly cleans away all of the sunscreen and beach grime.

He uses Theo’s things for his hair and beard, which manage to restore them back to health after all the salt water and sand and sun.

He washes and dries himself thoroughly before putting on some lotion, deodorant, and beard balm, and then joins Theo in the room.

He notes that Theo is dressed for outside. He drops the towel and then rummages in the drawer for some clothes. He waffles about for a bit before finally picking the short-sleeved henley, the gray joggers, and the pastel-pink-and-green striped briefs with white piping and a white waistband. 

As he’s pulling on his briefs he glances at Theo who, for some reason, is sitting stiffly and a little awkwardly on the side of his bed and studiously facing the windows. He notices Theo’s ear tips are pink and wonders if it might be sunburn.

He pulls on the rest of his clothes.

He goes back to the bathroom for a dollop of lotion, and then walks over to the window and pulls up a chair to sit in front of Theo. He spreads the lotion around his fingers and massages it gently on Theo’s ears and cheeks. Now that he’s up close, he notices Theo's quick breathing as well.

“You’re a little red here,” he says. “I’m sorry if I didn’t put enough sunscreen on you earlier.”

Theo’s throat works and he leans into Liam’s hands. “I don’t think it’s sunburn. It’s just a little hot in here.”

All the lotion has been worked in. Liam finds he wants to keep his hands on Theo’s face even if there’s no longer any excuse for it, his thumbs stroking slowly along Theo’s beard. “Yeah,” he nods, “the heatwave.”

“Sure. The heatwave.” Theo licks his lips and he looks a little shy somehow.

Liam feels so close to him. Theo's face is warm in his hands, his beard soft where Liam keeps stroking. He can smell Theo's lip balm, and for some reason an intrusive thought insists that, yes, he remembers the taste of it.

There’s such a strong pull in his heart but he doesn’t know what to do. 

“Theo—”

“Are you hungry?” Theo asks suddenly.

“What?” Liam hangs back, pulling his hands away from Theo and curving them over his knees as he leans back on the chair. He’s not really sure why, but he feels disappointed the way he does when he plays lacrosse and fumbles a catch.

“It’s a little late for lunch and too early for dinner, but if you’re hungry…”

Liam gives it some thought. “No, I can wait until dinner.”

Theo smiles. “All right,” he says, “Put on your shoes. I’m taking you somewhere.”

*

Theo uses Liam’s phone to call a Lyft and tells him not to peek at their destination.

It’s such a ridiculously short drive that Liam wonders aloud why they took a car in the first place.

“Trust me,” Theo says, “We’re gonna be doing a lot of walking while we’re here.”

The car pulls into a narrow street and stops in front of a white building with large double doors and panel windows.

“Come on,” Theo says as he leads them around the corner to the side of the building where there seems to be another entrance.

Liam follows him inside to what looks like a warehouse store of—

“Take your pick.”

Hoodies.

Everywhere.

There’s some other clothes, too, but Liam is drawn to the piles of premium heavyweight hoodies that Theo tends to wear and Liam often borrows.

He recognizes now the triangle logo and the American Giant brand name.

Liam is beaming with excitement. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah, Liam,” Theo says, smiling. “Anything you want.”

Liam is so excited he’s a little overwhelmed at first. The worker tries to help but Theo does his thing again and the dude ends up leaving Liam alone to stand closer than strictly appropriate to soak up Theo’s charms.

Liam overhears some of their small talk. The guy introduces himself as Dalton.

Liam looks surreptitiously over and watches Dalton ask Theo if he likes IPAs. Theo does his boyish aww-shucks act and says he’s not twenty-one yet. Dalton’s jaw drops and he says, “Oh, wow,” kind of reverently, Liam thinks, but he seems undeterred.

Good for him. Shoot your shot, bro.

He hears Theo excuse himself as Liam is trying on a large dark red hoodie. He zips it up and presents himself to Theo. “What do you think?” It fits all right. And it’s hella soft and comfy.

“Too big,” Theo says, pulling out a medium one in the same color.

Liam tries it on. It’s snug but still soft and comfortable. He turns to look at himself in the mirror, and, whoa. Yeah, okay. Those are his muscles. All right, then.

“This one or the dark green?” he asks Theo.

“This one. It brings out your eyes.”

Liam feels his ears get hot. “Are you getting one?”

“Uh, yeah,” Theo says, and walks over to the midweight pile. He grabs one in teal.

Liam gets an idea. “Put it on.”

Theo tries it on and zips it up. He looks so good that Dalton feels the need to call out, “Nice.”

Liam wrangles Theo into a one-armed hug and positions them for a selfie.

His heart stutters when Theo, hands stuffed in the hoodie’s front pockets, tilts his head, leaning it on Liam’s, and smiles sweetly at the camera.

Liam takes a burst shot just to be absolutely sure he captures the moment perfectly and in several frames.

They take off their hoodies and Theo goes up to pay for them.

Liam busies himself with choosing the best photo to upload to Instagram. He captions it, _Hoodie buddies!_ adding the location and tagging American Giant in the post.

He gives Theo and Dalton a cursory glance. They’re still flirting, Dalton seeming to melt every time Theo says his name like it’s something delectable.

Liam thinks maybe it’s different from earlier with Angelique. He knows now that Theo likes guys. He doesn’t know if Theo has a type, but this one is kind of good looking, Liam supposes, so Theo could be receptive to that.

He turns around and moves a bit farther away to give them some privacy while they flirt.

After a few minutes, a message comes in from his mom asking for a copy of the hoodie picture as well. Liam sends her the original.

He hears Theo approaching him from behind.

“Hey. What’s up?”

Liam feels caught for some reason, but tells himself not to feel bad about it. “Nothing, just hanging out,” he says casually.

A look crosses Theo’s face. “All right,” he says. “I was thinking we go back to the hotel, take a little break, and then go to dinner?”

“Sounds good. Here, lemme carry that.”

This time they walk back to the hotel. It’s pleasant enough, if a little loud. Liam supposes that’s to be expected of downtown San Francisco.

He’s putting away their hoodies in their hotel room’s dresser when he notices a string of numbers written in blue ink on the receipt, signed _-D_.

Oh.

He folds up the shopping bag and puts it on the table, and then walks over to where Theo is pulling off his shoes.

“I thought you might want this,” he says, offering the receipt face up.

“No. I mean, I don’t think we’re going to be returning anything anyway,” Theo says dismissively.

Liam shuffles in place. “There’s a thing for you on the back.”

Theo takes the receipt and turns it over. The look he gives Liam is inscrutable. Liam hates the way Theo looks at the phone number for several moments before folding the receipt and putting it in the front right pocket of his jeans.

He whirls around toward his side of the room. He wonders whether his footfalls have always been so heavy or if the flooring just sucks. He pulls off his shirt roughly, hears a short rip. He guesses his shirt’s stitching sucks, too. God, what is wrong with everything? He kicks off his joggers and changes into his jersey shorts. When he dives into the bed the headboard bangs loudly against the wall.

“You all right?” Theo asks.

“Yes,” Liam grumps, not bothering to look over at Theo.

They agree to head out in maybe an hour and a half. He sets an alarm on his phone.

He feels despondent, probably from exhaustion. And irritated, so maybe he’s hungry after all. He decides to use the time to take a nap, but he can’t seem to get comfortable.

He gets up and fills a glass with water. He takes it to Theo where he’s sitting up in bed and smiling as he taps away on his phone, and leaves it on the bedside table. He tries not to look at Theo’s phone screen to see whether he’s texting anyone. Not that it matters if he is, or that it’s any of Liam’s business. “Theo? Is there anything I can get for you before I take a nap?”

Theo glances up at him, catching him sneaking a look at his phone. Liam cringes inwardly but Theo probably notices anyway. And then Theo puts his phone down slowly on the bed, screen facing upward and showing a draft of what looks like work-related email. He looks at Liam and smiles softly, and it helps lift Liam’s heavy mood. “I’m all right, Liam. Thank you for the water.”

“Okay,” Liam says, and returns to his bed.

His nap comes. Eventually.

*

Liam beats his alarm to it.

He always does nowadays. His discipline has improved all around just from being in the halo of Theo’s routines. Theo who considers waking up 5:45 AM as sleeping in, and has breakfast all the time, and never leaves chores undone, and works out regularly, and likes to read after dinner, and checks in with Liam throughout the day, and visits Liam’s parents a couple of weekend days a month.

More than the improved discipline, Liam finds that he can’t wait to wake up. His life now is so full and so, so good that he hurries to get back to it.

Time seems to dilate when he’s with Theo. They live weeks’ worth of life in a matter of days. The months they’ve been friends seem like years.

Even breakfast this morning seems like a memory from a long time ago. The two of them at play on the rooftop deck—just another moment in the thousands they’ve had together somehow, thousands of moments measured against the mere handfuls of months they’ve been friends.

That Theo was at one point a stranger—worse, an enemy and a danger to everyone—seems unthinkable now that he’s just as much a part of Liam’s heart as his dearest family and friends.

Is it really that easy?

 _Yes_ , Scott would say.

Scott who chooses to do the right thing even if it’s the hard thing; who assembles strays and names them pack, villains as allies, just by choosing to; who trusts Liam to be alpha in his absence, just like that. _It’s that easy, Liam._

He opens his eyes and looks at Theo now, leaning back on a chair, feet up on the windowsill, looking out into the view of Union Square.

He is too far.

“ _Theo._ ”

“Hey.”

Liam’s heart aches at the warm smile Theo always has for him, as if just the sight of Liam is all it takes.

He scoots back on the bed and taps the space next to him. “Saved you a spot.” He smiles hopefully.

Theo walks over and slips between the sheets, lying on his side to face Liam.

“How much time do we have?” Liam asks.

“As much as you want,” Theo says easily.

Liam’s fingers tingle with an itch. He tucks both of his hands under the pillow, away from Theo. “Did you take a nap, too?”

“No.”

Liam’s curiosity gets the better of him. “Did you watch me?”

Theo hesitates. “A little,” he admits shyly.

It makes Liam smile. “You’re a sweet guy, Theo.”

And he is. Anyone would be lucky to have Theo in their life. Liam should know.

Liam’s phone goes off. He leans back and grabs it, dismissing the alarm. It’s about half past five.

Liam’s eyes tracks the length of Theo’s body lying there beside him. Theo’s elbows are tucked in, his hands curled into loose fists.

He seems so far away.

“Dinner?” Liam makes himself say.

“Sure.”

They get dressed and put their shoes on. Theo waits patiently and watches while Liam folds up his blue bandana into a small square and stuffs it neatly inside his back pocket.

*

Theo uses Liam’s phone again to call for a Lyft.

Liam glimpses the route on the driver’s phone mounted on the dash. It’s a fairly short distance to Fort Mason from the hotel, but the drive takes long because of the afternoon rush hour.

The ride is quiet and uncomfortable on Liam’s part. He feels out of step with Theo, and he spends the entire time looking out the window.

Now and then he thinks he feels Theo’s gaze on him.

A stubborn part of him wants to keep his body and face turned away. But there’s a much larger part that cares about Theo and would never leave him hanging.

He turns toward Theo, and sure enough Theo is looking right at him.

“Everything okay?“ Theo asks.

Liam smiles and squeezes Theo’s hand. It’s not the answer to the question, but it’s the only honest one Liam can give.

They’re driving through some green space heading north toward the water and approaching some white structures with orange roofs.

“Over here is fine,” Theo tells the driver.

They stop in front of a parking lot set up with string lights and tables and a crowd of people and—

Liam’s head whips around and he beams at Theo. “Food trucks!” Before he could think about it, he grabs Theo by the wrist and drags him along as he power walks into the thick of it.

Theo’s happy laughter turns Liam’s mood around. “I thought you might like it.”

“Yes, dude, oh my god,” Liam says in awe as he turns in place to survey all the different trucks and stalls. He stops in front of Theo and puts both of his hands on his shoulders. “We’re going to eat everything,” he says seriously.

Theo laughs again and Liam feels that strange sensation in his chest again like something is pulling at his heart.

Liam takes out his phone and sends Theo a hundred bucks through the Cash app. “Okay, I think the most efficient way to start would be split up for now and just get a bunch of stuff. And we can find a spot somewhere to sit.”

Theo laughs at him indulgently, but Liam is 100% on-mission. He looks into Theo’s eyes and says very firmly, “Get. Delicious. Things.”

Theo is about to head in the opposite direction as Liam when Liam pulls him by the shoulder. “Wait,” he says, positioning his phone to take a bunch of selfies with the trucks and the crowd in the background.

“Go.”

Liam takes a ton of pictures while waiting in line. He takes pictures of Theo waiting in line, of all the different trucks, of other people’s food, of the Off the Grid signages, the string lights lit up gold against the blue summer evening sky.

They meet in the middle, arms full of food. It doesn’t take very long to find a spot to eat. Everybody seems super friendly and they’re happy to make room on the tables and benches for everyone else.

“I’m gonna go get us some drinks,” Theo says. “Just water, right?”

“Yeah, just water,” Liam smiles up at him. “Thank you, Theo.”

Liam takes photos of their smorgasbord. He takes photos of Theo when he comes back and sits in front of their mountain of food.

They dig in. There are giant empanadas, grilled meats, fried noodles, fusion tacos, tamaki, dumplings, an overloaded monster of a lobster roll.

“Sorry about him,” Theo says to the people they’re sharing the table with as they look on aghast at Liam who’s putting food away like an in-sink garbage disposal.

Liam shrugs. In his defense, he is at least neat when he eats. He keeps his mouth closed when he chews, he keeps his mouth and hands clean with the napkins, he doesn’t talk with his mouth full, and he makes sure there’s no food stuck in his teeth.

He smiles at Theo, cheeks puffed like a chipmunk’s, as he chews on his bite of empanada.

Theo smiles back, soft and fond.

“This is really awesome, Theo. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Liam. Thank you for buying.”

When they finish their meal they clean up their stuff, use the handwashing station, and get in line for dessert at the ice cream truck. They get cups of vanilla soft serve and taiyaki for each of them.

“Okay, these are cute,” Theo says, poking at the fish-shaped waffle diving into his cup of soft serve.

“ _Hella_ cute,” Liam agrees. He takes a selfie of both of them holding their cups.

The crowd has gotten larger and Liam is relieved that they got here just in time to avoid the much longer lines starting to form. They finish eating their soft serve while walking around and browsing the stalls.

“I’m gonna get us some more water,” Theo tells him. “Might be a while, though,” he adds, as he tries looking for the shortest line.

“No worries,” Liam says. He starts posting the pictures to Instagram.

After a few minutes, he looks up to find Theo talking to a handsome Filipino looking guy in tight jeans and an even tighter shirt. They’re both smiling at each other, and Liam recognizes the flirtatious look on Theo’s face, marks the way Theo’s body is tipped forward slightly like he’s sharing a secret with the guy. The guy looks super confident and the same league of good looks as Theo, and for once Theo doesn’t seem to have the upper hand. For once, it’s Theo who’s blushing.

Liam has to make an effort to reign in his senses as he catches himself trying to pitch his hearing in their direction.

He flicks his gaze away just as the guy laughs charmingly and Theo turns even redder as he laughs along. He whirls around toward the water, follows the sound of the Bay which might drown out the sound of everything else, not the least of which is the booming of his heart.

*

It’s chillier closer to the water. Still warm but cool enough to warrant a light sweater to really be comfortable.

Liam can see Alcatraz from here.

“Liam?”

Liam sighs.

“Liam, are you all right?”

Liam turns around to face Theo, looks him up and down, eyes locking on Theo’s wrist. “Yeah.” It comes out harsh, and Liam can feel his own expression hardening.

Theo frowns. “What’s going on with you? You’ve been acting different since the store, and now this.”

“I’m just trying to give you some privacy.”

“What are you talking about?”

“That.” Liam spits out, chin jutting out stiffly toward the phone number scrawled in ink on Theo’s right wrist. He hears the venom in his own voice.

Theo doesn’t bother looking at it. Of course not, he already knows what’s there. He already knows what it means. He bends down and puts the bottles of water he’s holding on the ground.

“I’m not sure what’s going on right now,” Theo hedges.

“I’m just trying to help.”

“With what?”

It’s exactly the wrong thing to say. He knows exactly what. Theo isn’t stupid. Does he think it’s Liam who’s stupid?

Liam’s anger boils over and everything comes out like an accusation.

“You know exactly what.”

“I don't know what—”

“You spend all your time working and hanging out with me.”

"So what?”

“So what the hell for?!” Liam spits out. “And what do you have to show for it? Nothing. You have nothing.”

Theo takes it like a slap in the face. His eyes harden like steel and his jaw flexes in barely restrained rage.

“How could you?” he says, betrayed and hurt. “Liam, how could you say that to me?” His hands are curled into tight fists and his breathing turns harsh. “My life is _not_ nothing. What I have is _not nothing_.”

Liam falters, and his anger turns into something else. A cold weight drops in his chest and his insides turn to ice. He feels the sting of tears begin to prickle in his eyes and it only feeds his mounting frustration. “That’s not what I meant.”

“ _That’s_ what you said.” Theo’s anger is like a thick cloud of miasma, choking Liam’s breath and clouding his vision.

“It’s not what I _meant_.”

“Then what is it? What the fuck are you doing if not shitting on my life?” Theo impales him with a look. “On our friendship?”

Liam begins to panic. He doesn’t know what to say. He can’t arrange his thoughts through the confused storm of his feelings. “Fuck! Theo, that’s not what I’m doing! That’s not what I meant to say! It’s not coming out right!” He’s never felt so frustrated in his whole life. “Why can’t I say anything right?!” he screams into his hands.

“Try.” Theo’s says softly. Liam expects him to sound cold, but instead his voice comes out sad and plaintive.

Liam feels the painful pull of it in his heart. “I’m sick of hearing your fucking songs,” he says, defeated. “I’m sick of seeing you up there looking and sounding so fucking lonely and heartbroken.”

“They’re just songs.”

Liam scowls. “ _No, they’re not_ ,” he says bitterly. “That night in your truck when I listened to your heart, you said that and you _lied_.” His anger builds again, rising up like a dangerous wave. “So what are they? Huh, Theo? What the fuck are they?”

“I get lonely, all right? I get sad and I get lonely and I get my feelings hurt.” Theo seems to rear back like a receding tide. “I have needs and wants, and sometimes I fantasize about things I want but don’t have, and I get caught up in my feelings. Is that what you want to hear?” Theo says harshly, his own wave of anger and embarrassment crashing into Liam. “They’re my feelings, and I’m allowed to have them!”

“I didn’t say you weren’t!”

Theo throws his hands up and yells, “Then what!”

“I don’t know! I don’t fucking know!” Liam yells right back. His tears spill over, and he feels so fucking sad and ashamed.

Theo’s expression softens into concern. He shuffles hesitatingly toward Liam with his hands up like he wants to touch Liam but is afraid to. “Liam—you’re crying. Liam, please,” he says pleadingly, “I’m sorry. Liam, I’m sorry. C’mon, please don’t cry.”

“I’m not fucking crying!” Liam sobs, his vision blurry and his face wet with tears. “I’m fucking angry!”

“What do you want from me? Liam, just say it and I’ll do it.”

“I don’t know!”

Theo stops in front of him and says in a small voice, “Do you want to hit me?”

Liam feels himself crumple in misery, regretting everything that’s happening. “Theo, no! Why would you— _no!_ ”

“It’s okay if you want to,” Theo says softly. Liam watches in horror as Theo closes his eyes and offers a cheek.

Liam’s heart breaks. He throws himself at Theo, crushing him in his arms and sobbing in his neck. “Stop it! Theo, stop! I don’t wanna hit you! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Stop stop stop!”

Theo’s arms come up around Liam, one hand cradling his head, and holds him tight.

Liam’s heart breaks again and again when he hears Theo’s quiet sniffles as he holds Liam in his arms.

“Liam, please,” Theo says brokenly, “Please stop crying.”

Liam feels Theo’s hand slip inside his back pocket and pull out the blue bandana folded there. Theo pulls away and wipes the tears gently from Liam’s face. The sweet gesture and the tears and the look of sadness on Theo’s face that Liam put there just makes Liam cry even more. “Theo, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

The bandana is soaked by the time Liam wrestles back control of himself. Theo pulls away, wiping harshly at his own wet eyes with the back of his hand. He takes one of the bottled waters, uncaps it, and hands it to Liam.

Liam drinks deeply of it. When he can trust his voice again, he says to Theo, “I just want you to be happy.”

Theo passes the bottle cap to Liam. “Liam, if there’s one person who’s brought any kind of happiness to my life, it’s you.”

Liam’s heart twinges with a sharp ache. Now that he’s spent, he can see and feel clearly what he’s meant to say all along.

“You said you get lonely, and I get that. I want you to find someone. I want you to fall in love with someone who has earned your heart. I want you to have your first kiss with a boy who deserves you. You want that, don’t you, Theo?”

Theo looks up, right into Liam’s eyes. “Yes,” he says hoarsely.

Liam turns away and nods to himself, unable to endure the strange way Theo is looking at him, as though he’s at once reaching and stopping himself from reaching. “I want that for you.”

Theo worries at the fabric of Liam’s wrinkled bandana in his hands. “Why is it upsetting you?”

Liam feels his heart breaking again. But, finally, he can be honest.

“Because I don’t know what our friendship will look like when it happens.”

It hangs there in the air between them.

The air seems to thicken into a membrane, blurring the shape of Theo on the other side of it.

Theo keeps his gaze to the ground, looking thoughtful.

Liam tracks Theo’s hand as he pulls the folded up receipt from his front pocket and drops it in the nearby trash can.

He watches with a confusion of feelings as Theo wipes his wrist with Liam’s wet bandana, Liam’s tears smearing away the phone number until all that’s left is a faint smudge.

Theo folds the bandana into a wide strip. The smudge disappears from view as Theo ties the bandana around his wrist to wear as a cuff, biting one end with his teeth and pinching the other with his free hand, and then pulling tightly to secure the knot.

Liam looks up at Theo and sees him clearly, his handsome face and his soft, fond smile.

Theo holds his hand out

“Liam. Come watch the sunset with me.”

*


	7. Chapter 7

*

It’s a long walk, but they make to the tip of Pier 39 just as the sun begins begins its descent toward the horizon.

There’s already a crowd there, but Theo gives zero fucks as he squeezes Liam and him into a spot right on the wooden rail.

“Please excuse us,” he says charmingly, flashing his ridiculous smile, “tight squeeze, huh?” and laughing flirtatiously, “Thanks for letting us share the view; you guys are so amazing. Isn’t San Francisco beautiful?” Sounding so sincere and looking so handsome that the people around them seem almost apologetic to him for daring to get there before he did.

“Bro,” Liam whispers, shaking his head with shock and disappointment at Theo.

“What?” Theo says faux-innocently.

“One of these days, this whole,” Liam gestures toward Theo’s gorgeous face, his perfect hair, his sparkling eyes, his breathtaking smile, his soft beard, his broad chest and shoulders, his strong arms, “is not gonna work. Just wait. It’ll happen. And I’m just gonna laaaugh and laaaaaaugh.”

Theo smirks wickedly. “I wouldn’t hold my breath.”

Liam privately agrees, knowing in his heart that he would give Theo anything and everything to make him happy.

Liam takes a bunch of pictures as the sun sinks lower and lower.

He takes several portraits of Theo limned by the golden light. He’s snapping away on the shutter button when Theo turns to look at him, eyes bright, and smiles so softly and with so much affection that it makes Liam’s heart stop.

It is the most handsome Theo has ever looked.

Liam captures it in several frames.

“Liam. You’re missing the view.”

“I’m really not,” Liam says, eyes fixed on Theo.

Theo chuckles and puts his arm around Liam and turns them so Liam can take selfies of them with the sunset in the background; it takes some finagling with the exposure settings but Liam is a pro at this and gets it right.

Liam pockets his phone. They lean with their forearms on the rail and watch the final moments of the sunset.

As the last of the fading sunlight winks out, Liam glimpses in his periphery his blue bandana around Theo’s wrist.

*

At the hotel room they pull off their shoes and strip out of their pants.

Liam watches Theo carefully undo his bandana cuff and gently put it away with the rest of his things in the drawer.

They brush their teeth together, standing in their shirts and briefs at the tiny sink and stealing looks at each other in the mirror.

“Do you mind if I wash up first?” Theo asks as he finishes.

Liam spits toothpaste into the sink. “Go.”

Theo draws the shower curtain open and turns the water on.

Liam looks away as Theo pulls his shirt off and removes his briefs. He finishes up and rinses his toothbrush.

Once Theo is in the shower, Liam picks up Theo’s dirty clothes and puts them in Theo’s bag.

He uploads his photos to Instagram while he waits.

He changes Theo’s photo on his contact list to the one he took of him bathed in the light of the sunset and smiling at him.

He gets a text from his mom requesting that same picture and their sunset selfie together, and Liam sends them to her.

Mason comments on the picture on Instagram with, _What the fuck, dude. We all know Theo is good looking, but this is just ridiculous_.

Liam knows.

He thinks about replying, but everything he wants to say seems weird or somehow inappropriate.

Theo comes out fresh and smelling like the sweet almond oil of his beard balm.

Liam takes his turn. Theo goes in once Liam is in the shower, and Liam knows it’s to pick up his dirty clothes and put them away just like he did for him, just like they often do for each other. He's not sure how that started, only that it's yet another one of the things they just do.

He washes himself well but quickly and perfunctorily, and the same after when he puts on some lotion and beard balm.

He’s just so fucking ready for bed.

Theo is tidying up around the room, dressed in a clean white shirt and his cotton shorts. He spares Liam a glance and a, “Hey,” before quickly looking away as Liam pulls on a clean shirt and briefs.

Liam fills two glasses of water and leaves one at Theo’s bedside table.

“Thanks, Liam.”

He stands stupidly in the middle of the room, awkwardly holding his glass of water, and looking at Theo lying on the bed.

“Everything okay?” Theo asks him.

“Can I sleep in your bed tonight?” he asks quickly, unable to hold back the blush he feels and there’s no way Theo doesn’t notice.

Theo smiles ruefully at him. “I wanted to offer, but I wasn’t sure if it was going to be welcome.”

Liam shuffles awkwardly in place. “You don’t have to worry about that,” he mumbles shyly.

Theo tilts his head. “Is it okay if I take the left side?” he asks. “I like being by the window.”

Liam nods. He puts his water down and turns off the lamps at the other bed. He pulls his shirt off before slipping under the sheet next to Theo.

They turn on their sides to face each other.

“Why’d you bother putting a shirt on?” Theo asks.

Liam shrugs. “I felt a little exposed without one, I guess.”

“And now?”

Liam thinks about it. “It doesn’t seem to matter so much now.”

“I think I understand,” Theo says. Theo leans over to turn off both the lamps. “Do you want to talk?”

Liam nods. “A little.” He thinks he has an idea of what to say, but he’s nervous about it. He thinks about all the other times when it was easy to talk to Theo.

What’s so different about now?

“Can I touch you?” he asks shakily.

Theo doesn’t answer right away. His face is carefully neutral.

And though Liam senses that Theo is gearing up for something, he sees in his eyes absolute, unconditional trust.

“Yes.”

Liam nervously reaches for Theo’s hand and holds it in both of his. He doesn’t bother disguising his relief, exhaling loudly as his entire body relaxes.

Theo seems amused, like Liam holding his hand isn't quite what he expected but he's happy to indulge him anyway.

“I’m sorry, Theo. About earlier.”

“I know,” Theo says softly. “You meant well.”

“I did. I do.”

“I’m sorry, too. And I know that stuff was hard for you to say.” Theo’s hand closes around Liam’s. “But you were brave.”

How does Theo do that after everything Liam has said to him? How does Theo turn it around and comfort him when he’s the one who said hurtful things, even if it was in anger and confusion? How does he forgive so easily?

“It’s that easy, Liam.”

Liam’s eyes widen in shock as he realizes he’s said everything out loud. Even more that Theo seems to be echoing his thoughts from earlier.

“With you,” Theo continues, “it’s that easy.”

“Theo…”

“What I said to you the other night, when we were in bed at home… Nothing’s going to change that.”

Liam scoots closer until their knees are touching. “Okay,” he says.

“Okay. How do you feel?”

He looks Theo in the eyes. “Anchored.”

*

Liam is so, so warm when he wakes up. And that’s his Theo’s soft beard he feels on his forehead, his Theo’s arms pressed along his back and on his flank, that’s his Theo’s warm smell filling his nose as he nuzzles his neck.

Liam’s own arms are wrapped around Theo, his right arm tucked inside Theo’s shirt and hot against Theo’s back, his left pinned under Theo and curled around his waist.

Theo’s breathing is calm and steady, and Liam realizes he’s still asleep.

It’s not really a surprise. Although Liam has had overwhelming and emotional moments during their friendship, last night may have been Theo’s first. They had an incredibly long and exhausting day. On top of that was the long drive and Theo didn’t even take a nap after the beach.

Then they stayed up a little last night as well, talking. Nothing heavy after they settled the fight, just easy talk about the beach, the food trucks, the pictures Liam took.

Theo asked about some of the ones he remembers Liam taking but doesn’t see on his Instagram. Liam’s mind flashed back to Theo lying back on his towel with his hands behind his head, but all he said to Theo was, “Some are just for me,” and he can’t help the shyness come through in his voice.

Theo’s smile and the playful look Liam saw in his eyes makes him wonder if Theo knows. He probably does. Few things escape his notice.

And after, when they ran out of things to talk about, they just kept staying up to be together in the quiet, stealing looks at each other in the dark as they held hands.

In the end it was Liam who gave in and asked if they could hold each other. They must’ve fallen asleep right after because he doesn’t recall anything else.

Of course, it’s different now in the morning. Yes last night means yes last night.

The friendly touches were Liam’s choice at first to show Theo, not just with words and actions but with physical contact, that Theo has people who care about him, even encouraged Mason and Corey to do the same as long as they were comfortable with it and felt the same about Theo.

Theo is always receptive.

And while he and Liam are increasingly affectionate with each other, Liam has recollections—many frustratingly faint, some embarrassingly clear—of taking liberties with Theo when his instincts overwhelmed him and he lost control.

Theo is always understanding but it still makes Liam burn.

That isn’t the case here. Here and now he’s fully aware. And he and Theo have trust.

He tries to slowly extricate himself, starting with the arm stuffed inside Theo’s shirt. He pulls gently on the hem of Theo’s shirt to cover back up the exposed skin.

He can’t do anything about the arm pinned under Theo but he can at least uncurl it from around Theo’s waist and lay it on the bed.

His head is still on Theo’s bicep but he’s able to pull away from Theo’s neck, and eventually up and away to settle on the pillow.

He gently moves Theo’s hand from his flank and holds it in his own hand in the space between them.

This one is okay, he reasons. Just as Theo did for him when he didn’t want Liam to wake up feeling alone.

Liam closes his eyes and tries to relax. It’s several minutes later when he feels Theo stirring.

“You’re awake,” Theo says sleepily.

When Liam opens his eyes it’s to the sight of Theo smiling at him. “Yeah. Beat you again this time. You’re slipping.” Liam smirks.

“Shut up. I’m on vacation.” Theo nuzzles into his pillow. “What time is it?”

Liam starts to turn away and reach back for his phone at the bedside table.

Theo stops him. “No—no, stay here. I don’t care that much.”

“Probably just after five. It’s not fully dark but the sun isn’t up yet…” Liam trails off. He looks at Theo, with his bedhead and rumpled shirt, his quiet breathing and sleepy eyes.

It’s rare to catch him like this. Liam can count on one hand the number of times they’ve woken up together. They’ve fallen asleep in the same bed, mostly in Liam’s bedroom at his parents’ when they doze off with Netflix in the background, but Theo is almost always wide awake and somewhere else in the house by the time Liam wakes up. And then the one time in Theo’s bed a few days ago.

“I love waking up to you,” Liam confesses before he can catch himself.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Liam wonders if he should feel weird about it.

Liam’s eyes lock on to the movement of Theo’s mouth as his tongue darts out to lick his lips.

“Liam, can I—”

“Yes.”

Theo gives him a look.

Liam tries not to cringe. Well, it’s out there already. He chooses to wait Theo out.

He knows it’s coming. The searching look. Liam drops his gaze and focuses on the hollow of Theo’s throat. He tries not to think about it, whatever it is that Theo looks for when he does that. Liam knows in his heart it’s nothing bad. Theo would never. He wouldn’t.

When Liam looks back up he knows already from Theo’s halfhearted smile that his search has come up empty. He sighs. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel weird,” he says morosely.

Theo shifts in the bed. He slips his hand from where Liam’s is on top of it in the space between them and brings it up to cup the side of Liam’s face and stroke his cheek.“Hey, come on. You didn’t make me feel weird.”

Liam closes his eyes in relief. “I just feel so close to you, Theo. I feel it a lot lately. And I’m trying to be better about asking instead of keeping it inside and driving myself crazy until I have an episode.”

There’s a lump in Liam’s throat but he pushes through it. “And you always say yes, but you—you never ask.” Liam tamps down the fear rising in his chest. He opens his eyes and meets Theo’s gaze full on. “I think sometimes you feel it, too. But you never ask.”

“Liam…”

Liam scoots himself closer to Theo. “Theo, I’m here. I try to show you all the time that my friendship isn’t conditional, but if you need to hear it, I’m saying it now. It’s okay. I promise.”

He knows it’s a lot, and he gives Theo some time. He tries to reign in the instinct to comfort when he sees Theo try to blink his watery eyes clear and fight the twitch threatening to furrow his brow.

Liam is afraid. He allows himself to feel the fear and to draw courage from the desire to overcome it. It’s easier knowing Theo has his back.

They’re both growing up, and time is just going to keep hurtling forward. In six weeks their lives are going to look so different as Liam goes away for school.

In a year’s time, even more.

Liam’s heart breaks at the thought of it, but he knows that Theo trusts him and cares about him. Theo is always there, his answering grip solid every time Liam reaches for him.

If their friendship has any chance of growing through the coming changes, Theo has to know for himself, to see for himself, when he reaches for Liam that Liam will be there with an answering grip just as solid.

Theo takes his hand away from Liam’s face and moves it to grip Liam’s wrist.

It’s awkward from this position, but Liam turns his forearm to grip Theo right back.

“Thank you,” Theo says.

Liam can only nod and give Theo’s forearm a reassuring squeeze.

Theo swallows thickly. “Can I hold you?”

“Yes.”

Liam moves in only when he feels Theo’s arms pull.

“Liam, can you…” Theo takes Liam’s hand and puts it on his waist, slipping it just under his shirt.

“Yes.”

Liam slides his hand up along Theo’s back inside Theo’s shirt.

Theo sighs, his heart racing where Liam can feel it on his face on the pulse points of Theo’s neck.

“Can we stay like this for a while?”

“Yes.”

*

They don’t go back to sleep.

Liam thought they might, but instead they spend the next hour cradled in each other’s arms. At some point Liam asks if he could hold Theo, and they switch positions.

They spoon and take turns being the big one and the little one. Liam finds out that Theo prefers to be the little spoon when it’s Theo’s turn to be it and they stay like that.

Theo asks if it’s okay to take his shirt off.

“Yeah, yeah, here,” Liam tells him, both of them sitting up a bit and Liam pulling off Theo’s shirt by the hem.

Liam is momentarily stricken by the sight of Theo shirtless, the light dusting of dark hair on his chest and on his belly, the dark line trailing down below his navel. He restrains himself from running his hands up Theo’s flanks.

When they lie back down, Theo pushes his naked back flush against Liam’s torso and presses Liam’s forearms to his bare chest, and lets out such a sigh that—

Liam flashes back to a moment at the beach.

“ _Oh_ ,” he says in awed realization. “You _like_ my body hair.”

Theo’s ears turn bright red.

“Yeah,” he says, sounding fragile. “Is that okay?”

Liam squeezes Theo tighter against him, puffing his chest against Theo’s back and letting him feel it. He nuzzles his nose in Theo’s hair. “Yeah. Yeah, I like that you like it.”

“ _Liam._ ”

“It’s okay, Theo. It’s okay.”

Theo’s ears stay red for a while.

They settle in. They generate so much heat that they kick the sheets off.

They talk quietly or in whispers, not much of anything. Just how good the moment feels, how Liam’s beard tickles the back of Theo’s neck and his shoulders unless Liam presses his face fully against Theo’s skin. Liam does just that and then blows raspberries, which makes Theo laugh happily.

This is the same as they've always been. Same but different. Like when they wrestle in Liam’s backyard or chase and catch each other. It feels the same as when they play, only different in that Liam feels closer to Theo. It makes something inside his chest yelp and leap for joy.

Eventually, they disentangle to get their day started.

“How do you feel?” Liam asks, leaving a hand on Theo’s waist.

Theo turns around and smiles shyly at him. “Good. Light.”

“That’s good,” Liam says. There’s a persistent thought in the back of Liam’s mind. He doesn’t know what it’ll lead to but he feels compelled to address it. “You’re not uncomfortable with this, right?”

The smile drops from Theo’s face. “Are you?”

“No, Theo, of course not.” Liam tries not to panic. “Please don’t be upset. Please. I just want to take care of you and I want to make sure I’m doing it right.”

Theo’s face is inscrutable at first but he eases up. “Okay.”

“I like us like this.”

“Oh.” Theo blinks. “Me, too,” he says shyly.

Liam grins. “We’re okay?”

“We’re okay, Liam.” Theo’s smile lifts the weight Liam was starting to feel.

“Okay. Good.” Liam exhales loudly in relief. “Feedback is good,” he smiles hopefully at Theo, “I wanna keep getting it right.”

Theo pats him in acknowledgment.

Liam pokes Theo in the chest. “All right. I’m gonna get us some coffee.”

*

The coffee errand is a much needed break for Liam to sort himself out a bit.

Have things with Theo always been this intense?

He loves being with him. He always wants to be with him now. It doesn’t need saying, but he has to start somewhere.

And lately it’s as though they’re always walking along the precipice of a cliff. More and more he feels the danger of it.

But isn’t it Liam who keeps taking them there? Isn’t that Liam’s hand holding Theo’s as they look over the abyss? Isn’t it Liam pointing to the limits of the horizon while they toe the very edge of solid ground?

And always it’s Theo’s restraining hand on his chest, Theo’s firm voice when he says, “ _Liam_ ,” as he keeps them both from falling into the unknown. As he keeps them anchored where it’s safe.

He thinks about the pull in his heart and the closeness he feels to Theo, how it should choke him with its gravity but seems to expand his being instead.

He has never felt like this. He doesn’t think he’s even seen or heard of anything like this.

His childhood friendship with Mason is an incompatible model to compare it to, and none of his friendships now as he grows into manhood even comes close to what he has with Theo.

Liam tries to shake it off. He and Theo are okay, and for now that’ll have to be enough.

He crosses Market to the Peet’s where his mobile order for Theo’s cold brew is waiting, and then takes Stockton toward Sutter to collect his own order from the Starbucks across the street from the hotel.

He is sweating from the heat by the time he makes it back to their room.

And he doesn’t know what the fuck, but at the first sight of Theo—with his shirt back on and making the bed they slept in together—Liam sets down the coffees and pulls him in a tight hug.

He feels instantly better even before Theo reflexively hugs him back.

If there’s anything to say Liam doesn’t know what it is, so he says nothing. He just breathes Theo in, uncaring how obvious he’s being about it so long as he answers to the closeness he craves, of Theo’s warmth, Theo’s solid weight as they hold each other, the puffs of Theo’s breath as he breathes Liam in as well.

He rubs Theo’s back once, twice, and then pulls away, reaching down for Theo’s coffee to hand to him.

He kicks off his shoes while pulling off his shirt, and then he shucks off his pants and falls backward in the unused bed, letting the cool sheets absorb some of his heat. He scratches lazily at his belly, the scrape of his fingernails on the mass of hair there audible in the quiet room. He adjusts himself in his briefs while he’s down there and shifts around on the bed trying to find cooler spots.

“It’s barely past six and it’s already sooo hot,” he whines.

“Cooler than Beacon Hills, though,” Theo says reasonably.

“Yeah, that’s true.” He props himself up on his elbows, sees Theo sitting on the edge of the bed across from him, drinking his iced coffee and just kind of looking at Liam.

Liam sits up, turns around to grab his coffee. It’s cool enough to take long gulps, but it heats him up from the inside.

“How’s your coffee?” Liam asks.

“Delicious. How’s yours?”

“It’s all right,” Liam says, “I prefer when you make it for me at home.”

There is a protracted silence.

“What?” Liam asks.

“Nothing.”

“Feels like something,” Liam hedges. He moves to sit next to Theo.

“Did you ever think we’d end up friends?” Theo asks.

“No,” Liam replies. Friends. “I really didn’t.”

“And now we are.”

“And now we are,” Liam says right back. They’re friends. 

Liam senses the edge of the precipice. Lush summer fields sprawling across the endless horizon, the bright sun lighting everything gold, as beautiful as earthbound heaven, the cool breeze in the air and the warmth of Theo at his side. There’s no danger.

“I can’t imagine not having this with you, Theo. I really can’t.”

*

They take turns using the bathroom.

Liam hears Theo grooming his beard with the trimmer he packed with him, and Liam barges in to a shirtless Theo and asks if he could groom him as well.

“How do you want it?” Theo asks.

“Definitely get rid of the neckbeard,” Liam replies, scratching at the wild tufts of it encroaching down from his jaw toward his Adam’s apple. Just a few more inches and it would connect to the top edge of his thick chest hair. “I didn’t mean to let it get this far.”

Theo chuckles. “Length?”

Liam takes Theo’s hands and puts them on his face. “What do you think?”

Liam’s eyes drift close as Theo runs his fingers through, feels a spike of something low in his belly when Theo grips fistfuls of his beard firmly enough to tug.

“I like it like this.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Liam gasps softly.

“Clean it up a bit but keep the length?”

“Uh huh,” Liam nods, “Theo—please, can I—” his hands hovering toward Theo’s waist.

“Sure, Liam.”

And then warm skin on his fingers and palms. Liam sighs happily.

He lets Theo work. Lets his head be turned wherever and however Theo wants. The touches are gentle. They seem personal instead of disinterested, or maybe it’s Liam who wants them to be.

“Feels nice,” he says. “I could fall asleep like this.”

Theo huffs a little laugh.

There’s the tickle of hair as the tufts of shavings fall on Liam’s chest and collarbone.

And then a pause as Theo changes the guard to a larger one, and runs it through Liam’s beard along the grain. This part goes much more quickly, and Liam finds himself leaning his face forward to chase the contact, close enough to catch the scent of Theo’s lip balm.

Theo puts his hand on Liam’s face before he goes any further and gives it a little pat. “You’re all set.”

Liam blinks himself back to the present. And there’s Theo’s face just a handbreadth away. “Oh,” he says with some disappointment. “Are you sure?” He grabs Theo’s hand and puts it back on his cheek, sighing at the contact. “I don't mind if you double check,” he says, leaning into the warmth of Theo’s touch.

Theo chuckles and turns him toward the mirror. He moves Liam’s head with his hand to show Liam his own neck.

“Is that all right?” He asks.

“Looks good,” Liam says, looking only at Theo’s reflection. “Thanks, Theo.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I’ll clean up here while you shower.”

*

Breakfast is at a tiny cafe with outdoor seating, right on the corner of California and Larkin. They ask for a table outside.

They order a banana soufflé pancake, a crab cake Benedict, and a hearty custom scramble with extra avocado, all to share.

Liam asks their server to take a photo of them. Theo turns toward the server to pose, but Liam reaches for the banana soufflé pancake as the server fiddles with Liam’s phone and frames the picture.

Liam moans around his first taste. It’s warm and fresh and sweet and as fluffy as a cloud. He stabs another piece with his fork and offers it to Theo. “You gotta try this,” he says excitedly, and feels so pleased when Theo leans over to eat the bite right out of Liam’s fork.

“Okay, got it,” the server says.

“Oh! Thank you,” Liam says, having forgotten momentarily about the picture. He gingerly takes his phone back from the server, wondering what it’s going to show, and sees that she’s captured the moment before Theo opens his mouth to eat off Liam’s fork.

The clear light of the summer morning makes everything in the picture pop—the colorful spread of their food piled on midnight blue and teal ceramic plates, the bright red-orange table set against the background of the restaurant’s gray siding with red and black details, the perimeter of brown wooden planters topped with green shrubs separating them from the gray concrete street, the glinting glass window panes.

He and Theo both looking handsome with their freshly groomed facial hair and playfully smiling at each other while Theo leans over the table as Liam holds out the fork.

It’s hella cute, but there’s an air about it of privacy and intimacy that gives Liam pause.

“Theo, is it okay if I post this picture?” He flips the phone around to show Theo.

Theo looks it over. “Sure, Liam,” he says, smiling. “Let’s get a print of it, too.”

Liam nods happily. “Yeah, I’m marking a bunch to get prints of later. Thanks, Theo.”

He can’t come up with a caption, so he just adds the cafe’s location and uploads the photo to Instagram as-is. Liam figures his mom probably set up notifications for his account specifically because she likes the post almost immediately and here comes another request for the original.

“I think my mom is enjoying our trip as much as we are,” Liam says.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. She’s stalking my Instagram and keeps asking for the high-res photos of us.”

“That’s really sweet of her.”

Liam nods in agreement.

Theo nudges Liam’s leg with his from under the table. “You should call her later. Check in. She probably misses you.”

Liam nudges him right back. “I will. Thanks for the reminder.”

Everything is absolutely delicious.

Liam is so happy to be with Theo and sharing a meal with him that it makes every bite that much better. They lean over their cramped little table, their smiling faces less than a couple of feet away from each other, as they grab bites from their different plates.

“All right. Is this enough food?” Theo says, looking pointedly at Liam’s fork.

Liam takes the hint. “Yeah. I’ll just eat slower or whatever,” he says, rolling his eyes.

He doesn’t eat that much slower, but he does stop at some point with plenty of food left for Theo.

And, okay, after Theo eats his fill Liam polishes off the leftovers, too.

*

They take a Lyft to the Japanese Tea Garden with plenty of time before the free admission window closes.

Liam is pretty excited about it. This is one of Theo’s secret items in their itinerary, along with everywhere they’re eating.

They choose a direction to go and just follow the path.

The sense of tranquility insists itself in Liam’s consciousness. Like a gossamer silk screen it drapes over the thick copse of trees and shrubbery, the elevation of piled stones and packed earth. It weaves through the footpaths and hidden nooks, and even seems to suspend time itself.

Everywhere are varying shades of greens, dark wood, stone and moss, here and there the pop of orange and red and yellow from the foliage and the architecture and the koi swimming in the green ponds.

Liam is so engrossed in the dreamlike aura of the place that he doesn’t remember to take pictures until they’re in the thick of the gardens.

They approach the drum bridge, a structure of chunky wooden planks cobbled neatly together like half of a giant wheel curled over a stretch of pond.

Liam positions him and Theo for a selfie with the bridge fully in the background before telling Theo to go ahead and climb. He photographs Theo’s ascent up one steep end, and then Theo at the top and leaning back as he takes in the view, and then on the rail as he looks down at Liam with a smile.

Liam pockets his phone to make the climb and join Theo up there.

Some of the view is obscured by tall trees, but there’s enough to behold much of the rest of the garden around them. There is the temple gate, the orange pagoda, the larger statues and stone lanterns, the thatched roof of the tea house, the winding ponds.

“Have you been here before?” he asks Theo.

Theo shakes his head. “This is my first time.”

“It’s beautiful, Theo. It’s so…”

“Peaceful.”

“Yeah.”

“Like nothing exists outside of it.”

They make their way down and follow the path along the main pond to a stretch of trees along a narrow lane. They come to a bench at the turn in front of a rock garden.

“Let’s sit for a bit,” Liam says, making a spot for Theo on his right. “What do you think these guys are?” He asks, gesturing at the trees.

“Cherry blossoms.”

Liam smiles as a thought comes to him. “Let’s come back next year. When they’re in bloom,” he says hopefully.

Theo looks at him with a rueful smile. “Yeah, maybe.”

Liam bumps him with his shoulder. “What do you mean ‘maybe’?” He asks teasingly.

Theo hesitates. “They bloom for a really short window in spring. You’ll be away at college.”

“Oh.” Liam begins to feel an ache in his chest. The stab of pain that quickly follows is made sharper in contrast to the beauty and tranquility of the garden.

“I’m sorry, Liam,” Theo says, “we don’t have to talk about it.”

Liam feels the distance yawn between them, stretching and expanding ever outward. Two thousand miles.

He feels so fucking sad he could choke.

“Theo, can I hold your hand?” He asks.

Theo slips his hand in Liam’s, warm and solid on Liam’s lap.

“I’ll come home,” Liam says softly. “There’ll be holiday breaks and spring break and summer.”

“You’re gonna have your own life, Liam,” Theo says, trying to sound upbeat but Liam can hear the effort in it. “It’s a good thing. I promise it’s a good thing. You’ll make new friends, you’ll have lacrosse, jobs, internships.” He squeezes Liam’s hand. “You’ll be happy there. You’ll meet…people. Girls,” he finishes softly, hesitatingly.

There’s an abrupt ringing in Liam’s ears.

He feels the sting of sadness in his heart. He shakes his head. “I’ll come home, Theo,” he says stubbornly, keeping his head down and his eyes focused on where Theo is holding is hand.

“I’ll come home to you,” he says again. “And you can come visit me any time. You can bring your work laptop and crash in my dorm. I’ll cook for you on my contraband hotplate and you can supervise so I don’t set the place on fire. We can sneak away at night and shift and run in the fields—”

“Liam…”

“We can rent a car and drive out for hours. We can go to state parks and national parks and we can look for lakes and rivers and go for a swim. We can have another beach day, Theo—”

“Sure, Liam…”

“We’ll look for woods somewhere out of the way. We can find a forest and you could go into full shift and we wouldn’t have to worry about anyone. And I can chase you—”

“You can chase me and try to catch me—”

“I can chase you, Theo, and of course I’ll catch you—I always—”

Liam chokes.

“ _Fuck_.”

He’s crying. He tries not to but he can’t help it.

“Fuck, Theo. _Fuck._ ”

The more he tries to hold back, the quieter and softer he sounds and the sadder he feels. He brushes the back of his free hand harshly over his eyes but his face and Theo’s hand are already wet with his tears.

Then he hears Theo say in a very sad, very quiet voice, “I’m gonna miss you,” and it makes everything so much fucking worse.

“Why the fuck did I choose _Ohio?_ ” he hisses, furious and miserable. “What the _fuck_ was I thinking? I had acceptance letters all over California!”

He doesn’t have an answer that would satisfy. Neither of them do. There’s nothing but the rustle of the leaves in the mild breeze, the faraway tinkling and whistling of wood chimes.

He feels Theo shuffle on the bench.

“Here,” Theo says, holding out Liam’s blue bandana.

Liam’s heart swells at the thought that Theo’s been keeping it in his pocket. He takes it and wipes Theo’s hand before letting go and mopping up his own face. He hands it back to Theo.

He pulls his rucksack to his lap and takes their water canisters out, trying to give Theo his privacy as he dabs at his own face. Liam doesn’t think his heart could take seeing Theo upset like this again. Hearing him is heartbreaking enough.

They sip from their canisters while they try to get it together.

“It’s going to be okay, Liam,” Theo says.

It should be easy to believe. It’s Theo.

The garden’s powerful illusion of being frozen in time and secluded from everything else should’ve made it easier for Liam to believe.

He tries. He doesn’t have any other choice.

*


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Out of an abundance of caution, I would like to briefly mention that some content in this chapter perhaps straddles the line between the M and E rating.

*

They try to lift each other’s moods.

It isn’t easy at first but they make the best of it, each of them eager not to spoil the remaining time they have together.

It helps that they spot a particularly weird looking silver koi which looks vaguely like Stiles.

It’s Theo who notices it first.

“Dude,” he says, patting Liam’s arm to get his attention. He crouches down to where the koi is swimming in place. “Doesn’t this fish look like Stiles?”

Liam crouches next to him and peers at the fish. The resemblance is there but you have to want to see it, and Liam really, really does. “Oh my god, it does,” Liam says.

He takes several pictures of it. He chooses the one that captures the resemblance well and uses a photo editor app to juxtapose it next to a picture of Stiles, highlighting the mouth and darkening the speckle of dots around its face to really drive the point home.

“Send it to the chat,” Theo goads.

Liam does.

There’s the expected indignation from Stiles and the _Fuck you guys_ , but the icing on the cake is when Lydia says, _I see it_.

The chat floods with skull emoji and reacts.

He and Theo are still laughing about it when they end their circuit of the garden and have iced tea and snacks at the tea house.

*

Liam loves it at the De Young Museum.

The grounds are gorgeous. Gardens and palm trees surround the dark building complex whose copper paneled walls are texturized so that it looks dynamic instead of flat. There’s the observation tower, almost statuesque in the way it seems to be caught mid-twist in an abortive helical maneuver.

They view the current exhibits first, one about World War I- and II-era propaganda, a retrospective of a local Bay Area photographer, and a survey of American Precisionism. They save the permanent collections for last. Liam takes notes on his phone of things he’d like to remember and others he’d like to read more about.  
  
They talk in whispers, and Liam is grateful that Theo indulges him as he leads the way, dragging Theo here and there, pointing out this and that.

He notices that Theo seems to prefer viewing the photographs. They linger together in those galleries, Theo taking pleasure in the art, Liam taking pleasure in watching Theo enjoy himself.

At some point when they move from one gallery to the next their knuckles graze. He takes Theo’s hand and simply holds on to it.

Theo doesn’t seem to mind. He even squeezes back now and then.

Liam gets stuck reading a block of text over and over, distracted by Theo’s thumb stroking his hand. He glances down at their hands, then at Theo whose cheeks are a little pink as he stares intensely at the art.

*

The Hamon Observation Tower commands a 360-degree view of the city. And to Liam’s surprise, Theo seems to be more excited about it than he is.

He releases Liam’s hand gently and goes up to the glass wall, wonderstruck and speechless. He walks from one end to the next, pausing now and then to take in the panoramic vista.

Liam follows closely, giving Theo space to be in his moment. There is a look on his face, almost childlike, as his eyes scan the horizon of greenery in the foreground that is Golden Gate Park, the otherwise rigid neighborhood grids and street lines in the middle distance warped by the rolling hills, the blue of the Bay curving between the edge of San Francisco and the Marin Headlands.

“Have you ever seen anything like this?” Theo whispers.

Theo is so close to the glass that Liam can see him reflected clearly in it. The smooth line of his brow, unbothered, his eyes still a little wide with awe, the plush lips of his slightly parted mouth, shiny with moisture, his beard like a brushstroke of dark that brings out the light in his expression. Even his shadow on the wood flooring looks more like reflection.

“Liam?” Theo turns to him, the relaxed stance of his silhouette limned with refracted sunlight.

“No,” Liam says softly, looking at Theo with unwavering eyes, “I’ve never seen anything like it.”

*

After, they look for a shaded spot and rest for a while. There’s some seating around the Music Concourse where Liam lays his head on Theo’s lap and steals a fifteen-minute nap, holding Theo’s hand to his chest, Theo’s thumb stroking the hollow of his throat where his chest chair peeks out of his shirt’s neckline.

Something seems to have given way between them which emboldens Liam to be demonstrative. The affection isn’t really new—not now when they already often are in private, even if they’re sometimes hesitant.

It’s the freedom that’s new.

The carefree way Liam can take Theo’s hand in his own or pull Theo in for a long hug without thinking about anything other than the closeness he feels. The easy way Theo melts into it.

The way Theo seems much, much less restrained to do the same with him, taking initiative now when in the past he’s always waited for Liam to touch him first, only ever touching back.

The way Theo seems to go for it now as an answer to his own impulses and his own wants instead of doing it to attend to Liam’s need for comfort or affection.

Liam wonders if it’s because they’re trying to stock up for when, soon, they won’t see each other for months, let alone touch.

It’s a horrible thought, but whatever the reason, Liam is glad to have this.

He sighs contentedly.

“How was your nap?” Theo asks.

Liam opens his eyes and sits up. “Good.”

“Ready to go?”

“Not yet,” Liam says, shaking his head. “Turn around that way.”

Theo does as told and turns the other way, straddling the bench between his legs.

Liam scoots up and spoons him from the back, wrapping his arms around Theo, holding him up against his chest, and pushing his nose in Theo’s hair. “Is this okay?” he mumbles on the back of Theo’s neck.

“Yeah. It’s nice,” Theo says, his own arms coming to rest on Liam’s. “We should think about lunch, though.”

“Mmkay,” Liam mumbles. Theo’s neck is warm against his mouth and his hair smells sweetly of his pomade.

“Do you want another full meal or something light and refreshing?”

Liam nuzzles in, squeezing Theo tighter. “Something light.”

“Okay, I know a place. Let me know when you want to go.”

Liam takes a big whiff of Theo. “Five more minutes.”

*

When they reach high ground on their way out, Theo stops and turns Liam around.

Liam gasps.

The view encompasses the entire plaza, the fountains, the statues, the trees, with the De Young to the right and the Music Concourse to the left.

From afar, the concourse with its Romanesque architecture is even more majestic than up close.

”Wow…”

”I knew you’d like it.”

The photos he takes don’t do any justice to the spectacular view. His phone camera’s lenses aren’t wide enough. The midday sun’s glare washes out the details and saturates all the color no matter how much Liam fiddles with the exposure settings. All the best angles cast a lens flare.

He takes as many as he wants regardless.

They take the metro heading west. Theo downloads the MUNI app on his phone and purchases their passes there.

He takes them to a cafe and juice bar, and they each order an açaí bowl.

Liam goes ham and orders all of the toppings for his, including bee pollen and maca root powder, because why the hell not. It sounds weird, but he’s here and he’s curious.

It is actually a little weird, but overall his bowl turns out pretty delicious. And the frozen açaí smoothie is refreshing.

It’s an excellent break from the rich foods they’ve been eating as well as a nice way to cool down from the heat.

“How’d you know about all these spots in the city?” Liam asks Theo.

“I asked my colleagues who are based out here.”

“Makes sense,” Liam nods. “Hey, Theo? You have friends, right?”

Theo takes a careful bite of his food. “Sure. Mostly from work, I guess.”

“I remember,” Liam says. “They come over the apartment sometimes.”

“Yeah, I’ve had them over a couple of times.”

“Why don’t you make it a regular thing?” Liam says carefully. “I can help cook.”

“Liam…”

Liam stares into his bowl, pushing its contents around with his spoon. “I just don’t want you to be lonely. When I go.”

“Liam?” Theo says, putting his hand over Liam’s on the table. “My having friends isn't going to stop me from being lonely when you go.”

“I know,” Liam says sadly. “I don’t know why I said that.”

He feels Theo squeeze his hand gently. “You’re looking out for me.”

”I’m in your corner, Theo. I’ll always look out for you.” Liam sighs. “Do you wanna try my bee pollen?”

“Absolutely not.”

*

Liam uploads his photos to Instagram on the car ride up through Golden Gate Park and toward their next stop.

There are lots of comments on their breakfast picture, but he doesn’t bother engaging, not even with Mason's cryptic one which says only, _SIR._ All caps. Period.

They get off at the plaza of the Legion of Honor.

Liam marvels at the large circular fountain. He digs out a couple of coins from his rucksack and hands one to Theo. “Make a wish,” he tells him.

They’re quiet for some moments while they make their wishes.

Liam’s wish comes easily.

He thinks about his parents and Mason. He thinks about Corey and Scott and the pack. He thinks about Theo. He thinks about being all the way in Ohio, away from everyone. He thinks about Beacon Hills calling its monsters home.

He waits for Theo to make his wish before flicking his own coin into the fountain.

“What did you wish for?” Liam asks.

“Same thing I always wish for.”

It should be an innocuous enough response, but something about the way Theo says it, the rueful smile on his face, hits different.

“What about you?” Theo asks.

Liam shrugs, feeling shy for some reason. “For everyone I care about to be safe and happy.”

There is a look on Theo’s face.

“What?” Liam asks.

“Isn’t there anything that you want? For yourself?”

Sure. Everyone does in the long term, don’t they?

But Liam has never been as happy in his life as he’s been these past several months. It’s hard to think of something to want when he seems to keep getting it.

He likes the person he’s growing up to be.

He likes feeling closer to his parents. He likes feeling closer to Theo. He likes that being of service and showing affection to the people he cares about makes him feel fulfilled.

What else is there to want when his heart already feels full?

He turns to Theo and takes in the sight of him. His Theo.

The plaza recedes into a vast nothingness.

All sound dies out except for the steady beating of his heart.

He feels rather than hears the beating of Theo’s.

There is a sun rising and its gravity pulls in the landscape around them, arranging the earth and anchoring the sky.

There is no cliff’s edge.

Just a boundless, infinite field.

“Liam? Isn’t there anything?”

“ _Theo_ ,” Liam says.

The sound of it is the breeze combing through the lush field.

“Nothing I don’t already have.”

*

Much of the museum visit is a blur.

Liam has to be reminded to take pictures, and he tries valiantly to get back into the spirit of it, all the while hyper-aware of Theo.

He snaps photos of the circular fountain, the statues, the bronze cast Rodin sculptures in the palace courtyard, the pyramidal skylight. He frames the stairway, the white pillars, and the palace’s facade in interesting angles. He takes closeups of architectural details.

The interior of white stone and marble and granite makes the place feel almost hallowed. Even some of the domed ceilings are ornate and splendid. Their footsteps and hushed voices echo in the halls and galleries.

They make this circuit same as the De Young, enjoying the current exhibitions first before moving on to the permanent collections.

They spend more time at the mummy exhibit than anywhere else, at first out of morbid fascination, and then for Liam to indulge.

Liam is a little freaked out, honestly. But he marshals all of his werewolf senses and brings them to bear, scrutinizing every single artifact in the room. “Do you feel anything…weird?” he asks Theo.

Theo makes a show of considering it. “No. But that doesn’t mean anything.”

Liam’s eyes widen. “What do you mean?”

Theo shrugs. “I mean…we’ve encountered Navajo skinwalkers, Japanese kitsune, Norse berserkers…” He trails off and simply makes a pointed gesture at the sarcophagus and the array of Egyptian relics in glass cases.

“Theo!” Liam hisses.

Theo shrugs again.

Liam scowls. “Okay. We are getting the fuck out of this gallery,” he says, grabbing Theo by the arm and herding him out. “ _Fuuuck_ this.”

“Wait!” Theo stays, planting his feet.

“What? What!”

Theo looks at him seriously and Liam can’t tell whether or not he’s playacting. “We should take pictures of all the stuff in here.”

Liam blinks at him. “What? Why?”

“Because, Liam,” he says firmly, “If any of this does turn out to be anything, it would be useful to at least have some information.”

Liam’s heart drops. “That’s not funny, Theo.”

Theo raises an eyebrow. “You see anybody laughing?”

Liam frowns. “I hate that I can’t tell if you’re joking right now.”

Finally, finally Theo takes pity on him. Liam is relieved at Theo’s smile and to feel Theo’s reassuring hand on his shoulder, which Theo then ruins by saying, “I’m only half joking.”

“Oh my god.” Liam chokes. "Why are you like this?!"

“Seriously, it wouldn’t hurt. Best case scenario, you have some great pictures of some really cool stuff. Worst—”

Liam holds his hand up to interrupt. “Do _not_ say the worst case scenario out loud. Please,” he begs. “I’ll take the damn pictures.”

It ends up being really nice, and Liam takes pictures of every detail of the pieces and the accompanying text annotation.

They hang out in the gallery for much longer than Liam initially thought they would.

It 100% has to do with Theo spending the entire time with his hand on Liam’s back, sometimes rubbing up and down along it, other times stroking slowly with his thumb.

*

Liam tattles on Theo in the pack’s Slack channel.

He tells them if anything supernatural happens involving anything Egyptian that it’s Theo’s fault because he jinxed it, and then pastes the link to his Instagram post of the mummy exhibit.

_Theo. Bro. Why would you do that?_

_THEO CAN YOU FUCKING_ **_DON’T_ **

_That scarab amulet with the red and green jewels looks super cursed._

_GET OUT OF THERE AND DON’T BRING ANY OF THAT SHIT HOME WITH YOU OMG_

_Is that a sarcophagus? WHY?!_

_Might as well get started on learning hieroglyphics. It was on my list anyway._

_Thanks, I hate it._

Theo just sends a shrugging emoji, a YouTube link to the scene in _The Office_ where Kevin freaks out about mummies in museums, and a screenshot of Ja Rule’s tweet about the Fyre Fest documentaries.

When Liam looks up from his phone he sees Theo with a happy smile and laughter in his eyes as he reads everybody’s reactions.

There’s a bittersweet ache in Liam’s heart seeing Theo playing around with the pack. Isn’t that what Theo has always wanted? A pack. Friends. People to belong with.

“We should invite them over sometime,” Liam blurts.

“What?”

He feels himself blushing. “The pack, I mean. They’ve never been to the apartment, except for Mason and Corey. We should invite them over.”

“‘ _We’_ should?”

He winces and blushes even harder. “Fuck—sorry—I meant _you_ should invite them over,” he hurries to add, feeling like a complete idiot.

Theo’s expression goes soft and Liam’s heart flutters at Theo’s fond smile.

“Hey, hey…” Theo says soothingly, reaching up to cup Liam’s face and stroke his cheek with his thumb. “I’m just teasing.”

Liam leans into it.

“You got it right the first time,” Theo says, “All right? We’ll invite them over.”

Liam nods. He thinks he understands. Maybe not everything that’s happening and not everything that isn’t being said.

But enough to know it’s all right.

*

They take a car ride back downtown to the Yerba Buena Gardens.

It’s a beautiful fusion of green space and concrete, lush foliage and bright splashes of colorful flowers softening the aggressive brutalist architecture. Liam wonders that he’s never gone during his previous trips to San Francisco, especially when he’s visited SFMoMa which is just across the street.

They duck under the curtain of water cascading from an elevated mirror pool into the Martin Luther King, Jr. Memorial. Liam reads all of the text etched on the glass panes, pores over the non-English ones even though he doesn’t understand them.

He takes pictures of the view from behind the curtain of water, including one of Theo looking solemn as he holds his hands out to the glittering fountain stream and lets the rush of clear water wash them clean.

They take the walkway up to the where the mirror pool is. It’s an elevated promenade with an excellent view of the gardens, the red brick structure of St. Patrick Church across the street, the modern cool facade of the SFMoMa.

There are benches and planters full of flowers and shrubbery.

Liam takes photos of Theo plopped on a bench, arms on the backrest as he takes in the view.

It’s as good a time as any to FaceTime his mom. The call connects and her face buffers into focus.

_“Hi, sweetie!”_

Liam smiles into the camera. “Hi, Mom. I’m just calling to check in. How are you and dad?”

_“Good! Same as usual. You boys seem like you’re having a good time.”_

“Yeah. I love it here.”

_“Where’s Theo?”_

Liam flips the camera and aims it to where Theo is sitting. “He’s right over there,” Liam says. “Theo! Say hi to my mom!”

Theo gives a smile and a short wave of his hand, calling out, “Hi.”

Liam flips the camera back.

_“He looks good! You both do.”_

“Thanks. Oh, and I couldn’t get him to split the cost of the hotel, but he budged on the food and transportation.” Liam shrugs.

_“That’s something at least.”_

“Yeah. All right, Mom, I’m gonna let you go. I just wanted to say hi.”

_“All right, Liam. Hey.”_

“Yeah?”

She looks sternly into the camera. _“Be. Safe.”_

Liam furrows his brow. “Mom, we’re not doing anything crazy. We’re just sightseeing. And anyway, Theo wouldn’t get me in any trouble.”

Her face seems to contort into a look of confusion. _“Okay…but you know what I’m saying, right? You know what I mean when I say I want you to be safe?”_

“I guess? Look both ways before crossing the street? Watch out for dirty needles?”

 _“What?_ ” she says confusedly. She seems to be waiting for Liam to elucidate, but Liam doesn’t know what. _“You know what—just keep it in mind, all right? Be safe. I love you.”_

“I love you, too. Bye.”

Liam disconnects. He walks over to Theo and joins him on the bench.

“How’s your mom?” Theo asks.

“She’s good. Overly protective, as usual.”

“What do you mean?”

Liam looks out into the distance. There’s the Metreon looming to the left like a steel colossus, the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts to the right, the gardens in front of them, and the buildings beyond rising up like a terrace of concrete and glass.

Here, with Theo, is like a private enclosure, a little patch of quiet in the heart of downtown.

“I dunno,” Liam says. “Every time I leave the house she keeps telling me to ‘be safe’ like I’m about to do something _unsafe_. And it’s not like I’m doing anything. Most of the time I’m with you.”

Liam turns to Theo who’s just being quiet. He marks the pink in Theo’s cheeks and his face turned pointedly away from Liam.

“What?” Liam asks.

“Moms, I guess,” Theo says, shrugging.

Liam thinks maybe it sounds a little evasive. He senses the edges of…something, but leaves it at that. “Yeah. Moms.” He puts his arm around Theo and pulls him closer to his side. “C’mere.”

Theo shuffles closer.

Liam pulls out his camera and frames them for a selfie. Theo’s smile is soft and gentle.

Liam takes a bunch of shots.

*

They stay there a while.

Liam takes several pictures of the views, the flowers, the sculptures and art scattered throughout the lane, and uploads them to Instagram.

Theo gets them a couple of cold drinks from the nearby tea lounge.

At some point Theo lays on the bench with his head on Liam’s lap and holding Liam’s hand to his chest. Liam lets him rest his eyes for a few minutes. He toggles his phone’s ring button on so that Theo can hear the shutter go and is at least aware as Liam takes photos of him trying to nap.

When it seems like he’s about to doze off, Liam tells him to get up, and they make their way back to the hotel.

Theo looks absolutely beat by the time they get there.

Liam sits him down on the bed closest to the door and helps him with his shoes. He herds them both to the bathroom so they can brush their teeth.

“How about a nap?”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Theo says, nodding.

“I’m gonna help you with your clothes, okay?”

“Okay.”

Liam unbuttons Theo’s fly and draws the zip down. He pulls Theo’s pants off and moves out of the way as Theo steps out of them. There is a light sheen of sweat on Theo’s thighs.

Liam’s hands linger on the hem of Theo’s shirt. “Shirt off?” He asks.

“Okay.”

Theo lifts his arms as Liam pulls his shirt off.

Liam’s eyes rove up Theo’s ripped torso, his buff arms, the hollow of his armpits and the damp hair there. There’s the masculine smell of Theo’s sweat and his deodorant blooming in the air around him.

Liam can’t help the feeling of heat pooling low in his belly, or the nervousness now that he recognizes it for what it is.

There’s the pull in his heart and the tightening in his briefs that he now knows he’s always managed to ignore before. He steps back and says, “You’re all set,” mouth dry and heart racing.

He doesn’t pat Theo’s naked chest although he wants to, knows that he would’ve given in to the impulse before when he still didn’t know what motivated it. But now he does. He knows.

He thinks about this morning’s coffee run, the attempt to make sense of things, and realizes now, too, what Theo meant every time he has said Liam’s name in that firm voice.

“Thanks, Liam,” Theo says tiredly. He makes his way to the window side of the bed.

Liam helps him pull back the thick comforter and fold it up at the foot of the bed, leaving only the thin top sheet which Theo slides in under.

“Everything okay?” Theo asks.

Liam swallows thickly. “Yeah. Yeah, just gimme a minute.” Liam collects Theo’s clothes and folds them up on the table before escaping to the bathroom to sort himself out.

He turns on the sink faucet and splashes some water on his face.

It’s a couple of minutes before he calms down enough to go back out into the room without feeling and looking so obviously inappropriate.

He’s sitting on the other bed pulling his shoes off and trying to keep his eyes away from the toned muscles of Theo’s naked back and the dip of his spine when Theo turns around to look at him.

“What are you doing all the way over there?” Theo asks softly.

Liam feels caught but tries to act casual about it. “Nothing!” he says a little too defensively, “Just getting ready for a nap.” He quickly pulls off his shirt and shimmies out of his pants just for something to do while he tries not to freak out.

He feels so stupid because now he’s just sitting in his briefs and totally exposed in front of Theo. He busies himself with shoving the thick comforter off to the foot of the bed.

“Oh.”

Liam’s head whips around toward Theo. He catches Theo’s furrowed brow before his face closes off and smoothes out into a neutral expression.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Theo says, turning back around in his own bed toward the window and away from Liam.

Theo’s shoulders and back look stiff and tense. Liam notices Theo’s flexed forearm, the folds of the sheets pulled up taut, and knows that Theo’s fist is curled tightly around it.

Jesus, Liam feels like he just keeps fucking up.

This is stupid.

The bed dips as Liam slips in under the sheet right behind Theo. He reaches over and pulls Theo to him until he feels the heat of Theo’s back on his bare chest.

“You don’t have to,” Theo says hesitantly, “If you don’t want.”

Liam nuzzles the back of Theo’s neck. “Hey,” he says softly. “I want to, Theo. I’m sorry I was being dumb. I want to.”

He tries not to think of anything else. Eventually he dozes off. They both do.

*

Liam wakes up before Theo.

He feels well rested. There’s a golden quality to the sunlight that suggests it’s late in the afternoon.

They’ve shifted a little in their sleep, and Liam rights them until he’s spooning Theo again, carefully so as not to wake him up.

He lets his thumb stroke Theo’s chest.

This is allowed, isn’t it? It’s just that earlier Theo seemed to be expecting it, so that makes it okay, doesn’t it?

Liam noses Theo’s hair and breathes him in. He lets his lips graze the skin of Theo’s neck, nothing more.

To do more would be taking advantage when Theo hasn’t asked.

But now that Liam knows, he wants. God, he wants _so much_ , if only Theo felt the same maybe he would _ask_ and it would be okay.

But this, this is okay, too. This kind of closeness is okay. It’s not a new thing between them, so Liam’s not taking advantage.

Then why does it still feel like a betrayal of Theo’s trust? To want this and have this and enjoy this in a different way now than when he did before?

Because now he knows, and that difference is _all_ the difference.

“I can hear you thinking,” Theo mumbles.

Liam’s eyes fly open. “Theo—I wasn’t—I was just—”

Theo turns around in his arms. “You were just what?”

“Nothing!” Liam says hurriedly.

Theo frowns a little. “I’m sorry, Liam,” he says, sounding distant as he scoots back a few inches. “Am I making you feel uncomfortable?”

“Theo, no,” Liam inches forward until he’s closed the distance between them. His runs his hand soothingly up and down Theo’s flank. “You’re not. You don’t. Okay? I promise.”

“Okay.”

They’re quiet for a while. Liam continues to stroke Theo, finds that it’s soothing to him as well.

“I know it’s only been a couple of days,” Liam says after a while, “But it feels a little weird being away from home.”

“How so?” Theo asks carefully.

“I’m having a really great time with you here, don’t get me wrong. But I kinda miss our routine. You know?”

“Yeah. But, like you said, we’ve only been here two days.”

Liam exhales a loud breath. “It feels like we’ve been here a week.”

“I know what you mean.”

“Time always slows down when I’m with you,” Liam confesses helplessly.

He slows the drag of his hand up on Theo’s flank, licking his lips as he feels for the curves of Theo’s muscles.

There’s a look on Theo’s face, like he’s trying to work up to something. “Liam?” he asks.

“Yeah?”

“Is it okay if I touch you, too?”

Liam swallows thickly. “Yeah,” he says, blushing. “Where, um—” He twists a little bit, lying on his back rather than on his side.

His left arm that’s pinned under Theo moves as well to pull Theo with him until Theo is nestled on his side, his face on the nook of Liam’s shoulder and chest, Theo’s shoulder tucked under Liam’s armpit.

He puts his right arm up and his hand on the back of his head.

“Here—is this—okay?” Liam looks down and sees himself laid out for Theo. “You can—um, you know—anywhere you want,” he gasps out.

Theo’s beard tickles a little as he chuckles at Liam. “You crack me up sometimes,” he says, placing his hand on Liam’s belly, sliding it up his chest, down his flank, back up toward his tricep.

And Theo just…keeps petting him everywhere and playing with his body hair.

Liam feels his face burn and his body get hot all over as Theo touches even his armpit, where he’s a little damp with sweat, and plays with the dense thatch of hair there.

“Is this okay?” Theo asks shyly.

“Yeah, yeah,” Liam breathes shakily. “I like it,” he adds in a whisper, feeling just as shy.

Liam’s body immediately responds to Theo, but he’s tucked pretty well in his briefs and they keep him fairly subdued. Even when his bulge starts to look obvious as he increasingly chubs up, it’s just as easy to fold a leg up so that the drape of the sheet obscures it from view.

He puts that on the back burner, tries valiantly to tune out the riot in his body and focus instead on the warmth in his heart.

This is for Theo.

Liam takes careful, even breaths and tries to relax into normal.

And the thing is…it _is_ sort of normal.

Now that they’re settled, breathing easy and comfortable in each other’s arms, it feels as normal as they’ve always been together.

Liam doesn’t know what he’s been worried about, because this is how they’ve been for a while. This is how they are together.

This is what their friendship looks like. It’s more intimate now, sure, but they’ve been growing closer in the last week.

And it was just this morning that Liam told Theo that his friendship isn’t conditional. That it’s okay to want this, it’s okay to ask Liam for this. It’s okay. Theo can have it. Liam is happy to give it to him.

Liam’s thing is his own thing. Yeah, it’s important.

But Theo is important, too. That has to come first.

Liam nuzzles into Theo’s hair, reveling in the warmth in his heart even as he tries to ignore the heat pooling in his belly.

“Hmm?” Theo asks quietly.

“Nothing. Just happy,” Liam replies with complete honesty.

“Me, too.”

Liam wants to ask Theo if this helps ease the loneliness he admitted to sometimes feeling, if what Liam is giving him is enough to help his heart not hurt so much.

He just tightens his arms around him instead.

*

Liam makes an effort for his body language to look as open as his heart feels so that Theo won’t have any doubts or insecurities that this kind of affection is wanted and that it’s not a hardship that Liam endures for Theo’s sake.

He keeps Theo pulled in close, rubbing small circles with his hand on Theo’s back and side. He sighs contentedly and nuzzles Theo’s hair, giving every indication that he is wanted and welcome.

It’s a while but eventually Theo seems to touch his fill of Liam and his hand settles on Liam’s abs.

It might help ease the tightness in Liam’s briefs a little, at least enough to maybe put his leg down, so he does. The motion dislodges the sheet. He peeks down discreetly. His bulge still looks too large, the pouch of his briefs straining outward. The waistband is pulled out about an inch from his skin and further down toward his crotch.

He can see where the thick mass of his belly hair and his even thicker bush converge.

There’s a large dark wet patch on his briefs where he’s leaked quite a bit, feeling so keyed up at times under Theo’s touch that he felt the muscle down there pulsing with each warm gush of pre. He can feel the sopping wet stickiness around his balls and his chub as the air cools it down.

Never mind. He’s just getting more worked up the more he thinks about it. But it’s too late now. To cover up with the sheet would be to draw attention to his situation.

It’s okay, he reasons. He and Theo are respectful of each other. He knows Theo won’t look. And even if Theo does see it anyway he won’t be weird or rude or hurtful about it.

He thinks about Theo’s promise, knows in his heart that he’ll do the same for him.

It makes him feel safe in his feelings and his body’s response.

If this becomes a thing, they can always talk about it. It may test their friendship, but he’s not worried.

He’s not ashamed or embarrassed about it. His feelings are real. His desire is real. It’s not some casual, fleeting thing he’s getting carried away in just because somebody’s touching him intimately.

His body is getting carried away because it’s Theo.

It’s the feeling in his heart bolstering his body’s reaction to Theo.

There’s the future the think about. Of course there is.

But for now, this is okay.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've kept the rating at M so far, but please let me know if it would be more appropriate to change it to E based on the content of this chapter.


	9. Chapter 9

*

Theo’s phone alarm goes off and he rolls off Liam to dismiss it.

“What time is it?” Liam asks, sitting up.

“Five-thirty,” Theo says, scrolling through his phone. “We have a dinner reservation for seven, so we have time in case we want to wash up.”

Liam peeks down at himself where he’s sticky and chubbed up as much as the constraint of his very obviously soiled briefs allows.

He grunts softly as he flexes that muscle again and squirts out a fresh glob of warm pre.

Jesus.

“Yeah, I’m gonna need to,” he says with a quiet, chagrined laugh before he can stop himself.

Oh. Well.

He turns to Theo who is wide-eyed and blushing and resolutely keeping his gaze above Liam’s neck.

Theo’s nose flares and suddenly he looks like hunted prey.

Liam reaches up and puts his hand on the back of Theo’s neck and starts playing with his hair.

“You okay?” He asks, fairly certain that Theo saw and can smell what Liam has accidentally drawn attention to.

It’s only weird if you make it weird.

“Yeah,” Theo nods jerkily. “Liam, I—”

“It’s okay,” Liam says, smiling shyly. “I’m gonna wash up. You, um, you don’t have to pick up after me this time, okay? I’ll put away my briefs when I finish in the shower.”

Theo looks even redder, and Liam wishes he could do more to ease Theo’s distress.

“I’ll leave the door unlocked if you need anything in the bathroom. Okay?”

“Okay.”

Liam gives Theo’s ear a playful little tug before swinging his legs over the bed and heading for the bathroom to take his shower.

Theo does end up coming in while Liam is in the shower to piss and wash his hands. He leaves Liam’s briefs on the bathroom floor, though it occurs to Liam now he should’ve done something to prevent Theo seeing it in the first place.

After showering and freshening up Liam finds Theo dressed in a shirt and sweatpants, standing by the window and looking out.

Liam pulls on a fresh pair of briefs and goes back to the bathroom to collect his soiled ones and hang up his towel. He comes back out and grabs the rest of his dirty clothes to put in his bag.

“Shower’s free, if you want it,” he says.

Theo doesn’t respond.

Liam walks over to him and touches him gently on the arm. “Theo?”

“Hey,” Theo says, as if just now noticing Liam.

“Hey.” Liam looks searchingly at Theo’s face but it’s carefully blank. He’s never been able to penetrate that look, and he won’t try to now. “Whats up?”

Theo’s closed off expression and the stiff set to his shoulders make him seem so distant. Never mind that he’s close enough for Liam to feel his body heat. Never mind that Liam is right there touching his arm.

“Theo?”

At the sound of his name, Theo’s face falls and he looks so wretched Liam instinctively feels the need to comfort him. He reaches with his other hand and strokes Theo’s cheek.

“Liam, have I crossed a line?” Theo asks finally, sounding miserable and guilty. “Earlier. Did I cross a line?”

What?

Did _Theo_ cross a line? It wasn’t _Theo_ getting all worked up. It wasn’t _Theo_ wanting more. It wasn’t _Theo_ making a mess in his briefs.

“Theo, no,” Liam says pleadingly. “You didn’t. What’re you—”

“I took advantage—”

Liam’s hand tightens on Theo’s arm. “ _Don’t_ ,” he says firmly.

He has a solid grip on his courage and he looks into Theo’s eyes, hoping to convey the truth of what he’s saying. “Theo, whatever awful thing you think you did, I’m telling you right now that is _not_ what happened. _You_ did not do anything wrong.”

Theo looks horrified and says disbelievingly, “Liam, I _saw_ —I could _smell—_ ”

“It’s me,” Liam says. “If there’s anyone here who crossed the line and was taking advantage, it was me.”

“ _What?_ ” Theo hisses angrily. “What are you talking about? I was the one—”

“My body was reacting to you,” Liam states simply, factually. “I was reacting to you.”

The admission shocks Theo into silence. Liam suspects that maybe Theo wasn’t expecting him to be so direct.

“Please, Theo. _Please_ ,” Liam begs, hoping with all his heart for Theo to understand. He always has before, and he hopes he does now.

“I promised you this morning that it’s okay for you to ask, it’s okay for you to want to feel close. I want you to, and I want to feel close to you, too.”

“Liam…”

“I meant what I promised. I’m sorry that I made you feel uncomfortable. But I’m _not_ sorry that we’re close. I’m _not_ sorry that we’re affectionate with each other. And I sure as hell am _not_ sorry that our friendship is special.”

“Our _friendship?_ ” Theo asks in an uncertain tone.

Liam’s heart stops. He feels like the ground is being pulled from under him. Suddenly he feels how naked and exposed he is, standing in his underwear as he falls over a cliff.

He drops his hands from Theo as though burned, and takes a step back.

“W-why are you saying it like that? Theo, what are you saying?” Liam asks. He can hear how small he sounds. Is he wrong? Is this the thing that breaks them after all? “Do you not want to be friends any—”

Liam is pulled into Theo suddenly, crushed against Theo as Theo’s arms wrap tightly around him. Theo’s right arm curls around Liam’s waist, holding him up as his knees threaten to buckle.

Liam melts into it, fisting the back of Theo’s shirt as he hugs him in return. He feels Theo’s left hand cradle the back of his head.

“I meant what I promised, too,” Theo says softly.

Liam tears up from sheer relief. He feels safer now, but still there are doubts and the future to think about.

“I’m worried I’ve scared you off,” Liam mumbles into Theo’s shoulder.

“You haven’t.”

“Are we okay?”

“We’re okay.”

Liam starts breathing easy.

Theo pulls away and looks at Liam’s face. “You’re a mess,” he says fondly.

“A little bit, yeah,” Liam admits.

Theo takes a half-step back and pulls his shirt off. “Here,” he says, offering the shirt.

Liam takes it and mops up his wet face.

”Jesus. How many times am I going to cry on this trip? Aren’t vacations supposed to be relaxing?” He asks not quite rhetorically.

“Tell me about it,” Theo starts. “But I think…”

“What? You think what?”

Theo cocks his head at Liam and raises an eyebrow. “I think we really needed to talk about some of this stuff,” he says archly.

Liam winces, feeling chastised. “Yeah, you’re right.”

The summer after Liam turned eleven he grew five inches and started sprouting hair where there didn’t use to be. His back and shoulders and hips and limbs all thrummed with a persistent ache.

It was incredibly painful and weird.

“Growing pains,” his mom told him. “You’re growing up and your body body is changing.”

“It hurts,” he remembers saying.

“Our relationship is growing up,” he tells Theo now. “Maybe that’s why it’s weird. Why it hurts.”

Liam doesn’t know what else to say. He’s exhausted and spent, the rush of relief feels like a potent tranquilizer flooding his bloodstream.

There’s the guilt, too, that his own stuff caused Theo to feel like the offender.

But Liam refuses to dishonor his feelings for Theo by putting the blame on them. His feelings are real and pure and they lift Liam’s heart. They’re _good_.

It’s his behavior, his reactions he could be more responsible at managing.

He takes a few calming breaths. Theo is right. They should talk about this.

“I’m gonna say some stuff now.”

Theo takes a couple of deep breaths, too. “All right.”

“Does it bother you that I got all worked up?”

Theo frowns. “It bothers me that I was making you feel something you didn’t want or sign up for,” Theo replies, evading the question yet somehow answering to the truth of the matter.

Liam knows it’s been several moments of silence now, but he wants to get this right.

“Liam?” Theo prompts, a little worried.

“Hold on. I’m thinking.”

And he is. It’s a precarious moment. He can’t deny that he didn’t want to feel what Theo’s touches made him feel. And he refuses to do either of them the disrespect of lying.

“Did you mean for me to feel what I did or react how I did?” he asks carefully.

“ _No_ ,” Theo says firmly. “I just wanted to feel close to you.”

“Okay—good!” Liam says with relief, latching on to it like a lifeline. “That’s what I wanted, too. I wanted you to feel close to me. You weren’t taking advantage. Theo, we weren’t doing anything wrong.”

Theo looks confused but also like maybe he’s picking up what Liam is putting down.

“Intention matters,” Liam adds to help things along.

Never mind about Liam’s own desire. Theo doesn’t mean anything by it so he shouldn’t have to feel guilt for the way Liam receives his affection.

He feels a spike of satisfaction, of victory, when he sees Theo seem to accept his reasoning.

But then Theo frowns, and it’s such a sad and fearful look that Liam feels an ache seeing it.

“Liam?” Theo starts, “It may not have been my intention. But the truth is, at some point I did get carried away.”

Oh.

“I mean,” Liam says with a shrug, “I did, too. Obviously.”

Theo’s expression morphs into that of consternation.

Never in Liam’s life did he ever think that seeing that look on Theo’s face directed at him would bring him so much fucking relief.

They’re back on familiar ground.

”How could you be so blasé about this?” Theo asks incredulously.

Liam tips his head defiantly. ”Are you really going to stand there and claim that your body has always just done _what_ you want it to _when_ you want it to? Really? Especially _that part?_ ”

”Fine,” Theo allows begrudgingly.

”Okay, then.”

“So…what? That’s it?”

“I mean. Yeah. That’s it.” Liam shrugs again. He remembers what Theo said to him yesterday. “It’s that easy. If we let it.”

Liam hopes he’s reached him even though Theo doesn’t say anything.

”Theo…more than anything, I want to make it clear that you didn’t do anything wrong.”

Liam waits for a response but nothing comes.

“I’m worried that you don’t want to be close anymore,” Liam admits in a small voice.

Theo takes an abortive step forward. “I do.”

“Thank god,” Liam says, shoulders sagging in relief.

Then there is just silence.

They simply look at each other.

Things seem okay.

Liam knows it would better, though, if they could just touch. He knows Theo will say yes if he asks; he always does.

He’s not testing Theo—god, no. But if Theo were the one to ask now maybe it would be a sign that they haven’t taken two steps back.

Nothing comes.

It’s all right. Liam isn’t discouraged. They can work up to it again.

“I should get dressed,” he says.

“Wait,” Theo says. “Can I?”

Hope blooms in Liam’s heart. He tries not to show it in his face but doesn’t know whether he succeeds. “Yes.”

Theo steps into his space, close enough that their chests graze each other with each rising breath, close enough to have to turn their faces so as not to bump nose to nose. Theo goes in, one arm coming up and over Liam’s shoulder, the other around his waist.

They pull each other in where it’s warm and solid and safe.

“Were you waiting for me?” Theo asks.

“Yeah,” Liam replies. “Is that why you asked? Because you knew I wanted it?”

Theo shakes his head, or maybe he’s nuzzling Liam. Maybe it’s both. “No. I wanted it for myself.”

“Oh. That’s…”

“Yeah.”

*

Later, when they pull away, things feel more or less back to normal.

Theo joins Liam at the dresser and looks through Liam’s things. He pulls out the dark luxury denim and the dressy long-sleeve henley with a Mandarin neck and contrasting inner collar and inner cuffs.

“Could you wear these?” he asks Liam.

“We’re going somewhere nice?” Liam asks excitedly.

“Nice-ish. Is the shirt too warm?”

“No,” Liam says, “I’ve worn it before. It’s pretty lightweight.”

“All right.”

Theo heads to the shower and Liam waits for the sounds of the running water and the shower curtains drawing closed before going in and picking up Theo’s clothes to put away.

He gets dressed, leaving the top button of his shirt undone and shoves up the sleeves to three-quarters length to show the color of the inner cuff.

The clothes fit well. Snug, comfortable, and shows off his body.

He leans against the table and scrolls through his photos, opens up the last one he took of Theo trying to nap on the bench with his head on Liam’s lap and his hands holding Liam’s hand to his chest.

The bathroom door opens.

“Hey,” Liam says, straightening out his clothes. “What do you think?” Liam asks, turning toward Theo.

Theo seems stricken for a moment, pausing before walking right up to Liam. He undoes two more buttons on the henley with just one hand, and then pushes the neck open, dragging his fingers down through the tufts of hair toward Liam’s chest, eyes locked on Liam’s the whole time.

“Thanks,” Liam gasps out, feeling flustered at the attention.

He turns his face away as Theo pulls on his clothes. He sees the flash of skin and clothes in his periphery as Theo gets dressed.

He looks again just as Theo is about to button up his fly.

Before he knows it, Liam is in front of Theo, head bowed, whispering, “Let me,” and gently pushing Theo’s hands aside as he buttons Theo’s fly for him and draws the zipper up.

He straightens out Theo’s shirttails which are cut short to be worn untucked by design.

He steps back and looks Theo up and down, takes in the midnight denim pants, the dove gray short-sleeve shirt lined with navy at the ends of the sleeves and the inside of the collar.

His eyes are drawn to Theo’s waist where the top part of his hot pink briefs are peeking above his pants.

Liam gives in to a mischievous impulse and runs a fingertip across the waistband, pushing the edge of Theo’s shirttails aside.

“ _Liam._ ”

Liam looks up at him. “Are you showing this off on purpose?”

Theo looks caught and a little red in the cheeks. “Yeah,” he admits.

“For who?” Liam presses. “For who, Theo?”

“No one, anyone.”

Liam raises a teasing eyebrow.

“I just like it.”

“Me too,” Liam says with a naughty smirk.

“ _Liam_.”

“Ready to go?” Liam asks, ignoring Theo’s scandalized look.

“Yeah, let’s go.” Theo breathes out. “Brat,” he adds fondly.

*

They’re cutting it kind of close.

Theo says it’s about a half an hour’s walk to the restaurant. Taking a car or BART is out of the question because of rush hour, so they power walk to Market to catch a streetcar heading toward the Embarcadero. Liam takes a picture of the historic green streetcar as it pulls in as well as of the interior as they sit down for their ride.

They arrive with plenty of time to spare.

Theo leads him to the midway point of Pier 7, and Liam gets ready to take pictures of the horizon as they approach the water.

He’s lining up a shot when Theo says, “Wait,” and puts his hands on Liam’s shoulders.

Theo’s smile is like the sun lighting up his handsome face, and Liam lets himself feel the warmth of it. He lets the rush of affection he feels for Theo flood his heart and allows the current to take him.

“Turn around,” Theo says even as he nudges Liam’s shoulders, turning him around slowly and sliding his hands down Liam’s arms to rest on Liam’s waist and hold him there.

Liam’s breath catches in his throat.

The afternoon light is fading and the streetlights have turned on. The view is a splash of color—the darkening blue of the sky and the white brushstrokes of wispy clouds, the silver buildings and their glinting glass, the dark wood of the pier and the black wrought iron details of the benches lined up on the edge, the gold light of the lamps vying for primacy against the haze of the coming twilight.

The Transamerica Pyramid is like a shard stabbing up into the sky, right in the middle of the view. There is the illusion of the pier and the line of equidistant streetlights leading right to it of the vista arranging itself around the structure like a bridge terminating into that singular focal point.

“This is…” Liam says, awestruck.

He feels Theo step in closer until their bodies touch. “Go on. Take your pictures," he says, his voice low, his breath caressing the shell of Liam’s ear.

And so Liam does, leaning back into Theo as easily as anything.

*

The restaurant is super busy.

They check in with the host ten minutes prior to their reservation time but are still told they may have to wait until ten minutes after.

They don’t mind the wait. They hang out by the water right outside the restaurant’s adjacent bar within view of the host.

Liam sidles up to Theo and takes selfies of them.

“If we weren’t, you know,” Liam starts, curling his fingers into claws and baring his teeth, “it might be nice to hang out at the bar and have a drink.”

Theo levels him with an unamused glare. “We’re also not twenty-one.”

Liam waves his hand dismissively. “We could pass. And you have a fake ID.”

“And you?”

Liam shrugs. “I figured you could use your boy-whore powers to smooth things over.”

“My _what?!_ ” Theo hisses, scowling.

“And then maybe do some of this.”

Liam reaches up to undo another button on Theo’s shirt, and then pulls up Theo’s short sleeves another couple of inches to show off even more of his beefy arms. He adjusts Theo’s shirttails and jeans so that more of his briefs peek out as well as just the barest hint of skin.

Liam steps back and looks at his handiwork.

Jesus.

He quickly pulls up his phone and holds down the shutter button to take a series of burst shots before Theo could say anything.

“ _Liam_.”

Liam winces. “Sorry,” he says, abashed. “Sorry.”

“Are you gonna delete those?” Theo asks, frowning.

“Yes,” Liam says honestly. “But if it’s just for me… Theo, can I please keep them?”

Theo’s frown eases up some as he looks at Liam.

“I’ll delete them,” Liam says guiltily. “Sorry. That was—”

“It’s okay, Liam,” Theo says, touching Liam’s wrist. “If it’s just for you, you can keep them.”

“Theo…”

Liam feels himself leaning forward until he’s shocked out of the moment by the host’s interruption.

“Excuse me, gentlemen? If you’d like to come with me it would be my pleasure to escort you to your table.”

Liam frowns as he watches the host give Theo a slow once-over.

“We’ll be right behind you,” Liam tells him directly, holding eye contact until the host gives way and turns around.

Liam immediately buttons up Theo’s shirt, not just the one he undid before but also an extra one on top of that. Then he pulls down Theo’s sleeves and hikes up his jeans.

“If that guy looks at you in _any_ way that you even _vaguely_ feel uncomfortable with, I’ll break his arm,” he tells Theo grumpily.

Theo cocks his head and says in an even voice, “I dunno. I think he’s kinda cute. What do you think, Liam? You think my boy-whore powers will work on him? I think they already have.”

“ _Both_ of his arms,” Liam growls. He grabs Theo’s hand firmly in his, whirling around and stomping away to follow the host. “Come on. I’m getting hangry.”

*

Theo overtakes Liam to go flirt with the host as they’re escorted to their tiny table beneath a huge wall window on the side of the restaurant.

The dude hangs around at their table for longer than necessary, laughing for some reason even though Theo hasn’t told any jokes. Liam rolls his eyes.

There’s a pause in their conversation as Theo licks his lips slowly. The host turns bright red and starts making food recommendations. Theo tilts his head to the side and says, “Everything here looks delicious,” flicking his eyes down to the host’s lips and back up to his eyes.

Finally their server arrives and offers them the menus. The host picks up the wreck of himself to return to his station, but not before Theo says in a warm voice, “Thank you for keeping me company. I enjoyed you.”

“Yes, Sir,” the host replies faintly, and Liam is absolutely certain he doesn’t mean it in a customer-service way. Liam hides behind his menu and snickers.

 _I enjoyed you?_ Liam mouths at Theo. _Really?_

Theo shrugs.

Their server walks them through the beverage offerings, explains about the small plates, and makes it very clear that the paella takes about forty minutes to cook so if they’d like it they should place an order now.

“Yes, definitely,” Liam tells her.

And then they’re left alone for a bit to look at their options.

“Liam,” Theo says just as Liam is about to look at the menu, “I got dinner tonight, okay?”

Liam frowns, “We made a deal, though.”

“Sure,” Theo concedes, “but I want to do this for you and I’m hoping you’ll let me.”

Something about the way Theo says it and the sincere look on his face indicates to Liam that it would be a misstep to argue about it.

“I have a counteroffer,” Liam says.

Theo narrows his eyes suspiciously. “Let’s hear it.”

“Okay, so, it’s tapas here, right? Small plates.”

“Yes…”

“Let’s have second dinner afterward, and I’ll pay for that one.”

Theo blinks. “That’s actually a good idea. Yeah, all right, let’s do that.”

Liam pumps his fist. “Yes! Okay, I already have an idea. Thanks, Theo.”

Theo smiles at him indulgently.

Liam checks on his phone really quickly to see if his idea is viable. It is. Good.

He goes back to the menu.

The restaurant is loud with the cacophony of conversation, the clink and clatter of cutlery and plates, the organized chaos of the open kitchen.

Liam takes a picture of the chef and the cooks busy at work, the bar counter lined with guests in conversation with each other, the thick wooden beams holding up the space, the large wall windows looking out into the pier, and the porcine hides hanging on the wall.

He takes a picture of Theo smiling at him from across the table.

When the server returns they order the specialty drinks. Theo goes for the sparkling lemonade with rosemary and seasonal fruit, and Liam wants to try the weird thing with juniper, lime, and tonic.

“What’s with you and your weird orders? First bee pollen, now juniper.”

Liam shrugs. “I’m trying to widen my horizons. That’s good, right? How do I know what I like until I’ve tried it?”

Theo raises an eyebrow. “I agree with the first half of that.”

Liam thinks it over. “What, you don’t agree that you have to try something before you know whether or not you like it?”

Theo shrugs. He looks down at his menu and says softy to himself, “I think there are some things you already know, without a doubt, that they are it for you, even if you never get to have them. And that there are things that you’re just, by nature, hardwired for, no matter how much you try to go against it.”

“Wait, what?” Liam tries to parse it but he’s baffled.

“Nothing,” Theo says evasively. “I just mean some stuff you know you already like without having to try, but I admire your approach. Really.”

Their drinks arrive and they each try the other’s.

Liam’s weird drink is actually super delicious. Theo even orders one for himself.

*

The food is fabulous.

Some of the standout ones for Liam are the albondigas, the patatas bravas, and the croquetas.

Liam is forced to slow down his usual pace as the food arrives at a staggered pace.

It works out well. He’s able to enjoy each delectable bite, and it gives him and Theo plenty of time in-between for conversation. Though, if Liam is honest, he spends much of it just smiling at Theo. And to his delight, Theo seems to be doing the same.

He asks Theo how his certifications are going, and it gets Theo going. His eyes light up with excitement as he talks about how he now has names and terms and the language to articulate some of the stuff he’s already been doing, the approach he’s already taking, structures and tools and paradigms for the ways in which he does his work and cooperates with his colleagues and delivers results.

He talks about all the cool stuff he’s learning and how it’s going to improve his life, not just at work but in general. The principles are sound no matter the context.

He talks to Liam without any condescension, like they’re professional equals, like Liam knows 100% of the things he’s talking about.

Liam understands what Theo is saying, of course, but for Theo to treat him with so much respect for his own intellect and his own experiences, endears Theo to him even more and lifts him that much higher in his eyes.

Liam asks for definitions when he needs them, and Theo is just as happy to provide them. He doesn’t act or talk to Liam like he’s teaching Liam something he knows, instead it’s like he’s bringing Liam into his world and makes Liam feel like they’re learning together.

Liam’s heart can only take so much, and Theo just keeps on filling and filling and filling it.

Theo stops mid-sentence and a look of concern shadows his face. “Liam? Everything okay?”

“I’m so fucking proud of you, Theo.” He chokes it out through the lump in his throat. His eyes are welling up, and his heart feels so full.

He tries to keep his smile, and it’s a genuine one, but he feels it quake with every word he says.

“When I see you, when I think about you, I’m impressed and amazed by you, of everything you’ve done and everything you’re doing.”

He reaches for Theo’s hand across the table and holds it in both of his.

“I feel so lucky to know the person you are now, and the man you’re becoming. I’m so proud of you.”

Theo’s breathing picks up a bit, and Liam knows because he sees the quick rise and fall of Theo’s chest in his tight shirt. Theo pulls his hand back and steps out of his chair to stand in front of him.

Liam gets up as well. He doesn’t wait for Theo; his hands are on Theo’s waist even as he’s getting up, and by the time he’s standing they’re in full embrace.

“How do you just say those things, Liam?” Theo whispers into his ear. “How?”

“It’s how I feel, Theo,” Liam replies, nuzzling his beard against Theo’s.

Liam sees the server hanging back with a paella pan. He gives her a slight nod.

“Paella’s here.”

Theo pulls away reluctantly. There is a wild, determined look in his eyes that intimidates Liam a bit.

“Fine,” Theo says. He brings a hand up to stroke Liam’s cheek. “Later then. In bed.”

Liam gulps.

“Yeah, okay.”

*

Predictably, they enjoy the paella the most. They don’t even mind the undignified barehanded peeling of piping hot shrimp.

They put away the food quickly. Liam burns his mouth, as usual. And then they take turns using the restroom to relieve themselves and wash their hands.

By the time Liam comes back to the table, Theo is already signing the check.

Liam pulls out his phone.

“Don’t’ call a car yet,” Theo tells him. “I want to show you something.”

Theo leads them out of the restaurant.

“Close your eyes,” Theo says.

Liam does. And then he feels Theo’s hand on his cheek, Theo’s thumb tracing his eyebrow.

“Just like that?” Theo asks.

Liam nods. “You told me to,” he says with a smile.

“You’re something else, Liam,” Theo says softly.

“Theo…”

“I’m gonna walk us back down the pier, okay? Careful with your steps.”

Theo walks on Liam’s right side, his hand on the small of Liam’s back as he guides them both down the stretch of Pier 7.

Liam guesses they’re at about the halfway point when Theo stops them.

“Okay. Look behind me,” Theo says.

Liam opens his eyes.

The western span of the Bay Bridge is all lit up with a curtain of illumination undulating and moving in patterns and waves. The pinpricks of lights are clustered and woven so closely together like giant glittering celestial cape of stars in a dense galaxy whirling in the black void of the night sky. It is easy to imagine music where there is none.

“Whoa.”

Theo comes around to stand behind Liam and puts his arms around Liam’s waist.

“It’s the Bay Lights,” Theo says into his ear. “A light sculpture of thousands of LEDs. They turn it on from dusk til dawn.”

It’s spectacular and Liam is struck with wonder at the sight of it.

He watches for a bit before pulling out his phone to record a short video.

He takes enough pictures to satisfy himself even though he hurries through it, eager to put his phone away and just marvel at the sight.

He rests his forearms over Theo’s.

They enjoy the light show together for a little while longer.

*

Second dinner is at a Korean barbecue place on Geary in the Richmond District.

Liam has been craving meat all week and he really doesn’t want to wait three more days until the 4th of July for his family’s and the pack’s planned barbecues.

Theo asks if they can just order from the kitchen instead of cooking the meats themselves, and Liam readily agrees. Neither of them really want to wait too long to eat.

They pick through their banchan until their order of bulgogi, galbi, and spicy pork arrives on sizzling plates.

“Wow,” Theo says after his first few bites. “Good call, Liam.”

“I know, right?” Liam exclaims around a mouthful of meat and rice.

They don’t talk much. Liam thinks about slowing his pace down as he starts to fill up, but then he remembers what Theo said at the other restaurant, what he said about later tonight, and maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to get back to the hotel as soon as possible.

Liam wonders if it’s unethical to want it as much as he does.

It’s not, he decides. Theo wants it, too.

“Hey,” Theo says, snapping Liam out of his musings.

“Hey,” Liam says back, smiling.

Theo seems to be enjoying his meal a lot.

It’s really nice to see, actually, so it’s all right. Liam can be patient.

“Theo, should we order more food?” Liam asks. “Maybe something weird?” He adds teasingly.

“Nah,” Theo replies, “This’ll do.”

Liam asks for the check the next time the server refills their water. He settles up the bill and they finish up their meal.

He steals looks at Theo while they wait outside for their Lyft, smiling every time Theo catches him at it.

*

It’s a quiet trip back to their hotel room. Liam no longer feels the immediacy of anticipation and anxiety. Instead he’s settled into a kind of calm eagerness, like he’s ready to be demonstrative with Theo.

Liam doesn’t need werewolf senses to smell the grill smoke in their clothes and skin and hair. Theo has already asked for first shower.

Liam unlocks the door and holds it open for Theo. Once they’re both inside the room, he pulls his shoes off quickly and goes about turning on the bedside lamps.

He notices Theo start toeing his shoes off as well, and he decides to get down on one knee and pull them off for him. He looks up at Theo and smiles, finds Theo with his mouth parted and an unreadable look in his eyes.

He gets Theo’s socks while he’s at it.

When he’s back up on his feet, he nudges Theo’s cheek with his own once, twice, and then steps back with a grin.

“Hi,” he says to Theo’s amused face.

“Hi. Dork,” Theo says fondly.

Liam lets his playful mood shine through for Theo to see.

He ducks and starts gently headbutting Theo’s chest. “Let’s go brush,” he urges between puppyish bumps.

Theo chuckles softly, and Liam feels Theo’s hand catch him by the back of his head as he’s pulled in for a hug.

“Okay, okay.”

*


	10. Chapter 10

*

Liam is a little nervous going back out into the room after his shower. He takes his time combing beard balm through his facial hair just to give himself a moment to settle down before joining Theo.

All the other lights in the room have been turned off except for the two on either side of the bed they’ve been sharing. It’s still hot, and the comforter is already folded up at the foot of the bed, leaving only the top sheet. There’s plenty of additional illumination coming from the windows where Theo is drawing open the curtains and opening the windows as far as they can go to let the night air in.

Theo is dressed only in his briefs, a boyish little thing with white stripes and blue details. It makes Liam feel at once fond and nervous. He acknowledges the tightening heat low in his belly and tries to move past it, to separate his desire for Theo and tuck it away somewhere private.

He imagines a braided cord, his fingers untangling the pieces into discrete parts. Here’s friendship, affection, loyalty, service, desire, need.

When he thinks about Theo now it’s difficult to tell them apart.

He drops the towel and walks toward the dresser.

He touches himself on the chest, slowly palms at his muscled pecs, the spread of hair across it narrowing as it trails down to another large patch at his belly.

He looks down and considers himself for a moment—the ripple of his abs, the heavy, meaty hang of his hairy junk.

He feels a little hot at the thought of his own animal masculinity, and wonders—crazily, narcissistically, _dangerously_ —how Theo might react to see him like this.

On the edge of his senses he perceives Theo turning to look at him, catches the soft, near-indiscernible gasp.

Liam stands there for a moment and just breathes, flexing with each exhale.

Then he grabs a pair of briefs from the open drawer and pulls them on.

He nudges the drawer closed and heads straight for Theo, who is looking away, and pulls him into a hug.

“Hi,” he says.

“Hi,” Theo replies, returning the hug reflexively.

When Liam pulls away he lets his hands drag slowly on Theo’s skin.

“You seem flustered.”

“A little,” Theo says softly.

“It’s okay,” Liam assures him. He rubs his hands slowly down Theo’s arms, then back up to his shoulders and neck. “Does this help?”

“Um.” Theo gulps.

“It’s okay, Theo,” Liam strokes Theo’s clavicle with his thumbs. “You’re okay.” He pats him gently on the chest and goes to fill two glasses with water from the sink. He sets one down for himself and hands the other to Theo.

“Thanks, Liam.”

Liam watches Theo’s throat work as he takes a drink, the bob of his Adam's apple, the heaving of his chest as he catches his breath after.

“More?” he asks, his own throat suddenly dry. Theo shakes his head. Liam slips under the sheet and lies on his side. He smiles at Theo and pats the space next to him. “Saved you a spot.”

Liam is reaching for Theo even as Theo slides in, catching him by the waist and nestling in at his side, face pressed against Theo’s chest.

Theo moves with him, shifting here and there to accommodate the shapes of each other as they settle into place.

Theo’s right arm comes around him and hugs him close. His left hand begins stroking Liam’s arm and shoulder and side.

They’re a perfect fit. Even Liam’s left arm which should be crushed or pinned or stuck between them is relaxed and comfortable in the space Theo made for it, there just by his belly where Liam could feel the heat of his skin and the tickle of body hair.

They stay like that a while, touching instead of talking, wrapped up in each other’s warmth.

“How are you so good at this?” Liam mumbles.

“You tell me.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re the only one I’ve ever been close with like this.” Theo’s right arm moves to stroke Liam’s back. “You’re my first in a lot of ways, Liam,” he says so softly, like it’s a secret.

Liam thinks about Theo’s stolen childhood. He can’t imagine what those awful years with the Dread Doctors must’ve been like for him. He doesn’t want to. He thinks about the chimera pack, unwilling agents used and abused, killed. He thinks about Theo insinuating himself into their lives, manipulating and hurting them.

Theo in the skinwalker prison.

Theo derided by the pack.

Theo living in his truck.

Theo having nothing and no one that he latched on to Liam, going through so much trouble to keep him alive and to stop him from becoming a killer—

—only to be met with Liam’s undisguised anger, naked distrust, and outright violence.

Theo must’ve felt so alone and so unwanted. And yet he stuck around and helped Liam anyway.

Liam may be Theo’s first real friend.

Liam may be the first to touch Theo with intentional gentleness and real affection.

He pushes off, slowly and gently, to sit up a bit and face Theo.

“Liam? Did I say something wrong?” Theo asks worriedly.

“No,” Liam replies, shaking his head, “You didn’t.” He’s glad for the bedside lamps and the nighttime glow of the city emanating in from the open window so that he and Theo can see each other clearly. “Before we were friends…I was angry and violent with you. I hurt you. I’m sorry for that, Theo. I really am.”

“I deserved it,” Theo replies, quickly and automatically. “You shouldn’t be apologizing for anything.”

There’s a part of Liam that understands where Theo might be coming from. They both know what Theo did. Hell, there is probably more that Liam doesn’t even know about.

But it’s different now. Everything inside Liam rails against the thought of hitting somebody he cares about. It’s a different kind of violence so revolting and just so fucking _wrong_.

That he is one more in a long line of people and monsters who hurt Theo and laid a violent hand on him and beat him—this boy who was manipulated and lied to, made to suffer year after horrific year as he grew to manhood—makes Liam feel sick.

“I’m not going to pretend that the past didn’t happen. But for my part in hurting you, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

And Theo just looks…sad.

“I’m sorry, too,” he says finally, eyes shiny with so much sorrow and guilt. “Everything that I did to everyone—to _you._ It’s such a small word. How can—how do I even—”

“Theo—”

“Liam, I’m trying, _I swear—_ ”

Liam puts his hand on Theo’s chest, right over his heart. “I know,” Liam says, “I’m here, and I see you.”

“Liam…”

“You’re not that person anymore. I know you’re trying to make amends where you can. I know you’re making something of your life now. And I know you’ve paid a price.” He peers at Theo, the downcast look, his shadowed eyes. “Sometimes I think you’re still paying…” He ventures warily.

“Nothing seems enough,” Theo says miserably.

“All we can do is the next right thing.”

“How do I know what that looks like?”

“You’ll know, Theo,” Liam insists, “You’re a good person. You’ll know. We’ll help each other.”

Theo gazes at him at him like he’s plumbing the depths of Liam.

There is a thrumming in the air between them, as palpable to Liam as anything real. He pulls his hand back from Theo’s chest, feeling nervous and shy.

He shivers, a little cold despite the warm night air.

“It’s our last night here,” Theo says after a while.

“Yeah.”

They lie back down into the warmth of the bed, turning on their sides to face each other.

It’s easier, somehow, when they’re like this, to reach for each other. Theo’s arm slides up Liam’s back and brings them close together as Liam puts his hand on the side of Theo’s face and even dares to tangle their legs.

Theo welcomes it, shifts in that special way of his so that their bodies fit together, not like pieces locking into place as much as falling and settling naturally together, like how a favorite shirt worn soft might drape over the back of a chair, or how water seeks to shape itself not only to its vessel but even the cracks.

Liam strokes Theo’s cheek with his thumb, slowly and reverently, with all the soft affection he feels. There’s Theo’s small smile and the happy look in his eyes, his soft beard and mustache, the little patch of hair below his plush bottom lip, the gentle slope of his eyebrows framing his beatific face.

“Gosh,” Liam sighs, “You’re really handsome, Theo.”

Theo’s hand is warm on Liam’s face, the pad of his thumb soft against Liam’s lips.

“I think you’re really handsome, too, Liam,” Theo says shyly.

“Yeah?” Liam scoots closer to Theo, feeling light and playful as he nuzzles into Theo’s hand. He can’t help the smile forming on his face.

“Yeah.”

*

Liam wakes in the middle of night from the heat.

He has kicked the sheets off him entirely. Theo has rolled away toward the windows, the sheet still covering his legs.

Liam sits up and shifts to the middle of the bed where it’s slightly cooler, careful not to disturb Theo.

There’s a warm breeze rustling the curtains. The soft lights of the city shining ethereally through the window into the room. From his vantage, Liam has a view of Union Square surrounded by the tall buildings, a clearing in a concrete grove.

He grabs his phone to take a picture, tapping on a dark area in the frame to get the camera app to choose its own exposure settings.

He takes a burst shot.

The curtains are blurry in most of them, but there’s one frame which manages to freeze the curtain’s motion mid-flap. There’s some noise in the image, but that’s to be expected in low light.

Still, the photo more than just depicts Liam’s view; it captures the mood. The open windows’ suggestion of heat, the late night lights of a city which never truly goes dark but does go quiet.

He almost uploads the photo to Instagram until he sees it.

Theo at the bottom left of the frame.

His muscled shoulders and back look strong in the sharp contrast of shadow and light. His beard shapes his otherwise obscured face. There’s the pop of pattern of his boyish briefs peeking above where the sheet sits low on his hip.

It changes the picture completely. It would change the nature of it to anyone outside the two of them. No else would know that the picture isn’t what it looks like, that they’re not what the image would otherwise strongly suggest they are.

Liam plugs his phone to charge and puts it back down on the bedside table.

He feels such a yearning in his heart that it hurts.

He lies back down on his side, gets as close to Theo as he reasons would be respectful.

He presses only his forehead against Theo’s back, puts his hand only on Theo’s hip over the fabric of his briefs, keeps the rest of his body at a distance.

And falls back asleep.

*

Liam registers four things very quickly as he wakes up.

1\. There’s the tickle of Theo’s hair on his face and nose.

2\. He is warm all up on his front where he’s cuddled against Theo’s back and has an arm wrapped around Theo’s chest.

3\. His crotch is nestled snugly on Theo’s butt.

4\. Theo is awake and tensed up.

It’s the first part of the fourth thing he’s relieved about. He nuzzles in and squeezes Theo tightly against him.

“Good morning,” he says sleepily. “Is this okay?”

He feels Theo breathe out and relax into him.

“Good morning. Yeah, it’s okay.”

“How did you sleep?” Liam mumbles.

“It was more like a food coma.”

Liam chuckles into Theo’s neck. “Yeah, I hear you.”

“You?”

“Slept okay. What time is it?”

“Just after six.”

“Oh, wow,” Liam says, surprised. “That’s late for us.”

“Yeah, kinda.”

He remembers the picture. “I, um, woke up in the middle of the night.”

“Yeah?”

Liam rolls just enough to reach back and grab his phone from the bedside table. He opens up the picture and plops the phone over on Theo’s side before going back to snuggling him.

“I wanted a shot of the window and the view. I didn’t realize you were in the frame, I swear.”

Theo turns around to face Liam.

The look on his face makes Liam suddenly very, very nervous.

“Taking creep shots of me in my sleep, Liam?”

Liam freezes. “Theo, _no!_ I wasn’t, _I swear!_ ”

Liam’s stomach drops as Theo backs away on the bed and pulls up the sheet to his chest.

“ _Theo_ —”

And then Theo winks and smirks.

Liam launches himself at Theo, burying his face in Theo’s neck and crushing him in a hug.

“You ass! _Don’t do that!_ ”

Liam tries pretending to be upset, but the warmth of Theo’s laugher and his arms coming up around Liam sparks such joy in Liam’s heart that he can’t help laughing happily as well.

They scuffle playfully in bed, mashing each other’s faces with the pillows, flipping around and taking turns pinning each other, until they’re both panting and trying to catch their breaths between bursts of laughter.

When they settle, it’s with Theo kneeling over Liam, his knees straddling Liam’s sides, and his hands pinning Liam’s wrists above his head.

Liam is glad to see the wicked grin on Theo’s face, and happy to be at play with him.

“Say ‘uncle’,” Theo says cockily.

Liam heaves up, twisting his wrists out of Theo’s grasp and grabbing on to Theo’s legs as he flips them over. He hitches Theo’s legs up around his waist, tucking his knees under Theo’s thighs until Theo’s lower body is propped up on Liam’s. He bends down, looming over Theo while he holds himself up with his hands on either side of Theo’s head.

“‘Uncle’, pretty boy.” Liam says rakishly.

The red blooming on Theo’s cheeks and ears is incredibly gratifying.

Liam leans his weight on his left arm so he can stroke Theo’s cheek with his right hand.

“You’re blushing so hard right now, Theo,” he says fondly.

“Shut up,” Theo grumps.

Liam just smiles dopily at him.

Theo’s hands come up. He runs the back of his left hand up and down Liam’s torso even as he slides his right hand up Liam’s left arm, across his shoulder, toward his neck where Theo curls his fingers on the back of Liam’s neck and starts playing with his hair.

Theo catches Liam’s eyes and looks so deeply into them that Liam feels dismantled and exposed. He watches Theo blink heavy-lidded just as a soft smile quirks on his face.

Liam feels hot at the attention and enraptured by Theo’s handsome face and adoring look.

“Why are you blushing, Liam?” Theo asks faux-innocently, voice husky and intimate.

Liam feels himself go even hotter.

“You’re teasing me,” he whines.

Theo nods eagerly. “A little bit, yeah,” he says, like it’s nothing, like he’s not driving Liam a little crazy even now as he moves his hand to cup Liam’s cheek and stroke Liam’s bottom lip with his thumb.

“Why does it feel like you’re winning this?” Liam asks, flustered. “I’m the one topping you.”

Theo facepalms, shaking his head and chuckling into his hand.

“What? What?” Liam presses.

The buzzing of Liam’s phone interrupts them with an incoming FaceTime call from Mason.

Liam reaches for his phone and picks up. He pulls back from Theo, scooting backward to let Theo’s butt rest comfortably on the bed instead of where it was perched on Liam’s crotch.

He waits for the call to connect and for the video to buffer, absentmindedly petting Theo’s bare thigh with his free hand.

 _“I knew you’d be up._ ”

Liam feels a flutter of affection just as the video clears up and Mason, barechested, comes into view. He’s missed him a lot these past few weeks.

“Yeah,” Liam says, “I’m surprised you are, though.”

Mason’s groan comes through tinny from the phone’s speakers. _“Dude, I knowww. The AC conked out in the middle of the night and it’s hot as balls here.”_

“Here, too. And this hotel doesn’t have AC.”

_“Where’s Theo?”_

“Oh, lemme—” Liam his the button on the screen to flip the camera. “Say hi,” he says to the both of them.

Theo is framed from the waist up, and he’s propped himself up on his elbows. Theo’s forearm lifts off the bed a little to give a short wave.

There are matching weird looks on Mason and Theo’s faces as they croak out an awkward “Hi” to each other.

Liam flips the camera back and wonders at Mason’s frown.

_“Am I…interrupting something?”_

“No, we were just messing around in bed,” Liam replies readily.

There’s a slapping noise, and Liam peeks around the phone to see Theo facepalm again.

 _“Excuse me—you were just_ ** _what_**.” Mason asks, wide eyed.

“We were wrestling?” Liam clarifies, a little unsure of what’s happening right now.

 _“‘Wrestling.’ In bed. Naked._ ” Mason deadpans.

Oh.

Liam rolls his eyes. “We’re not _naked_ naked. It’s hot. _You’re_ naked, too. Stop making it sound weird.”

Mason looks super perplexed.

 _“_ ** _I’M_ ** _making it sound weird?!”_

“Mason—”

_“Never mind. I was just calling to ask when you’re getting back. I was thinking you guys could come over later and we could hang out at the pool.”_

Liam peeks around to Theo again who whispers, “It’s up to you.”

“Okay, that sounds good. We’ll keep you updated.”

 _“Okay. I’ll see you later. Bye, Theo!_ ”

“Later, Mason,” Theo calls out.

 _“Bye_.”

“Okay. Bye.”

Liam hides behind the phone for a couple of moments before slowly putting it down on the bed. He’s quiet for a while until he works up enough courage to make himself say, “Sorry if that was weird for you.”

Theo pulls himself together, kneeling up on his knees in front of Liam. “It’s okay. I know you don’t mean anything by it.”

Liam chews on his bottom lip guiltily. “All right.”

*

They decide to hold off on breakfast. Theo suggests that they could make the rounds at the different spots in the Ferry Building and have a big lunch instead after checking out of the hotel.

Liam puts in the mobile orders for their coffee and they head out to pick them up, dressed only in casual shirts, shorts, and their sandals.

They pick a spot on the steps of the main stage at Union Square to enjoy their coffee. It’s fairly nice out, though judging from the warm Liam figures it’ll get much hotter again later in the day.

They take their time, just sitting comfortably together and scrolling through their phones. Liam finds out that Theo didn’t delete the photo from last night, and it makes him feel some type of way.

“Thanks for letting me keep it, Theo,” he says, bumping his shoulder to Theo’s as he looks up at the Macy’s rising up in front of them, the recessed deck of The Cheesecake Factory’s outdoor dining area lined with frosted glass panes.

“Yeah,” Theo says, picking up the thread of Liam’s thoughts easily.

Around them, the streets start to crowd with cars heading for their morning commute.

“Hey, Liam?” Theo asks after a while, “How come you take so many pictures of me?”

Liam bites back the smart-mouthed reply his defensive instincts has at the ready. He takes a deep breath and sorts out his feelings.

“I wanna remember,” he starts. “I forget sometimes that we haven’t always been this close, or even friends.” He takes a sip of his coffee to buy a few seconds. “It’s proof that we are. It’s proof that we…care about each other, and that we have memories and moments together. I wanna be able to look back on them.”

He shuffles closer to Theo until their arms are touching.

“Especially the private ones.”

Liam feels so calm he wonders momentarily whether time stopped. He pulls in his senses and turns them inward to count the steady beating of his heart.

“You’re important to me, Theo.”

And then, Theo’s voice. Soft, gentle, warm, hushed.

“You’re important to me, too.”

*

After they go back to their hotel room to use the bathroom and brush their teeth, there is a strange moment of standing around expectantly. Check out isn’t for another two hours and they have nothing else planned now.

They’ve been so diligent putting away their clothes every time they’re discarded that there’s really nothing to pack up until their last shower here.

Liam knows what he would like but he doesn’t want to push it. At most, he doesn’t dare to sit on or even look at the unused bed because that’s not where he wants to be.

Theo looks uncertain as well, his eyes flicking from Liam to the bed they’ve been sharing during their entire stay.

For the first time, they don’t have an afternoon nap or the night’s sleep to use as a reason to get in there together and feel close to each other.

If it happens, it’ll be for its own sake and because they both want to.

Liam does. But now that he knows how he feels about Theo, now that he’s aware that more than just affection and wanting to feel close there’s also desire, and the difficulty of telling them apart, it seems indelicate, even exploitative, if he were the one to ask for it. Especially when Theo never says no.

But it would be okay if Theo asks. If Theo asks, Liam would be giving him something he wants. And being there for Theo makes Liam feel just as fulfilled, as it always has before he became aware of his feelings.

He offers Theo a smile and tries not to look too hopeful. He throws in an eyebrow waggle for good measure.

It does the trick of breaking the tension. Theo laughs at his shenanigans and lets out a breath like he’s been holding it in.

“We have some time until check out,” Theo finally says.

“Yeah,” Liam replies with a knowing smirk.

He is maybe teasing Theo a little bit.

Theo doesn’t rise to the bait, instead there’s a serious look on his face as he walks up to Liam and puts his hands on Liam’s waist, his thumbs hooking under Liam’s shirt to stroke the bare skin there.

And Liam has also maybe started enjoying being flustered when Theo flips the script.

“Liam?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you waiting for me to ask again?”

Liam nods.

Theo cocks his head. “Can I ask why?”

“I want you to want to.”

“I do,” Theo replies immediately. “And you? What about what you want?”

“Theo,” Liam says softly, bringing a hand up to touch Theo’s face. “I always wanna be with you.”

Theo looks pained for a brief moment, and Liam worries that he’s made a mistake somehow.

“Theo?”

“The things you say sometimes, Liam.”

“What is it? What did I say?” Liam asks in distress. He plays the moment back in his mind, but he can’t discern anything other than his honest feelings.

He steps closer into Theo’s space. “Theo?”

Theo smiles sadly at Liam. “It’s going to be rough when you go.”

“Yeah,” Liam sighs. “Do you wanna…talk about it?”

“No.”

“Me neither,” Liam adds, relieved.

“Bed?” Theo asks shyly.

Liam nods, satisfied with that ask despite how oblique it is.

“Theo…I wanna help you with your clothes. Can I?”

“Yeah,” Theo says, stepping back and letting go of Liam’s waist. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and throws it on the bed. “You’ve been doing this for me a lot lately.”

Liam looks up from where he’s fingering Theo’s shirt. He wonders whether he should feel chagrined or embarrassed. All he feels is eager.

“I like taking care of you,” he says, lifting Theo’s shirt up and off.

“This is new.”

Liam falters, recovers. “I know.”

He looks down at Theo’s waist, unbuttoning his shorts and drawing down the zip. He slips his hands in, palms sliding on Theo’s hips. He kneels as he pushes Theo’s shorts down his legs, and off as Theo steps out of them.

“I feel so much closer to you,” he says. “It feels right.”

“Does it?” Theo counters.

“Doesn’t it?” Liam presses challengingly.

Theo lets out a sigh. “Yes.”

Liam reaches behind him to pull at the neck of his shirt

“Wait,” Theo says, putting a hand on Liam’s raised tricep. “Let me.”

Liam’s breath quickens as Theo drags two fingers down the muscle of his arm, gasps as Theo’s fingers reach the dip of his armpit. He’s shaking a little by the time Theo’s hand reaches his waist.

“I feel closer to you, too,” Theo says in a soft, shy voice.

Liam loses track of Theo’s hands as his shirt comes up and off, and then Theo is on one knee in front of him, fishing his phone out of his pocket, and pulling his shorts down.

Liam is starting to get worked up and fights to keep the danger of it at bay.

“Wait,” he says, putting a hand on Theo’s shoulder. “Theo, wait.”

“All right?” Theo asks, looking and sounding genuinely worried.

Liam nods, his hand rubbing Theo’s shoulder. “Yeah. Just lemme catch my breath. It’s a little hot.”

Theo tosses Liam’s phone on the bed and goes to fill a glass of water and brings it back to Liam.

Liam chugs half of it. “Thanks.“

The glass in his hand gives him something to focus on, and he reaches for his control, calming his mind and his body the way Theo has helped him learn to do for his anger and his primeval werewolf instincts.

It works to cool his ardor. Not the techniques themselves but the memory of Theo helping him learn control reminds him of the precious gift of Theo’s friendship which he doesn’t dare risk ruining now.

“Thanks,” he says again, taking Theo by the hand and leading him to the bed.

It’s easier again once they’re in there. The physical space of the bed and the context of their being there together makes Liam feel confident about what he’s doing.

Theo seems to feel the same if the self-assured way he moves is any indication, the way he leads and arranges their bodies together until they’re settled comfortably.

There seems to be a mutual understanding of unspoken and respectful distance which they keep.

Theo, for his part, keeps his hands above Liam’s waist, checking in with Liam and asking for permission when his touches push a level of intimacy he seems uncertain about.

Liam doesn’t know what barometer Theo is using, but he appreciates the sweet gesture.

He, on the other hand, dares a little more, letting Theo’s body language guide him to what’s welcome and what’s wanted. He checks in with Theo as well, of course he does, but he has zero problems going for Theo’s thighs, hips, and, once, even his butt, as he rolls Theo partially on top of him.

There is, perhaps, some danger there, but their mood is playful and they laugh it off.

“I may doze off a little,” Liam warns as he spoons Theo and hugs him close.

“I’ll set an alarm,” Theo says.

“Okay.”

Liam lets his mind drift.

*

It’s fifteen minutes after Theo’s alarm has gone off, and Liam is still wrapped tightly around Theo.

“Five more minutes,” Liam mumbles into Theo’s neck.

“Dude, we gotta check out in forty-five minutes and we still have to shower,” Theo says a little exasperatedly, though he’s still rubbing his hand on Liam’s back, so…?

Liam sighs contentedly and squeezes Theo in his arms.

“Liam.”

“No,” Liam mumbles stubbornly.

“Liam.”

“I’m restarting the five minutes every time you say something.”

“The sooner we’re out of here the sooner you can eat.”

“I can eat any time.”

Liam feels Theo’s harsh exhale ruffle his hair.

“All right, well,” Theo starts, “I was going to ask if you wanted me to massage some beard balm on you after your shower, but I guess there won’t be time for that now…”

Liam opens his eyes immediately and gives Theo one last squeeze before pushing off the bed and heading to the bathroom.

“Wooow,” Theo says. “Really?”

Liam shrugs. “No take-backs.”

Liam showers quickly but cleans himself well. When he finishes, he puts the tin of beard balm in Theo’s hand, sits on the bed, and tilts his face up expectantly, eyes closed.

“Brat,” he hears Theo say in a soft voice. And then Theo makes good on the deal and Liam enjoys every moment of it.

After, Liam packs up what he can of the rest of their stuff while Theo is in the shower.

And when Theo comes back out to get dressed, Liam sits him down on the bed and returns the favor of massaging beard balm on him.

“You don’t have to,” Theo says, blushing as he offers up his face.

“I want to,” Liam tells him, and then lets his fingers show how much.

He is gentle and careful, intentional in the way he rubs circles on Theo’s face, combing his short fingernails along the grain of Theo’s beard, down from where it connects to his sideburns, then back up to trace his mustache.

“Liam…” Theo sighs.

Liam hums in acknowledgment, fingers drumming up toward Theo’s temples and thumbing his eyebrows.

Theo telegraphs the movement but Liam is shocked nonetheless to feel Theo grip his wrist.

“Liam,” Theo says again. And when he opens his eyes they lock on to Liam’s and render him exposed.

“Yeah?” Liam asks, wary and nervous from the look in Theo’s eyes and the way he can’t seem to hide anything from it.

Theo seems confused and Liam can see the vexation in his knotted brow. His thumb reflexively tries to smooth it out.

Theo sighs again. He looks hopeless and frustrated, like he’s fighting himself and he doesn’t know whether he wants to win or lose, or what winning or losing would even look like.

“Thank you,” he says instead, looking away from Liam. “We should get ready to go.”

Liam has a very strong feeling that it’s not what Theo really wants to say. “Okay,” he says anyway.

He turns his face away as Theo removes his towel and pulls on his briefs. And then he collects all of their bathroom stuff, wiping them dry with a towel before packing them up in their bags while Theo gets dressed and finishes up his own packing.

He does a last check of the room to make sure they have everything, their sandals, their charging cables, and packing them as he goes.

He takes Theo’s lip balm from the bedside table and uses the opportunity to hug him from behind and nuzzle the back of his neck as he slips the tube in Theo’s front pocket.

Theo turns around in his arms. “Here,” he says, and that’s Liam’s bandana folded up into a small square.

Liam shakes it out and folds it into a wide strip. “Hold out your wrist,” he instructs Theo. He ties it around Theo’s right wrist, slipping a finger partially under the band to make sure it’s not too tight.

“Liam…”

Liam smiles up at Theo and strokes his cheek with his thumb. “I like it on you,” he says. “I like seeing it on you.”

Theo takes a shuddering breath. The sound of it makes Liam’s heart flip. “Okay.”

*

Theo leaves thirty bucks on one of the bedside tables, and Liam volunteers to carry all their bags. Check out is as simple and swift as dropping off their key cards at the desk, taking a copy of their invoice, and waiting for the valet to swing by with Theo’s truck.

To Liam’s delight, Theo does that thing where he palms a folded up bill and slips it discreetly to the valet guy in a handshake.

They drive toward the Embarcadero, parking in one of the lots with its ridiculously inflated San Francisco rates.

The Ferry Building is noisy and crowded, and Liam loves it.

He loves the flip sign and its satisfying loud clicks as the alphanumeric tiles cascade to display ferry names and departure times. He loves the bustling mixed crowd of locals and tourists and commuters milling about, the different merchant stalls, the smell of food and coffee and wine permeating the air.

He turns to Theo to see how he’s taking it all in only to find him looking right back with a smile on his face and a soft look in his eyes.

It makes Liam want to scoop him into his arms.

So he does just that.

“What’s this for?” Theo chuckles as he squeezes Liam back.

Liam tightens his arms around Theo. “I dunno,” he says. “Theo, you just looked—” he hangs back and looks at Theo, his gentle smile, the laughter in his eyes, his handsome face bemused but trusting.

“Liam?”

Liam is transfixed by Theo’s lips forming the shape of his name, the slow, moistening lick, the shine left behind.

The pull in Liam’s heart is so strong he feels—he _knows_ himself to be in real danger in the moment.

“Theo—I—”

He grabs Theo’s hand and forces himself to turn around and go before he does anything stupid.  
  
“Come on,” he says, “I smell dumplings this way.”

*

They start with dumplings at a Chinese tea lounge, then sushi at a Japanese place, some grilled meat at a butcher’s hot deli counter, and spring rolls and crispy rolls at a really nice Vietnamese restaurant right by the water.

It’s a lot of food, but Liam is hungry and determined to distract himself.

He’s present and in the moment with Theo who seems more open and carefree than even Liam is used to.

Liam needs the distraction. He feels himself being pulled in and tempted to throw his hands up and just—fuck it—go for what he wants.

After eating, they decide to split up. Liam goes to the empanada counter and buys a dozen for the trip home and to bring back to Mason and Corey. Theo goes to get some dessert and they decide to meet in the middle.

Liam is watching the flip sign do its thing, a bag with the box of empanadas at his side, when Theo arrives with two cups of ice cream.

“Here,” Theo says, holding out a cup to Liam.

It looks good. It smells like vanilla ice cream with a hint of something dark, and there are chunks of brown cookie and what looks like cereal bits.

Liam takes a bite.

“Oh my god,” he says at first taste, because oh my god.

“Right?” Theo says. “It’s called Secret Breakfast.”

Liam forgets about the ice cream.

Because Theo is right there, smiling toothily, looking so proud and pleased with himself knowing he’s provided for Liam something wonderful, a delicious treat and the joy it brings.

And Liam feels it again, the increasingly irresistible pull.

He thinks about what happened earlier at the hotel room, of holding Theo’s face in his hands and Theo interrupting the moment just as Liam was allowing the rush of his affection for Theo take him and guide the movement of his hands.

He suspects he’s given himself away. Maybe his gentleness was a little too telling. Or maybe it was the look on his face showing everything clearly, thinking it safe to do so because Theo’s eyes were closed, until they weren’t. Until they were looking at Liam with something like frustration and regret, some emotion that marred Theo’s handsome face with upset.

He knows his fear showed, and he knows Theo sensed it.

And Theo was kind enough not to force a confrontation, kind enough not to put Liam in a position of having to explain what he’s doing in that moment when there was no distinction between Liam being of service to and affectionate with Theo and Liam giving himself a taste of what it might be like to be something more.

Intention matters.

And he recognizes Theo’s intention in his gentle nudging of always moving them both away from the danger of that moment and others like it, of keeping them just behind the line.

Liam is grateful for it. He is, really.

It’s just bittersweet, is all.

*


	11. Chapter 11

*

Liam remembers reading somewhere that the trip back home always feels shorter than the trip outbound. In fact, he’s even made the same observation in the past.

But right now it feels like a damn lie.

The freeway is clear and Theo is averaging eighty, but home still feels so far away.

Liam is restless and irritated, glaring at the center console and the foot and a half divide between him and Theo.

He knows it’s the dissonance of being in an enclosed, private space with him and yet not touch after spending days and days of doing it, a sort of touch withdrawal or hangover. Is that even a thing? His mind and his heart are rioting together in protest.

He turns to Theo who just looks relaxed as he focuses on driving, his right index finger tapping on the wheel to the beat of the music. He looks much the same as usual, his gentle face and posture at ease. It’s just Theo. His Theo who smiles when he glances at Liam and sees him looking, like the sight of Liam is a moment of joy for him.

Liam sighs.

Theo turns the volume of the music down.

“Do you need a bathroom break?” he asks.

“No,” Liam says, shifting in his seat.

“We could gas up now if you need to stretch your legs.”

“My legs are fine,” Liam replies grumpily.

Theo sighs. “All right.” He leaves the music at a low volume and starts quietly singing along.

He’s falling into old patterns he thought he’s grown out of—stewing in his upset and letting it simmer until it boils. He knows better than this. He’s learned better than this.

He feels stupid all of a sudden. He puts on his big boy pants and acknowledges his frustration, centers it and imagines himself moving past it.

“I’m sorry, Theo,” he says sincerely. “I’m a little restless. I would actually like to stretch my legs, if that’s okay.”

“Yeah, of course,” Theo says right away. He checks his blind spots, smiling at Liam when their eyes meet—Liam warms to it—and switches lanes to take the nearest exit with a gas station.

Liam clicks his seatbelt off as Theo parks at a filling alcove. He hands his credit card to Theo to pay for the gas and then hops out of the truck and jogs to the store. He uses the restroom first, and then scans the candy aisle for a king size Twix which he pays for with his phone.

“I can drive,” Liam offers when he gets back to the truck, “If you wanted a break.” He doesn’t particularly want to, but Theo might.

“Nah, it’s all right,” Theo replies. “Just hang in there, Liam. I’ll get us home as quickly as I can.”

Liam feels a little better when Theo squeezes his arm.

*

“Do you want a Twix?” Liam asks, unwrapping his candy bar.

“Sure,” Theo replies.

“Which side?”

“What?”

Liam turns to look at Theo. “Do you want the left Twix or the right Twix?” he asks condescendingly.

“What? They’re the—”

“Do _not_ say they’re the same,” he interrupts. “Or else you don’t get one.”

He considers rescinding his offer completely when he catches Theo rolling his eyes.

“Fine,” Theo says, “I’ll take the right one.”

“Explain your choice,” Liam trolls.

“You prefer the left side of most things,” Theo replies, glancing at Liam briefly.

Liam can’t help smiling to himself.

“So are you going to give me my Twix or is there a math section of this test?”

Liam laughs. “You can have your Twix.”

Theo holds out his right hand on the center console. The sight of Liam’s blue bandana wrapped around Theo’s wrist stirs a wild thing in Liam.

He tells himself it’s reflex, it’s muscle memory, when he grabs Theo’s right hand in his left, their inner forearms touching as they rest on the center console.

His heart flips when Theo’s fingers close around his without missing a beat, like it was Liam’s hand he was waiting for and not his share of Liam’s twix.

Liam is blushing but he forces himself to look at Theo to find him gazing out into the open road with a small smile on his face.

Liam hand feeds Theo his right Twix.

And when Theo needs his hand for driving, he puts it back as soon as it’s free again on the center console for Liam to hold.

*

At Theo’s suggestion, they swing by a grocery store once they’re back in Beacon Hills to pick up four six-packs of different flavors of Sanpellegrino to bring to Mason’s.

And a good thing, too, because it turns out Theo’s instinct is right. As they drive up they notice not just Corey’s but the rest of the pack’s vehicles parked along the block. Liam is glad he decided to get a dozen empanadas instead of just a few.

He’s buzzing with excitement by the time Theo pulls into the street to park.

He unbuckles as soon as Theo hits the parking brake, and digs through their bags for their swim shorts and a change of clothes.

It’s too much for his rucksack, so he packs them into his small duffle along with Theo’s toiletry kit and the tube of sunscreen.

“Okay, I think I got everything,” Liam says eagerly.

Meanwhile, Theo has the bags of soda in one hand and the empanadas in the other.

Liam lets out a noisy exhale as he looks at Theo’s biceps bulging in his short sleeves. He grabs his duffle with both hands before he does something stupid with them.

“Ready?” Theo asks.

Liam pulls out his phone to text Mason that they’re here and gets a read receipt just a few moments later. “Yeah, let’s go.”

*

Mason meets them at the door, and Liam immediately crushes him in a hug.

“You weren’t kidding about the heat,” Liam says.

“Yeah, they’re repairing the AC now. Thank god for the pool,” Mason says. “Hey, Theo,” he says with an upward jerk of his head. His eyes lock on Theo’s wrist.

“Hey.”

Liam feels Mason nudge him. “Why’s Theo wearing your favorite bandana?”

“I like it on him,” Liam replies automatically, squeezing some more and burrowing further into the hug. God, he’s missed him a lot.

“Hmm.”

Mason disentangles from Liam and moves on to give Theo a hug.

“Jesus, did your arms get bigger since the last time I saw you?”

Theo smirks boyishly at Mason and winks. “Nah, I’m just flexing them for you.”

Mason laughs but Liam can see the hint of a blush on his cheeks. Liam snickers. Mason is such a sucker for Theo sometimes.

They head straight on through to the kitchen where they find Scott and Lydia chatting.

“Hey!” Scott calls out excitedly. He pulls Liam in for a quick hug and squeezes Theo on the shoulder.

“We have drinks and Liam got empanadas for everyone,” Theo says, lifting the stuff on to the kitchen counter. “Hey, Lydia.”

She quirks her lips in response.

“Nice!” Scott opens the box and peers in. “Looks good. Mason, can we use the oven to warm them up?”

“Yeah,” Mason replies as he unpacks the drinks, “Go for it.” He turns to Liam and Theo. “Go get changed and say hi to everyone,” he says, nodding toward the backyard where the pool is. "Have fun."

Liam instinctively grabs Theo’s wrist and leads them both to the nearest bathroom to change.

*

Everybody’s head turns when Liam and Theo join them poolside. There’s a weird moment of quiet like somebody just hit the pause button in the middle of a scene until Corey calls out to greet them and gets everyone else started.

Once the greetings are out of the way, they all return to their own things. There are the sounds of conversation and pool water splashing and music set to a decent volume.

There’s a bar set up with clean glasses and plates. Next to it is a large cooler and a table with fresh towels piled on top.

Liam grabs a couple of towels as they pass by it, and Theo digs into the cooler for a couple of Sanpellegrinos.

“Lemonade, right?” Theo asks.  
  
“Yep,” Liam replies cheerfully.

“Is that Sanpellegrino?” Malia calls out from where she’s floating on an inflatable raft. “Lemme get a blood orange!”

Liam watches Theo dig around for one, peel off the foil cover, and lob it toward Malia in a perfect arc right into her hand.

“Ooh! Can I get one of those, too?” Stiles asks from where he’s swimming by Malia.

Theo throws another one.

“Wasn’t that a—” Liam starts.

“Hey! This is lemonade!” Stiles yells accusingly.

“My bad,” Theo smirks unapologetically.

“Dick,” Stiles harrumphs. “And he didn’t even peel the foil off.”

“You better not litter in my backyard,” Mason warns.

“Fuck, fine! Jesus.” Stiles swims to the edge and pulls himself up. He marches toward the bar and says, “Thanks for nothing, Theo.”

Theo is already removing the foil cover from a blood orange one, and he’s popped the top off by the time Stiles reaches them. He holds it out to Stiles and touches him gently on the arm.  
  
“Oh. Thanks,” Stiles says, blinking.

Theo’s smile is breathtaking, and he’s directing it right at Stiles. “You’re welcome, Stiles. I’m sorry for hassling you,” he says huskily, leaning into Stiles’s space a bit.

Stiles frowns. “D-don’t do…that,” he stutters and walks away.

“Bro.” Liam says, shaking his head disapprovingly.

Theo shrugs. “Mason said to have fun. I’m just following instructions.”

They grab their stuff and head for a couple of unoccupied lounge chairs near Lydia.

“Hey, Lydia,” Liam says with nod of his head as he lays out their towels.

Lydia just wiggles her fingers in response. Her expression is hidden entirely behind her oversize mirrored sunglasses. Liam can just hear the muffled sounds coming from her AirPods which must be playing at a fairly loud volume.

Okay.

He waits until Theo sets down their drinks.

“Here,” he says, tugging at Theo’s shirt. “Arms up,” he urges and pulls Theo’s shirt off. If his hands feel up intentionally on Theo’s muscles, Theo allows it.

Liam squeezes a good amount of sunscreen in his hand before giving the tube to Theo.

He goes about the business of spreading sunscreen all over Theo’s chest, shoulders, and abs. He holds his hand out for more and starts working on Theo’s back and flanks while Theo does his own arms.

He holds his hand out again. “Just a little for your face,” he says, and smooths the sunscreen out on Theo’s cheeks, nose, forehead, and ears.

“Thank you, Liam,” Theo says softly.

“Yep. My turn,” he replies, grinning and reaching back to pull his shirt off by the collar at the back of his neck.

He sighs contentedly as Theo’s runs a hand from his waist, up his flank, and on his chest. “Oh. That’s nice,” he says, smiling dopily up at Theo.

Liam is vaguely aware that conversation around them seems to have stopped for a few minutes now. Even Lydia’s AirPods seem to have gone quiet.

He has the distinct feeling of being observed.

He shakes it off and focuses on Theo instead, who looks a little red in the face and neck as he works on getting sunscreen on Liam’s torso. He is thorough and careful not to get Liam’s thick body hair clumped up.

Theo moves on with gentle touches on Liam’s face, ears, and neck. He cards his fingers through Liam’s hair, combing it back to get sunscreen on the edges of his hairline.

“Your hair’s getting long,” he says. “Might be time for a trim.”

Liam hasn’t thought about it. He doesn’t really notice and often doesn’t mind until it’s too long and too shaggy to manage.

“How should I cut it?” he asks Theo.

“It’s your hair,” Theo replies noncommittally.

Liam puts his hands on Theo’s waist. The contact is soothing, and everything else seems to fall away.

“Yeah, but I wanna know what you think would look good.”

Theo’s left hand drops to Liam’s shoulder and his right one caresses along the side of Liam’s head.

Liam feels the movement of displaced air as Theo breathes out.

“A couple of months ago you got the sides and back really short, like faded, and the top was still a little long, kinda floppy. Do you remember?” Theo says in a shy voice.

“Yeah,” Liam replies.

“And you wore it either casual or combed neat,” Theo continues.

It was something new Liam wanted to try. He himself thinks he looked fantastic. Everyone else seemed to love it, except for Theo who never said anything.

“I remember thinking you didn’t like it.”

“No, I did,” Theo says hurriedly, petting Liam’s hair as if to emphasize his point. “I really did.”

Liam leans into Theo’s touch.

“You never said.”

“I know.”

“No, I mean, you literally never said anything. I showed up with a new haircut and you didn’t comment on it, at all.”

“I know. I didn’t want to make you feel self-conscious or uncomfortable,” Theo says softly.

“You don’t make me feel uncomfortable.” Liam worries his bottom lip between his teeth for a moment. “Theo, you only ever make me feel good.” He takes a deep breath. “Tell me now. What you thought then.”

“Okay,” Theo whispers. “I thought you looked—you looked really…”

“What? I looked really what?” Liam asks breathlessly.

“H—”

“I think the empanadas are ready!” Corey suddenly calls out loudly, and Liam is pushed out of the moment.

There is a groan from somewhere which sounds a lot like Mason. And that’s him grumbling, “Corey, for god’s sake—”

“Mason, why don’tyou go get them from the oven?” Corey interrupts.

“No, thanks! I’m fine right here!” Mason replies stubbornly.

Theo clears his throat and abruptly drops his hands off Liam. He looks frantically up to where everyone else is hanging out.

Liam turns around and Theo starts rubbing sunscreen on his back. Liam sees everyone looking right at them. He thinks he sees Mason aiming his phone in their direction before quickly putting it away at Corey’s urging.

“Um, guys? Those empanadas were expensive and they’re super delicious. Somebody please get them before they burn.”

Scott gets up. “I’ll get ‘em,” he says, glancing between Liam and Theo.

There are strange looks on everyone’s faces, which Liam chooses to ignore.

He feels Theo patting him on the back to signal he’s good to go.

“Don’t forget your legs,” Theo says.

They’re just finishing up by the time Scott comes back out with a platter of piping hot empanadas and everyone starts to gather around the bar. Liam turns to Lydia and offers, “Do you want me to bring you back one?”

Lydia removes her AirPods and slots them back in their case. “No, I’ll join you guys,” she says. “Things just got a lot less boring,” she adds mysteriously.

*

“Thanks again, for these,” Mason says, raising his half-eaten empanada in Liam’s direction.

“Yeah, no, for sure,” Liam replies. “Thanks for having us over.”

It’s nice to have everybody gathered around. To be near Scott and Mason, to have Theo here with him.

They have more and more moments like this. After being thrown together in crisis after crisis, a change seems to have happened without anybody really realizing, of each of them seeking each other out to be together for its own sake, to be around those who just _get it_.

It’s a bittersweet thought, but Liam can’t keep the smile off his face anyway. He’s so happy. It’s summer. He’s safe. Everyone is safe.

He looks at Theo who’s standing in front of him just a foot away with a smile on his face as well, like he’s happy that Liam is happy.

Liam answers to the pull in his heart and reaches up to stroke Theo’s cheek.

“Hey,” he says. Theo smiles at him but doesn’t lean into his touch like he’s expecting.

“What the _fuck_ happened in San Francisco?”

Liam drops his hand and turns to look at Stiles. “What?”

“I meant, how was San Francisco?” Stiles amends, squirming away from where Scott is elbowing him. “The pictures you posted on Instagram look nice.”

“Yes!” Corey chimes in. “The beach looked awesome.”

It gets Liam going. He talks about the hot sand, the freezing water, the amazing views, the hike.

“And the sex!” he exclaims.

“The _what?!_ ” Stiles hisses hysterically.

“Yes, the sex of the beach!” Liam says excitedly.

Corey’s arm shoots out and grips Mason’s arm.

“Finally,” Malia adds nonsensically.

Scott looks like a deer caught in the headlights. “Guys, you don’t have to, like…it’s your private business…” he mutters almost inaudibly.

“No, yeah, talk about the sex. I wanna hear about the sex,” Mason says encouragingly, ignoring Scott and Corey completely.

Lydia’s mouth quirks.

“Yeah, so, I guess there’s like two beaches? There’s the regular one for everyone, except there’s a part of it that’s, like, nude. But _then_ —farther out—and you gotta hike up, like, these rocks or squeeze around them.”

“And you went there! Uh huh, uh huh,” Mason says eagerly.

“Yeah, and there’s just these guys doing it out in the open.”

Everyone seems to relax, especially Scott who mutters, “Oh, thank god,” for some reason. Mason just deflates.

“Oh,” Mason says. “That’s it?”

Liam looks around confusedly. “Yeaaah?” He says slowly. “I mean, there were threesomes and stuff? It’s where dudes go to cruise and have sex?”

“Okay, I guess,” Mason mutters.

“Geez,” Liam says, “It’s a little disturbing that this doesn’t raise any eyebrows for you guys. You perverts.”

Corey, bless him, moves the conversation along, allowing Liam to to share details about the trip. Theo contributes here and there, but for the most part it’s Liam who tells the stories and it’s Corey who asks questions to keep it going.

*

Eventually, everybody gets a little too hot and they all jump into the pool to cool off.

They try to play Marco Polo until Mason and Stiles call foul on account of not having enhanced senses, so Stiles suggests chicken fighting.

They pair off: Stiles on top of Scott, Lydia on top of Malia, Corey on top of Theo, and Mason on top of Liam.

It starts off as a crazy free-for-all, until Stiles and Lydia pause and make eye contact and together swivel their head toward Corey, and just like that everybody is ganging up on him.

Even the bottoms get into it, with Malia splashing water at Theo’s face and Liam and Scott joining in.

“Corey—” Theo grunts through a faceful of pool water.

“Yeah, hang on—”

Liam watches as Corey’s legs brace around Theo’s shoulders and back, and then Corey is leaning over to cover Theo’s face to give him reprieve to breathe.

“Now!” Theo shouts.

Corey heaves back up, splashing handfuls of water at Stiles and Mason. Theo does the same to the bottoms carrying them, and then he lunges forward and suddenly Malia’s head dunks under the water and Lydia topples backward, shrieking and laughing, same as Scott and Stiles.

“No no no no no,” Mason says as Corey and Theo round on him and Liam.

And then Liam feels it—Theo’s leg hooking around his and pulling, and he goes under, Mason falling back into the water with him.

Corey and Theo whoop victoriously.

“Chimera supremacy,” Theo crows with a shark-like grin.

“Aw, yeah!” Corey adds.

Liam feels a twinge of something. He watches Theo pat Corey’s bare thigh and look up smilingly at him as Corey looks down and smiles back.

”Nice team work,” Theo says fondly.

”Thanks,” Corey replies, sliding carefully down Theo’s back. ”Good job.”

Theo turns around and they give each other a hug.

The soft smile on Theo’s face as he pulls away from Corey is chastisement enough, and Liam is ashamed of how he’s reacting.

Theo deserves nice things. He deserves all the warmth of friendship and affection, and he’s grateful that he has friends like Corey who provide that for him.

It doesn’t always just has to be Liam.

*

They’ve rearranged the lounge chairs and umbrellas to create a decently large shaded area where they can all hang out.

Liam is sitting on the edge of the pool, scrolling through his phone and splashing his legs in the water. He texts his mom to let her know that they’re back in town and that they’re hanging out at Mason’s for a little bit.

He goes through the pictures he’s taken of the pool party so far and posts his favorite ones on Instagram.

The weather isn’t getting cooler as much as it has stopped getting hotter.

He hears the hollow clank of an empty soda can as it’s set down on the table. He looks over his shoulder and sees that it’s Theo’s drink.

“Theo,” he says, sliding into the lull in the group’s small talk. “Can I get you another?”

“I’m okay, Liam, thanks,” Theo replies, getting up from his seat. “I was just gonna get up. Can I bring you back anything?”

“Lemon and mint?”

“Sure thing.” Theo grabs the empties on the table, dumps them in the recycling bin by the bar, and heads back into the house.

“So…” Scott hedges. “You guys are pretty close.”

Liam pushes off and gets his legs out of the water to turn around and face everyone. They’re doing that thing again where they’re all looking expectantly at him, and it’s weird and almost creepy.

“Yeah?” He says slowly.

Scotts shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “But, like, _how_ close?”

Stiles sighs dramatically and rolls his eyes.

Mason looks super invested. And Corey is just shaking his head.

“Really close?” Liam says warily. He frowns. The vibe is weird and he’s not sure he likes whatever it is that’s going on here. “Why?” he asks defensively.

“Nothing bad,” Scott covers right away. “Just making an observation.”

“Is Theo in trouble?”

“What? No.”

“Am I in trouble?”

“No—Liam, no one is in trouble!”

Liam gets up and glowers at everyone.

“Here you go,” Theo says as he approaches from behind Liam.

“Thanks.” Liam grabs the can—already peeled and popped. He takes a swig.

“Theo, do you date?” Stiles asks apropos of nothing.

Liam takes another pull of his soda and nearly crushes the can in his hand.

“Why?” Theo asks, cocking his head at Stiles and smirking flirtatiously. “You and Lydia interested in a third? Want me to be your unicorn?”

Lydia looks up from her phone and peers over her sunglasses. “Careful how you answer, Stiles. You’re surrounded by lie detectors.”

Without saying a word or even looking at each other, Malia and Lydia high-five in perfect sync.

“I know you’re not on Grindr—”

“What do you mean you _know_ he’s not on Grindr?” Liam growls.

“I downloaded it to see if he would show up on it,” Stiles says reasonably, like a fucking sociopath.

“ _What?_ When? Dude, what the _fuck_ —” Liam snarls, irritated and upset at the gross intrusion into Theo’s private life.

“It’s okay, Liam,” Theo says. “I think Stiles is just trying to get to know me a little,” he adds ironically. “I don’t mind.”

“So?” Stiles prompts.

Liam doesn’t wait for Theo’s answer. He chugs the rest of his soda, crushes the empty can savagely against his chest, and marches toward the bar to dump the flattened can in the recycling bin.

He hears the conversation go on, Theo entertaining everyone’s obnoxious questions. Even Mason and Scott have joined in.

He tunes them out and makes a real effort not to make out anything coherent. Theo’s voice sounds like he’s answering them. He doesn’t sound aggrieved, so that’s all right at least.

Liam stretches his arms up and looks over the fence, out into the field behind the neighborhood. There’s a creek out there running parallel to a trail.

He used to go there with Mason, back when he slept over all the time, and they’d walk there late at night, just talking. He supposes it’s Corey now that Mason goes with.

It could be nice in the early morning. Maybe he can get Theo to come along. They could find an entrance closest to either his parents’ house or the apartment, and go for a walk or a run. Maybe even invite his dad who sometimes goes on morning jogs. His dad likes Theo a lot already but this could be one more thing they could have together, all three of them. It would be nice.

“Liam?”

Liam turns around at the sound of Theo’s voice.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Liam shrugs. “I didn’t want you to feel awkward with me hanging around. They were asking some pretty personal stuff back there.”

“Just leave me to the wolves, huh?” Theo says teasingly. “That’s cold, man.”

“I would’ve come for you if you needed saving.”

Liam means for it to come out lightly, instead he sounds sincere and protective.

It seems to make Theo shy.

“How’d it go over there anyway?” Liam asks, narrowing his eyes at Stiles.

“Awkward.”

“Did they ask about—”

“It was a _really_ invasive line of questioning.”

“ _Rude_.”

“So rude.”

“What?” Liam asks, noticing Theo’s uncomfortable look.

“Nothing. Just a little traumatized.”

Liam shakes his head. “Geez.”

“Yeah.”

Maybe now is as good a time as any to pick up where they left off.

“I meant what I said in San Francisco,” Liam says softly. “I want you to have…that stuff.”

“Liam…”

“I know we all joke about me being dense, and that’s all fun and games. I don’t mind. I don’t. But even I recognize that you and I live in each other’s pockets.”

Liam lets it sink it and waits for Theo to acknowledge in some way.

“Where are you going with this?” Theo asks.

“You work all the time—”

“I like working—”

“I know you do. And when you’re not working, you’re with me—”

“I _like_ being with you—”

Liam steps into Theo’s space, cups the side of his face in one hand and holds him by the waist in the other.

“Maybe that’s the problem.” Liam expects Theo to lean into his hand and to touch him back in some way, but again he doesn’t. He almost growls in frustration but stops himself just in time. It’s jarring, this sudden distance, but he tries to let it go.

“Liam, I don’t understand—”

“Guys throw themselves at you—”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“You could have, like, _ten_ boyfriends—”

“What the hell would I do with ten boyfriends? I don’t want a harem, Liam, I’m not a sultan—”

“Those guys in San Francisco. The Filipino dude at the food trucks thing—”

“Yeah, he was super hot—”

Liam scowls. “And Diglett from the store—”

“Dalton. Diglett’s a Pokemon—”

“ _Whatever_ —what I mean is that could’ve been something. If I hadn’t been there, hovering around you, maybe those guys could’ve been something for you.”

“You’re the reason we were in San Francisco—”

“I meant in general, Theo.”

“Liam…”

Liam looks into Theo’s eyes and strokes his cheek gently. It hurts, what he’s about to say, and he would be giving up something he’s come to think of as his, but it’s the right thing to do.

“I could back off,” he says softly even as he feels himself swaying helplessly toward Theo. “I could give you space. You wouldn’t have to worry about me, with the next guy that comes along.”

“If you want to do that because you want space for yourself, then I can respect that. We could give each other space. You don’t have to be around,” Theo says carefully.

“Jesus, Theo, no—I _love_ being with you. I wanna be with you all the time _._ ”

“So if you’re just saying it because you think it’s what I want or what I need…Liam, I like how my life is now.” Theo takes a deep breath. “I like where you are in it,” he says softly.

Right. Where Liam is in it. This in-between place.

Liam sags, deflated. He presses his forehead on Theo’s shoulder. “All right,” he whispers.

“Are we good?”

“Yeah, we’re good.” Liam closes the gap between them and envelops Theo in a hug. Their wet shorts are cold but everywhere else is warm where they’re touching skin to skin.

It’s only now that Theo touches him back to return the hug, and even then it feels a little distant, a little impersonal.

Liam squeezes him tighter. Theo doesn’t. “Good talk.”

A breeze carries Stiles’s voice in the air.

“—just one—give me _one_ heterosexual reason for all of that—”

Liam pulls away. “Might as well go back. They’re listening anyway.”

He notes the blush on Scott’s and Corey’s faces, the smirk on Malia’s.

Theo turns around to look at the pack. “Which one do you think has been relaying for the ones who don’t have enhanced hearing?”

At that, Scott and Corey look guiltily away, and Malia’s smirk just gets bigger.

“Group effort, it looks like.”

“Scott likes it when everyone works as a team,” Liam says wryly.

Theo chuckles.

“You guys ever heard of boundaries?” Liam calls out as they approach the pack.

“Have you?” Stiles asks defiantly, pointedly looking between him and Theo.

Liam shrugs.

“What about you, Liam?” Scott says seriously.

“What about me?” Liam asks.

“It’s been a while since, you know…” Scott trails off.

“A while since what?” Liam counters, knowing exactly what Scott is getting at. But if he’s going to get in Liam’s business, then he can very well say it.

“A while since you’ve dated,” Malia supplies.

“I’m not looking for a girlfriend,” Liam shrugs.

“Nobody said anything about a _girlfriend_ ,” Stiles snarks.

“Okay?” Liam replies confusedly. “I’m not looking for hookups either?”

Stiles’s face goes through a weird combination of gaping on the bottom half and consternation on the top half. He looks at Scott, Corey, and Malia in turn. For what reason, Liam doesn’t—

Oh.

 _Rude_.

He’s gotten so used to the privacy he and Theo maintain with each other that it’s a shock to be reminded that it’s not the norm for everyone else here. And now here’s Stiles, looking at the other shapeshifters to see whether Liam is lying.

“What are you looking for, then?” Mason asks with a seriousness that’s different from the pointed questions he’s been asking lately. He’s not being pushy or intrusive. He just seems concerned and caring.

He’s trying to look out for Liam and he wants to be let in enough to be able to do it.

Never mind the audience or how publicly such a private question is being asked. In front of lie detectors, no less.

Liam knows his own heart, and he lets everyone hear the truth of it.

“I’m not looking for anything,” he says out loud. He looks at Theo, and in his heart he adds privately, _I’m waiting to be found._

*

The repair guys finish with the AC, and everybody decides to go ahead and wash up and cool down inside.

They’re all a little sluggish from the heat and exhausted from swimming. And the informal living room by the kitchen is comfortable enough that they all just sort of just lounge around for a little bit and upload photos and videos on their social media.

Liam’s phone vibrates with a text message from his mom.

“Theo?” he calls out.

“Sup.”

“My mom’s asking if you wanna come over for dinner.”

“Sure.”

Liam sends a reply. “Okay, now she’s asking if you wanna stay the night.”

“They’re off tomorrow, aren’t they?” Theo chuckles knowingly.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Tell her yes, I’ll stay the night, and I’ll make that thing she likes for breakfast.”

“Okay,” Liam replies and relays the message through text. “Wow, Mom.”

“What?” Theo asks.

“She says the bell peppers and mushrooms and eggs are in the fridge, and sausages are in the second fridge in the garage. Not even a thank you.”

Theo laughs in response.

Now everyone is paying attention.

“Uhhh, what is happening?” Stiles asks suspiciously.

Liam puts his phone down and turns to Stiles. “What do you mean?”

“A dinner invitation? Asking him to stay the night? Cooking breakfast? Is this normal?”

“Yeah?”

“How the fuck? She’s met Theo, right?”

“Oh, fuck you—Theo is a good guy and my parents love him, and literally none of this is your fucking business.”

“Liam—” both Theo and Scott say at the same time.

“Fine. Jesus,” Stiles concedes, throwing his hands up conciliatorily. “You don’t have to bite my head off.”

“And you don’t have to be a jackass, but here we are.”

“Liam, it’s okay,” Theo says.

Liam doesn’t take it well at all.

“No, it’s not. He’s been rude to you all afternoon. And if he’s not gonna apologize, the least he could do is keep his mouth shut.”

Liam’s skin is prickling with heat despite the full blast of the AC coming through the vents. He feels the couch dip next to him, and there’s Theo’s hand on his shoulder.

“It’s okay, Liam,” Theo says.

“You don’t have to take that,” Liam insists.

“I know.”

“You don’t have to take _any_ of that—”

“I _know_. Thank you for sticking up for me. He’s just being Stiles.”

Liam turns to Theo and ignores everyone else completely. He cradles Theo’s head in his hand gently and brings their faces closer together.

He notes again with growing frustration that Theo is subdued in returning his touch, doing nothing more than keeping his hand on his shoulder.

“Theo, I don’t want you to feel like you’re—”

“I know. It’s okay. We don’t have to talk about it now. Okay?”

“Okay.” Liam calms his breathing. “Sorry, everyone,” he says sheepishly.

“Yeah, sorry,” Stiles adds begrudgingly.

“Okay,” Mason announces, “I’m gonna be right back with popsicles for everyone. Try not to kill or horribly maim each other while I’m gone.”

“Can me and Theo have a coconut one?” Liam asks hopefully.

“Yes, Liam, you and Theo can have coconut.”

*

“What time is dinner?” Theo asks as they walk back to the truck.

Liam checks his phone for the time. “Seven-thirty. It’s five now.”

“All right,” Theo says in such a way that indicates to Liam there’s something else coming.

He waits it out for several moments but Theo doesn’t say anything else. He stops just before they reach the truck and asks, “What is it?”

“Come home with me,” Theo says in a rush of breath.

“Sure,” Liam replies. “Anything you wanna do in particular?”

Theo dips his head and scratches his beard. “I just wanna be with you for a couple of hours.”

Liam feels himself grinning from ear to ear.

“Shut up,” Theo says. He rolls his eyes, but Liam can see the pink in his cheeks and the upward quirk in the corners of his mouth.

*

They don’t talk at all the entire drive. They greet Nando at the front desk, but are otherwise silent.

The quiet is pleasant and comfortable. There are moments, though, when Liam’s heart flips every time Theo gives him a look like he’s restraining himself from doing something.

Theo lets them into the apartment, holding the door open just long enough for Liam to come in. They take their shoes off and stow them on the shoe rack there.

“Leave the bags in the hall,” Theo says as he makes his way straight to the kitchen where Liam watches him fill a glass of water from the sink and knock back half of it in two chugs.

Liam joins him in the kitchen and leans back on the bar, waiting to see where this is going.

And then Theo is crowding him, scooping his arms around Liam’s waist and back, and hugging their bodies flush together. His sigh tickles Liam’s ear.

Liam lets himself be taken, falling into Theo with his arms just draped over his shoulders and biceps.

“You all right?” Liam asks.

“Yeah, just—um…been waiting for this.”

Liam chuckles, amused. He gives Theo a squeeze and starts to pull away but Theo keeps him close.

After a few more moments, Theo lets go.

“I think I messed up earlier,” he says, looking guilty. “I left you hanging, and I think you felt it.” He shakes his head. “No. I _know_ I messed up, and I _know_ you felt it.”

It takes Liam by surprise. For one, he wasn’t expecting Theo to be the one to bring it up, and he himself hasn’t decided whether to even broach the subject. But here goes Theo, doing it

“Yeah, I, um, I noticed,” he says hesitantly.

He wants to tell Theo he thinks he understands the why of it. But given how upset Theo seems about it, it might be the wrong thing to say.

“C’mon,” he says instead, grabbing Theo by the wrist and leading them both up the stairs to Theo’s room.

He sets his phone down on the bedside table and then turns around and fishes for Theo’s in his pocket to place next to it.

He pushes Theo’s shirt up and off, sliding his hands purposefully on Theo’s sides, his fingers through the hair on Theo’s pits, and curving his grip around Theo’s triceps, gratified by Theo’s soft gasp and the way he quivers helplessly under Liam’s hands.

He hangs back and drops his hands to his sides, waits and looks expectantly up at Theo until Theo pulls Liam’s shirt off as well.

His hands are on Theo before Theo even drops his shirt, roving unhurriedly up and down his flanks, his pecs, his shoulders. His actions are braver, bolder than he actually feels. He’s confident in touching but unable to look Theo in the eyes.

Theo’s breathing quickens, hitching now and then as Liam indulges himself.

Liam eases up enough so that Theo takes his meaning and touches him right back. He leans in and makes it clear it’s all wanted. All of it is wanted.

He closes in, arms bent at the elbows and pressed along Theo’s ribs and his back. He pushes himself against Theo until their torsos are touching and his nose is nuzzling Theo’s ear.

And then they’re holding each other.

“Liam? I want to explain. About earlier,” Theo says softly.

Liam pulls back and gives them both enough space. He keeps his hands on Theo’s waist, having learned already how much easier it is to talk when they’re touching, how assured and safe it makes them both feel.

Theo’s own hands are on Liam’s chest, hanging just there by his collarbone and pecs. Liam knows Theo can feel his heartbeat, but he doesn’t mind.

“Okay,” Liam replies finally.

“Mason and Stiles were looking and they were talking. Everyone was.”

“Right.”

“And they could see what this looks like.”

Liam thinks he knows what’s coming. He doesn’t brace himself for it.

In fact he does the opposite. He breathes in and out, each turn measured and careful, and allows his mind to relax, his heart to unclench around the intensity of his feelings. His body follows suit, and he feels himself swaying closer to Theo.

He drops his gaze to Theo’s chest and brings up a hand to touch where his eyes are looking, to the broad expanse of it. It seems to Liam the light dusting of dark hair there softens the suggestion of brute strength under all that hard muscle. It makes Theo’s body look as gentle as Liam knows from experience it could be. He has felt that gentleness, known it in such a way as to learn to crave it.

He sighs longingly, uncaring what it reveals to Theo about him. And when he starts to notice Theo’s heartbeat pulsing on his palm and fingertips, he moves his hand away and leaves Theo’s heart to its own secrets and truths.

A few years ago when Liam was going in for his booster shot of HPV immunization, he remembers telling the clinician how much the first injection had hurt. He wasn’t really complaining, just sharing an experience. She told him to pinch a tiny bit of skin with his fingernails until he feels the pain shooting up and that’ll distract him from the pain of the shot.

He supposes that’s what he’s doing now when he looks at Theo and asks, “And what does ‘this’ look like?”

Theo raises a chastising eyebrow. “Come on, Liam.”

“Does it bother you?” he asks, not so much ready as he is simply surrendering to what’s coming.

Theo sighs and he seems really uncomfortable. “Everyone was being so…you know?” he says, making a frustrated gesture with his hand, and then adds with such a finality:

“I don’t want anybody to get the wrong idea.”

It’s as painful as a lance piercing through Liam, but at least it’s swift, the entry wound as clean as the exit.

He bleeds anyway.

“Yeah,” he says. “That makes sense,” he adds, relieved to find not just his voice steady but his heart as well. He feels suddenly cold inside, like ice is crystalizing in his chest, sapping away all the warmth.

He’s not sure how he must look, so he turns his face away.

In truth, he doesn’t think he can bear seeing the look on Theo’s face either.

“I feel like I said something wrong.”

“You didn’t.” Liam tucks himself into Theo, seeking warmth there where he’s lost it in himself. “Like I said, feedback is good and I wanna get this right for you.” He rubs Theo’s back.

He moves them to the bed, turns Theo around so that he’s spooning him. The way Theo likes, he tries to tell himself. But in his heart he knows that he’s hiding his face from Theo as much as he’s hiding Theo’s face from him. “I’m sorry for being all over you in front of everyone,” he whispers. “We’ll keep it private like you want. Okay?”

It doesn’t have to be anything Theo doesn’t want it to be.

“Liam—”

“It’s okay, Theo,” he says, allowing his lips to move against the skin of Theo’s nape.

Something inside of him breaks.

It’s okay.

It’s okay.

He keeps all the pieces.

*


	12. Chapter 12

*

Liam jolts awake. “Shit! Shit!” He reaches for his vibrating phone, knowing already that that it’s his mom calling because they’re late.

The call disconnects before he can pick up, but sure enough his phone displays the time: 7:20 PM.

“We’re late, aren’t we?” Theo asks, his voice sleep-rough.

“Yeah.” Liam looks over to Theo and sees a small frown on his face. He doesn’t look rested at all despite the nap. He flips around so that he’s sitting on the bed and facing him. “We should head out.”

Theo rolls his head on the pillow toward Liam, and Liam can’t help himself. He reaches his hand out and gently strokes Theo’s face.

Theo’s eyes close as he leans into it.

“Liam?” he asks. His eyes open and his gaze freezes Liam in place.

“Yeah?” Liam answers nervously. “What is it?” He starts to pull his hand back, but Theo’s own hand comes up and keeps it in place. 

Theo seems to make abortive attempts to talk, his mouth opening and closing. He draws in a breath like he's about to say something, only to change his mind at the last moment, biting his lip and exhaling noisily through his nose. “Never mind,” he says.

Liam is a bundle of frustration and regret. He curls his fingers on Theo's face and runs his fingertips gently through the soft beard. "Theo," he says, like it's the beginning of something more, but Theo drops his gaze and ends it there.

He tries to catch Theo’s eyes again, but Theo keeps them turned away. “You’re right. We should head out,” Theo says in a distant voice, and yet he nuzzles into Liam’s hand.

“Okay, Theo.” Liam strokes Theo’s cheek with his thumb. “Okay.”

And then, they go.

*

“Sorry! Sorry! We’re here! Sorryyy!”

Liam comes barreling into the house and heads straight to the dining room where his dad is laying down platters of food and his mom is pouring wine into glasses.

“Hi, guys,” his dad says.

Liam gives him a quick hug first, and then his mom.

“You look like you just rolled out of bed,” his mom says teasingly. She looks at Theo and raises an eyebrow. “Both of you.”

“We literally did,” Liam says with a laugh. “We lost track of time.” He grins at Theo who’s jogging into the room and at least trying to fix his hair. Liam doesn’t bother with his.

“Hi,” Theo says, greeting Liam’s mom and dad in turn. “Sorry we’re late. And, um, thanks for having me over.”

Liam’s parents give them weird looks.

They get seated and dive right in.

Liam’s mom asks about their trip, and this time he lets Theo do the telling. His mom prepared chicken and fish karaage and Japanese curry, and so Liam is too busy stuffing his face.

Dessert is a cold sticky rice pudding with coconut milk and corn served in small bowls, his dad’s recipe which he learned from a Filipina nurse during his residency, and one of Liam’s favorites.

His dad and Theo rope each other into shop talk. It tends to happen sometimes given the shared context of their jobs.

It’s cool. Actually, it’s awesome how well Theo gets along with Liam’s parents. It’s heartening how all three of them seem to put in the effort to engage each other.

His mom scoots her chair closer to Liam, and they talk quietly together.

“You took some really great photos,” she says.

Liam hums around a mouthful of pudding. “Yeah, I gotta order some prints. I forgot to do it today.”

“Slowpoke,” she teases fondly. “I already got mine framed. They’re at the stairs, if you want to take a look later. You and Theo look really good in them.”

He rolls his eyes. “The camera _loves_ that guy.”

“Not just the camera, I bet.”

“Mom, you have no idea,” Liam hisses. He lowers his voice some more. “He was laying it on so thick with the woman at the hotel front desk, I swear she almost fainted. And then the guy at the store we went to kept asking him out and wrote his phone number on our receipt! He couldn’t even stand in line to get us bottled water without getting hit on. And then the host at the restaurant basically offered himself! But Theo’s a big flirt, so.”

“Um?” She says, looking scandalized.

“Tell me about it! That guy’s a menace,” he snickers.

“Sweetie…it doesn’t cause problems between you?”

“Uh uh,” Liam shakes his head. “We always get free stuff and better service.” He empties the rest of his pudding directly into his mouth and eyes his mom’s. “Hey, are you gonna eat that?”

His mom silently surrenders her bowl. There’s a lull in their conversation as she considers him with a peculiar look on her face as if she’s trying to suss something out.

Liam finishes the pudding and burps. “Thanks, Mom,” he tells her. “Oh, um, is the guest room still made up from last week?”

“The guest room?”

“Yeah, for Theo?”

Liam watches her eyes flit toward Theo then back to him.

“Is everything okay?” his mom asks worriedly.

“Yeah? I mean, I’m pretty tired.”

“No I meant with…” She glances between Theo and Liam again.

“Everything’s fine. I just wanna make sure the room is ready so I don’t end up waking you guys later on, banging around looking for sheets and making up the bed and stuff.”

“You’re very thoughtful. But, really, sweetie, we don’t mind.”

“So it’s not made up anymore?”

“What? No, it is. I meant your dad and I both know you’ve both been very respectful, and we don’t mind if Theo sleeps in y—”

“Did you eat your mom’s dessert again?” his dad interrupts.

Liam whips his head around to where his dad is looking at him despairingly.

“Really, Liam?” Theo shakes his head, looking exactly like Liam’s dad.

“She said I could have it. I’m a growing boy,” Liam says defensively.

“Also it’s really good,” Theo adds.

“Thank you, Theo,” his dad says.

“Everything was super delicious,” Liam says, mostly because it’s true but also to one-up Theo. “Thanks, guys.”

He and Theo offer to clean up, and his parents retire to the living room. His mom pulls a bottle of riesling from the fridge. Theo offers to open it for her, and then brings it over in an ice bucket with two glasses.

Liam is drying the dishes while Theo puts them away when Theo asks, “Is your mom okay?”

Liam looks up. “Yeah, why?”

“She seemed kind of…” Theo gestures vaguely. “Toward the end there.”

“Yeah, she’s fine. We were just talking.”

“Okay.”

And then it occurs to Liam that there might be a problem. Fuck, and Theo must notice, the way he’s looking at him.

“What?” Theo asks.

“She framed prints of the some of the pictures from the trip.”

“That was fast.”

“Yeah, she really likes ‘em.” Liam hands Theo the last plate. “Um, she put ‘em up at the stairs, she said.”

“Okay?”

Liam surveys the kitchen and the dining room, satisfied that everything has been taken care of. “Do you wanna go up?”

“Yeah, I’m exhausted.”

They poke their heads into the living room to check in with his parents and to say good night, and then head to the stairs.

Theo sees them first. He pauses in front of them and just…looks.

The frames are grouped together, one cluster among many, showing snapshots of this home’s—this family’s—life. Liam, his parents, Mason, and even Theo. Some of those Liam put up himself, others his mom after she started following his Instagram months ago and asking for originals.

They belong up there as much as any of the others. But if Liam’s being honest, the most recent additions, especially when they’re together like that, suggest something that just…isn’t.

Liam on Theo’s back, at the beach, both of them smiling happily. Liam and Theo with their hoodies, goofing off at the store. Liam and Theo leaning toward each other over the table, Liam holding out his fork for Theo to eat from.

Theo, solo, in the sunset, looking at the camera—looking at Liam like he wants something he’s made it fairly clear he doesn’t.

And if Liam can see it, then Theo must see it, too.

He may not have known at first or even considered the look of things, but he definitely sensed it. Which was why he asked Theo for permission in the first place before sharing pictures like these.

“I know you’re worried about how things look. I can talk to my mom if this bothers you. But my parents love you, Theo. You’re a part of our lives.”

Theo’s head jerks quickly to face him, but Liam feels so raw and vulnerable that he can’t bear to look at him.

“I’m gonna go brush my teeth and turn in,” he says, squeezing past Theo.

He isn’t running away. He’s not. But he’s not going to stick around either and open himself up to confrontation in the stairwell with his parents just in the other room.

“I’ll join you.”

“Suit yourself,” Liam sighs.

*

Liam doesn’t hang around after he finishes, just says, “The guest room’s already made up,” on his way out of the bathroom to leave Theo to his business.

He leaves a clean shirt and some shorts on the guest bed for Theo to use.

He goes to his room, and his shirt is already off before the door even closes. His socks follow, then his pants. He thinks about taking his briefs off, but decides against it.

He flicks the overhead light switch off and turns on the bedside lamps.

He lies down in bed on top of the sheets and puts his hands behind his head. He closes his eyes and tries to clear his mind.

Now that he’s alone without even his thoughts to occupy him, he feels the tension in his body, the tight spring that’s been coiled in the pit of his belly.

He brings his left hand down to caress his abs and enjoys the feel of his muscles and body hair.  
  
It’s been, what? A week? Since he’s taken care of himself? That’s a record. He’s gone at it at least once—honestly, twice regularly—every day since he discovered how to do it.

It’s not that he hasn’t wanted to. He has. He’s chubbing up in his briefs just thinking about it.

He keeps his hand off it, teasing himself instead with light touches up and down his torso, in the dip of his sternum and down toward his navel.

Theo touches him like this sometimes.

Fuck.

He’s so bummed about the way things are shaking out with Theo.

It shouldn’t be different, but it is. As wonderful as it was, San Francisco really threw a wrench in the works.

They had a routine down.

They were of service to each other, they looked out for each other, they kept each other company. They were affectionate.

Not as affectionate as they are now, but look where that’s gotten them.

Here. Wherever here is. And this. Whatever this is.

He sighs heavily. That particular thought is killing the mood. In his mind, at least, and in his heart.

His body, on the other hand, hasn’t gotten the memo yet. He feels hot, and there’s a sheen of sweat layered thinly on his skin.

The stretchy fabric of his briefs is straining against his swelling junk where things are starting to get sticky.

That’s new, too. He never used to leak this much, and now even when he’s even barely turned on he makes a sopping mess down there.

He wonders if it’s something to do with how much more intensely he feels when he’s aroused lately, and what’s been turning him on. Or who.

There’s the quick tap of fingertips on his door before the knob clinks as it turns and the door swings open.

Theo slides right in and closes the door behind him.

“Liam, could we talk for a sec—”

Theo’s breath hitches and he stops, completely frozen in place.

Liam knows what he looks like, one arm behind his head, the other trailing down his front. His briefs tented and damp. He knows what the room smells like.

He takes a deep breath and opens his eyes. “Hey, Theo,” he says without looking at him. He swings his legs over the bed and walks toward where he dropped his clothes. He picks them up off the floor and pulls on his shirt. He discards his pants and socks in the hamper in the closet.

He opens his windows to let fresh air in and the smell out.

He doesn't really know when it started, but it's just another thing they do. A testament to how close they are that neither of them have any problems entering each other's private spaces and moments at any given time, like going into the bathroom to pick up dirty clothes while the other is taking a shower, or barging into their bedroom for whatever reason. Theo doesn't even close his bedroom door when Liam stays over.

What's noteworthy is this is the first time something like this is happening.

Liam shakes his head as he walks up to Theo, and then, because he’s insane or desperate or hopeless, or all of the above, he rubs his cheek against Theo’s.

He realizes too late the distance is close enough that his chubbed up junk bumps against Theo’s leg, the moist pouch of his briefs smearing his pre on Theo’s borrowed shorts.

“I’m just gonna wash my hands. I’ll be right back,” Liam tells him. He recognizes the panicked look in Theo’s eyes so he adds, softly, “Please, Theo. Please don’t leave, okay?”

In the bathroom, Liam pulls down his briefs and mops himself up with some tissues which he flushes down the toilet. It takes a minute for him to relax enough to be able to stuff himself back in his briefs. He uses the time to wonder when and how the hell he seems to have lost control of his life, what decisions at which points in time led him to having to escape to the bathroom to clean up the mess of pre from his junk while he waits for his boner to subside so he can have a conversation with his friend.

Jesus.

He washes his hands thoroughly and tries not to think about what he’s walking into when he returns to his room.

Theo is sitting at Liam’s desk, looking down at his lap, his hands closed into tight fists, one of them near where Liam—

He feels his face burning, and he quickly walks to his dresser to pull out a fresh pair of shorts and briefs for himself and another one for Theo.

He changes out of his soiled briefs and into the fresh ones and puts the shorts on with the drawstrings tied. He bundles up his dirty things and dumps them in the hamper, and then and sits down on the bed. He holds the other pair of clean shorts over to Theo. “Sorry,” he says. “Here’s some clean ones.”

Theo takes it but just puts it on the desk. “I walked in on something,” he says.

“Kinda.”

“Do you want me to leave you to it?”

Liam chuckles at the absurdity of it all. “This is a really weird conversation.”

“We have a really weird friendship.”

“That’s one word for it.” Liam steels himself.

“‘Weird’?”

“‘Friendship’,” he says challengingly.

Theo cocks his head to the side. “Are we in a fight?”

Liam meets him head on. “We’re in something.”

Neither of them say anything for a bit.

Theo’s distress is clear in his body language.

Liam’s heart aches at the thought that Theo feels safe enough around him that he doesn’t bother trying to hide or look unaffected. He looks almost defeated, still holding on but barely.

And Liam will always, always reach for him.

Liam gets off the bed and kneels in front of him. He looks up at Theo’s downcast face and cups it in his hand.

“You look tired, Theo,” he tells him.

Theo just nods. “I am.”

Liam moves his thumb to stroke Theo’s cheek gently.

“Liam?”

Liam puts his free hand on Theo’s thigh and rubs soothingly there. “Yeah?”

“What is it that you’re doing when you touch me like this?” Theo asks.

Maybe a week ago such a question would’ve rattled Liam. But the way he and Theo are with each other now has grown and changed so much that it doesn’t even faze him.

And all he wants is to feel close to Theo.

“How does it make you feel?” he asks in return instead of answering the question.

Theo takes a shuddering breath.

Liam realizes the gravity of what he’s asking. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say if you don’t want.”

Theo’s eyes drift closed. “It makes me feel like I’m cared for. And wanted here. And safe.”

Liam doesn’t blame him for keeping his eyes closed. It’s a whole other thing to be so vulnerable and admit to something so deeply personal and heartfelt, no matter how brave you are.

“Then that’s what I’m doing,” Liam says simply.

Theo finally opens his eyes and there’s a questioning look to them.

“You’re like this with me, too,” Liam says.

Theo’s eyes widen and his mouth parts slightly.

Nothing seems to make sense anymore. He feels like they’re taking one step forward and two steps back, and then leaping forward in a stride only to start back at the beginning.

And the beginning always, inevitably, leads them somewhere here.

“Do you wanna go back to the guest room?” Liam asks quietly.

“No.”

His heart starts beating a little faster.

“Do you wanna come to bed with me?”

“Yes,” Theo replies quickly, breathlessly.

Liam is expecting it but he’s affected anyway. “Okay,” he says, swallowing thickly.

“Is that okay?” Theo asks, sounding unsure.

“Yeah.” Liam strokes Theo’s cheek gently. “Yeah, I want you to.”  
  
He gets up and starts walking toward the door. “I’m gonna get us some water. Is there anything you need from the guest room or your truck before we turn in?” he asks.

“No. Thank you.” And then quietly, privately, which Liam barely registers and even then only because there is no other sound in the room, he thinks he hears Theo mutter, “Everything I need is here.”

Liam freezes just as he’s about to open the door, his fingertips suddenly hot where his hand is curled around the doorknob. He turns around to look at Theo, wondering if he’s misheard.

Even in the subdued light of the bedside lamps he can see the blush on Theo’s face and the wide-eyed look of shock like he’s been caught.

“Okay,” Liam says faintly.

He lets himself out and makes sure to close the door. He runs into his mom just as she’s climbing up the stairs. She glances toward the guest room where the open door shows that it’s unoccupied.

“Oh, hi, Mom. Excuse me,” he says, trying to go past her.

“Oh, hey, sweetie. Where’s Theo?” she asks, eyebrows raised.

“He’s, um, he’s in my room.”

She blinks.

“We’re just talking,” Liam adds hurriedly.

“Okay…” she says slowly. “Remember what I said.”

“Mom,” Liam says gently but firmly. He hates to brush her off but he just doesn’t have it in him to figure this out, too, on top of what’s going on in his room. “We’re just talking,” he says again, just eager to move on.

She nods and lets him pass.

He fills two glasses and returns quickly back upstairs where he closes the guest room door before slipping back into his own bedroom.

Theo grabs one of the glasses from him, takes a couple of gulps, then sets it down on the right bedside table.

Liam goes around to the other side. He sets his own glass down and closes the windows back up.

He senses movement behind him, and here’s Theo with a strange look on his face which Liam doesn’t quite know how to interpret.

He’s gotten so used to Theo’s self-effacing and neutral expression. It used to bother him until he learned to use it as an opportunity, a blank slate, to start from.

Now that Theo is more open around him there’s all this new stuff he hasn’t learned yet.

He leans his butt on his desk, not quite sitting but partially propped up on the edge with his hands flat on the top for support. He tries to look open and receptive, hoping Theo would avail himself of the tacit invitation.

It just seems safer to let Theo decide.

There’s a crazy part of him that just wants to give Theo what Liam thinks he needs, what he thinks he wants, without regard for Liam’s own feelings, but there’s no way to make that sound safe for both of them and within bounds of the lines they’ve drawn for themselves and whatever this is.

In the end his affection for and protectiveness of Theo win out, and he pushes off from the table and wraps him in his arms.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I was waiting for you but it started to feel like I was just leaving you high and dry.”

Theo breathes out as he clings to Liam, and it feels exactly how Liam wants it to.

“I’m sorry. I’m here, Theo.”

“No, _I’m_ sorry. I feel like an idiot.”

“It’s okay,” Liam hurries to reassure him, to reassure both of them.

“This is just really confusing.” Theo sounds relieved and sad and giddy and scared all at the same time.

“Tell me about it,” Liam laughs a little hysterically.

Theo laughs with him, and somehow it brings them back to some kind of okay.

“Can I help you with your clothes?” Liam steps back, keeps his head down and his eyes somewhere on Theo’s throat. “But only if you want, Theo. Okay?”

He feels Theo’s hands on his face, hot more than warm, and so, so gentle, as he tips Liam’s face up so he could look into his eyes. “Yes, Liam. I want.”

Liam’s eyes widen and he feels an intense response to it. “Okay,” he says softly.

He casts his gaze down and starts lifting Theo’s shirt from the bottom, dragging his fingers on Theo’s front as he works his way up. His fingers tingle where they touch Theo’s hot skin. He thinks about trying to minimize the contact to be respectful but Theo leans in and pushes for more of it.

It emboldens Liam to touch more than strictly necessary, running his fingertips up along the ridges of muscle at Theo’s abs and sides.

”This okay?” he asks, checking in.

”Yeah.” And that’s…relief he hears in Theo’s voice.

Liam indulges himself a little more, feeling up on Theo’s abs before pulling the shirt off him, sliding his hands along Theo’s shoulders and arms as Theo shucks it off. Liam lets it drop to the floor.

He slowly drags the back of his hand on Theo’s lightly haired chest and down toward his fuzzy abs. “You didn’t have hair here when we were in school together.”

He watches Theo’s throat work as he swallows.

“Your forearms and legs, too, now that I think about it.”

“I used to keep it shaved back then. And then I just stopped bothering. Couldn’t really, anyway,” he shrugs, “Living out of my truck like that.”

Liam nods in acknowledgement.

“You were looking?” Theo asks with a mischievous smirk.

Liam levels him with a pointed look. “You were a showoff in the weight room. It was really annoying.”

“Fair enough.”

Liam shrugs. “It got me to up my game.”

“Hmm.”

With Theo’s shorts Liam is more perfunctory. He looks, but it’s to be careful with contact rather than anything untoward. He pushes them down past Theo’s hips.

He feels hot as he kneels down, his throat suddenly dry. He presses his forehead on Theo’s pelvis, just there above his waistband and to the right of his navel, and just pauses to catch up with himself, eyes half lidded and skin tingling.

In his periphery he gleans Theo’s brightly colored briefs, the large bump at the pouch, the little hairs bunching out of the fabric around Theo’s inner thighs. His face is so close he feels the warmth radiating from it.

He breathes in, realizing too late what he’s doing until his nose fills with Theo’s smell.

Never mind that he feels Theo’s gaze on him. He gets up and smirks daringly at Theo who’s blushing but also looks…amused? Curious? Despairing of Liam but fond?

Not upset, anyway.

“Hi,” he says, feeling a little silly and goofy.

“You’re something else, Liam.” Theo cups his face in his hand and huffs an adorable little laugh.

Liam leans into it. He brings a hand up and touches Theo’s smile, poking gently at his bottom lip with a fingertip.

“I love hearing you laugh,” he says.

Theo’s eyes go soft. “Even if it’s at you?” He asks playfully.

Liam tips his head forward and rubs his cheek on Theo’s. He allows his lips to graze Theo’s beard and presses a smile against it. He takes Theo’s hand and places it on his chest, right above his heart, and lets Theo feel the truth of it. “Even if it’s at me,” he says earnestly, “as long as you’re happy.”

“God, Liam,” Theo mumbles, nudging Liam’s face in such a way that Liam’s lips drag away from his beard and on to the skin of his cheek.

The contact shocks Liam a little, and he draws a quick, short breath through his parted mouth. He nudges Theo’s face in return and then pulls back.

He can feel himself blushing even harder when he sees Theo’s wide-eyed reaction.

And then they’re looking shyly at each other, both of them caught indulging themselves.

Theo tugs hesitantly on the hem of Liam’s shirt. “Do you, um, want me to…?” He lets his raised eyebrows ask for him.

Liam smiles reassuringly. “Only if you want.”

Theo runs his hands all over Liam’s torso and shoulders, smoothing out the fabric of his shirt. He toys with the hem, pulling a little, and Liam’s pecs bulge out from it. Liam puffs his chest out and watches Theo’s throat work as he swallows.

Theo’s eyes seem locked on the tufts of his chest hair peeking out from the stretched collar. Liam begins to wonder what it is Theo is doing.

Not that it matters. Theo is free to do what he wants. Liam is 100% on board with whatever Theo wants.

“Put your arms up for me,” Theo says.

The rush of cool air on Liam’s sweaty skin as Theo pulls his shirt off makes him shiver a little.

Theo just…looks. His head is tipped down a bit and his gaze is fixed on Liam from the neck down.

And then Liam notices Theo’s breathing, how his chest heaves with each lungful, how each exhale displaces the air and seems to caress Liam, like Theo is just—

Oh.

Of course, Liam knows that Theo isn’t picking apart his chemosignals. That trust is a given with them, inviolable. And in the event that either of them slip up, they always own up to it.

Theo is scenting him simply for the pleasure of it.

The intimacy of it makes Liam flush, and his neck and cheeks and ears prickle with tickling heat.

“Sorry,” Theo says, finally looking up to Liam’s eyes. “Am I making you feel uncomfortable?” He asks with genuine concern.

“No,” Liam replies quickly with a shake of his head. “I hope I smell okay,” he adds with a rueful grin.

Now it’s Theo’s turn to blush. “I like how you smell.”

“I’m a little sweaty,” Liam presses.

Theo turns even redder. “I don’t mind.”

“You more than just don’t mind, from the looks of it,” Liam presses even further.

“Stop teasing me,” Theo almost whines.

“No,” Liam says gently. "Not when you’re enjoying it."

He’s about to make another crack at Theo but he’s struck dumb by the feel of Theo’s hands suddenly on his chest.

It feels different somehow.

 _All_ _of this_ feels different than before.

Or maybe Liam is just taking it differently, buoyed by the rush of having made up with Theo and being back to this, of being close because they both want it so much.

Theo occupies himself with the hair on Liam’s torso. Combing his fingers through it it, pulling at it a little, swirling it around with the pads of his fingertips.

“Having fun?” Liam asks.

“Yeah,” Theo says bashfully.

Liam chuckles a little.

“What?” Theo asks.

“Nothing.”

“C’mon, what?”

Liam puts one hand on Theo’s waist and the other on the juncture of his shoulder and neck. He holds him gently and reassuringly now just in case what he says next makes Theo feel insecure.

“You’re shy when we’re together like this. It’s a different you.”

“Well, _yeah_ ,” Theo replies, like the reasoning is obvious and therefore should be obvious to Liam as well.

And here’s the Theo he knows, playfully exasperated and snarky. It’s good to see him.

“It’s cute,” Liam says.

“ _You’re_ cute,” Theo snaps back testily, scowling. “No—wait—”

Liam laughs heartily and pulls Theo in for a full hug. “No take-backs.”

“Shut up,” Theo mumbles. He pulls back and looks at Liam seriously. “Of course, I’m a little…” he says vaguely. “This is…you _know…_?”

“I know,” Liam says just as seriously. “But we do a good job of checking in with each other, right? We make sure we’re both comfortable. And when something happens, we talk about it.”

“Right.” Theo pauses, seeming to consider his next words. “We do.” He’s a smart guy, and he’s gotten to know Liam pretty well.

Liam trusts that they’re on the same page. Well, he thinks sardonically, maybe not the same page. The same library at least.

Theo is quiet as he looks down, and his hands follow with a the leisurely drag of his knuckles on Liam’s abs. He pulls on the drawstring of Liam’s shorts and undoes the knot.

Liam can’t watch for the danger of it.

He removes himself from the situation as much as he’s able to—pulling his hands gently off Theo, looking past Theo’s shoulder and focusing his gaze on the wall behind him.

There’s the slow slide of his shorts, a finger hooking at the waistband, from the front for some insane reason that makes his breath hitch.

His jaw flexes with the tension of trying to keep it together.

 _Don’t think about it don’t think about it don’t_.

Liam gasps.

“Sorry—sorry,” Theo says hurriedly as his knuckles graze the peak of Liam’s bulge. He quickly pulls his hands back and looks up, narrowly avoiding banging Liam’s nose with his head.

“It’s okay, Theo,” Liam says, gripping Theo’s bicep. “No harm done.” He shucks off his shorts the rest of the way off.

Theo still seems embarrassed, but it’s a cute look on him and it softens Liam’s heart.

He feels a little lightheaded.

“Do you wanna go to sleep?” he asks.

Theo dips his head and scratches at his beard.

Liam can’t help the smile coming on. “Wanna play with me a little bit?”

Theo’s blush is endearing as fuck.

“Yeah, um,” he says. “That.”

*

“What time is it?”

Liam reaches over to the bedside table on Theo’s side where he put his phone earlier. He doesn’t bother rolling back to his spot, just stays draped over Theo.  
  
“It’s almost ten,” he says.

“Hmm.”

They’ve spent the last hour playing around in bed, goofing off, cuddling, talking about nothing. At one point Theo tricked Liam into giving him a back rub, but Liam was rewarded when Theo returned the favor.

Liam puts his phone down on the bed and tucks closer into Theo, hitching a leg over until it’s tangled over Theo’s, his shin nestled right on Theo’s crotch.

Theo doesn’t just allow it, he shifts and pulls Liam closer so that Liam’s crotch is pressed flush against his hip. His arm curled around Liam feels as natural as anything.

When they’re like this it would be so easy for Liam to pretend.

He tries hard not to. He tries not to think about it, at all. He doesn’t know if he succeeds.

“Liam? What’s up?”

He wonders what gives it away. Although he supposes being as close to Theo as this, and not just physically, something must reverberate in the air around them, like water rippling outward when even the tiniest thing disturbs the surface.

Liam just holds on tighter.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Theo asks.

“I dunno,” Liam says honestly, burrowing his face in the warmth of Theo’s neck.

“It’s okay, Liam.” Theo’s right arm comes up and rests on Liam’s left. “You’re okay.”

After a while, Liam moves them around so that he’s spooning Theo, limbs wrapped around him and his torso pressed along Theo’s back.

The way he knows Theo likes it.

*

Liam becomes aware of the soft caresses of Theo’s hand on his face, the gentle strokes on his eyebrows, his nose, his lips, his cheek.

“Did I wake you? I’m sorry,” Theo whispers in the dark, his hand stops and begins to pull away.

Liam chases the feel of it, eyes closed, still half asleep, and mumbles pleadingly, “No, don’t stop. Please, Theo.”

He pushes into Theo’s hand, closer to Theo until he feels the puffs of his breath on his face.

“God, Liam.”

“Please, Theo.”

*

It’s just before dawn when Liam comes to again. The room is illuminated only by the streetlights peering in through the window.

Theo is sound asleep.

Liam sits up carefully.

In Liam’s bed, under Liam’s sheets, warm from Liam’s warmth, Theo looks soft, peaceful, safe. Home.

Liam’s eyes are drawn to the delicate slope of Theo’s brows, the strong line of his nose, the hard cut of his cheeks and jaw.

The soft pout of his mouth.

Liam leans over, bracing himself on his elbow. He touches Theo’s face tenderly.

He dips his head down, close enough for their noses to touch.

He feels the tickle of Theo’s mustache on his upper lip.

He sighs and angles his head down further, touching his lips to Theo’s cheek and nuzzling him there.

“Liam,” Theo mumbles sleepily.

Liam feels Theo’s hand touch his hip and slide to encircle his waist.

He seems asleep and yet the way he’s maneuvering Liam seems consciously done and purposeful. His eyes remain closed as he nuzzles Liam in return.

“C’mere,” Theo sighs, his other arm coming up Liam’s back. He pulls Liam over and down until he’s lying on top of him.

Liam adjusts his legs so they slot comfortably into the spaces Theo makes for them, and his arms so that he and Theo are holding each other properly.

And, oh god, that’s his full weight on Theo. It’s a whole other universe of closeness, nothing like he’s felt before with him in any of the other times they’ve pushed the boundaries of their physical affection.

As good as this feels, Liam can’t shake off the dread of guilt. “Are you awake?” he asks.

Theo’s steady breathing is not an acceptable response.

“Theo? Are you awake?”

Liam begins to push off, but immediately Theo’s arms clamp down hard on him and squeeze him tighter.

“Liam,” Theo mumbles.

Liam tries to push off again only for Theo to roll them both over until Liam is lying on his back with Theo’s limbs wrapped around him and Theo’s full weight on top of him, Theo’s face tucked under his chin.

Theo’s lips move right there against the hollow of Liam’s throat.

“Liam.”

Theo is still mumbling in his sleep, but all Liam can focus on is the softness of Theo’s lips, the scratch of Theo’s beard on the skin of his throat. Liam seems to feel the contact much more intensely with Theo fully on top of him and clinging.  
  
He catches only the last two words Theo says:

“…so much…”

And then nothing else other than the soft noises of Theo sleeping.

*

It’s hard for Liam not to feel conflicted about the situation.

Theo is, after all, asleep.

But on the other hand he seems to keep seeking Liam, burrowing further into him, pushing his face and his hands, even his knees, wherever they could fit on and around Liam, as though he’s trying to climb into him to get as close as he physically can.  
  
It isn’t until Liam wraps his arms and slots his legs around him that Theo settles, and Liam takes that for an answer.

He lets himself have this for a little bit. His heart feels at once full and fragile, and the ache of it is exquisite.

This isn’t fair to either of them.

He keeps his eyes open and his attention tuned to Theo. He waits for the moment when Theo’s embrace goes slack and he feels like dead weight on top of him, and then gently rolls him over completely to the side. He takes his own pillow and stuffs it in Theo’s arms before pulling the sheets up around him and tucking him in snug.

He gets out of bed as carefully as he can and pulls on his discarded clothes. He comes around to Theo’s side and kneels in front of him.

It’ll be enough, he thinks, to be close like this. To share with Theo this complicated friendship and this deeply intimate affection while they can still have it.

To have more—to be more—would be a gift. And maybe Theo might want it someday.

For now, this is as far as they go.

For now, they have this.

Liam can have this.

He reaches for Theo and combs his hair back with his fingers.

He tucks away each memory of their time together for safekeeping, to look back on and to think about, to cherish and be grateful for, to have always. For when this eventually ends.

His mouth forms the shape of the words, soundless, of the feeling he’s been nurturing for Theo in his heart.

And for now, it’s enough.

*


	13. Chapter 13

*

Liam pads quietly out in the hall and down the stairs.

Sunlight is beginning to break in the horizon. It’s not quite four-thirty in the morning, and Liam supposes he could fix himself up a latte without much risk of waking everyone with the sounds and smells of espresso.

For how tumultuous he’s felt since last night, the calm that overtakes him now as he leans against the sliding door and looks out the transparent glass to the backyard is a welcome change.

He sips his latte and perks up instantly. It isn’t a biological reaction, more a psychosomatic response to chemical conditioning. His body is anticipating perking up from the caffeine and so it goes ahead and does it at the first taste of coffee before the molecules actually bind to his receptors.

Or something. It was Theo who explained it to him once over the first mug of latte he’s ever made for Liam. He wonders now if it was the coffee that had stimulated him in that moment or the fact he was receiving something Theo had made for him and it was perfect.

He takes his time with his latte, enjoying the quiet as he catches up on his social media feeds.  
  
He heads to the garage where he opens the door manually. It makes some noise but it’s a lot quieter than the automatic mechanism.

He gets his things together: a bucket, the bottle of car wash cleanser, a tire cleaner, a microfiber towel, a brush, and takes them out next to Theo’s truck. He lifts his bike out from the truck bed and stands it up somewhere out of the way in the garage.

The first time he snuck out early in the morning to clean Theo’s truck before anyone else woke up was three weeks into Theo’s job at the accounting firm.

Theo had been running himself ragged trying to manage the chaos of that office while still learning the job. The long hours he kept at work meant longer nights doing his online courses at a cafe where the wifi was better than at the hostel. It also meant fewer hours for sleep, let alone recreation or working out.

The crazy thing was, on the one or two days a week that Theo actually got off work on time, instead of using the time for himself he would pick up Liam from practice and drive him home, or come to watch him play a match, or help him with homework, or just hang out. Sometimes Theo would fall asleep in the middle of a movie or nod off while he waits for his turn when they played boardgames with Liam’s parents or Mason and Corey.

And so when Theo finally started saying yes to Liam’s parents’ invitation to stay for dinner and to spend the night—often on Fridays or a weekend day—Liam made sure that Theo had everything he needed. He made up the guest room himself, set aside clothes for Theo to borrow, and at least once every couple of weeks washed and cleaned Theo’s truck.

When Theo found out later that morning the first time around, he only got quiet, and pulled Liam in for a long hug. When he finally managed to say, "Thank you," his voice was so rough he sounded like a different person entirely.

And that, right there, was worth all of the trouble.

He puts the bucket down on the driveway. He’s careless with hosing the truck down only because he doesn’t mind getting soaked. It’s refreshing in the warming morning air, and the silliness of it lifts his mood. He even laughs, having fun with himself as his mirth bubbles over.

He hops on the truck bed with his bucket and towel, and then works his way from the top down, cleaning as well as he can.

He’s hosing down the suds when he notices Theo standing barefoot on the lawn and holding a mug.

He cuts the water. “Hey,” he says.

He watches Theo walk up to him.

Theo’s fingers push the damp hair out of Liam’s forehead, and Theo’s hand, sliding to the side, comes to rest on the side of his face.

“You always do this for me,” Theo says softly. “You’re always doing stuff like this for me.”

“I like to,” Liam says with a small smile. “Is that for me?” he asks, gaze flicking toward the mug.

“Yeah,” Theo says. He takes his hand back and brings the mug up for Liam to drink out of.

Liam tilts his face and lets Theo tip the mug toward his mouth. They lock eyes as he drinks from what Theo is offering up with both hands.

It’s perfect, as usual. The right balance of espresso and milk. Foamy with a little bit of cocoa powder on top. The temperature hot but drinkable.

Everything about it just the way he likes it. Even the look in Theo's eyes, dark, steady, mysterious, which Liam drinks in deeply as well.

And Theo, looking sleep-rumpled but well rested, providing for him.

It’s all perfect.

Liam nudges the mug gently with his mouth and lets Theo pull it away. He licks his lips and breathes carefully, his hands flexing open and closed at his sides. His skin feels hot.

Theo notices the movement and looks Liam in the eyes. “Can I help?” he asks.

When he speaks his voice comes out low and rough. “I’m almost done. Just got the tires left to do.”

“Okay.” Theo nods. He traces Liam's mustache gently with the tips of two fingers. “Milk foam mustache,” he says, touching those same fingertips to Liam’s chest and wiping them slowly on his wet shirt, there in the cleft between his pecs.

Liam can’t help it. He starts to make a sound low in his throat, a wild, gruff thing which he cuts short as he catches it.

Theo looks at Liam’s ripped torso where his white shirt sticks to every curve of his muscles like a second skin, his nipples and body hair visible through the fabric’s wet translucence. “I’ll bring you a towel.”

He hands Liam the mug of latte and touches his face again, his hand more hot than warm. “You’re a really good friend, Liam,” he says in a heavy voice that sounds as regretful as it makes Liam feel. And then he heads back into the house, leaving Liam unbalanced.

Liam puffs his chest and breathes out noisily.

Right.

*

Theo returns soon after with a towel as Liam is just getting started on the tires.

When Liam looks over he sees Theo on the lawn, working on Liam’s bike with the bicycle repair kit Liam keeps in his room.

Theo does this all the time, too.

Sometimes Liam catches him at it, but most times he just notices that his bike has been maintained, the brake lines adjusted, the chain cleaned and freshly greased.

They finish around the same time, and Theo comes up to him to degrease and wash his hands with the cleanser and the hose.

Liam peels off his wet shirt and wrings it out, uses it to help wipe Theo’s hands clean. There is at first the rush of chill as the air hits his damp skin.

And then Theo’s hot gaze on him, the slow once over.

He sips his latte leisurely and lets Theo look his fill.

He thinks he knows what Theo means by it. He’s sure only that he likes how it feels to be seen by Theo in this way. He likes that Theo seems to like it.

“Liam…” A whisper. A start of something.

Liam drinks the rest of his latte, looking right at Theo over the rim of the mug.

And waits.

It’s Theo who drops his gaze first.

He can respect that. He will respect that. He nods to himself, dismayed and aching but secure in his feelings. “I should dry off and change,” he says gently, touching Theo’s arm, hoping to make him feel reassured and safe here with Liam.

“All right,” Theo says. “I’ll get breakfast started.”

*

Liam hurries getting changed, hanging up his wet things in the bathroom to dry, but he leans back on his closed door and tries to gather himself, to catch his breath before going back down there to this Theo who’s dark and mysterious, who makes him feel at once nervous and powerful, in charge and exposed, dominant and vulnerable.

When he joins Theo in the kitchen he finds him cutting into the sausage casings to unsheathe the meat and crumble them on the cutting board.

“Anything I can do?” he asks, eyeing the other ingredients on the kitchen counter: white button mushrooms, onions, garlic, eggs, baby spinach, shredded cheese blend.

Theo looks over and throws him a smile. “Nah, I got this,” he says. He finishes up with the sausages, washes his hands, and puts a skillet on the stove.

Liam sighs. He’d like to be affectionate with Theo, to hug him from behind or to play with his hair a little. But Theo’s admonition rings clear in his mind, the sting of his retreat still fresh.

He settles for a shoulder squeeze, which Theo acknowledges by tilting his head and pressing his ear to Liam’s hand.

Liam refills Theo’s coffee and watches him make breakfast.

*

The smells of the fresh pot of coffee Liam put on and the stuffed bell peppers Theo has cooking in the oven seem to summon Liam’s parents from upstairs.

They say their good mornings, and Liam’s heart swells as he watches his dad ruffle Theo’s hair affectionately and his mom give him a hug.

They dig in. Theo even joins them at the table. More often than not, he eats before everyone else comes down and just stands at the kitchen island with his coffee.

Liam’s mom is effusive in her thanks and excited about one of her favorite meals, while his dad forgoes reading his journals to focus on eating.

Theo looks so at ease and so at home with Liam’s family. Liam hopes they keep it up even when he goes away for college.

Theo has done something similar before—shown up in the morning to bully Liam into doing yard work and then made breakfast for everyone.

He wonders if Theo will still come around when he’s gone. His parents are always sincere when they tell Theo he’s welcome any time. They’ve even shown him where they hide the spare key out in the bushes under a potted plant and given him the code to the garage door.

The conversation turns to the 4th of July barbecue for tomorrow.

His dad is super excited about getting the holiday off in the first place, which has not happened in _years_ , all the meat he’s going to grill, and to have company over—friends, some colleagues.

Theo, of course, doesn’t really offer so much as he simply declares that he’ll come early enough to help with anything.

Liam’s dad waves him off, though. “Nah, just show up hungry.”

Liam mentions that they’re going to swing by Scott’s as well where he’s hosting for his friends. They’re fine with it, of course, they’ll have their hands full with their guests and they don’t begrudge Liam and Theo wanting to spend time with people their own age.

Liam clears the tables and does the washing up when they finish.

And then he and Theo hover around the kitchen while his parents drink their coffee at the table.

“Any plans for today?” he asks Theo.

“I dunno. Maybe run some errands, do some grocery shopping? Just hang out at the apartment.” Theo takes a sip of his iced coffee and walks closer to Liam. And then he asks hesitantly, “You?”

Liam shrugs.

He doesn’t really have any chores around the house left to do. The yard still looks okay from when he helped Theo mow last week. Everything seems simpler and easier around the house now that Liam’s gotten used to cleaning up as he goes, thanks to Theo’s conditioning. There’s some laundry to do, but really, when isn’t there?

He supposes he could hang around the house and watch Netflix, read a book, work out in the garage…but all of that he could do at the apartment, and he’d much rather have Theo around for company.

Would distance be good? It’s been a rollercoaster of a week—wonderful, intense, satisfying, confusing, confusing, confusing. The more he thinks about it, the more he convinces himself that maybe it’s a good idea to have some time alone away from Theo. To ease up and get some perspective.

The thought of it, though, really bums him out.

Theo takes another sip of his coffee before setting it down on the kitchen counter. “Liam…I was hoping you’d wanna spend the day with me,” he says sincerely.

It shocks Liam to hear it but he recovers and tries for levity. “Aren’t you sick of me yet?” he asks jokingly.

Theo acknowledges the self-deprecating jab with an indulgent smile, but then he shakes his head and replies in a very fond voice, “I can’t get enough of you.”

It shocks him again. The admission is so open and honest, bold in the way Theo says it just like that in front of Liam’s parents.

It confuses the fuck out of him.

He glances toward the table at his parents and catches them looking quickly away.

“I really wanna be with you,” Theo says in the same tone of voice.

It makes Liam feel even more flustered, and he knows from the heat burning his cheeks and ears that he’s blushing pretty hard. He turns his face away, as useless as it is.

“Me, too,” he replies quietly. “Lemme ask.”

He takes a couple of calming breaths and pitches his voice toward his parents, “Guys, is it okay if I—”

“That’s fine, sweetie,” his mom says.

“We’ll see you boys tomorrow,” his dad adds.

Liam frowns in confusion at them both and tries to catch their eyes.

His mom peers over her glasses at him and Theo both. “Be safe,” she says seriously.

“Yes, ma’am,” Theo answers automatically.

Liam’s head whips around to look at him, but Theo is just looking away, his cheeks and ears slightly pink.

Obviously, Liam has lost all control of his life, so he decides to just roll with it, let it happen, and allow this crazy moment to pass.

He considers Theo once more. The self-satisfied glint in his eyes, the soft not-quite-smile, the way his body is angled and leaning toward Liam, casually intimate, the bundle of contradictions he’s been since yesterday, pushing Liam away only to pull him back in.

It’s fine. It’s confusing but it’s fine. He has a lot of emotional bandwidth when it comes to Theo.

Theo reaches up and pushes away stray locks of hair from Liam’s forehead.

It gives Liam an idea.

He touches Theo’s forearm. “I’m gonna hang out here for a little bit. Can I come over later?”

Theo cocks his head inquisitively but doesn’t push. “Yeah, of course,” he says.

“Maybe around ten,” Liam adds. “I’m just gonna catch up on some stuff, do some laundry. I'll put your clothes in with mine bring them with me later.”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s fine. Thank you.”

Theo says goodbye to Liam’s parents, and they thank him again for an awesome breakfast.  
  
Liam walks him to his truck. When they hug each other goodbye, Theo clings tightly to Liam the way he did last night in bed.

“Thank you for last night,” Theo mumbles into Liam’s hair.

This is different, too. And confusing. That Theo would acknowledge what happened last night in this way means something, doesn’t it? It makes last night noteworthy, something to be remarked on.

Although…which part of last night is Theo talking about? Because some stuff happened that Liam himself isn’t even sure of.

He doesn’t want to leave Theo hanging, but he doesn’t know what to say either. So he hugs him tighter and nuzzles his cheek.

Theo sighs into it.

“Text me when you get home.”

“I will.”

“Be safe driving.”

“I will. Be careful on your bike and wear your helmet, okay?”

“I will, Theo.”

*

Liam does do a couple of chores, mostly laundry, but they’re just convenient excuses to give him some time.

He also orders prints of some of his favorite photos from the trip and yesterday’s pool party to pick up at the Walgreens near the apartment building.

He takes a shower and uses the Korean scrubbing towel that Mason got for him to exfoliate his face and body.

He first calls the salon at 8:10 but no one answers. He calls every five minutes until finally somebody picks up.

Lin, the lady who does his hair, is fully booked in the morning, but she tells him that if he can get there by 8:45, she can open early for him.

Liam happily takes it.

He grabs his rucksack, packed with his stuff and Theo’s freshly laundered clothes, and hurries out, saying goodbye to his parents as he makes it out the door. He straps his helmet on, hops on his bike, and speeds away.

He’s a couple of minutes late arriving. He’s super apologetic and grateful, but Lin seems more amused with him than anything else.

She remembers exactly the haircut he's asking for. It turns out it was her favorite look on him and she’s wondered why he never asked for it again until now.

“It’s, um, a surprise for someone,” Liam says shyly.

Lin’s reflection on the mirror raises a questioning eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, turns out they, um, liked it. I didn’t know,” he explains.

Lin smirks knowingly. “Okay.”

She gets to work, starts off washing and shampooing Liam’s hair before sitting him down on the chair to begin the cut. She checks in with Liam about length, but Liam lets her take the wheel.

The end result is amazing. Clean on the sides and back while still maintaining the integrity of his sideburns and beard, and thick and long on top. Lin styles it for him with a sweet-smelling pomade and shows him exactly how to do it so he can replicate it at home.

He looks so fucking good.

He tips Lin extra in cash on top of what he already tips when she charges his card.

“That’s too much,” Lin tells him, ignoring the $20 Liam put on the counter.

“No, Lin, come on. You really came through for me.”

“Okay.”

“ _Xie xie,_ ” Liam says on his way out.

Lin nods and gives him a smile.

*

Liam considers riding his bike without his helmet on so as not to mess up his hair but he remembers what Theo said.

He takes the bus instead which drops him off just a couple blocks away from the Walgreens where he picks up his photos before heading straight for the apartment building.

He checks himself on the reflective panel at the elevator bay. His hair is perfect, and his skin is dewy and smooth. His muscles look good in his shirt and his joggers round out his outfit really well.

He folds his short sleeves farther up so that his arms bulge out.

Satisfied, he heads to the apartment and lets himself in with his key.

“Theo?” he calls out, hanging up his bike and helmet on the wall-mounted hooks. He bends over to stash his shoes away.

“Hey, Liam.”

Liam stands up and looks Theo head on.

“Hey,” he says.

“ _Oh_ ,” Theo chokes out faintly, looking poleaxed as he takes in Liam tip to toe.

“What do you think?” Liam asks playfully, knowing already and relishing the effect he’s having on Theo.

“Yeah, you look…” Theo swallows thickly. “Good.”

“Just good?” He laughs gently at Theo’s discomfiture. “Okay.”

He shucks off his rucksack and walks past Theo to drop it on the couch. “What are you up to?” Liam asks. “Theo?” he prompts when Theo doesn’t respond.

He turns around to find Theo looking dazed and perplexed.

He touches his arm. “Hey? You okay?”

Theo shakes it off. “Yeah, um. What were you saying?”

“I was asking what you’re—”

“Was this for me?” Theo interrupts.

Liam recoils at Theo’s suddenly harsh tone and senses the danger of the situation.

“This. Was this for me?” Theo asks again.

Anger rears inside Liam in response. He tames it and reminds himself that it’s him and Theo, and he doesn’t want a fight.

“Yeah,” he says honestly. “I mean, it’s for me. I liked it the first time around.” He considers his next words carefully, hoping that honesty would see him through. “But, yeah, Theo. It’s for you, too.”

“Are you—are you messing with me?” Theo’s voice seems at once icy and pleading.

Liam doesn’t know what the hell is happening right now.

“No! Of course not. I thought you’d like it,” he says sadly.

They look at each other for several moments. Liam doesn’t know what to make of the expression on Theo’s face.

This is not how he thought this would go, at all.

“It was stupid, obviously,” he mutters. He leans over to grab his rucksack from where he dropped it on the couch. “I’m gonna go.”

“Wait, Liam—” Theo’s hand shoots out and reaches for Liam’s wrist.

Liam reflexively reaches for him as well and they meet halfway.

“I’m sorry,” Theo says.

Liam risks putting a hand on Theo’s waist, trusting that the contact will ease the way for them like it always has before.

“Theo, what did I do wrong?”

“Nothing,” Theo sighs. “I thought you were—nothing,” he huffs. “Can we start over?”

Liam scrutinizes him, tries to discern from his expression what it is that’s going on here. “Okay,” he says, because what the hell else is there to do?

Theo sighs. He takes a deep breath and his expression morphs into a small smile.

“Hi,” he says.

“Hi,” Liam replies warily.

“I like your haircut.”

“Yeah?” Liam smiles in return.

“Yeah,” Theo nods. “You look really handsome.”

“I wanted you to think so." Liam shuffles in place.

“I do." Almost as soft as a whisper.

“Hooray,” he says dopily.

Theo laughs at him and pulls him into a tight hug, and he squeezes back just as tightly and nuzzles Theo’s cheek.

“I’m sorry for raising my voice,” Theo says apologetically. Liam just nods and curls his hand on the back of Theo’s head to play with his hair.

“Come with me to get groceries. I need a pack mule.”

“Can I get snacks?”  
  
“Yes, Liam, you can get snacks,” Theo replies long-sufferingly.

“Then, yes, I’ll come with you.”

Theo pulls back and brushes a hand slowly along the side of Liam’s head, toward the back and gently cradles him there.

“You do look really handsome, Liam,” he says softly.

“Thanks,” Liam sighs, melting inside.

Liam dips his head and looks up at Theo through his lashes. He wants so badly to feel closer to him but they’re already at the limits of whatever even _this_ would allow.

He leans forward, slowly so as to gauge Theo’s reaction. He drops his gaze from Theo’s eyes, unable to look any longer.

He angles his face to the side just as he feels the tickle of Theo’s mustache on his upper lip, Theo’s breath on his mouth.

He gives Theo’s face little puppyish nuzzles, his closed mouth touching Theo’s cheeks just above the beard line.

It’s not enough, at all.

“Liam,” Theo says, sounding pained. His warm hand strokes the back of Liam’s head softly, gently.

Liam begins to pull away. The apology he’s getting ready to make dies before he opens his mouth when he feels it:

Theo’s hand holding his head in place. Theo angling his own face toward Liam.

The soft brush of Theo’s lips, there on Liam’s cheek, just a quick ghost of a touch as he nuzzles Liam’s face.

More than the simple fact of the physical contact, the intentional way that Theo seeks it warms Liam’s heart. He feels validated in wanting to be closer.

He knows it’s not the same, that his desire colors it. But he feels safe nonetheless that, at least in some way, Theo wants the intimacy as well.

Liam gently pulls back. “That was nice,” he says, blushing furiously but eager to acknowledge the moment they just shared, the step forward.

Theo’s eyes go soft as he gazes adoringly at Liam. There’s a small smile on his face which Liam can’t help but stroke with his thumb.

If Liam didn’t already know how receptive Theo is to affection, if Theo hasn’t repeatedly rebuffed him or made it clear that they’re _friends_ , he might be tempted to believe there’s something there, that Theo might want the same things as Liam.

But this thing they’re doing… Liam isn’t stupid and neither is Theo.

Something is happening here that needs talking about.

The question is whether it’s worth risking what they already have and what they share together, if clarity is worth losing the exquisite pleasure of what exists in ambiguity.

Liam thinks about the dwindling days, the one-way boarding pass already loaded on his phone’s digital wallet, the college-related action items on his calendar carving up what’s left of his summer in Beacon Hills. With Theo.

He steps back and smiles at Theo. It’s okay. They're both still here together. It would be foolish to waste the time.

He goes to the kitchen and pulls out reusable bags from the pantry. “Four bags okay?” he asks, poking his head out to look at Theo.

“Sure,” Theo says, standing there in the middle of the apartment completely at ease and at home with Liam. “That sounds fine.”

*

It takes some Tetris-level finagling to fit all of the groceries in just four bags.

They don’t normally get this much stuff, but Liam knows Theo is a sucker for sales and the store has some really good 4th of July deals.

Liam unpacks the cold stuff first, conferring with Theo which meats he’d like in the freezer and which in the fridge.

He eyes the giant leeks Theo is removing from one of his bags. “How do you even cook those things?”

Theo shrugs. “I dunno. I’ll YouTube something.”

“They’re like small baseball bats.”

Theo’s amused laughter brings a smile to Liam’s face.

They discover a loaf of challah that’s gone stale in the pantry and decide to turn it into bread pudding rather than letting it go to waste.

Apart from that there isn’t much else to do. It turns out Theo did laundry as well as soon as he got home earlier. The robot vacuums have finished their cycle. And the chemical smell of cleaners still hang in the air in the bathroom.

Liam wonders whether Theo’s fastidiousness about cleanliness has to do with his time in the sewers. Whatever it is, it’s been a good influence on Liam.

He pulls out several picture frames from where Theo stashed them in the utility cabinet and goes to sit on the couch. He sorts through the photos and starts inserting them into frames.

“You got prints,” Theo says, taking a seat opposite him.

“Yeah,” Liam replies. He lays them out on the coffee table for Theo to look at. “I thought you might want to put these up?” he ventures warily. He glances down at the pile, the intimate shots of them right there. “Or not. It’s up to you, obviously,” he mutters.

To his relief, Theo takes the frames and sets them in prominent spots to join all the other photographs scattered around.

Two in particular, the piggyback one of them at the beach and the one at breakfast, Theo displays proudly on the sideboard in the living area.

And to Liam’s even greater surprise, Theo asks, “Do you have more copies of these ones?”

“Yeah. Why?” Liam asks curiously.  
  
Theo turns around to look at him. “Can you frame them? I want to put them in the master bedroom.”

Liam’s heart starts beating faster. “Y-yeah,” he says faintly. “Gimme a sec.”

Theo seems to purposely touch Liam’s hands when Liam gives him the framed photos. “Come on,” Theo says, jerking his heard toward the stairs.

Liam follows him up to his room where Theo sets the pictures on the right beside table.

 _Theo’s side_ , his stupid mind supplies like the entire bed isn’t just Theo’s in the first place. He tries not to think about how these photos will be what Theo wakes up to first thing...when Liam himself isn’t there.

*

It’s easy being together in this space. Liam feels at home here with Theo.

They spend the rest of the morning just screwing around on their phones, sharing memes and articles, catching up on what’s trending, and listening to some music.

They have a late lunch at a Chinese place a few blocks away and walk it off after. They take a long, meandering way back, each of them preoccupied with his own private thoughts, though still enjoying the other’s company.

Liam is sweaty by the time they reach the apartment. He peels his shirt off as soon as they get in and mops himself up with it. He jogs upstairs to his room and changes into shorts.

He feels Theo’s eyes on him as he climbs down the stairs barechested, but when he looks over Theo seems to be making a show of fiddling with the TV remote control.

“What are we watching?” He asks.

“I dunno. I have choice paralysis,” Theo says, frowning. “This is why I prefer to read.”

Liam chuckles as he plops on the couch right next to him. He puts his arm around his shoulders and pulls him in.

Theo slumps a bit lower on the couch, making it easier and more comfortable for Liam’s arm to hold him.

Liam isn’t surprised anymore at Theo’s way of adjusting his body to accommodate Liam’s, but Liam continues to be delighted every time Theo does it.

Theo just flips through the Netflix catalog, letting previews play for anything he seems interested in.

They end up just watching previews, which is fine because the TV is not what Liam’s interested in anyway.

With his arm around Theo he starts with lazy strokes of his fingers where his hand is on Theo’s shoulder and bicep. After a bit, he turns his body toward him, ignoring the TV completely.

He moves his hand to the back of Theo’s head and plays with his hair.

Theo looks entirely focused on the TV which is how Liam knows he’s not.

It’s cute that Theo’s pretending, and it encourages Liam to be playful.

He takes his other hand and begins stroking Theo’s forearm, too, where it sits between them.

Eventually, the current preview that’s showing ends and there are only the sound of their breathing and the rasp of Liam’s fingers through Theo’s hair.

Theo seems to give up his pretense and he closes his eyes as he leans his head back into Liam’s hand. They stay like that a while until Theo starts nodding off.

“C’mere,” Liam says, pulling Theo into him as he lies back.

Theo follows easily, draping himself on top of Liam as Liam rearranges them to fit comfortably in the couch.

It’s an echo of how it was in bed last night when Theo was asleep. “Is this okay?” Liam asks. This time he wants to be sure.

Theo takes a deep breath, and Liam gets the sense that he’s breathing him in.

“Yeah,” Theo says, sighing against Liam’s chest. “It’s nice.”

Liam decides to push it. “Wanna take your shirt off?”

Theo sits up a bit and pulls his shirt up and off. Liam slides his hand up Theo’s sides and catches him as he snuggles back in.

He holds him close and strokes his bare back gently.

It’s easy like this.

*

Liam doesn’t doze off but Theo definitely does.

He takes his time enjoying the feel of Theo asleep in his arms, the weight of him warm and comforting. Liam’s heart melts every time Theo snuffles in his sleep and wiggles against him.

It’s too cute and too precious that he goes ahead and takes a selfie of them like that.

It’s an incredibly private and intimate moment, which is why he uses Theo’s phone to do it. This way, the moment is still captured, but it’ll be in Theo’s control to do with it what he likes.

He puts down Theo’s phone and picks up his own, propping it up on Theo’s shoulder while he keeps his arms around him.

He dicks around online and lets Theo nap.

*

It's been a little over an hour and Liam has long since put his phone down in favor of simply holding Theo and stroking him.

His heart aches a little.

“I wanna be like this with you all the time,” he says quietly. “Why can't we just be like this for real?”

*

Liam feels it the moment Theo wakes up. There’s Theo’s deep inhale followed by the movement of his hand on Liam’s shoulder.

“Hey,” Liam says, giving Theo a squeeze.

Theo begins to move, and for a moment Liam is worried that this is when they disentangle. Instead, Theo slots his legs more comfortably between Liam’s and pushes nuzzles his face into Liam’s neck.

“Hey,” he mumbles back.

“How was your nap?”

“Good. You?”

Liam drags his hand up Theo’s side toward his shoulder and bicep, then back down to his hip and lower back, rubbing him down as fully as he’s able to.

“I didn’t really,” Liam replies.

“Oh.” Theo stiffens slightly. “Sorry.”

“No,” Liam says, trying to sooth him with his touch. “I, um, I just wanted to hold you.” He pauses to add hesitantly, “I hope that’s okay to say.”

“Yeah, it’s okay to say.” Theo’s hand presses gently on Liam’s chest. “Your heart’s racing,” he says.

“Yeah,” Liam admits in a soft voice. “I’m a little nervous.” He tightens his arms around Theo and draws comfort from their closeness.

Theo doesn’t press, and Liam isn’t sure whether he feels relieved or thwarted.

*

They’re a little sticky with sweat when they eventually disentangle.

Liam can smell himself on Theo.

The fact of it makes him feel a little wild. Even more when Theo simply carries on without washing up first like Liam assumed he would, instead just changing out of his pants and into shorts and forgoing a shirt altogether.

Liam distracts himself with making a latte. He’s steaming the milk when he hears Theo call out to him.

“Liam?”

Liam turns around and sees Theo with his eyebrows raised and holding his phone up to show the picture Liam took earlier of the two of them cuddled together while Theo naps.

He looks back down at his task and finishes making his beverage before answering Theo.

“It’s a good picture of us,” he says, hiding behind his mug of latte. “I used your phone to take it so that’s just the one, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Theo’s expression is fond as he looks at the picture again. “Yeah, no, I’m not worried. It’s nice,” he says to himself, nodding. “Do you want me to AirDrop it to you?”

“Really?” Liam asks, not just a little surprised. “Y-yeah, please,” he says, before Theo changes his mind. He accepts the request as soon as it shows up on his phone.

He knows he’s grinning like a fool even as he looks up at Theo who’s smiling right back.

*

The karaoke bar is _packed_ by the time Liam and Theo meet everyone there. There is a weird moment when they comment on Liam’s haircut and pointedly look between him and Theo.

It’s Malia, of course, who arrived first with Scott, and they managed to snag a single standing table, and even then it’s only because Malia insinuated herself into the group of strangers already occupying it and scared them off by being even more weirdly off-putting than usual.

By the time the rest of the group trickled in, it became immediately clear that the night is going to be a bust. They’ve been here before on busy nights, and they usually spend the time ordering food and eating while waiting to be called up, but it’s never been this crazy and the table barely fits four, let alone eight people.

Stiles figures it has to do with the holiday weekend, everybody coming home to spend 4th of July with their families.

They stand around the parking lot for a bit and talk about whether to break and call it a night or figure something else out. The one consensus is that everybody’s hungry.

Liam perks up with excitement. This is as good an opportunity as any. He tries to catch Theo’s eyes and looks pointedly at him.

Theo seems confused at first, so Liam gestures toward everyone and then back to Theo and then waggles his eyebrows encouragingly.

Theo gets it, though he looks a little conflicted. Finally he nods at Liam and speaks up.

“I live close by,” he says, raising his voice a little to talk over the din.

Everyone turns to look at him, and it’s a little mean but Liam sort of enjoys Theo’s slight discomfort at having to endure everyone’s attention.

“We can hang out there, if you guys want,” he says awkwardly. He fixes a glare at Liam and adds, “ _Liam_ can help me cook dinner.”

“Yeah, let’s do that!” Mason says excitedly. “You guys have never seen Theo’s place, huh.”

Everyone looks super skeptical, except for Lydia who seems really intrigued.

“Can we all fit at your place?” Scott asks.

Mason laughs at that. “Yeah, I think we can squeeze in just fine,” he adds ironically.

“I have booze.”

“We’re down,” Stiles and Lydia say in unison.

It’s decided.

Theo asks Liam to ride with Mason and Corey for everyone else to follow and to let everyone inside while he picks up some stuff on the way.

It’s a big step for Theo, opening up his home to the pack. Liam is happy that they’re taking it together.

*


	14. Chapter 14

*

“You have keys to Theo’s place?” Stiles asks as Liam lets them in the building with his fob.

“Yeah, I’m here a lot,” Liam explains.

“Hmm.”

He leads everybody to the elevator and up to the apartment.

Once inside he takes his shoes off and Mason and Corey do the same, like they’re all used to, and everyone else gets the hint and follows suit, even Lydia who, he’s surprised to see, is actually the most eager to get out of her shoes.

“Isn’t this your bike?” Stiles asks, pointing to where it’s hanging on the wall.

“Yeah.”

Liam’s phone buzzes with a message from Theo saying he’s on his way up and to tell everyone to make themselves at home. He rolls his eyes. It’s really something that Theo should tell them himself, but he supposes he’s too shy to do it. That’s all right. They’ll get there. He holds his phone up and waves the screen at everyone.

“Theo says to make yourselves at home.”

“Wow,” Scott says as he and everyone else filter out of the hall and into the main space.

Liam watches them from the alcove between the hall and the rest of the apartment. His pack. In this space that Theo shares with him. Something inside of him settles.

There is a look awe, of approval, on Scott’s, Lydia’s, Stiles’s faces—even Malia’s—as they take it all in, and Liam feels so proud of Theo.

“Super great, right?” Mason is grinning from ear to ear.

“Yeah, I’m actually really surprised,” Stiles says.

“Why? You’ve seen the way he dresses,” Lydia replies incisively.

“Point.”

There’s the sound of the door opening, and here comes Theo carrying a brown paper grocery bag in his arm with what looks like a couple of baguettes sticking out on top.

“Theo, your place is amazing,” Scott calls out from the living room.

“Thanks,” Theo replies a little awkwardly.

Liam wonders what expression he’s wearing on his face when Theo looks at him strangely and tilts his head.

“You all right?” Theo asks.

“Yeah,” Liam says quickly, “yeah, just—” he stops fighting the smile that’s been trying to break out of his face. He shuffles close to Theo, tugs playfully at the hem of his shirt. “They like it here, Theo. They like it.”

It seems to hit Theo in some way. He swallows thickly and nods to himself. A small, fragile looking smile quirks on his face. “Okay,” he breathes. “Okay.”

He touches Liam on the arm with his free hand then heads straight for the kitchen and unpacks his stuff. He looks up at everyone and pitches his voice out, “Liam can show you guys around.”

Liam rolls his eyes.

“Living room, kitchen, dining area, library, bedroom, bathroom, and also bedroom,” he says, pointing to each location as he names them.

“Sounds good to me,” Malia says with a shrug.

“Wow, that’s terrible,” Mason deadpans.

“Fiiine,” Liam relents.

He leads everybody up the stairs. “This is Theo’s room,” he says as everybody piles in.

“It’s huge,” Scott says.

Stiles obnoxiously explores the space and, to Liam’s growing uneasiness, makes a show of looking at all the photographs framed and arranged all around the room. It’s mostly pictures of Liam solo and Liam and Theo together.

“That’s a really big bed,” Malia comments.

“Suspiciously big for just one person,” Stiles adds, fixing Liam with a look.

Liam moves away and watches nervously as Scott comes around to the right side of the bed and picks up the framed pictures Theo put there earlier. Scott doesn't say anything but he does raise both eyebrows.

And then, to his extreme discomfort and everyone else's curiosity, Malia starts ostentatiously scenting the air. She points her nose here and there, sniffing audibly. Her lips pull into an infuriatingly knowing smirk.

Everyone turns to look at Liam.

“Are you in here a lot, too?” she asks.

He wonders if he would feel as unnerved as he does now if Theo hadn’t expressed his apprehension about the look of things and of giving people the wrong idea about the two of them.

If it were just Liam and his feelings, he thinks he would be proud. He _is_ proud, for himself, to be this big a part of Theo’s life.

He’s unnerved only for Theo’s sake.

“Right—” he says, ignoring Malia’s question altogether, and herds everybody out. He points to the closed door in the hall, “That’s the bathroom,” he says.

By the time they make it to the other room, Liam has resigned to feeling put on the spot.

There’s no disguising what this is. His stuff is everywhere. Stiles and Scott and Mason linger on the wall where Liam has arranged framed photos of Theo, candids and posed, gallery-style, his favorites which he dares show. Never mind the private ones he keeps on his phone.

Liam notes the knot in Mason’s brow. He approaches slowly and takes him by the wrist, leading him to another cluster of photographs where Liam has plenty of him and Mason. “You’re here, too,” he tells him softly.

Mason smiles as he looks at them, laughs a little at some of the sillier ones. “Okay,” he says to Liam in a fond voice.

They look knowingly at the work desk with all the college stuff, the dresser which Stiles opens—god, why the fuck?—and reveals Liam’s stash of clothes.

“Dude, what the hell.” When everyone turns to look at him again he just shrugs and says, “I’m here a lot.”

“Uh huh,” Stiles says. “So you’ve said.”

“Didn’t Theo say he has booze?” Corey says into the tense atmosphere of the room. It gets Lydia excited, which distracts Stiles enough to drop whatever it is he’s trying to get at.

“Yes! I could definitely use a drink,” Lydia pipes up.

When they return downstairs, there’s a charcuterie board on the living room coffee table with an assortment of cheeses and cold cuts, slices of baguettes and date crisps, small jars of jam and honey, and a bowl of spicy bar mix.

The TV is on Spotify with one of Theo’s favorite late-90s/early-00s R&B playlists, and Theo is at the bar, singing along to Tamia’s “So Into You” softly to himself while pouring ingredients into a cocktail shaker. In front of him are two martini glasses rimmed with sugar.

Surprisingly, Lydia joins in on the second verse and Theo lets her take it, grinning widely. “Oh, snap, you remember this?”

“Hell, yeah,” she says, grinning enthusiastically back, “throwback jams,” and continues singing along.

Liam stares adoringly at Theo as he goes into the pre-chorus with Lydia. It’s such a simple thing, but Theo’s obvious enjoyment, the way he’s connecting with her through this, as he hosts the pack in his home, warms his heart.

“Close your mouth,” Malia tells him. “You look like Stiles and his fish.”

Liam shuts his mouth with a click and whips his head around to look at Stiles who’s staring open-mouthed at Lydia like a mariner enraptured with a siren. Is that how he was just now, with Theo?

Everybody seats themselves, most of them on the couch and the loveseat. Stiles and Scott join Theo at the bar.

Theo hands Stiles two martini glasses. “Lemon drops,” he says.

“Ooh, yes, please!” Stiles says excitedly. He brings one of the glasses over to Lydia who perks right up.

“Thanks,” she says, taking a sip. “Okay, nice. Theo, this is good.”

Theo gives her the thumbs-up.

“Um, where’s mine?” Mason asks, affronted.

Theo raises an eyebrow at him and then looks at Corey. They do some weird stuff with their faces as they communicate silently until Corey seems to give him the go ahead. He pours a glass for Mason and Liam brings it to him.

Mason looks askance at Corey then at Theo. “What kind of secret chimera pack conspiracy…” he mutters. “You seeing this?” he asks Liam.

Liam nods knowingly. Theo and Corey seem have their own thing going on. He has gleaned glimpses of it before, the shared looks, the silent communication, the way Corey does or says something that’s not quite defensive of Theo but deflects impertinence away from him somehow.

In the end Mason gives it up as the cocktail reaches him. “Dude,” he says, “this is delicious. Let’s get fucked up on these.”

“Down,” Lydia says, taking a sip of her drink.

Stiles cackles.

Liam grabs sodas and lemonade and water for everyone else.

“Not that I’m complaining, but why do you have alcohol? It’s not like you can get drunk,” Stiles asks.

Theo shrugs. “My work colleagues come over sometimes.”

“You definitely look like you know how to entertain.” Lydia sounds impressed.

“He’s scamming them,” Liam adds gleefully only to backtrack very quickly at everyone’s concerned looks. “Not that Theo’s running a scam! His job is one hundred percent legit.”

Theo facepalms.

“Oh my god, Liam, stop helping.” He clears his throat. “What he means is…if people at work think I’m older than I actually am, well, then I’m not going to disabuse them of that idea. Having booze in the house helps with the illusion that I’m at least old enough to buy it.”

“But you’re not, though,” Malia says.

“Fake ID says I’m twenty-four,” Theo shrugs.

“What _do_ you do?” asks Lydia.

“Are you loaded?” Stiles interrupts. “Because your place gives that impression.”

“I work remote at a startup based out of San Francisco. I do okay.”

“He’s being modest.” Mason rolls his eyes.

“He is,” Liam boasts proudly, beaming and nodding at everyone.

“That’s really cool, Theo,” Scott says sincerely, and Liam loves him a little bit for it.

For better or for worse, Theo makes enough lemon drop to fill two more carafes—Mason and Stiles, hands up in the air, going, “Fuck it up fuck it up fuck it up,” as Theo pours the vodka and Lydia whoops excitedly. Once done, he takes the carafes to chill in the fridge.

Liam eyes the empty bottle of vodka and hopes for the best.

*

Everyone settles in, snacking here and there and conversing with each other. They mill around the apartment, Stiles and Malia crouching in front of the entertainment center and browsing through Theo’s video games and Blu-Rays, everyone else exploring the office library and looking at all the books and art and photographs all over. 

It’s Scott who calls attention to it.

“It’s mostly Liam in these pictures,” he says.

Liam glances at Theo who looks as hunted as Liam feels.

But, Scott, bless his heart, adds, “Not enough of the rest of us, at all.” And then he starts gathering everybody up for pictures.

He keeps it up all night, taking candid and posed shots of everyone in different permutations, dragging Theo along with him. He seems to make it a point to get photographs of Theo with everyone. Very soon after, everyone else is doing it, using their phones to take portraits of each other, AirDropping them to Theo as they go.

There’s one that Liam really likes. It’s a portrait taken with Scott’s phone propped up on a shelf of him in the middle with Liam to his right and Theo to his left, all three of them smiling with their arms around each other, while the rest of the pack is in the background doing their own stuff. They all look so happy to be together.

*

Stiles discovers Theo’s dark-rimmed non-prescription glasses and tries them on, and soon everyone is taking turns wearing them and shooting selfies and pictures of themselves pretending to work at Theo’s desk or posing sluttishly at the office library.

When it’s Malia’s turn with them, Lydia purses her lips and hums. She goes up to her, pushes her hair back and clips it into a chignon. Malia looks so stunning that Liam’s throat dries up like parchment, and both Scott and Stiles are rendered speechless.

“Okay. Werk.” Mason says, nodding approvingly.

There’s a stray lock of hair, a rebellious little thing that escaped from the chignon to fall playfully over her lovely face. The glasses frame her gorgeous features—the high cheekbones and the angular jaw drawing his gaze toward her silky lips, shiny with lip gloss. Her eyes look sultry behind the clear lenses.

Liam feels shy and hot all over. He makes himself look away.

“Whoa,” Scott sighs. “I think I just developed a new thing.”

“Same,” Liam croaks. He looks at Theo, remembering all the times he’s seen him in those glasses. He’s always thought they suited him, but now there’s something else. Suddenly, he wants badly to see Theo wearing them again.

“Men are so easy,” Lydia observes.

“It’s one of our many virtues,” Stiles counters reasonably.

Malia rolls her eyes but the corners of her mouth are quirking up. She must notice how Liam is looking at Theo, because soon she’s walking toward Theo and offering the glasses to him. “Your turn,” she says, turning back to wink at Liam.

Liam blushes so hard and feels so discomfitted that he chokes on air and starts coughing. And then everybody’s laughing at him.

Theo seems really affected by all of it, Liam and the pack enjoying themselves in his home and including him in their fun. He softens and opens up as the night goes on, relaxing with everyone and stops focusing too much on hosting.

Liam and Theo decide on something easy for dinner—just a cream of chicken casserole in the oven with a ton of chicken breast tenderloins, potatoes, and vegetables which Mason helps prepare. There’s wild rice cooking in a pot.

They move the music to a bluetooth speaker and free up the TV for video games.

Theo and Lydia are over at the library. It seems Lydia is as intrigued as Liam is about Theo’s interest in poetry.

The mood is easy and jovial, and Liam is so fucking glad they decided to do this. Seeing Theo and the pack like this makes him feel warm inside.

More than that, he’s really happy for Theo.

*

“What do you think is going on over there?” Mason asks as he sidles up to Liam who’s standing at the bar and observing Theo and Lydia talk. Lydia has a book open—a collection of poetry—where the heavily creased spine opens it naturally to a certain page.

Theo’s face is red for some reason as he endures Lydia’s focused attention. She has one eyebrow arched and a delicate finger pointed at the page. She looks down and starts reading the piece out loud, but Theo takes over and recites the rest of it by heart.

Liam is tempted to eavesdrop but he doesn’t. His heart skips when Theo and Lydia both turn their heads to him. Theo, seeing him looking, averts his gaze immediately.

Lydia smiles. Liam watches as she touches Theo’s forearm and says something to him that makes Theo blush again and nod in response.

“I think she’s curious about him.” Liam is shocked to hear his tone—a little short, a little suspicious. For what reason?

“Jealous?” Mason asks perceptively.

“No,” Liam says too quickly, amends, “Maybe.” He turns toward Mason. “Yesterday at the pool, when we were all playing. I got a little jealous watching him and Corey.”

Mason gives him a disappointed look.

“I know,” he says, chagrined, “I know. I want him to have friends. I do. And I’m really glad he and Corey are friends.”

“Of course, you do. Of course, you are. You got him to do this, didn’t you?”

“Yeah. I really think he can be friends with everyone. I mean…”

“They like him fine. Well, Stiles and Malia are…you know?” He makes a weird face and a hysterical gesture. “But they’re okay. Scott likes everyone. Lydia looks like she’s coming around. You, me, and Corey already like him a lot.”

“I guess.”

“He’s come a long way, and you’ve helped him out a lot. You’re a good… _friend_ to him, Liam,” he says, ending with a rising tone like it’s a question. He tries to catch Liam’s eyes.

Liam chews his lip guiltily. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around.”

“What do you mean? We hang out all the time. We’ve hung out a bunch all week.”

“I mean,” he looks down rubs the back of his neck, “like, emotionally.”

“Oh.” Mason sets his drink down on the bar. “You seem to have a lot going on lately.” He looks slowly away.

Liam tracks Mason’s gaze and is not surprised when he sees it’s on Theo. He lets out a loud exhale.

“We’re okay, though, right?” He asks.

“Yeah, of course,” Mason replies earnestly. “We’re okay.”

“How’s your drink?” He asks, jerking his head at Mason’s cocktail.

“Bro.” Mason picks it back up and takes a sip. “So good.”

“Don’t get too drunk.”

Mason makes a show of pretending to think about it. “Hmm…I _don’t_ think I will be taking that advice. Better luck next time, though.”

Liam grins.

*

Liam is munching on date crisps when he feels the couch dip as Scott sits down next to him.

"Do you know where Theo got those glasses?" Scott asks.

“Uh uh.” He shakes his head. “I’ll let him know you asked.”

“It’s just…Malia wearing them earlier…” Scott lets out a low whistle and looks knowingly at him.

He nods eagerly. “Dude,” he says in an awed tone, miming being shot in the heart by Cupid’s arrow.

“Dude,” Scott says in the same awed tone. “I can’t believe she’s my girlfriend,” he says dreamily.

“We’re talking about Malia?” Stiles cuts in.

“Uh huh,” Liam says.

“Dude,” Stiles says, also in the same awed tone, and then also mimes being shot in the heart by Cupid’s arrow.

“You guys are idiots,” Malia says, rolling her eyes at them. But as she turns away she touches her chignon with a gentle finger, and a small, delicate smile blossoms on her face.

*

"OH. MY GOD." Stiles yelps excitedly from the loft as he leans on the rail. Everybody looks up to see what the fuss is all about. “You have an electronic bidet toilet seat?!”

“Oh my god! Yes! It heats the water and the seat and everything!” Mason responds in drunken delight.

“ _It does?!_ ” Stiles gasps. “I only went number one!”

Mason nods eagerly. “Dude! Yeah, no, we love pooping here!”

“Okay, okay!” Stiles hops excitedly. “I’m gonna go wash my butt!” He says, already unbuckling his belt as he trots back to the bathroom.

Corey buries his face in his hands. “How much vodka is in the lemon drop?” he mutters.

“Bro, the whole bottle,” Liam sighs. He turns to Theo who’s laughing quietly next to him in his seat, his eyes bright with mirth and his face glowing with happiness.

Liam touches his arm and smiles.

*

Scott and Corey volunteer to set the dining table, Corey showing Scott where everything is. The table seats six in its current configuration but can extend out from the middle with an additional panel to accommodate eight. They remove two of the chairs and replace it with the bench pushed against the wall.

“Thanks for having us over,” Scott says to Theo. “This is really nice.”

“Sure,” Theo says.

Liam rolls his eyes and nudges Theo aggressively under the table with his knee.

“You guys are welcome any time,” Theo adds.

It lands a little awkwardly, but Liam thinks it’s as good a start as any. He nods at Theo and smiles.

They all dig in. Everybody’s got a good appetite going. Stiles, Lydia, and Mason all have the drunchies. Liam and Malia are as voracious as usual—Liam sees Theo and Scott share chagrined looks about it.

There’s a lull in conversation as they wind down. Everybody picks at what’s left on their plates and nurses their drinks. Stiles fetches one of the carafes of lemon drop from the fridge and refills his, Lydia’s, and Mason’s glasses.

And then from out of nowhere he asks, “How did you and Liam get so close?”

“Stiles…” Lydia says gently, frowning at him.

“Actually, I wanna know, too,” Malia adds. “That’s his room up there, isn’t it? His stuff is everywhere, and don’t even get me started on all the pictures.”

Liam feels super uncomfortable, again not for his sake but Theo’s. He looks at Theo to check on him but he doesn’t seem bothered at all.

“He changed my life.”

Liam’s heart starts to race. He doesn’t know what’s going on and he’s too afraid to ask.

It’s Stiles who does. “What…does that mean?”

Theo shrugs.

“Everything I have, I have because of him.”

“Wait. What do you mean?” Scott asks.

“I was living out of my truck, getting chased off by deputies every time I parked anywhere to sleep for the night. He helped me find a cheap hostel to stay at. He loaned me his laptop so I could finish my GED online even if it meant he had to put up with his shitty Chromebook to do his own schoolwork.”

“It wasn’t that bad,” Liam tries to say.

Theo smiles ruefully at him. “You never said anything, but I could see how much you hated that thing.”

“Wait—you were homeless?” Scott says uncomfortably.

“Yeah.”

“Did you know?” Scott asks Stiles.

“We’re not his keepers,” Stiles says in defiance of Scott’s accusing tone. “After everything he’s—”

“Don’t.” Scott interrupts.

Stiles bristles. “Even if I never said anything, shouldn’t _you_ have known?” he asks bitingly.

Scott turns his face away and frowns. When he looks back up at Theo, Liam sees that his eyes are full of something Liam can’t place.

“It doesn’t matter,” Theo says to everyone. “It was what it was. Liam and his parents offered me a place in their home, but I turned them down.”

“So you just went from that straight to this? That’s a big leap,” Malia says skeptically.

Theo laughs ironically. “Definitely not. I had an awful minimum-wage job at an accounting office, and between that and my online courses I had, like, sixteen-hour days. It was rough.”

He turns to look at Liam.

“But Liam was there. He would sneak into my truck and leave snacks. He taught himself how to cook and brought me dinner when I didn’t have time to feed myself. On top of everything else he had going on.”

Liam’s breath quickens and his heart feels like it’s going to beat out of his chest as Theo holds his gaze and says all of this, as if he’s saying it all to Liam.

“Did you go _hungry?!_ ” Scott asks in abject shame and horror.

“I would never have let that happen,” Liam says assertively, his eyes locked with Theo’s. “Never.”

“Thank you,” Theo tells Liam in a soft voice. He turns back to everyone. “He used to steal my laundry," he says, laughing softly. “And when I’d come over his house to get them back, they’d already be washed and folded, and his parents would invite me first to stay for dinner then to stay the night. The guest bedroom would already be made up. I’d wake up the morning after and find out that Liam already washed and cleaned my truck.”

“Holy shit,” Mason whispers in awe.

“Yeah, holy shit,” Lydia echoes, looking back and forth between Liam and Theo.

“Yeah,” Theo nods in agreement.

Liam has to look away from Theo and down at his plate. Everyone’s gaze is on him. He’s starting to feel so overwhelmed.

Theo continues. “I took every opportunity I could, every risk.” He reaches for Liam’s hand under the table and squeezes it.

Liam holds on firmly.

“It’s easier to be brave when someone has your back.” Theo looks at Scott, and then at everyone else in turn. “You all understand this. It’s what makes your pack strong.”

Scotts nods meaningfully at him.

“And then everything started going really well really fast, but I couldn’t have done any of it, I wouldn’t have any of this, if it weren’t for Liam. Everything I've built for myself he helped me build. When I was alone and didn’t think I had a future…I had Liam. My life looks the way it does now because of him.”

There’s a heavy silence as everyone takes it all in. Mason is staring intently at Liam.

“Alpha material,” Scott says proudly, a goofy smile lighting up his face.

“To Liam,” Lydia calls out, raising her glass.

Everyone echoes the toast and raises their own glasses.

“To you,” Theo says softly to him.

Under the table where no one can see, Theo squeezes his hand again, his thumb stroking Liam’s knuckles gently.

“Cool,” Malia says. “What’s for dessert?”

Scott hangs his head.

“Oh,” Liam says, clearing his throat. “Actually, we made bread pudding earlier.”

*

Scott helps Theo clear away the dirty dishes from the table and joins him at the sink to do the washing up, all the while talking in hushed tones.

Malia lays out dessert plates and fresh spoons for everyone. Corey convinces “the drunkies,” as he’s taken to calling them, to pause on the lemon drops until they’ve each had at least two pint glasses of water.

Lydia volunteers to make caramel sauce for the bread pudding, and Stiles offers to make Chantilly cream.

Liam gathers the ingredients and supplies they’ve asked for before joining everyone else at the table to wait until everything is ready.

“Huh. Finally,” Malia says just as Stiles sits down and puts a large bowl of Chantilly cream on the table.

“Hey, it didn’t take that long, did it?” he asks defensively.

“Not that. _That_.” Malia jerks his head toward Scott and Theo. “They’re talking about Liam.”

“What about?” Mason asks.

“Scott wants to know if Theo’s—” Malia starts to say.

“Don’t!” Liam interrupts, shaking his head. “I don’t wanna know what they're talking about.”  
  
“What do you mean you don’t wanna know? Can’t you hear them yourself?” Stiles asks.

“We don’t do that,” Liam says simply. “Me and Theo…we don’t… _monitor_ each other. Not private conversations, or heartbeats, or scents. We don’t do that with each other.”

“Wow. Liam, that’s really—” Corey starts.

“—dumb—” says Malia.

“—stupid—” says Stiles.

“ _—intimate_ ,” Mason says, sighing in wonder and amazement and looking up at Liam with big, sparkling eyes.

The comment sits heavily on everyone as they each absorb the implications of it.

Liam shifts uncomfortably in his seat.

“You guys have a really intense, um, relationship,” Mason ventures carefully.

“It’s always been, I think,” Liam adds. “Even before we were friends. It’s always been a little intense.”

He looks over toward the kitchen. Lydia is careful with the caramel, opting for low heat and constant stirring. Theo pulls the bread pudding out of the oven where it’s been warming up and lets Scott bring it over.

“There’s always been something…and now that we’re close…it’s…”

Liam excuses himself from the table and joins Theo in the kitchen. He’s barely out of earshot before he hears Stiles and Mason badger Malia for the details despite Corey’s protests.

“Hey,” he says, standing behind Theo.

“Hey.” Theo turns.

This close to him now and after hearing what he said in front of everyone, Liam really wants nothing more than to be affectionate with Theo, to touch him and hold him close. It’s impossible, of course, with everyone else here. Theo would be uncomfortable with it.

“That stuff you said earlier…”

“Yeah…?”

Liam takes a couple of breaths and tries to find the words.

“It’s not just me. I mean…this. Us. It’s mutual.”

“Liam…”

“You’ve saved me over and over. _We sent you to the skinwalker prison_ , but you chose to keep saving me anyway and to help everyone through all that shit show.”

Liam notices the sudden silence in the apartment. Even the music seems like it’s been turned to a lower volume.

He touches his chest, feels the ache there as real as anything.

“I know we’ve never talked about it,” he continues, swallowing past the lump in his throat. “I dunno why not—it’s not like it’s—” He huffs in frustration.

“Theo…you’re my anchor. I know you know it.” he says finally, feeling the solid, sure weight of it.

“Yes,” Theo says softly, looking away. “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable with…what you would think about it. What you think it might mean.”

Liam growls with a shake of his head. “What does that matter? You’re mine,” he insists, touching Theo’s wrist.

The expression on Theo’s face is indiscernible to Liam but he seems really affected by Liam’s words. He turns his forearm to touch Liam right back.

“God, Liam. Yes.”

“You’ve been there for me just as much as I’ve been there for you. I couldn’t have gotten through senior year without you. Lacrosse, college applications, werewolf stuff. You’ve been there for me the whole time. I’m closer to my parents than I’ve ever been because of you. You changed my life, too, Theo. I’m happier and it's because of you.”

Liam is aware of Lydia turning off the stove, pouring the caramel sauce into a lipped bowl, and taking it to the dining table. He’s aware of everyone’s gaze on them.

And yet none of it seems to matter.

With each moment, the pull in his heart becomes stronger and stronger to the point of exquisite pain.

“Being close to you feels right.” He worries his lip between his teeth. “I know you have misgivings about the way we are with each other… I know you’re worried about how it looks. But, Theo, you’re a big part of my life. An important part.”

Suddenly he feels Theo’s hands on his waist and on the back of his neck pulling him into a full body embrace, and Theo’s face nuzzling against his own.

Liam’s eyes flick toward the rest of the pack and sees them staring openly. He can imagine how they look right now, but it’s Theo who’s initiating. He feels so confused.

“Theo…” he says with uncertainty.

Theo just squeezes him tighter. “I’m sorry for pushing you away.”

There is an edge of desperation to Theo’s voice as he latches on to Liam, and Liam finally allows himself to embrace Theo fully in return.

“Liam, you’re the most important part of my life.”

*

The walk back to the table is only a little awkward after their display, but on second look, Liam notices that everybody just seems…curious and fond. Even Stiles seems less hard around the edges as he looks at him and Theo.

They’ve all been through so much together. If Liam were in their place, he wouldn’t begrudge them any comfort and closeness they might find in anyone either.

All of them are lucky to have each other.

Lydia helps herself to the bread pudding first, and it gets everybody else going.

“This is delicious,” she says.

Corey clears his throat. “And this caramel sauce is amazing,” he says.

“Bitch, literally!” Mason exclaims drunkenly.

Stiles pouts exaggeratedly as he looks at the bowl of Chantilly cream and then at everyone.

“This cream, though!” Scott says, mouth full of food as he winks at Stiles.

Stiles beams.

“Um, yeah?! Oh oh oh oh oh!” Mason says, jumping up and down in his seat. “Let’s take this up to the rooftop deck!”

“Yes!” Corey adds.

“There’s a rooftop deck?!” Stiles whips his head toward Theo.

“Yeah,” Theo says evenly.

Meanwhile, Lydia is already taking the last carafe of lemon drop from the fridge as well as a bowl of strawberries, and Malia is already halfway out of the apartment with the large casserole dish of bread pudding in her arms.  
  
“Well?” She calls out.

As everyone crowds into the hallway to put on their shoes, Liam turns to look at Theo and takes his hand.

“Come on,” Liam says.

Theo smiles and nods.

*

There are a couple of other groups already up there, but they’re far enough away from each other for it not to matter.

They push two tables close together and gather the chairs around.

The change in setting changes the mood.

Everybody falls into a kind of easy quiet, their bodies leaning toward one another as they talk in whispers and low voices. There’s the clink of spoons on plates and drunken giggles, and Corey saying, “Oh, man, they’re so drunk,” amused and delighted.

When all the bread pudding is gone, they break off into their own groups.

Mason and Corey go up to the edge, leaning over the baluster and looking out into the open.

Stiles and Lydia engage Theo in conversation as they snack on strawberries and cream. Liam worries at first but the comfortable look on Theo’s face sets him at ease. And then Theo is holding out a strawberry dipped in cream to Stiles, which Stiles— _disturbingly_ —eats out of Theo’s hand. And Lydia is laughing along with Theo at Stiles’ red face.

Maybe flirtation will be the key to Stiles’ friendship. If so, Liam’s got nothing to worry about.

Liam finds himself on the other end of the tables with Scott and Malia.

“So…” Scott ventures. “Theo’s your anchor.”

Liam shrugs.

“I mean, we kinda figured last week when you…”

“Started wolfing out at the bar for no reason,” Malia adds impatiently.

“Right.” Liam says.

“Are you gonna be okay when you go off to college?” Scott asks warily. “Because when Hayden left…”

“You were a mess.”

Scott sighs long-sufferingly at Malia but nods in agreement anyway. And it’s fine. Liam has given this some thought.

“With Hayden… It wasn’t just the fact of her that anchored me. It was love. I was so in love with her and that’s what I held on to. Seeing her reassured me. When she left, all of a sudden I wasn’t sure of anything anymore.”

He looks over at Theo with Stiles and Lydia. They seem to be laughing about something, and they all three look so at ease.

“It’s different with Theo.”

Theo notices him and throws him a friendly smile and a wink. He smiles back.

“We talk. We’re open with each other. It doesn’t matter where I am or how far away he is from me. The Theo that’s here,” Liam brings his hand up to his chest, over his heart, “the one who anchors me…I’m sure of him.”

Malia raises an eyebrow. “So why’d you lose control last week? And don’t blame the full moon. You’ve been fine all the other times.”

Liam feels himself blushing but does nothing to hide it.

“He and I already worked that out,” he says evasively.

“‘Worked that out’?” Scott asks.

Liam blushes even deeper. “It was a misunderstanding. We’ve talked since then.”

“Liam,” Scott prompts gently. “I think there’s more that the two of you need to talk about.”

Liam looks down at his lap where his fists are balled up tightly.

“I know.”

*

They return to the apartment after a while.

Scott and Corey confiscate the rest of the lemon drop and get the drunkies to chug water instead.

Liam goes about doing the last bit of washing up.

“I’d offer to help,” Malia says as she parks herself on a bar stool and scrolls through her phone. “But I don’t want to.”

“Oookay.” Liam chuckles to himself. He makes quick work of it but leaves the casserole dish crusted with bits of pudding to soak overnight.

In the living room, Scott and Theo are trying to get the drunkies to finish at least another glass of water each. It’s not going to sober them up but it should at least prevent a nasty hangover.

Liam joins them and tries to help with Stiles who’s being super stubborn about it.

“You guys are welcome to stay if you want,” Theo says to Stiles and Lydia. “Liam won’t mind giving up his bed for one night.”

“And where would Liam sleep?” Stiles asks, looking pointedly at Theo.

“Stiles, if you wanna sleep in my bed, you just have to say so. It’s big enough for us,” he says huskily. He looks at Lydia and then back at Stiles. “All three of us.”

Stiles flushes even redder.

“Is it weird that I’m, like, super jealous?” Mason grumps, frowning.

Corey sighs. “It would be weirder if you weren’t.”

In the end, they decline the offer and decide instead that Malia will drive Lydia’s car to take her home while Scott follows so he can take Malia back along with Stiles.

Mason hugs Theo, squeezing him tightly in his arms as he thanks him for an awesome night.

Theo gives as good as he’s getting.

Mason positively melts into it. “Oh, man. You always give really good hugs.”

“You can squeeze my biceps if you want,” Theo says flirtatiously and Mason takes him up on the offer.

Corey rolls his eyes. “Can we give you a ride home?” he asks Liam as he pulls Mason off Theo and takes his turn with the hugs.

“No,” Liam says, shaking his head. “I wanna be with Theo.”

“Yeah, no, of course.”

Everybody else gets their goodbyes and thank-yous in, and then, it’s just him and Theo standing in the hallway.

For a while they simply look at each other.

“Thank you,” Theo finally says.

“Team effort,” Liam replies with a smile.

Theo takes the side of Liam’s face in his hand and strokes his cheek with his thumb.

Liam leans into it. Theo’s soft gaze and sweet smile make him feel warm and adored.

“Can we talk later?” he asks Theo.

Theo steps in closer until their chests are all but touching. He brings up his other hand to swoop stray hair from Liam’s forehead. “Sure, Liam.”

“Okay,” Liam says, dipping his head to nuzzle the side of Theo’s face. He turns his face up and lets his mouth bump the soft skin of Theo’s cheek.

Theo sighs Liam’s name, his hand curling toward the back of Liam’s head.

“Can I have the first shower?” Liam asks.

“Okay, I’ll tidy up here.”

*


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some content in this chapter may straddle the line between the M and E rating.

*

Liam brushes his teeth first.

He’s nervous throughout his shower. He’s nervous while he’s soaping up and Theo walks in to bring him a fresh towel and to pick up his dirty clothes to put away. After, he considers dressing in more than just briefs, but given the way that they are now Theo would definitely wonder at it. He brings up two glasses of water from the kitchen back to the room, puts away Theo’s dirty clothes as well, and waits for him to finish his shower.

He sits on the edge of the bed, opens up his Instagram page and scrolls through the photos there.

Everywhere it’s him and Theo happy together. Not just their time in San Francisco, but dating back months. Little squares of their friendship stitched like quilt among the rest of Liam’s life—his family, his friends. His own solitary moments as well as Theo’s, private and intimate. There for all to see.

This is what they have together. Here’s proof of it.

Seeing them like this makes it so easy to believe that Liam is the most important part of Theo’s life, just like he said.

Liam feels such a yearning for Theo that he hurts from it.

Theo enters with a towel wrapped around his waist. He throws Liam a smile as they make eye contact.

God, he’s so handsome.

He hangs up his towel and heads for the dresser to pull out a pair of briefs to put on.

Liam looks away to give Theo his privacy but he indulges himself with chasing the clean scent of him with his nose.

He works up his courage, walks over to Theo, and pulls him into a hug. Theo sinks into it, his arms warm and solid around Liam, his hands rubbing small gentle circles.

“You wanted to talk?” Theo asks after they let go.

“Yeah.”

Theo touches Liam’s hand. “You’re nervous.”

“A little.”

These last several months as their friendship and affection for each other kept growing and morphing, there are countless moments that seem to Liam now as overtures to something more. On both sides. Gestures too intimate to simply be friendly, words and conversations too poignant to have only meant the surface thing, even before Liam could name his feelings.

And each time it seemed that Theo had an idea of what’s happening and Liam just wasn’t there yet.

Liam’s here now.

He’s been here and now he wants to know whether Theo is here with him.

“You look at me sometimes,” he starts, taking a deep, shaky breath, “like you’re looking for something.”

“I—yes.” And now it’s Theo who seems nervous.

“But you don’t see it there.”

“No.” Theo gulps. His seems to stiffen. The abortive motion of his leg as he stops himself from taking a half-step back catches Liam’s eyes immediately.

“And you haven’t looked lately. Why is that?”

“Please, Liam. Don’t,” Theo mumbles, casting his gaze down.

Liam wonders at Theo’s words, the fear behind them. He swallows thickly. “Will you look now?”

“Please, Liam. Please…don’t…”

“Theo,” he begs, “will you do it for me?”

Theo looks back up, his eyes widening as he hears what it is Liam’s asking for. He recovers and, there it is, the searching look that Liam has come to know.

Liam thinks about their history.

Theo from before, whom Liam doesn’t recognize any longer as anything other than a fading shadow washed out by the light of Theo as he is now.

Theo who, over time and in spite of everyone’s distrust, risked opening his heart to Liam as he fought for every inch of ground to move past what he was and what he was raised to be.

Theo who reached for Liam without any guarantees how Liam would receive him, only for both of them to find in each other someone to support and care for.

He thinks about the way they are together, the little things and the big things they do for one another, helping improve each other’s lives and encouraging each other to be better. Serving and being served in return.

That’s how they cherish each other, isn’t it?

For him and Theo, service…is simply their love in action.

Even before Liam became aware of his desire, there’s been love.

The whole time, there has always been love.

And now desire as well.

Every part of him aches for Theo to know.

“Liam?” Theo asks softly, sounding so fragile that Liam can hardly bear it.

“I’m in love with you.”

Theo looks as wrecked as much as Liam feels overwhelmed.

“I’ve been in love with you, Theo.”

“Liam…don't…”

 _I think you’ve known this whole time_ , Liam wants to say, but it strikes even him as too much of an accusation, and that’s not how he wants this to go.

“Did you know?" he asks instead.

“Sometimes,” Theo says in a choked voice, “lately it seemed like you might be. But…”

“But what?”

“You have such a big heart, Liam, and we’ve gotten so close. I _don't_ _want_ to risk—” Theo says sadly, sighing as he cuts himself off. “And even when it seemed like you—sometimes it seemed like you didn’t know,” he finishes lamely.

Theo’s words confuse him, the uncertainty, the disconnected fragments whose initial thrust misaligns with its predicate.

Liam feels his eyes start to tear up and his emotions choke him, overcome with his own feelings and this new frustration brought on by his confusion. His heart aches so much with longing for Theo that his words come spilling out. “I didn’t. Not really. I knew I felt something every time I was around you or when I thought about you. But I didn’t realize what it was. And then I did. I love you, Theo.”

Theo is so quiet and subdued that Liam begins to fear he’s ruined everything, that he’s misread and misjudged the situation.

But then Theo steps closer to him and touches his hand.

“I love you, too, Liam.”

Liam sighs in relief. He’s suspected, he’s hoped, he _feels_ , but to hear it out loud still surprises him. His heart swells to what feels like a hundred times its size.

“I’ve loved you for a while now,” Theo adds quietly.

Liam’s breath catches in his throat. “A while?”

Theo nods. “A while.”

“Were you ever going to say anything?”

Theo shakes his head.

“Why not? _Theo_ —” Liam asks desperately. He’s only known about his own feelings for a few days and he’s gone crazy over them. And here’s Theo saying he’s been living with his own feelings _for a while_. “Theo, why not?”

Theo hangs back and his brows are creased in confusion.

“What?” Liam asks worriedly. “What is it?”

Theo sighs. “Liam—I—” he says hesitantly.

“What?”

Theo looks him in the eyes, his distress and confusion and regret laid bare for Liam to see, and he says with absolute certainty: “You’re straight.”

And that’s…more than just fair.

It’s true.

If you were to ask Liam even now, his instinctive answer would be, yeah, he’s straight.

His heart starts booming in his chest, in his ears. He feels the ground opening under him into a yawning, black void.

“That doesn’t seem to matter,” he tries to say convincingly, trying not to fail in this, to fall into the chasm. “Theo, I can’t help it. I love you.”

He meets Theo’s gaze and lets his desire show. He has struggled to reign it back, to tamp it down, and to hide as much of it away as he’s able to from Theo that letting it out now is as easy as exhaling a breath long held.

“I want you.” His voice sounds strange to his own ears, gravelly and raw. “I want you,” he says again.

“God, Liam.”

“Theo—”

“Please, Liam. Please. We don’t have to do this.”

“What do you mean?” Liam pleads. His panic is rising and he feels everything slipping away. He’s so close to what he wants and it’s all slipping away.

Theo takes a shuddering breath. Liam has never seen him so afraid.

“You don’t have to do this. You’ll always have me. Even if you don’t love me the way I love you, it would be enough to be there for you and to take care of you like you’ve always done for me,” he says sadly. “I would give you _anything_ you want and do anything you want and take you anywhere you need to go to be happy.”

He touches Liam’s face and strokes his cheek.

“Anywhere, Liam, even if it’s not going to be with me. It would be enough to love you in private if I could keep you safe and happy, if I could be some small part of your life. It would be enough just to be near you.”

Theo looks so wretched, as if the words are being torn out of him.

“I love you so much,” he says, sounding ruined.

Liam puts his hand over Theo’s and leans into his touch.

Liam steps closer to him. “Theo…why are you so sad?”

“Everything I’ve ever had has come at a cost,” Theo says bitterly. “And then you came along and showed me kindness when I had nothing and I had no one. I kept waiting and wondering, but all you did was give me your trust and your friendship. You make me want to be more. You make my life better.”

Liam’s heart breaks at the look of utter hopelessness on Theo’s face. He’s left feeling cold when Theo drops his hand from him.

“You’re straight, Liam.” Theo dips his head, sobbing softly and quietly as he wipes his wet eyes with the back of his hand. “That’s what this costs. That’s the price I have to pay for having you in my life. For loving you.”

He scoops Theo into his arms and holds him tight. “This isn’t like that. It won’t be like that,” he says firmly. “And you don’t have to settle for just enough, Theo. You can have all of it. I _want_ to give you all of it.”

Theo’s arms tighten around him.

“Please, Theo—I wanna kiss you.”

“Liam, we can still go back. Please, you don’t have to prove any—”

“Please, please, can I kiss you?” Liam begs. His heart is racing. He wants it so badly. He’s aching with love and sheer powerlessness at seeing Theo so miserable. If he could just show him—if Theo would just let him.

“Y-yes. Yes,” Theo says brokenly, like he’s torn between wanting it and terrified of getting it but helpless to give in.

Liam moves in slowly, touching his hands to Theo’s waist first and dragging them up his flanks, then down again just below his ribs, slowing to feel the ridges of Theo’s muscles as he slides his way back to Theo’s waist.

His right hand comes around just slightly to touch the dip of his spine there at the small of Theo’s back, while bringing up his left high on Theo’s shoulder, his fingertips ghosting on Theo’s neck.

He leans down and places a kiss on the hollow of Theo’s throat, catching the scent of him in a deep inhale, and then another kiss on his collarbone, his neck, his bearded jaw, his wet cheek, each touch of Liam’s lips on him soft and careful and precious.

Both of them are quivering from it.

“Liam, please. Please,” Theo says softly. “Please.”

Liam cups the side of Theo’s face and leans in, his eyes fluttering with the first gentle press of his lips to Theo’s, close-mouthed but only at first, a soft, slow introduction, as if to say to his Theo: It's me. Your Liam. Hi.

Theo’s beard tickles him a little.

Theo yields to him, responding in equal gentleness and exquisite softness, before his lips part like the warm petals of a sunlit flower blooming, inviting Liam in.

Liam meets him there and puts his whole heart into it, all the affection he feels for Theo, not as a deluge or a flood, or a waterfall’s torrential cascade as it empties itself into its flow, but as a jar pouring slowly into a cup, to share a drink, to quench a long thirst.

He feels it in return, in the soft warmth of Theo’s lips, the huffs of his breath on their faces, the push and pull of his desire and hesitation.

Liam’s perception narrows down only to the feel of their mouths moving slowly against and toward each other, the slick, wet, gentle sucking noises of their kissing.

His arms encircle Theo and press him flush against his body, his roving hands hot on Theo’s back. One of Theo’s hands finds itself on Liam’s shoulder, and the other rests on the curve of Liam’s arm, as though he doesn’t quite know what to do with them.

Liam takes Theo’s hand, the one on his shoulder, and moves it to the back of his neck. He curls their fingers and Theo takes the hint, starts playing with Liam’s hair and scratching gently, just there above his nape. In all the years to come of Liam’s life, he will always remember the feel of Theo’s hand there, in this moment.

Theo’s other hand he guides to his upper arm, moves it slowly down, then up, until Theo is caressing him on his own.

It feels rewarding to show him this, to show Theo how Liam likes to be touched. A gift of trust and an invitation.

For his part, Liam cradles the side of Theo’s head in his left hand, his thumb stroking gently along Theo’s cheek, his fingers curling to trace the shell of Theo’s ear and then moving to card through his hair. Liam pets him softly, gently, delighting in Theo’s soft whimpers and trembling body, while he holds him up with his right arm coiled solidly around him, his inner forearm hot where it’s pressed elbow to wrist along Theo’s back.

Something kindles inside, a glowing ember ignited by a long and deep yearning that flares into a billowing flame. The spark of heat when their tongues touch for the first time push them both onward, closer, kissing deeply with open mouths. Their chests heave with their ragged breaths.

“I love you,” Liam says, shaping the words against Theo’s lips.

He tries hard to make it feel as good for Theo as it does for him. He pulls at Theo’s bottom lip a little with a gentle bite.

A groan rumbles its way up from Theo’s chest, an eruption of want and acknowledgment, and Liam swallows it in a kiss. He whispers, “I love you. I love you,” as he drives the kiss on and on.

Theo’s response is wordless. There are only the soft, desperate sounds he’s making, the gentle keening of his voice as he gives in and takes what Liam is offering with an open and eager and full heart.

Liam is as hard as his briefs will let him get, and he can feel Theo similarly affected. He drags his hands down Theo’s back, the pads of his fingertips pushing firmly on Theo’s flesh as they descend. He cups the swell of Theo’s ass in both hands, grabbing handfuls as he pulls him in to meet his surging hips and rub their crotches together.

Beyond his own urges and desire and need, Liam wants more than anything else to make Theo feel good.

He brings an arm up and around Theo once more to embrace him while his other hand slips between them to cup Theo’s heavy bulge and caress the growing hardness there.

He feels it twitch in his hand as Theo flexes uselessly against the constraint of his briefs. Theo moans into the kiss, gasping Liam’s name.

“I love you, Theo,” Liam says again. The touch of his hand on Theo’s bulge is slow but possessive and hungry for the feel of him. He sucks Theo’s bottom lip and catches it between his teeth again, his desire undeniable as his hand rubs Theo.

Theo’s kisses become clumsier. He’s gasping and moaning in turn, pushing up against Liam’s hand and spreading his legs for him.

Liam gives him the groping he’s so wantonly begging for. He reaches farther down, cupping Theo’s balls and curling and uncurling his fingers behind them over and over as he fondles them. He reaches even farther and runs the tip of his middle finger along Theo’s taint over the fabric of his briefs, warm and moist with sweat.

Theo is a panting wreck of whimpers and gasps, of soft, desperate whines, and Liam continues to kiss him through it.

He slides his hand away from Theo’s crotch and toward the small of his back to push their bodies together once more, holding him close and cradling his head gently. He rubs up against him, leisurely but intentional, his movements measured compared Theo’s rutting which Liam tries to calm and ease up.

He slows down their pace, his hands rubbing soothingly on Theo’s skin and ruffling his hair, his kisses gentling down and becoming less insistent, each pause in between growing longer and each instance of the touch of their lips further apart.

He rests his forehead on Theo’s, both of them sharing the same panting breaths.

He kisses Theo’s lips again once, “I love you, Theo,” twice. “Your Liam loves you.”

For several moments they just breathe.

Liam pulls back. With his left hand he cups Theo’s face, his right he drapes gently on Theo’s chest. They gaze into each other’s eyes, and the moment stretches on.

“Was that all right?” he asks, stroking Theo’s cheek tenderly.

“W-what?” Theo blinks dazedly as if just now coming to his senses.

Liam leans in again to press a soft kiss to Theo’s lips. “I wanted to make it good for you—your first kiss with a guy,” he explains. He drags his thumb across Theo’s bottom lip. “Was it all right?”

“‘Was it all right?’” Theo repeats incredulously. “God, Liam,” he sighs, stealing a kiss of his own. “Yeah. It was ‘all right’,” he says sarcastically, his lips grazing Liam’s as he speaks. He chuckles to himself and kisses Liam again.

“Okay. Good.” Liam feels himself blushing, shy and gratified and proud all at once.

“What?” Theo asks. “You’ve got a look on your face.”

Liam looks up at him. He plants another kiss on the corner of Theo’s mouth which Theo tries to catch even if it’s off-center.

“I wanted it to be me,” Liam confesses. He feels a sort of desperation about this, for Theo to know. “You said before that I’m your first in a lot of ways. But the first guy you kissed—I wanted it to be me.”

“I wanted it to be you, too,” Theo says softly.

Liam gets hot all over. His heart is thundering in his chest but he bravely looks Theo in the eyes. “I wanna be your first,” he says nervously, “for the other stuff also.”

“I know,” Theo replies with a glint in his eyes. “Me, too.”

Liam is unable to hold back his stupid grin.

“Shut up,” Theo says fondly. He kisses him again. And then his face turns serious. “Liam?”

“Yeah?” The look on Theo’s face and the hesitation obvious in his body language worries Liam a little. “Whatever it is, it’s okay. I promise.”

“Can we take it easy as we go?” Theo asks seriously. “I want it with you but I dunno what I'm ready for.”

Liam feels immediately protective of him. “Yeah, no, of course,” he says hurriedly. He grabs Theo's hand and places it on his chest. “Feel my heart. I’m not expecting anything. I just wanna be with you. Okay, Theo? I don’t wanna do anything you don’t wanna do. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“When I touched you earlier, was that okay?”

Theo looks shy and abashed. “Yeah. That was okay.”

“Okay. Good.” Liam sighs in relief. ”Do you want me to put on some more clothes?” He asks.

Theo blinks at him. ”No. This is good.”

Liam nods. ”You can change your mind any time. About the clothes and how close you want me to be. About anything. You can change your mind. I want you to feel safe and comfortable.”

”God, Liam,” he says breathlessly. ”You’re really something else.”

Liam leans in for a kiss and Theo meets him halfway. They kiss for several moments, and Liam feels so gratified by how compatible they seem to be, at least in this.

“Theo?”

“Yeah?”

“If you want to touch me, you can,” he says. “If you want to play around with my, um—” his face is burning but he works up his courage and tries to get it out. “W-with my body, you can.”

“Oh,” Theo says faintly, looking dazed again.

“If that’s something you want,” Liam continues, breath hitching. “No pressure.”

“Jesus. Okay.” Theo’s chest starts heaving. “Yeah, okay. That’s, um, that’s good to know.”

They laugh awkwardly, smiling shyly at each other. Liam wants to kiss him again. Hell, he wants to always be kissing Theo. And he also wants Theo to feel free with him.

*

They slide into bed and lie on their sides facing each other. They’ve left both of the bedside lamps on, and Liam allows himself to gaze adoringly at Theo’s handsome face.

Theo reaches for him, arranges their bodies together to fit comfortably like this.

They kiss tenderly, lazily, leisurely. Where their first was suffused with heat, this one seems more exploratory.

It feels like they’re getting to know each other all over again, seeking pleasure in the familiar comfort of each other in an otherwise new context.

And, god, Theo is an incredible kisser. His lips feel thick and plush on Liam’s, his kisses firm and gentle all at once, the scrape and bristle of his beard and mustache an entirely wild and new experience.

It feels to Liam that the way Theo kisses now is not so much to take his own pleasure but to help Liam find it in him. It makes Liam work for it and try harder, his own desire tangled up in his determination to make it good for Theo.

The result is a feedback loop of pleasure, maddening in how good it feels and endlessly surprising.

They pull off and catch their breath.

“God, kissing you feels really…really.” Liam says stupidly, feeling instantly lame.

But Theo isn’t laughing at him. He just seems affected and a little loopy. “Yeah,” he breathes out. “You, too.”

Liam scoots in, cuddling into Theo and burying his face in his neck. He kisses him there, inhaling the warm scent of him.

Theo’s arms come around Liam and hold him close. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Was this what you were going for the whole time?”

Liam nuzzles him a little before moving off so that he’s face to face with Theo. He leans in, kisses Theo’s chin, then the corner of his mouth, his jaw.

It’s adorable how Theo keeps trying to catch his kisses with his own lips.

“I don’t think so,” he says finally. “When we became friends I just. I dunno. I wanted to show you that I care about you. It felt right to be physical. And I could see how much you loved it. Not just with me. But Mason, Corey, my parents. Even Scott every time he squeezes your shoulder.”

Theo looks shy.

“I wanted to keep giving you that. And I wanted it from you.”

“As friends?”

“As stupid as it sounds, yeah, as friends,” he says, nodding. He leans in to give Theo a soft kiss. “I know I lost control sometimes,” he admits guiltily, recalling only flashes of those moments with Theo. “…But I don’t really remember some of them.”

“It happens.”

“Yeah. Scott told me how he would go to sleep in his room and wake up somewhere else, the woods or somebody’s rooftop without knowing how he got there. It felt like that sometimes with you. One moment we’re talking, the next you’re looking wrecked and I’m just standing there not knowing what’s going on and why I have a boner.” He suddenly feels heavy and cold with guilt. “Did I…hurt you?” he asks, dreading the answer.

“You didn’t.” Theo touches his face gently. “You didn’t, okay? You didn’t hurt me.”

Liam swallows thickly. “Okay.”

“Okay.”

Liam wiggles closer toward Theo’s warmth. “I knew I loved being with you. And then at karaoke when you started singing about other boys… You know what? That whole karaoke thing got me fucked all the way up.”

Theo cringes, which Liam takes as admission of his part in it. “Go on.”

“I thought you were in love with someone and you were hiding it from me.”

“I was.”

Liam looks sharply at him.

Theo raises both eyebrows and quirks his mouth.

“Oh.” Liam blushes furiously when he finally gets it. “But also…after that…” He knows how he feels but he’s not sure how to say it.

Theo’s brows wrinkle in concern. “What is it?”

“I’m scared it’s not gonna come out right.”

Theo shifts closer and takes Liam’s hands in his. “It’s okay. We can talk about it and figure it out together.”

He takes a deep, calming breath.

“It made me crazy. I didn’t really know why, but now I know it made me crazy thinking about you and other guys.”

Theo says nothing, only strokes Liam’s hands.

“Did you know?” Liam asks.

“I wondered,” Theo replies quietly, hesitantly. And then, in a quieter, more hesitant, and fragile voice, “I wondered if it meant something.”

“I love you,” Liam starts. “I’ve loved you this whole time. As friends first. I think you already knew that.”

“You never tried to hide it,” Theo admits. “I’ve always felt you loved me that way.”

“You never tried to hide it either,” Liam replies with a nod. “Why did we never say it? Friends can say it. Why didn’t we?”

“I would’ve felt dishonest. Because I’ve loved you the other way, too.”

“For a while now…” Liam whispers in awe.

“For a while now.”

He clears his throat. “And this past week we just got closer and closer…”

“Yeah…”

“When I figured out I love you the other way, too, I wanted it to be more, but it seemed like you were always making it a point not to cross a line. So I tried to put that out of my mind because it was more important for me to give you the affection you wanted, as friends. I didn’t want you to think we would need to be more for you to have it. For you to be close to me.”

He sighs.

“And I wanted you to be close to me, Theo, as much as I wanted to be close to you. I wanted us to have that. It sounds really stupid now that I’m saying it out loud.”

Theo leans in and kisses him on the lips.

“It’s not stupid,” he says. “Well, maybe it is. But I was thinking the same things about you.”

“What do you mean?” Liam asks confusedly.

“You’re so affectionate, Liam. I thought if I stopped thinking about wanting you and just focused on giving you what you wanted, it would be okay.” Theo licks his lips a little nervously. “And you kept…offering. I convinced myself it was okay because you kept offering. And then I got carried away and I started to pretend.” He takes Liam’s hand and puts it over his heart. “I’m sorry for taking advantage. I just wanted a taste of what it would be like to be with you, even if it was just pretend.”

“I wanted to pretend, too,” Liam sighs. “So…we were doing the same thing for each other, and it just…”

“Got out of hand,” Theo finishes for him, sounding like he’s also coming to an understanding of it.

“And now we’re here. We’re idiots.”

Theo raises an eyebrow. “I dunno about this ‘we’re idiots’ stuff,” he says with some snark, looking despairingly at Liam.

And Liam knows Theo is being playful, but then something in his expression shifts and suddenly he seems serious.

“It couldn’t have kept going on. It was a pseudo-relationship. You’re straight and you were never going to be an option.”

Liam hears Theo’s uncertainty. Theo sounds like he’s thinking out loud, and he seems almost shocked as the words leave his mouth, like he’s suddenly remembering something.

Like he hears truth in it.

“You still don’t think I’m really an option,” Liam says evenly. The effort it takes to be careful not to sound accusing or affronted, to keep the disappointment out of his voice, taxes the hell out of him.

Theo’s hand reaches for his face, touches him lovingly there. “You don’t look at other guys the way you look at girls. You get self-conscious around women you’re attracted to. You don’t like guys, Liam. I’m a guy,” he explains patiently. “It’s not fair to either of us.”

Liam sees the chasm again, he and Theo standing on opposite ends of it.

He feels trapped. Everything Theo is saying rings true for him.

A wild thing in him wants to lash out. “Is that why you’ve been pushing me away? Is that why it feels like you’re pushing me away right now?”

“It’s okay, Liam,” Theo says softly. “You can’t help being other than what you are.”

But he wants Theo. He _loves_ Theo.

“Please, Theo,” he pleads, the fight going out of him. “ _Please_.” He tips his face up toward him, offering himself.

“God, Liam,” Theo sighs, looking pained. He leans into Liam and gives him the kiss he’s begging for.

Liam surges into it, eager to seek the comfort of Theo’s affection, determined to show him his. Not to prove himself to Theo but only to show that his feelings and his desire for him are honest and true. His love for him is true.

“What do you want?” Theo asks.

“I want this with you,” Liam says honestly, begging again, unsure of how he’ll be received and feeling broken-down from it.

Theo kisses him again, urgently this time. He even pulls Liam to him as he scoots forward himself, until their legs tangle and their crotches rub against each other.

Liam meets him with similar energy. Getting his hands all over Theo. He dares even to roll Theo on top of him, slips his hands below the fabric of Theo’s briefs to grope handfuls of Theo’s butt and to pull Theo’s lower body firmly against his crotch.

They’re both still only half hard, kept frustratingly in check by their tight briefs.

But Liam has been leaking all night in his, his cock and balls a sopping sticky mess that all this clothed frotting is only making worse.

Theo bears down on him and rubs himself on Liam.

Liam doesn’t know how much more of this he can take.

And yet the desperate way Theo has been kissing and touching and rutting against him seems somehow at odds with what Liam wants, with things as unclear as they are between the two of them, at least for him.

It’s a familiar feeling, similar to how Theo has always indulged Liam’s desire for affection, saying yes every time Liam asked.

“Theo, wait,” he tries to say against Theo’s insistent kisses. “Easy, easy,” he says soothingly, his hands gently rubbing Theo’s arms up and down.

Theo quickly pulls back once Liam’s words reach him. “Sorry, sorry,” he gasps, bracing himself with his hands on either side of Liam’s head.

“I don’t want just sex,” Liam croaks out. “Not that I’m assuming we’re about to have any kind of sex!” He adds hurriedly. He looks Theo in the eyes and tries to discern Theo’s motives there but comes up clueless. “But it sort of feels like you’re just… _giving_ me this.”

Liam pushes up from the bed to a sitting position, resting his back on the headboard. Theo adjusts with him, straddling Liam’s lap with his legs bent at the knee on either side of him.

“I thought it’s what you wanted,” Theo says softly and seems to withdraw into himself.

Liam takes Theo’s hands and puts them on his shoulders, holding them there until Theo takes his meaning and holds on to him. He pulls Theo up closer to him until their torsos nearly touch, wrapping his arms around Theo as he looks up at him.

“Yes, but—I wanna be with you, Theo,” he says gently. “I want us to be together.”

“Liam, you’re—”

“Straight, I know. You keep saying,” he huffs. “But, Theo, when I look at you, when I think about you, when I imagine being with you and having a future with you, I don’t think about being straight.”

“A future…” Theo says wonderingly.

Liam brings his hands up and holds Theo’s face in them. He looks into his eyes and asks, “What did you think I meant every time I’ve said ‘I love you’ tonight?”

He leans up and pulls Theo’s head down a little so he can kiss him, gently, lovingly.

“Doesn’t my heart count for something?” he asks sadly.

“God, Liam,” Theo says regretfully. “Of course, it does.”

"It's you my heart wants, Theo," he says earnestly, “I can’t help it.”

A shocking thing suddenly occurs to him. He’s been taking this for granted. He’s confessed his feelings and discovered that they’re returned. They’ve kissed. They keep kissing. There have been overtures—more than overtures—toward a sexual element.

And yet he hasn’t considered—

The memory crashes into him, of Theo asking him to _P_ _lease don’t_ when Liam initiated the confrontation. _We don’t have to do this_ , he said. _We can still go back_.

It dawns on him now that mutual love isn’t enough. Mutual desire isn’t enough. You have to want to be together. You have to choose to be together.

“Oh, god,” he gasps. “Do you not—do you not wanna be together?”

What would he do if Theo doesn’t? Retreat completely? Draw boundaries? Theo has said he wants Liam to be his first. He said that he would give Liam anything he wants. Oh, god. Did he mean he’ll let Liam use him for sex? That that’s what Liam wants from him?

He feels himself begin to stumble into the chasm.

Theo leans down to kiss him again, catching him. Gone is his desperation and the sense of performative intent Liam sensed in him before, replaced with sincere affection.

“You’re spiraling,” Theo says softly. “Stop.”

Liam tries to put it out of his mind, tilts his face up for more kissing. He lets himself float away in it, the careful way that Theo kisses him, the warmth and softness of his mouth and his tongue on Liam’s.

He can’t imagine giving this up.

“I love you,” Theo tells him. It exhilarates Liam to hear it.

“I love you,” he says right back.

“I’m sorry that I’m being confusing. I just…I’ve resigned myself to never getting to have this with you.” Theo sighs heavily. “I don’t want you to feel like this is something we need to be. You won’t lose me, Liam. I’ll always be here for you.”

He knows how it must look to Theo.

An otherwise exclusively straight guy fixated on his gay friend who’s already in love with him. How convenient. He knows—they both know—that he never even considered Theo until he started feeling jealous of a non-existent boyfriend, when it became clear that Theo could have anyone he wants. That Theo having lovers and falling in love with other guys is a reality.

And now he’s admitted not only did he want to be the first guy Theo kissed, but he’s made it explicitly clear that he wants to be Theo’s first lover. Like he’s staking a claim. What’s more, that desire is now bolstered by Theo’s own admission that he wants Liam to be his first, too.

It’s animalistic, caveman, machismo, possessive nonsense.

But he doesn’t know how else to make Theo understand that it’s not like that. He doesn’t know how to ask Theo not to guard his heart around Liam like that, not to worry because Liam will take good care of it. He wants nothing more than to take good care of Theo’s heart and to hold it dear.

“I wanna be with you,” Liam insists. ”Theo, I love you.” He doesn’t know what else to say, or how else to say it to make Theo understand.

“I love you so much, Liam,” Theo says in a rough voice, like he hurts from it. “There’s just some stuff we need to think about.”

“I know,” Liam says forlornly.

It's July already, he thinks to himself. Their summer together is coming quickly to a close, and then Liam will be gone for most of the year, every year, until he graduates.

He’ll be away, building a whole other life outside of Beacon Hills. Away from Theo, and away from this.

Liam drops his head to Theo’s chest, his forehead resting on Theo’s collarbone. He doesn’t want to accept defeat despite feeling it crushing his heart already. “You said we could figure it out together. Please, can we do that?”

“We’ll figure it out. We don’t have to worry about it tonight.” He feels Theo’s hand tilt his face up. “I love you.”

“I love you.” Liam closes the distance between them.

They kiss for a long time. It’s a slow, protracted moment of affection and gentleness. It’s easy, natural like they were born for it. They are aware of each other’s arousal, but keep the heat of their desire banked.

Liam rocks them forward, grabbing Theo by the back of his knees in the same motion, lifting Theo’s legs to wrap around his waist and supporting Theo’s back with his arm as he lays Theo on the foot of bed and drapes himself on top of him.

Theo pulls him down until their lips touch again, and Liam pours himself into it. They go on like that, shifting around in bed together, taking turns being on top, lying on their sides, murmuring “I love you” every time their hearts clamored to be heard, and always, always kissing.

They kiss neither as the culmination of increasing affection nor as a prelude to something more. Just the two of them connecting together, intimate, sharing the same breaths, experiencing each other’s love in an honest, unreserved way.

Here, in this moment, the past casts no shadows nor does the future loom on their horizon.

There is only Liam and Theo, hearts open and full.

*


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that the rating has changed from M to E. It will remain E through the final chapter.
> 
> My apologies to the readers who didn't sign up for E content. I was uncomfortable writing it, but it's relevant to the story. Should you choose to skip or scroll through, please be aware that there are important characterization and plot elements entangled in it.

*

Much, much later, they’re lying on their sides just looking at each other, their hands always touching some part of each other’s bodies. There are the occasional little kisses—on the lips, on the nose, on the chin, forehead, cheeks—the boyish little laughs and playful silliness.

God, they’re so in love, and the rush of it fills Liam with joy.

If he thought Theo was handsome before, it pales in comparison to how he looks now with the truth of their feelings out in the open and reinforced by physical affection.

Liam promises to himself to always try to make Theo look this happy.

“You’re smiling,” Theo says, poking gently at Liam’s bottom lip with his index finger.

“I’m really happy right now,” Liam replies.

“Me, too.” Theo gives him a soft kiss on on the mouth. “Do you wanna sleep?”

Liam reaches back and feels around the bedside table for his phone. It’s nearly midnight. Jesus.

“Not really,” he says, yawning. He ignores Theo’s fond eyeroll. It’s just that Theo said they don’t have to worry about it tonight, and it’s that promise that makes Liam want to hold back the coming of morning. He pushes the thought aside, unwilling to taint the joy he’s feeling now.

He squirms uncomfortably. “I should get cleaned up.” At Theo’s confused expression, he pointedly looks down at the damp mess he’s made of himself. He’s still half hard and drenched in pre, and it’s obvious from the large bulge and the dark, wet stains in his briefs.

“Oh,” Theo says faintly.

Time seems to slow as Liam watches Theo’s hand reach down to cup his junk. Theo’s thumb strokes his cock slowly where it’s curved over his balls and straining against his briefs.

Oh god.

“Theo—I—” Liam feels like he’s going to go insane from need. “You don’t have to if you don’t want,” he says, though he flexes a couple of times, his cock pulsing in Theo’s hand as he squirts thick globs of pre.

“Fuck,” Theo says in awe, staring openly at his crotch. “Do you always leak this much?”

Liam is hot all over, blushing and panting. “No,” he gasps out. “Just lately, when I’ve been worked up around you. And when I think about you.”

Theo looks at him then. There’s a wildness about him that only serves to stir Liam’s roiling desire.

“Theo, this whole week with you…it feels like I’ve been edging.” Liam swallows thickly. “I haven’t cum since last week.”

“Fuck, how long?” Theo asks, his voice low and husky.

Liam moistens his lips with tongue. “Eight days.”

“Jesus,” Theo breathes out, his thumb still stroking Liam. “Liam—can I—I wanna see. Please, can I see it? You said I could.” How Theo manages to be shy and needy and hot all at the same time, Liam doesn’t know.

“I—yes. Okay.” Liam scoots up a little. He’s nervous and excited and so turned on. He rests his head on the pillow to catch his breath for a little bit.

And then he hooks his thumbs on the waistband of his briefs and pushes them down. His cock springs free, blood rushing to it.

It smacks loudly, wetly, obscenely against his hairy belly. He flexes a couple of times and in moments he’s fully hard. He pushes his briefs down further and uses his legs to kick them off entirely.

He looks down at himself and then at Theo whose eyes are transfixed by the sight of him, Liam’s thick bush matted down with sweat and pre, his cock and hairy balls glistening with it.

Theo’s eyes widen as Liam twitches his cock a couple of times. Pre starts to pool to the right of Liam’s navel where the tip of his cock reaches, his body hair sticking in clumps.

Liam brings his left hand down and pushes at the base of his cock with his thumb so that it stands erect, up and out, perpendicular to his body.

Theo’s reaction to him is more than just gratifying; it fuels Liam’s desire.

Liam twitches his cock for him, showing off the length and girth of it, the way it curves to the right. There’s pre dribbling out of the slit, catching on the ridge of his large cockhead and trailing down the long shaft.

Theo licks his lips. “You’re getting off on showing it off, aren’t you?” he asks, his eyes still firmly fixed on Liam’s cock.

“Yes,” Liam admits unabashedly. He wants Theo to see what he does to him. He wants Theo to see what being with him does to Liam. He starts slowly jerking off.

“Oh fuck—can I—”

“Theo, I would let you do anything you want,” he interrupts gently, his soft tone a sharp contrast to his spiking arousal. “And not just ‘cause I’m really horny right now.” With his free hand he touches Theo’s bare thigh. Finally, Theo looks up at him. “I don’t have any expectations, okay? I don’t want you to feel pressured to do anything. I just want you to feel safe to play around. As much or as little as you want. Okay?”

“Okay.”

Theo leans down and kisses him on the mouth, short and sweet.

And then he feels Theo’s right hand cupping his balls, rolling them in his palm. There’s Theo’s left hand nudging his thumb away and replacing his grip.

Liam raises his arms up and puts his hands behind his head.He gets a whiff of his own masculine smell wafting up from his damp armpits and mingling with the thick scent of sex starting to permeate the air.

Theo turns his head to look at him, his eyes lingering in places—Liam can discern where, files the knowledge away for later—taking in the sight of Liam as if he’s trying to burn the image of it in his mind. There’s the long, drawn out inhale again, and again, and again, as Theo breathes in the smell of him.

He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to gather himself for a moment, tries not to buck up into Theo’s hands.

When he opens them again he sees Theo’s fixated where he’s touching him.

Theo’s grip on him is gentle and a little loose. He strokes upward once, slowly, rubbing his thumb in a circle on Liams leaking cockhead once, twice. His grip firms up on the slow downstroke.

Then up again, and down. Theo’s ministrations become more confident as he goes, enjoying touching Liam for himself but also clear in his intention to bring him pleasure. Each stroke makes a filthy, slick, squelching noise.

Liam shudders, his breath coming in shallow and uneven. His balls are drawn up tight against his body. He tries to relax and loosen the muscle there on his taint, behind his balls, to keep himself as far from the edge as he can. It doesn’t do very much, at all.

He groans helplessly as he watches Theo lick his lips and take his right hand away from Liam’s balls to slip inside his own briefs.

“Pull it out,” Liam’s mouth says. He shocks himself with how wanton he sounds, how lustful he feels, all because of Theo. He puts a hand on Theo’s bare thigh and starts rubbing him there, looking Theo in the eyes as he begs, “I wanna see your cock. Please, Theo, pull it out.”

Liam’s cock slaps heavily against his belly as Theo lets it go.

Theo kneels up and tucks the waistband of his briefs under his balls, his cock juts out and starts swelling up. Liam watches in fascination as Theo strokes himself to full hardness, his cock thick and girthy, seeming to curve downward only very slightly, smooth all the way down to the base where his pubes are groomed close, his balls nearly hairless.

Oh god. That’s Liam’s pre that Theo’s slicking himself up with. That’s Liam’s pre he’s jerking his cock with.

“Fuck, you’re hot,” Liam says in awe.

Theo looks at him incredulously.

Liam wonders at that, a little dismayed. Is Theo really so unconvinced about Liam’s desire for him? Does he think his maleness would put Liam off? That it would be the missing piece that would finally make his point for him about the true nature of Liam’s affections?

How wrong he is.

Liam sits up, very slowly, very carefully, each movement telegraphed so as not to startle Theo.

“Please, Theo. If you want it, I’d really like to touch you.”

Liam’s words seem to impale him. He nods simply, says only, “Okay.” He clears his throat. “Okay.” And then takes his briefs off entirely.

Liam tucks his legs under him and gets up on his knees, scooting up close to Theo. His cock swings as he moves, slapping against Theo’s hand where he’s slowly jerking off.

His hands hover just above both their cocks. He looks down between them then up again at Theo. “I kinda need to hear you say it,” he says gently. “I wanna get this right for you. I love you.”

Theo leans in and kisses him on the lips. “I love you. And I’m saying yes.”

Liam looks down between them and pushes Theo’s hands gently aside. Liam’s cock angles upward whereas Theo’s juts straight out. He holds his own cock from the base and points it down, pushes it below Theo’s balls and lets it catch there. He pulls out, and his cock springs up, grazing Theo’s balls and slapping against Theo’s cock.

He reaches down, cupping Theo’s balls in his right hand and grips Theo’s cock with his left.

And that’s…wow. Theo’s cock feels even thicker than it looks. It’s hefty, heavy, and so hard. He scoots back a little so that his own cock isn’t too much in the way as he starts playing with Theo.

He rolls Theo’s balls in his palm, his fingers reach back behind them to nudge lightly at Theo’s taint with his fingertips. He pumps Theo’s cock a few times, letting the head rub against his wrist with each stroke.

“Wow,” Liam says softly.

Theo looks at him curiously, as though surprised at how much Liam is enjoying himself.

Liam is so worked up from this that his own cock leaks a steady stream of pre.

He lets go of Theo’s balls so he can use that hand to angle his cock parallel to Theo’s and rubs them together. It takes several moments, but Liam is leaking enough pre to slick the tips of both of their cocks. Liam strokes himself, squeezing out a glob of pre on the upstroke and getting it all over Theo’s cock.

He grips them both, sliding their cockheads against each other and rubbing them in his hand.

“Liam,” Theo gasps, “Liam.”

Liam looks up at Theo and immediately Theo grabs him by the back of his neck and draws him in for a sloppy kiss, Theo licking wetly into Liam’s mouth.

Liam takes it and gives as good as he’s getting. Between them he works both of their cocks, gripping himself with his left hand and Theo with his right.

He eases off just as he feels himself get close, putting his sticky hands on Theo’s back. He pulls them both down toward the bed. When they hit the mattress, Liam rolls on top of Theo, pressing his body down flush on him, their cocks sliding against each other between their bellies.

Theo bucks into him, rutting in the damp, slick wetness of their combined pre.

Their kissing grows filthy, open-mouthed and tongue-sloppy as they lick into each other, sucking on each other’s tongues and lips, all around their mouths a spit-wet mess.

Liam ducks his head under Theo’s chin, licking and sucking kisses on his neck. He takes a bit of skin over Theo’s collarbone gently between his teeth, sucking and biting at it.

Theo’s breath come in gasps. His hands scrabble erratically at Liam’s back.

Liam grabs Theo’s right wrist and holds it up next to Theo’s head on the bed. He moves his grip to Theo’s bicep and holds his arm down. He buries his face in Theo’s hairy pit, huffing Theo’s manly smell and getting his face wet with Theo’s sweat. He opens his mouth, sticks his tongue out, and licks broad stripes over the skin, sucks coarse, dark hair into his mouth, over and over, mouthing and kissing filthily.

“Oh fuck,” Theo gasps, “oh fuck, Liam, you _like_ that?”

“Yeah,” Liam says simply. “I’ve thought about it with you a lot.” He’s wanted this, ever since the sight of Theo’s body, the stark contrast of dark hair against Theo’s pale skin, the smell of him, started to make him feel the stirrings of desire.

It’s so masculine and so intimate to be doing it with Theo that he’s nearly delirious with lust.

“Fuck, that’s hot,” Theo groans.

Liam gives one final lick, pulls off and does the same to Theo’s other armpit. He rolls off to the side so he can jerk Theo’s cock while he’s at it.

“Oh my god,” Theo gasps, squirming, even as he reaches his hand out to cradle Liam’s head, “oh fuck, dude.”

“I don’t think I’m the only one who likes it,” Liam remarks.

Theo whines and then rolls Liam on his back, dislodging Liam’s face off him. Theo descends on him, kissing him messily on the mouth.

Theo’s taste and smell still lingers in Liam’s mouth, in his nose, even as they kiss.

And then Theo’s lifting up Liam’s left arm and starts huffing and licking him there, too.

“Knew it,” Liam teases smugly, “at the hotel, you—”

“Fuck, Liam—of _course_ you’re bratty even in bed. Of _course_ ,” he grumbles even as he's mashing his face in and licking Liam's pit.

“Don’t be embarrassed, Theo. You don’t have to feel be embarrassed with me. I've seen you look—”

“ _Liam_ —” His grip tightens around Liam’s arm, making him groan in response. “Fuck—just lemme—”

“Yeah—” Liam gasps, “yeah, go for it.”

Theo huffs and eats out Liam’s armpit until Liam is writhing and moaning from it. Theo works his way toward Liam’s chest, kissing and biting gently along his clavicle, then licks up from the hollow of his throat to the tip of his Adam’s apple.

Theo’s grip on his arm starts to relax, and Liam gasps, “Don’t let go yet.” He kisses Theo when he looks up at him with a questioning look in his eyes. “You can hold me down like this a little. I like it.”

“Yeah?”

Liam nods. And then gasps in pleasure when Theo’s hand tightens on him.

Theo kisses him through it, groping his pec with his other hand and frotting against him.

He slides down to Liam’s side on the bed, lifts Liam’s other arm and goes to town in that pit, too. Liam suspects Theo is enjoying it more than he is the way he’s moaning and jerking off while Liam squirms.

Liam forgoes touching himself, too close to orgasm already. Instead he allows himself to get lost in the moment, relishing the sight and the feel of Theo using his body for his own pleasure.

When Theo has had his fill he surges upward and kisses Liam messily.

“Liam,” Theo chokes out, “Liam, I wanna suck your cock.”

“Yeah,” Liam replies, catching Theo’s bottom lip and sucking it into his mouth. “Yeah, go ahead.” He shifts up a bit and leans up on his elbows.

Theo scoots down beside Liam until he’s the right distance from Liam’s crotch. He grips Liam’s cock at the base and moistens his lips with a lick of his tongue.

It seems to happen in slow motion. Liam watches as Theo dips his head down, glistening mouth parting slightly as he closes in on Liam’s cock, then wider to take in Liam’s cockhead and a couple of inches of the shaft, into the soft, wet, warm enclosure of his mouth.

Theo’s lips close around him, the flat of his tongue feeling up on the hard flesh, as he pulls off slowly, sucking firmly. He licks at Liam’s thick cockhead, drags the tip of his tongue on the slit, and then sucks him down again, deeper this time.

Theo has angled his approach so that the rightward curve of Liam’s cock follows naturally if not quite easily inside his mouth, toward his throat.

Liam’s cock is large. He knows it in a way that even he himself is aroused by.

He doesn’t need Theo to take all of it in, though Theo tries anyway. Just the sight of it in Theo’s plush mouth, Theo’s flexed jaw and hollowed out cheeks, the crease between his eyebrows, and his groans and moans as he vacillates between exerting effort and taking pleasure in sucking Liam’s cock, gives Liam as much gratification and satisfaction as the physical sensations of it.

“I’m close,” Liam gasps. He drags his hand on Theo’s bicep. “I can hold off if you wanna cum first,” he offers.

“Mm-mm,” Theo grunts around Liam’s cock, shaking his head slightly before continuing to bob up and down slowly on it, sucking it and massaging it with his tongue. He slides off, licks at Liam’s cockhead with the flat of his tongue. “I want your load,” he says, then dips down again to take only Liam’s cockhead in his mouth. He swirls his tongue around it, moves his mouth against the thick shape of it. He pops off with a wet smack, licks a stripe along the slit. “But I wanna cum right after.” He dives back in to take as much of Liam’s cock as he can, his mouth closing around the length of it.

“Oh fuck,” Liam moans, “are you sure? It’s gonna be a lot.” He knows it. Every time he’s edged, his load has been huge, and that’s only ever been one day’s worth. He can’t imagine what eight days’ worth is going to be like.

Theo just sucks him down in response.

Liam can feel his cockhead squeeze into the tight tunnel of Theo’s throat. Theo swallows and the motion of it sends a spike of pleasure through Liam’s cock, tip to base.

Through the haze of his mounting pleasure, Liam hears Theo’s soft grunts and sees as well as feels the rhythmic movement of his right arm, the urgent, purposeful jacking.

Oh fuck.

“Theo, don’t jerk off,” he urges. “Please, I wanna help get you off. I’ll make it good, I swear.”

Theo eases off from jerking himself, uses that hand instead to cup Liam’s balls, tight as they are and drawn up close to Liam’s body as he toes the edge of his orgasm.

Liam feels it coming, the hot coil deep in the pit of his belly tightening, feels it even in the muscle below his tailbone. He breathes and holds his breath in turn, helping his body along as it nears the peak. He watches Theo work his cock with his mouth, focuses on both the arousing sight and the sensation of Theo’s mouth and tongue on him.

“Fuck—fuck,” he grunts, feeling himself reach the crest, “I’m gonna cum,” he says as much in warning as in acknowledgement. Theo, for his part, maintains what he’s doing, helping Liam to find his orgasm through the pleasure he’s giving him, carrying him through his flow.

“Theo—” Liam groans, “fuck—here it comes—”

Liam’s orgasm crashes into him like a wave, eight days of edging culminating into an exquisite eruption of pleasure as he blows his load in Theo’s mouth. He can feel pulse after pulse after pulse of cum squirt out of his cock. His pelvis throbs with a sweet ache.

His pleasure borders on pain as Theo sucks him through it, the sensation of Theo’s mouth and throat swallowing around his over-sensitized cockhead is almost too intense to bear.

Theo keeps Liam’s cock in his mouth as it spends itself, sucking gently, even as is starts to get not soft but less rigid. He breathes harshly through his nose. Finally, he pulls off, sucking as he slowly drags his mouth from Liam’s cock, and sits up.

“Fuck,” he says thickly, breathing hard through his nose and his mouth. “That was a huge load.”

Liam sits up, touches the side of Theo’s face, and draws him in for a kiss. He reaches over to the bedside table at Theo’s side and grabs the glass of water to give to him.

Theo chugs half of it in one go. He rests the glass on his chest as he takes a breather, opening his mouth and moving his jaw side to side to loosen it. He massages it with his free hand and pierces Liam with a look, laughing to himself. Liam smiles sheepishly, feeling shy and a little guilty all of a sudden. How Theo’s jaw must ache after all of that.

Theo finishes the rest of the water and hands the glass back to Liam to put back down.

“You gotta let me jerk off next time we do that,” he tells Liam. “I’m serious; that was hot.”

“Anything you want, Theo,” grinning at the _next time_. Liam kisses him again. “Your turn.”

He works Theo’s cock and balls with his hands as he kisses him. Theo is rock hard and leaking, his balls tight in their sac. He must be pretty close.

“I wanna eat you out,” Liam says. “Can I?”

“What?” Theo asks dazedly.

“Your hole,” Liam whispers filthily against Theo’s lips. “I wanna eat out your hole,” he says with a slow lick on Theo’s slightly parted mouth.

“Fuck, are you sure?” Theo asks incredulously.

Liam sighs. For a moment he feels a little deflated to think that, even now, Theo could still be skeptical about him. He continues to kiss Theo anyway. “If you’d let me, yeah.” He licks into Theo’s mouth, punctuating his sloppy kisses with strokes of his hands on Theo’s cock and balls. “I want you, Theo. I want you.”

“Yeah—okay,” Theo gasps. “How should I…?”

“On your back,” Liam says. “Gimme both of those pillows.” Liam stuffs the pillows under Theo, propping him up high enough to give Liam easier access. “Are you comfortable like this?” he asks, pumping Theo’s cock unhurriedly.

“Yeah, this is fine.”

“Okay.” Liam leans over him briefly, feels Theo’s cock twitch against his belly. He kisses Theo once, twice. “I love you.”

Theo’s response devolves into a groan as Liam takes Theo’s cock in his mouth, just like that. He bobs his head slowly at first, sucking firmly and gently in turn, swirling his tongue on Theo’s cockhead on the upstroke. And then tries it fast.

“Fuck, Liam, you’re…” Theo groans.

Liam lets his mouth water until he’s slobbering all over Theo’s cock, and then sucks him like that, making filthy squelching sounds as he goes. Again slowly at first, then fast. He rolls Theo’s balls in his hand

He pulls off and jerks Theo’s cock casually. “Which do you like? Wet or not too wet?” he asks.

Theo looks at him intensely. Liam doesn’t quite know how to read the expression, but he supposes it’s good. He hopes it’s good. “You’re actually doing this,” Theo says in awe.

Liam raises an eyebrow archly. “Wet or not too wet?” he asks again.

“Not too wet.” Theo’s throat works.

“Slow or fast?”

“Slow," he replies, and then adds shyly, "Please."

Liam smiles at him. “All right.” He keeps eye contact with Theo as he descends on him again and sucks the way Theo likes.

“Liam,” Theo gasps. Liam feels him flex, sees his hands scrabbling at the sheets and fisting them tightly. “Liam.” His head drops back down to the mattress and he throws an arm over his eyes. His breathing comes in ragged.

Liam pulls off, licks up the shaft and mouths at Theo’s cockhead while he tongues the slit.

Theo bucks wildly from it, and Liam counts it as a big win, files it away as yet another thing that Theo likes that he can do for him.

He moves down to Theo’s balls, taking each one gently in his mouth one at a time. Theo’s reaction seems subdued. Okay. That one’s probably a pass. He’ll verify another time.

For now, he wants to make it good for Theo.

He swallows Theo’s cock in his mouth again and sucks steadily up and down the length of it, making sure that his tongue is putting in equal work. Theo seems to love what he does with it on the upstroke.

The natural curve of Theo’s cock and the way it pulls down easily at the base—unlike Liam’s which angles stiffly upward—helps a lot with getting as much of his length in Liam’s mouth and further down toward the back of his throat. But his girth is a challenge. Liam’s jaw aches from opening widely enough so that whatever scrape of teeth Theo feels on his thick cock is pleasurable instead of uncomfortable.

Liam doesn’t mind it. Not when the prize are the sounds Theo is making, the quivering of his body, the leak of his pre slicking Liam’s mouth, which lets Liam know how well Theo is receiving his touches, his affection. Liam feels so wanted.

He scoots down on the bed and lifts Theo’s legs over his own shoulders. “Hold your legs up.”

Theo pulls them up with his hands.

“Hook your arms on the back of your knees.”

Theo does as he’s told.

“Okay?” Liam checks in.

Theo nods.

“Yes or no, Theo,” Liam says firmly, gruffly.

Theo gulps. “Yes.”

At that, Liam proceeds to nose along the base of Theo’s cock and down his balls. He breathes in the ripening smell of him, masculine and hot. He works his way down, spreads Theo’s ass so he can get his face closer to Theo’s hole. It’s pink and tightly puckered with a light dusting of dark hair around it. Perfect, just like the rest of Theo.

Theo gasps and wriggles wildly at the first slow lick of Liam’s tongue.

Liam doesn’t give him a chance to recover and just goes right to town, licking, kissing, sucking filthily at Theo’s hole.

“Oh god,” Theo moans, “oh god, Liam, what the fuck—I can’t believe you’re doing this—oh fuck—”

Liam goes on and on, eating Theo out. He’s fully hard again, getting off on it. In the back of his mind he can't quite believe what he's doing either. His experience is fairly limited—zero when it comes to other guys. He’s never done this. He knows only that he wants to do it with Theo. He can't imagine _any of_ _this_ with any other guy. Only Theo.

It unleashes something wild in him. Being with Theo like this makes him feel more in tune with himself and with his own masculinity. And the thought of how they must look together inflames his lust.

It occurs to him to use his facial hair to full effect as well. He pulls off now and then from Theo’s hole to kiss and rub his beard on Theo’s thighs. And then dives back in, pushing his face as close to Theo’s bare flesh as possible, licking Theo’s hole and letting his facial hair brush purposefully against it.

It pays off and reduces Theo to mewling and gasping and thrashing as he lets out a string of senseless _fuck_ s and _oh god_ s.

Liam reaches for Theo’s cock. Their positions make it awkward to properly jerk him off, but he gets a good enough grip to rub Theo’s cockhead, slick with pre, in his hand.

“Liam, I wanna cum,” Theo begs, “I wanna cum.”

Liam gives Theo’s hole a final lick and pulls off. He tucks his legs under his knees and kneels up a bit so he could suck Theo’s cock.

He lets Theo drape his legs on his shoulders and back while he curls his arms around Theo’s thick thighs. He feels Theo’s hand cradle his head and run his fingers through his hair.

Liam focuses on mouthing and sucking on Theo’s cockhead and swirling his tongue there like Theo likes. It doesn’t take long before he feels Theo legs stiffen on his back.

“I’m close—” Theo gasps. “Liam—I’m gonna cum—”

Liam swallows Theo’s cock down just as he feels and tastes the first shot of Theo’s load fill his mouth. He keeps his head steady, sucking and swallowing, easing Theo through his orgasm, caressing Theo’s tight belly as his body twitches and shakes.

Theo’s trembling subsides, and he sinks into the mattress, supine and breathing deeply. His fingers tap Liam gently on the head.

Liam sucks as he pulls off Theo’s softening cock. He swallows the spit and cum left in his mouth and looks up at Theo.

“C’mere,” Theo says dazedly, euphoric and a little sleepy.

Liam lies on his side facing him and lets himself be pulled into a slow, lazy kiss. He can taste cum from both of their mouths and smell it in their breaths. It’s intimate instead of repulsive, and it makes him feel close to Theo.

He imagines Theo feels similarly, the way he’s kissing Liam, exhausted but powering through like he can’t get enough of it.

“I love you, Theo,” Liam says, feeling the weight of the words with all of his heart. “I love you.”

“I love you.” Theo opens his eyes and gently strokes Liam’s face with his hand. “That was…”

“What?” Liam asks.

“That kind of escalated.”

“Is that all right?” Liam asks worriedly. “I know you said you said you weren’t sure what you were ready for.”

“No, no—it’s more than all right. I wanted it.” He kisses Liam softly. “I wanted it.”

Liam nods. “Okay.”

“Does it always feel like that?” he asks, softly, wonderingly. He looks bashful and unguarded.

Liam touches his face tenderly. “It helps when there are feelings,” he replies, flattered that Theo feels safe enough to ask. “And we seem to be pretty compatible.” Liam kisses him softly. “I’m gonna get us something to clean up with.”

“Wait.” Theo’s hand holds him in place. “Stay, Liam,” he says gently. “I wanna just kiss for a bit.”

Liam smiles and gives Theo what he wants. Luckily, it’s what he wants, too.

*

Liam fills a glass of water while waiting for the microwave to finish heating the small wet towels he put in. His jaw aches and the back of his throat is a little sore. He has cotton mouth from eating Theo’s cum despite having spent the last fifteen minutes just making out with him.

The strange thing is he loves it. He loves that sucking Theo’s cock is what caused it. It reifies what he and Theo just shared together in love and lust.

The microwave beeps, and Liam pops the door open to check the temperature of the towels. It’s a little on the hot side, so he lets them sit there for a few moments while he slices a wedge of lemon for himself to see if it’ll help with the aftertaste in his mouth.

He sucks on the lemon and rinses with a swallow of water. It seems to help, so he prepares another couple of wedges. He uses one to spritz over the hot towels and saves the other to bring up to Theo. He sticks it in the bowl along with the towels, refills his glass of water, and makes his way back up to the bedroom

Theo is sitting up in bed, scrolling through his phone. There is a soft smile on his face as he swipes through the pictures that the pack took earlier tonight and shared with Theo. “Hey,” he says as Liam enters. His eyes flick to the stuff Liam is carrying.

“Hey,” Liam replies, setting his glass of water down on the bedside table. He hands Theo the lemon wedge. “Here. Suck on this.”

Theo looks on curiously but puts his phone down and quietly does as he’s told. Liam hands him a glass of water and takes the used up wedge. “Rinse.”

Theo swishes some of the water in his mouth for a bit before swallowing it and handing the glass back to Liam.

“How’d you know?” he asks.

Liam shrugs. “Tried it downstairs.” He heaves up and sits on Theo’s lap, straddling his legs. He unfurls one of the towels and starts gently mopping up Theo’s face and beard. The scent of fresh lemons blooms in the air.

He leans in and presses a soft kiss on Theo’s forehead.

The look in Theo’s eyes makes him feel shy and vulnerable. His instinct is to avert his gaze, but Theo looks so soft and so handsome that he makes himself endure it.

He loves him so much.

He moves on to Theo’s neck and chest. Then he lifts Theo’s right arm and wipes down his armpit.

“Are you always like this, after?” Theo asks softly, lifting his other arm up at Liam’s silent urging.

“It’s your first time,” Liam replies softly. “I want you to feel safe and taken care of.” He discards the towel back into the bowl and unfurls the second one.

“So this is just a one-off?” Theo asks teasingly.

Liam knows what he means but the phrasing hits differently. He smiles anyway as he wipes down Theo’s belly. “I’d like to do this for you, every time,” he says, trying to keep the anxiety out of his voice. “If you’d let us have this. If you’d let us be together.”

Theo grabs his hand and stops him from going further. Liam looks up at him.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I do wanna be with you,” Theo says earnestly. “I want this with you, too, Liam. I want us to be together.”

“Really?” Liam feels suddenly out of breath. “What changed your mind?” _Was it the sex?_ He wants to add, but he feels bad for even considering it.

Theo scrutinizes him for a moment. “It wasn’t the sex, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Theo replies ruefully. “And I don’t blame you for thinking it.”

“Okay,” Liam says softly.

Theo dips his head down and scratches his beard. “Well, not _just_ the sex.” His cheeks and ears and neck turn red when he looks up to see Liam smirking at him. “Shut up.” He squeezes Liam’s hand. “I don’t want to fight it anymore. I just wanna be with you.” A smile appears on his face, small and fragile, a little sad. “I don’t wanna give this up. I wanna be with you.” He moistens his lips with a lick. “Just as you are.”

Liam look at him for a moment. He thinks about what Theo is saying and the way he’s saying it. He takes it to heart.

“Okay. Okay,” Liam breathes out. “That’s, um, good.” He doesn’t know why he bothers trying to play it cool when his joy keeps pulling his face into a dopey smile.

“Good. Okay,” Theo agrees, his smile turning just as dopey.

Liam uses his pinky finger to get the towel to clean inside Theo’s navel. He scoots down and spreads Theo’s legs. He flips the towel to the cleaner obverse side and wipes Theo’s cock and balls gently. Here he is less perfunctory and instead allows himself to indulge.

“You’re hard,” Theo says.

“Yeah,” Liam replies, twitching his fully hard cock a couple of times. “You have that effect on me. Turn over and pull up your knees.” He lifts up off Theo and moves down on the bed enough to let him do as he’s told.

Liam feels his throat go dry at the sight of Theo face down on the bed, ass up, back arched, and presenting to him.

He gulps.

“Theo? Would you bottom for me? Not right now, but in general.”

“I dunno,” Theo says, sounding muffled with his face pushed into the pillow. “I dunno if I’m into that. Is that okay?”

Liam caresses Theo’s ass soothingly, rubs the small of his back with a gentle hand. “Course it’s okay. I just thought I’d ask. I don’t know if I would be into it either. We can talk about that kind of stuff, right? We can ask each other and talk? The more we get to know each other in bed?”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course. Thanks, Liam.”

“Course,” Liam says again. “There’s lots of other ways we can fuck.”

He looks down at his own cock and finds it leaking again. “Oh, boy.” He strokes himself, spreading pre all over his cock until he’s slick. He slips his cock between Theo’s legs; its stiff angle makes it spring up flush against Theo’s balls and hardening cock. “Put your legs together,” he tells him.

Theo obeys, and the sensation of his cock pressed between the warmth of Theo’s thighs makes Liam moan. He pumps his hips a couple of times, slipping his cock in and out of Theo’s closed thighs.

“Oh,” Theo moans. “Oh, that’s—” he groans, tightening his thighs around Liam’s cock and pushing back into him. His cock and balls swinging with the motion of it.

“Yeah,” Liam grunts. His cock isn’t slick enough at all as the pre dries up, and the friction starts to become uncomfortable. “Fuck, maybe next time? When we have lube?”

“Damn,” Theo sighs. “All right.” He spreads his legs again and frees Liam’s cock. “I dunno about lube, though. Maybe coconut oil or sweet almond oil? I’m gonna want your cock in my mouth, and I don’t wanna end up eating lube.”

“That’s a good idea.”

Liam flexes his cock a couple of more times but otherwise ignores it and goes about wiping along the crevice of Theo’s ass. He makes sure to get Theo’s inner thighs, too. He reaches down, drags the towel on Theo’s taint and toward his hole where he spends more time playing than really cleaning.

He can hear Theo’s ragged breaths.

“All right, you’re good.” When Theo turns back over, Liam sees that his cock is fully hard as well. Theo’s muscles flex as he breathes. His skin is glistening with a light sheen of sweat, red in parts where he’s flushed and where Liam’s beard scraped his skin enough to leave marks. “Fuck, you’re hot.” Liam reaches for Theo’s cock and strokes slowly. “Do you wanna go again?” he asks.

Theo grunts, flexing and twitching his cock in Liam’s hand. “Yeah. But it's past one already. I’m pretty tired.”

Liam nods in agreement. “Same. We can play a little?” he asks hopefully.

“Yeah, okay,” Theo replies with a boyish smirk. “I like when we play.”

Liam blushes at that. He likes Theo like this. Open and dopey, eager to have fun with Liam. He used to see it only rarely, until this week when things between them started to change and in their private moments together Theo has been more often like this.

“Come up over here.” Theo pats the space to his left. “Fuck. Yeah, just like this,” he says as Liam kneels next to him with his cock and balls near Theo’s face.

Theo starts fondling him, one hand stroking his cock slowly up and down, pushing it down and then letting it spring back up, while his other hand gently massages his balls. He traces a finger along the side of the shaft. “Dude, your curve. And all this hair,” he says in a strained voice.

“Do you like it?” Liam asks, knowing the answer already but wanting to hear Theo say it.

“Yeah, it's fucking hot.“ Theo leans forward and licks the slit, catching the bead of pre forming on it. “You got me all flustered at the beach when you said you don’t groom down here. I wanted to see it so bad.” He takes Liam's thick cockhead in his mouth and gives it a gentle suck, tonguing the underside of it.

From this side the curve of Liam's cock points naturally toward Theo's mouth. Liam has to restrain himself from pushing into the warmth of it.

Theo pulls off, gives Liam's cockhead another lick before ducking his head down to get a whiff of Liam's hairy balls. He opens his mouth and takes one inside, rolling it gently on the flat of his tongue, and then does the same to the other one.

It's driving Liam crazy how much Theo seems to love his junk.

“I have a confession,” Theo says.

“What?” Liam asks dazedly.

“I look at you sometimes,” he says softly, “when you’re naked and getting changed. I’d sneak looks at you. I think you wanted me to.”

Liam blushes at being caught. “Yeah,” he admits, “I did. I do. You didn’t misread that.”

“I knew it,” Theo says, grinning triumphantly. He seems really delighted, both with the conversation and with Liam’s cock which he keeps springing up and down, licking here and there and putting it in his mouth to suck on.

“I dunno how many times I’ve jerked off this week. You’ve been driving me crazy,” he says after a bit.

That surprises Liam a little. “What? When?”

Theo chuckles. “Almost every time I was in the shower. That one time you went out to get coffee. And a couple of times I snuck into the bathroom in the middle of the night while you were asleep. It was ridiculous.”

“In the shower? I could’ve walked in on you.”

“You did a few times.”

“Dude, _we usually talk_ for a bit when I go in there,” Liam says, aghast.

“Yeah. And I was jerking off.”

“Fuck. That’s hot.” Liam grunts and flexes his cock again and again, gasping when Theo takes the hint and puts it in his mouth to suck on.

“Did you ever look at me?” Theo asks, smearing Liam’s pre and his own spit all over the swollen cockhead.

Liam tries to keep his breathing steady. “At the beach when you were just laid out. Or every time you’re just in your briefs, I look at you a lot. But I tried not to when you were naked,” he admits softly. “I wanted to see you, but not that way.”

“Not what way?”

“Not without permission.”

“God, Liam.” Theo look up at him. “C’mere,” he beckons, capturing Liam’s lips in a soft, gentle kiss. “I change my mind about going again. I wanna jerk off with your cock in my mouth.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” Liam says eagerly, watching Theo’s right hand get started already. “Can I fuck your mouth a little?” he asks hesitantly, nervous to find out how Theo might feel about this particular thing that Liam really, _really_ likes.

“Yes. Jesus. Yeah, that sounds—” He doesn’t let himself finish, groaning and diving right in.

Liam starts fucking Theo’s mouth slowly. He tries long strokes and short strokes. He figures out that Theo seems to prefer them short and so gives him that.

Theo’s eyes are closed as he jerks off, groaning and moaning around his mouthful of Liam’s cock like it’s his favorite thing to do, like the feel of it in his mouth is what’s getting him off.

Liam suspects that maybe it might be, but he needs to know.

“You _like_ this,” he gasps in awe. “You _like_ me fucking your mouth. You’re getting off on it.”

Theo’s brow furrows into a knot as he moans, grabbing Liam’s ass with his left hand and moving his head back and forth along to Liam’s fucking. He starts jacking faster.

Liam takes that as a yes.

Fuck, they’re compatible. First the armpit stuff, now this. There’ll be more; he knows it. They’re going to have so much fun.

He feels his own pleasure building and helps it along, focusing on the warm and wet suction of Theo’s mouth, the friction as he fucks into the softness of it, the absolutely pornographic sight of Theo taking it and loving it.

He wonders if Theo would be open to taking pictures and videos of them together.

“Do you want my load?” he asks, nearly certain what Theo’s answer would be.

And there it is, Theo’s frantic nodding and the needy moan as he pushes his face as far as he can into Liam’s crotch and buries his nose in Liam’s thick bush. He chokes a little as he tries taking Liam’s cock to the hilt, but he eases his own way through it.

“I’m close,” Liam gasps.

Theo pulls off a little, enough to suck Liam’s cock comfortably while still giving Liam enough room to fuck into his mouth.

Liam can tell that Theo is holding off his own orgasm and waiting for him. He’s almost there but not quite. He continues fucking Theo’s mouth, slowly and gently the way Theo seems to like it.

As time goes on and as they learn how to fuck each other, Liam will ask him if it’s all right to be a little rough. But right now this is about what Theo likes and and what Theo wants in the moment.

For now, it’s more than enough for Liam to get off on getting Theo off.

He looks down at Theo’s crotch, and that’s what does it for him. Watching Theo jerk off brings him to the edge.

“I’m gonna cum,” he warns. And then he’s grunting as he cums in Theo’s eager mouth, fucking gently into it as he shoots his load and rides out his orgasm. “Yeah, swallow it,” he says huskily.

Theo groans and swallows, bringing himself off and blowing his own load all over his front. He pumps his cock until he’s spent, sucking on Liam’s cock as he goes. After, he leans back on the headboard, panting, his chest and belly splattered with cum.

“Fuck,” he breathes out. “It really does feel like that,” he says as if just to himself. He looks up at Liam. “Thanks.”

Liam leans down to kiss him, and then he collects both of the used towels, now cold but still damp, and cleans up Theo with care.

He uses one to mop up the cum from Theo’s hand, chest, and abs, and the other for Theo’s cock and balls. Once done, he discards the soiled things in the hamper, careful to keep them away from anything else in there that they might stain.

Theo’s glass of water is empty, so Liam pours from his own glass, leaving less for himself so he could give more to Theo.

There is a strange look on Theo’s face when Liam catches him staring.

Liam raises his eyebrows.

“You’re really into me,” Theo says wonderingly, almost like a question.

Liam cocks his head to the side as he hands the glass of water to Theo. “Yes…?”

Theo drinks from it then sets it aside. “You love me like this,” he states firmly, catching Liam’s eyes.

Liam draws them both down on to the bed. He pulls the sheets up around their shoulders and scoops Theo in his arms. “I love you, period. Are you all right?”

Theo snuggles in. He kisses the tip of Liam’s nose and then his lips. “Yeah,” he says. “I love you, too.”

*


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a reminder, this chapter includes sexually explicit content relevant to the story, characterization, and plot. Please be aware of this should you decide to skip or scroll through.

*

They wake up early despite their long night. Well, 7:00 AM, which Liam supposes is relatively early for other people but fairly late for him and Theo.

Theo is a little lethargic but still responsive as Liam kisses him. He tries to fondle Liam’s hard cock, but Liam waves him off gently and kisses his way down Theo’s body, bringing Theo to full hardness when he gets there.

Liam blows him slowly, enjoying the feel of Theo’s thick cock in his mouth. Theo spreads his legs wider and puts a gentle hand on Liam’s head, his fingers ruffling Liam’s hair.

Theo is quieter this time, all shaky breaths and sporadic gasps. The minutes pass slowly, both of them locked together in the moment as it goes, and goes, and goes.

Theo’s breath starts to hitch and he starts flexing more and more in Liam’s mouth.

“I’m close,” he says quietly.

Liam keeps his steady, leisurely rhythm, moving his head slowly up and down, massaging the length with tight lips around the shaft and a firm undulating tongue on the upstroke and swirling his tongue around Theo’s cockhead, then letting Theo’s cock drag on the roof of his mouth and push on the back of his throat on the downstroke, the way he’s learned Theo likes it.

Liam loves it, knowing how good it makes Theo feel. More than that he loves it for himself—both the thought of doing this with Theo and the feel of him in his mouth, the taste and smell of him. God, the quiet little noises he’s making.

Liam loves all of it.

He’s tonguing and mouthing and sucking on Theo’s cockhead, just about to bob down again when Theo grips his hair and gasps, “Stay—stay like that. Fuck. Keep doing that, I’m almost there,” his breath coming in fast and shallow.

Liam obeys, eager to help Theo find his way, and soon Theo is grunting, unloading in Liam’s mouth. Liam has him just past his cockhead, and when he sucks and swallows the load instinctively the movement of his mouth and tongue overstimulates Theo, making him gasp and thrash helplessly.

Liam rubs Theo’s belly soothingly as it tightens and flexes with each crashing wave, pushes his face down to take as much as he can of Theo’s cock, easing him through his orgasm with gentle sucks, with the undulation of his tongue on the underside of the shaft, with the warm softness of his mouth.

He keeps sucking as he pulls off, Theo shaking beneath him. He strokes Theo’s cock and squeezes gently, licking off the last bit of cum that dribbles out.

He’s so worked up himself that he’s leaking pre all over the sheets. It wouldn’t take much for him to cum. He could probably pump a load out in less than a couple of minutes, but he decides to hold off.

He chuckles softly, amused to realize how slutty he is for Theo.

“What?” Theo asks as catches his breath, “What’s funny.”

Liam lies back down next to him and kisses him softly. He opens up when he feels Theo’s tongue dart out to lick into his mouth. He kisses back with the same energy, and the kiss grows messy.

He’s never kissed anyone like this. He’s had passionate kisses before, yes, but not filthy the way he and Theo have gotten so far. It drives him wild.

Theo eases up, slows them both down, and then the kiss turns soft, gentle, sweet.

Liam touches him tenderly, on his jaw, his cheek, cradles the back of his head and scratches playfully on his nape, drags his hand soothingly down toward his neck and shoulder, squeezes and pets his beefy upper arm, to finally rest there on Theo’s waist where Liam just holds on.

He kisses Theo through his whimpers and his soft, happy little moans.

He loves him so much.

Theo opens his eyes when he pulls off, and Liam is arrested by the sight of them.

God. He’s beautiful.

“What were you laughing about?” Theo asks in his adorable sleep-hoarse voice.

“Just. Turns out I really like sucking your cock and eating your load.” He tries to sound casual despite feeling a bit embarrassed about saying it out loud. Instead it comes out surprised and full of wonder.

“What do you mean? You say that like—” Theo stops himself. There’s a confused expression on his face, like he’s working something out internally.

“What?” Liam asks. “What?”

“Nothing—” Theo says quickly. He licks his lips. And then his eyes widen and he seems to freeze. “Oh.”

“Hey, what’s going on?” Liam furrows his brow. “What do you mean, ‘oh’?”

Theo takes a breath. “Liam, am I the first guy you’ve…” he trails off.

The question takes Liam by surprise. “Yeah,” he says easily, “of course, you are. What are you—wait, did you think that you weren’t? What the hell, Theo!”

“Hey—easy!” Theo exclaims, putting his hands up defensively. “For a straight guy, you just seem to know your way around another guy’s stuff really well. You ate my ass, for god’s sake—”

Theo stops abruptly, hearing his own words. He’s suddenly very red in the face, and Liam feels very, very gratified seeing him like that.

Theo clears his throat. “Anyway, I don’t think my assumption is as unreasonable as you’re making it sound.” And now he’s glaring at Liam.

“Well,” Liam grumbles, “you’re the only guy I’ve ever kissed, you’re the only guy I’ve ever had sex with, and you’re the only guy I’ve ever loved. You’re the only guy for me, Theo. There. Does that clear it up for you? Is that what you wanted to hear?”

Theo doesn’t rise to the bait. He blinks, seemingly staggered for a moment as he takes in Liam’s words.

He recovers with a smirk. But Liam recognizes it for the affectation that it is, sees in Theo’s suddenly shiny eyes how profoundly affected he seems to be.

“Yes, that’s what I wanted to hear,” Theo says proudly.

“I love you,” Liam huffs, “you smug bastard.”

Theo’s sudden bark of laughter melts Liam’s heart.

Liam kisses his stupid, handsome face, feeling deliriously happy and his heart full of love. “Hey, let’s go for a run.”

“Oh, man, we really should. Yes. Down, one hundred percent.” Theo replies eagerly. “Coffee first or after?”

“Coffee first.”

“Okay.”

Theo strokes Liam’s cheek with his thumb. His smile is like the sun rising on their new day.

“I love you, Liam.”

*

They go easy for the mile it takes to get to the park where there’s a circuit they could run around a manmade lake.

Missing a few days of workout while they were in San Francisco is understandable, but they’ve been back for a couple of days already.

He glances at Theo jogging next to him. He’s got a focused but easy look on his face, his sweaty hair pushed up against his hairline and clumping behind his ears, the light dusting of hair on his chest and abs is matted down with sweat, and his muscles are glistening.

Liam can smell him from here, the fresh pine-resin scent of his deodorant layered over the barest hint of his ripe, masculine odor.

Liam feels himself blushing. His mouth and throat go dry. He’s hot everywhere, and it’s not because of the exercise or the sun.

The few days of lapse is time well spent, he decides, considering he got Theo out of it.

It could’ve gone differently.

Theo could’ve rejected him. He could’ve said no to being together despite being in love. They could’ve been sexually incompatible.

Liam is really fucking relieved that they’re not. More than that, he’s excited that there’s already a couple of points where their more peculiar and private desires intersect.

Still, there’s the part where he’s not gay. He doesn’t _feel_ like he’s having a gay crisis.

He loves Theo. He’s in love with Theo. He’s hopelessly attracted to Theo. He loves having sex with Theo.

There’s no gay crisis.

Hell, if anything, there’s some kind of _reverse_ gay crisis bullshit going on.

He’s spent some time trying to sort it out, and Theo is right: Liam doesn’t look at or think about other guys that way, even now after having had sex with one.

Only Theo.

He’s tried checking out several dudes they’ve come across during their morning run—all types, not just the conventionally attractive ones, just to be safe. Nothing.

Only Theo.

And yet a couple of women have caught his attention. One, in particular, who was out for a run as well and waited at the crosswalk with them, was so attractive that Liam felt a little shy around her, but he also preened when she gave him a once over, knowing he looks good without his shirt on.

It’s the same kind of feelings he feels around Theo.

And then there’s porn. Well, not porn in itself. He understands that what someone jerks off to doesn’t necessarily align with their desires when it comes to fucking or intimacy. For himself, there’s definitely a couple of stuff he gets off on watching but wouldn’t be interested in doing with another person.

But Liam figures that the sexual gratification someone seeks for himself in his own privacy could be a pretty good indicator of what he’s generally into.

When he thinks about jerking off to porn, he knows it’s not gonna be gay porn. He isn’t disgusted by it; he’s just indifferent to it. He’s gone so far as to look up a bunch of them to see what his reaction would be. Nothing.

And yet he knows it would be different if he were to watch him and Theo together. The thought of that gets him going.

He reminds himself to ask Theo if that’ll be okay. If that’s something they can have together. Fuck, he really wants it.

He exhales noisily, tries to put it out of his mind and refocus. He’s freeballing and it would be super awkward to get a boner now.

He looks at Theo again.

He knows, cognitively, that sexual identity can be fluid. You like what you like, and that so long as it’s safe, sane, and consensual, it’s all fine.

He gets that. That’s not why he’s so hung up on this.

The thing is, while Theo has his work friends, Mason and Corey, and even the pack to some extent, Liam probably takes up the most space in Theo’s life.

It’s likely going to be even more true now that they’re together.

He just wants to do right by Theo. He loves him so much and he doesn’t want to fuck this up. He wants to be sure that his mind, body, and heart are not only aligned in his love and desire for Theo but are deserving of Theo’s love. Most of all, he wants Theo to know it, to believe it.

“You all right, Liam?” Theo asks between breaths. “You look kind of…”

Liam shakes himself out of it. “Yeah, yeah,” he huffs.

“Wanna pick up the pace?”

Liam smirks. “Race you.”

And then speeds off, leaving Theo growling playfully as he gives chase.

Liam makes a real effort not to get caught. He doesn’t bother looking behind him in case it slows him down. He focuses on his breathing and delights in the exquisite burn he starts to feel in his legs.

He runs the full circuit and then eases back down to a jog, letting Theo finally catch up.

“Dude,” Theo says, huffing and puffing beside him. “How are you so fast?”

Liam smirks, keeping his eyes up front. “I bike everywhere and do lacrosse drills all the time.”

“Damn. Okay, then.” Theo lets out a particularly noisy exhale. “I’m gonna take a break.”

“Okay, lemme do one more lap.” Liam takes off without waiting for a reply. He clears his mind and lets his legs take him. He feels energized. His worries and concerns drift away as his conscious mind focuses only on the sensorial experience of his run.

He comes back around and spies Theo in the distance, sitting on the grass with his legs splayed out in front of him and watching him approach. Liam can’t help the smile that pulls on his face, the joy that fills his heart at the mere sight of Theo.

He slows to a walk, taking long strides until he’s looming over him.

Theo turns his face up at him, all smiles and fond eyes. He’s looked at him kind of like this before, though subdued. Now that their feelings are known, Theo holds nothing back. His heart is laid bare just in this one expression of quiet adoration, open, unreserved, a public display of his love for Liam that’s there for all to see.

Liam’s heart clenches in his chest.

“ _Theo_ ,” his mouth says while his heart thunders _I love you I love you I love you_.

“Hey, handsome,” Theo says gently, affectionately, charming as all hell.

Liam drops to his knees. “ _Fuck_.” He takes Theo’s face in his hands. “Fuck, Theo, I’m so in love with you.”

Theo smiles happily. “Hooray.” He braces himself with one hand on the grass and puts the other on Liam’s waist, holds on to him there.

He dips his head down and kisses Theo on the mouth.

This is it, Liam thinks. This is it for him. It’s Theo.

It’s Theo.

”I love you, Liam. I’m crazy about you.”

Liam’s hands drop lightly to Theo’s bare shoulders as Theo leans in again to kiss him back.

It’s sweet and tender, easy and full of affection. They continue on, unhurried, taking their time with each other, enjoying every second of it. Every second of softness and warmth, of their hearts overjoyed to be with each other like this. The moment stretches, neither of them wishing to stop any time soon. They smile into the kiss now and then, and Liam’s heart feels so full.

“Liam? Theo?” someone calls out from a distance.

Liam pulls off gently, and they both look where the voice seems to be coming from.

It’s the pack, approaching with Scott at the head, and everyone look right at them.

*

Theo’s shoulders stiffen under Liam’s hands. Liam nudges Theo’s chin with his finger until he’s looking at him. “Easy, easy,” he says soothingly. “We’re not doing anything wrong.”

“Liam…Scott asked me last night if I was pursuing you. I told him I wasn’t. I told him it wasn’t like that with us.”

“And you weren’t. It wasn’t”, Liam says with confidence. It’s the truth, after all, and Liam is speaking not just for Theo’s ears but for everybody else who can hear from this distance and are most likely listening in anyway. “You didn’t lie, Theo. You weren’t pursuing me. We weren’t doing anything wrong then and we’re not doing anything wrong now.”

Theo’s brows crease in worry and Liam hates to see it. He strokes Theo’s cheek with his thumb, ignoring the pack even as they come closer.

“You guys made it,” Scott says when they get within talking distance.

Liam looks up at him, at the rest of them. “We made what? What’s everybody doing here?”

It’s Corey who answers. “The drunkies decided to invite everybody for a morning run to prove some kind of weird point about being able to hang with the best of them despite a night of drinking? Or something? I dunno. It doesn’t make sense to anyone else except them.”

“It makes perfect sense,” Stiles chimes in.

“And please stop calling us that,” Lydia adds.

“I dunno. I kinda like it. _The Drunkies_ ,” Mason says with a flourish. He glances between Liam and Theo, and then levels Liam with a look.

Liam is ashamed to admit it, but he can’t quite meet Mason’s gaze.

“It’s all in the chat. Did you guys not read it?” Scott asks.

“No we’ve been—” Liam tries to think of a word. “Busy,” he finishes lamely.

“Well, you’re here now,” Scott says with finality. “Do you guys need a minute?”

“Or a room,” Malia mutters to herself but loudly enough for everyone else to hear.

Scott impales Theo with a look.

Theo meets it head on, his face and body language open. Liam watches Scott’s eyes flick to where Theo’s arm is around Liam’s waist.

“We’re ready now,” Theo says evenly, his arm tightening around Liam.

*

They start off as one big group and then cluster out naturally, both to make space for other joggers and to accommodate each other’s different levels of fitness and speed.

Scott tries to sidle up to Theo, but Lydia and Stiles rope him into their cluster and shoo Scott away to go run with Malia who does not seem to give a fuck about anyone else.

Liam is torn between joining a group or just speeding off on his own to avoid everyone entirely.

But he hears Corey pitch his voice toward him to say, “Talk to him.” Liam looks up and sees Mason jogging away already, Corey catching up to him.

Liam decides to join them. They jog in silence for a while.

“So are you guys hungover or what?” Liam asks, trying to sound jovial.

Mason throws him a venomous scowl. “ _That’s_ what you’re gonna talk to me about?” he huffs. “Really, Liam? _Really?_ ”

Liam winces. “I’m just getting warmed up,” he mutters. “How much did you guys see?” Liam asks, unsure of where to start.

“Oh, not much,” Mason says.

“Oh?” Liam hedges.

And then Mason continues, “Just my half-naked straight best friend falling dramatically to his knees to make out with my half-naked gay friend in the middle of a field in public.”

Liam winces. “Oh.”

”While they declare their love for each other.”

”Oh. You heard?” Liam croaks.

“Malia was nice enough to read us the closed captions.”

“Oh,” Liam says again, mouth increasingly dry. He looks to Corey for help but Corey just raises his eyebrows at him. “I—we—” Liam starts and stops lamely. He doesn’t know what the fuck to say. There’s so much, and his thoughts are all jumbled up in his head.

“I can’t believe this,” Mason grumps. “I tried talking to you about it and you just acted dumb and made me feel like I’m being a crazy person.”

“I wasn’t acting!” Liam exclaims.

“Oh, so you’re just actually this dumb?” Mason snarks.

“Yes!” Liam replies reflexively and then realizes too late that he’s disparaging himself. “No! I mean—”

“What the hell, Liam?” Mason is scowling into the distance but he just sounds sad, disappointed.

“I’m sorry.” Liam doesn’t know what for. For everything, he supposes.

“Are you boyfriends?”

“I—we’re—” he huffs “—we’re—together.” They’re together; that’s what Liam knows. That’s what they decided last night. He supposes that means they’re boyfriends, and yet the term feels weird and somehow ill-fitting with what they are to each other.

“And how long have you guys been _together?_ ”

“I dunno.” Liam scrunches his forehead while he does some quick mental math. “Like, eight hours?”

“ _Eight hours?!_ ” Mason exclaims, stopping abruptly and looking at Liam incredulously.

Liam stops as well and walks toward Mason with Corey.

“What do you mean eight hours?” Mason asks.

“I mean we’ve only been together for eight hours.”

Mason gapes. He starts and stops but nothing coherent comes out of his mouth. “So you haven’t been in a secret relationship this whole time?”

“What secret relationship? What whole time?” Liam asks, increasingly confused.

“These past several months, Liam!”

“What! No! Of course not!” He tries to calm down, but he can’t seem to find his center. Mason’s frustration is starting to feed into his own.

“So what the hell have the two of you been doing then?” Mason’s voice is cold with skepticism.

“I—” Liam grunts in frustration. “Falling in love!” It comes out of him unbidden, but he finds that it’s the truth, at least for him. “We were falling in love,” he says again, feeling defeated by the conversation. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t know.”

He gets choked up, upset with himself, upset with how this is going, upset with how difficult it is to talk to his best friend when it shouldn’t be. He wipes his eyes roughly with the back of his hand.

“I’m sorry,” Mason says, coming up to him with his hands up. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry, okay?”

“I don’t know what you want from me,” Liam sniffles. He is suddenly exhausted, deflated. “Please, just tell me what to say, and I’ll say it.”

“I don’t want you to say anything.” Mason says sadly. “I just miss my best friend. He’s been going through some big stuff lately and he hasn’t wanted me around for it.”

Mason isn’t trying to be cruel, Liam knows, but he feels deeply wounded by his words regardless.

“It’s not like that,” Liam says weakly. “Theo and I are—it’s been confusing and complicated. And I didn’t know what I was feeling until now.”

Mason looks searchingly at him. “Okay. All right. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too.”

“And I’m sorry for calling you dumb. I didn’t mean it. You’re not dumb, Liam.”

Corey shoves Mason into Liam’s arms, and Liam catches his best friend in a hug.

“Ugh! You’re all sweaty and gross!”

“Shut up and hug me back!”

Mason’s arms come around Liam and Liam tightens his squeeze.

“I’m in love with him. I’m in love with Theo. We’re in love, Mace.”

Mason pulls away and smiles ruefully. “That’s really beautiful,” he says gently. “Don’t take this the wrong way, and I mean this as respectfully as possible. But: you’re straight.”

Liam sighs deeply. “I know.”

“I mean…you’re _really_ straight. I know we’ve had the whole sexuality-is-fluid talk and everything—” Liam nods ironically “—but, bro. You’re, like, _straight-straight_.”

Liam buries his face in his hands. “I knowww,” he whines.

“Does Theo know?”

Liam nods. He lets out a noisy exhale. “He brought it up last night when we were trying to figure stuff out. It was one of the sticking points.”

Mason puts a reassuring hand on Liam’s shoulder. “How your relationship looks like is up to the two of you. No one else gets to decide.”

Liam feels a weight lifting off him. “I really needed to hear that. Thank you.”

Mason clears his throat. “So, um, are you guys…gonna be…like…celibate, or open, or…?”

“Should I be here for this?” Corey asks really quickly.

“Yeah, you’re all right,” Liam assures him. He turns back to Mason. “Celibate? Open? What?”

“Well, I mean, it’s a love thing, right? But you both have, you know, sexual needs. Right?”

“Yeah…?”

“You’re straight? Theo’s a guy? So is it no sex, period, or sex with other people, or…?”

Oh.

“Oh!” Liam blushes and looks away. “Oh. Yeah, no, um,” he clears his throat. “There’s, uh, there’s no problem there.”

Mason gapes. “You didn’t…” His eyes are as wide as saucers and his jaw hangs open in shock. “ _Already?!_ ” he shrieks.

Liam swallows thickly. “We were up pretty late. We’re, uh, we seem to be pretty…compatible…in that, um, area.”

“ _Liam._ ” Mason gasps incredulously.

“You guys all right over here?” It’s Theo, splitting off from Lydia and Stiles to check on Liam and them. “Liam?”

“Hey. Yeah, we’re okay,” Liam replies.

“You sure?” Theo asks and then turns his gaze to Mason and Corey.

Liam watches as Mason gives Theo a slow once over, eyes virtually caressing Theo’s fit body glistening in the morning sun. The light dusting of his body hair looks darker and denser when it’s damp with sweat like this, emphasizing the planes and curves of his muscled chest and abs, his thick forearms, the cords of muscles in his legs. He looks NSFW in his tiny running shorts with its high inseam, the damp fabric draping heavily over his bulge and showing the clear outline of his girthy cock and the ridge of his large cockhead, his junk hanging low and heavy between his bulky thighs.

“Yeah, just sorting some stuff out,” Liam says hoarsely.

“All right,” Theo makes a finger gun at Mason. “You’re behind one lap. You’re letting the drunkies down,” he says with a boyish smirk.

“We’ll catch up,” Mason says faintly, sounding out of breath.

Theo winks at Mason and nods at Corey, and then he goes.

Mason’s and Corey’s eyes follow Theo, fixed intently on the jiggle of his ass as he jogs ahead.

“Whew, _SIR_ ,” Mason breathes out.

“Yeah, it turns out he’s the exception,” Liam says, gesturing toward the general direction where Theo and his wildly masculine sex appeal ran off to. “It’s not exactly a hardship.”

“ _Fuuuck_.” Mason’s head swivels to Liam as he groans. “I hate you. You’re a lucky bastard and I hate you. So much.”

“Dude, your boyfriend is standing right there!” Liam hisses, scandalized.

“Uh. No,” Corey says seriously, “you _are_ a lucky bastard and I _also_ hate you.”

Liam facepalms but it’s actually just all for show. He knows how lucky he is with Theo, and he’s proud to be the one Theo chooses to be with.

“He’s not gonna stop flirting with me now that you guys are together, right?” Mason asks worriedly, completely seriously.

Liam sighs long-sufferingly. “No, probably not. You know how he gets.” He shakes himself off. “Anyway. We’re one lap behind.”

“Wait—just one more thing.” The sudden seriousness in Mason’s expression disarms Liam.

“What is it?”

“You’re a good guy,” Mason starts, “but be careful with Theo, okay?”

“What do you mean?”

“Think about it. He was with the Dread Doctors since he was a kid. He only came back a couple of years ago and those years have been a shit show.”

“What are you saying?” Liam prompts.

“I’m saying you’re probably Theo’s first love.”

Oh.

Liam’s ears start ringing.

“Oh.” He looks at Corey whose face is very carefully blank. He looks around the lake and tries to spot Theo, sees him running alongside Scott and Malia. He looks back at Mason.

“Be careful with his heart, Liam.”

*

_You’re probably Theo’s first love._

_Be careful with his heart_.

Mason’s words hang over Liam like a cloud. It preoccupies him throughout the rest of their run. He sits with it the entire drive when Mason and Corey give them a ride back to the apartment.

He eases up as soon as they’re back inside. Somehow, within the context of this space with just the two of them, everything falls into place and makes perfect sense.

That’s reasonable, isn’t it? They didn’t date. Their love bloomed quietly, privately, in these moments together.

He heads straight to the kitchen and fills a couple of glasses of water for them.

“How’d it go with Mason?”

“It went okay. We talked it out. What about you?” Liam lets out a breath. “With everyone.”

“It was all right,” he says vaguely.

“Did someone say something?” Liam asks firmly. He pushes off from the counter and squares his shoulders up, ready to fight and feeling suddenly protective of Theo. “Was it Scott?”

“Hey, easy,” Theo says, cupping Liam’s cheek. “No one said anything. Not like that.”

“Okay.” Liam turns his face to kiss Theo’s wrist. “Okay.”

“They’re protective of you, Liam. You’re lucky to have friends—a pack—like that.”

“You’re one of us, Theo. You’re not my plus-one. You’re one of us.”

*

Liam lets Theo take the first shower while he makes breakfast. Nothing fancy, just rashers of bacon, some buttered toast, and scrambled eggs heavily seasoned with cracked pepper and thyme and then topped off with some salt and a ton of shredded cheese.

He makes a latte for himself and sets a pint glass of iced coffee for Theo on the bar counter. They eat their breakfast there, standing on opposite sides of the bar.

Liam considers the picture they must make.

Theo freshly showered and put together. His hair perfectly styled, his beard groomed. His pink V-neck shirt, draped and stretched over his muscles, somehow looks luxurious instead of plain; his dark blue jeans look snug in all the right places.

And Liam, scruffy and hairy everywhere, wearing nothing but black running shorts, still a little sweaty, definitely a little ripe.

Both of them enjoying a quiet moment together at home.

He catches Theo looking at him and then quickly back down at his plate. There’s a tinge of pink in his cheeks.

“What?” Liam asks, smirking.

Theo takes a small bite of his eggs, chewing it deliberately, clearly stalling for time. “I like you like this.”

Liam’s smirk grows. “Like what?” he asks, pitching his voice low.

Theo looks up and glares. “You _know_ what.”

“Yeah. I know what,” he says in a gravelly voice, almost subvocal. He comes around the bar and crowds Theo against the edge of the bar counter. He grabs both of Theo’s hands and puts them on his chest. “Go ahead. It’s for you.”

Theo bites his bottom lip, presses his palms flat on Liam’s muscles and gropes slowly all over his torso and all over his body hair. His chest heaves as he breathes Liam in. He drops his gaze to Liam’s body, looking and touching and breathing in his smell.

Liam’s chubbing up in his shorts and his skin feels hot everywhere as he gets worked up both with his desire for Theo and Theo’s undisguised desire for him.

He takes one of Theo’s hands and puts it on his hardening cock. “That’s for you, too,” he says huskily, swelling fully erect.

“Liam—”

Liam nudges Theo’s face with his nose and captures his mouth in a lingering kiss as he reaches down to tuck his waistband behind his balls, allowing Theo free reign to stroke his cock.

“Fuck, you’re so hard,” Theo groans between kisses.

“It’s you, Theo.” He flexes it a few times in Theo’s grip. “Feel it,” he says, flexing again and again. “It’s you. That’s what you do to me.”

He swallows Theo’s whimper in a kiss. He loves it like this with him. He has no plans of where to take this. He simply wants to feel close to Theo, and Theo seems to understand. He seems to want the same thing. His hands on Liam aren’t insistent, just meandering and affectionate, desirous. He’s just touching without any goal other than to touch, to bring pleasure to them both.

Liam doesn’t touch Theo. He keeps his arms and hands braced on the bar counter on either side of Theo while he kisses him and lets him touch and stroke.

There is a sweet ache in his heart, a pulsing warmth and light, expanding ever outward to the edges of his being. He feels so much for Theo that he simply can’t contain it. He wants this so much, he wants it now and he wants it always. He thinks about the future and all he can see is this, with Theo.

“You’re trembling,” Theo says, his hand gently but still steadily stroking Liam’s cock.

Liam kisses Theo even as he speaks.

“Do you wanna stop?” Theo’s voice is so soft, so caring.

Liam can’t bear it. He whines needily, surging forward and mashing his lips against Theo’s, twitching his cock and fucking into Theo’s hand. “No, no, please, I don’t wanna stop—” He feels the prickle of tears behind his closed eyelids.

Theo’s strokes mimic the pace of Liam’s rutting, making Liam groan. Theo licks into Liam’s mouth as he opens up, and their kissing grows filthy.

“Theo—I’m close—” Liam gasps “—I wanna cum in your mouth.”

“Yeah—yeah. Just say when,” Theo replies, kissing and stroking.

Liam nods through the kiss, grunting as he nips and sucks on Theo’s lips and licks his mouth.

“I love you,” Theo whispers.

Liam’s belly tightens. “Oh fuck oh fuck—now, now—oh fuck—”

Theo drops down and takes Liam’s cock in his mouth a split-second before Liam starts shooting his load. Theo sucks and swallows gently as Liam grunts and groans through his orgasm.

“I love you,” Liam chokes out. He continues to grunts and flex his cock, pumping the last bit of his load in Theo’s mouth while Theo cups his ass in his hands and rubs his thumbs soothingly on his skin.

Theo releases him and gets back on his feet. Liam catches the lingering taste of his cum as they kiss.

“I love you,” he says again as he pulls away. He puts his hand over Theo’s where it’s on his chest and tucks himself back into his shorts, gently dislodging Theo’s other hand where it’s fondling his balls.

He gives Theo another soft peck on the lips, breathing noisily through his nose.

“Are you okay?” Theo asks.

Liam nods. “Yeah, I just. It’s a lot.”

“What is?”

“Here,” Liam says, squeezing Theo’s hand on his chest. “It just feels—so full. I don’t know what to do.”

“Is it a good feeling?” Theo asks gently.

Liam nods.

“You’re okay,” Theo says reassuringly, pulling Liam in his embrace.

Liam nods again. “It’s just a lot,” he says, panting. 

Theo pulls back and looks Liam in the eyes. “I love you.” 

“I love you so much, Theo.” He leans in for a kiss, shuts his eyes and feels more tears on his eyelashes.

He pulls back, smiles shakily. He gives in to the urge to rub his cheek against Theo’s, their beards scraping together. He kisses him on the cheek, goes over to the kitchen sink to wet a paper towel and bring over to wipe Theo’s hand clean. Once done, he puts Theo’s hand to the side of his own face and leans into it, presses a kiss on his wrist.

He comes back around the bar to his plate. He rubs his eyes with the back of his hand in one rough movement. He’s never teared up during sex before, or felt this intensely, like he’s being broken apart and put back together.

He puts a forkful of eggs in his mouth and tries not to work himself up any further. He jerks his head toward Theo’s plate. “Sorry I interrupted your breakfast.”

“You just gave me another serving of protein. That’s still breakfast,” Theo says seriously as he takes a bite of his scrambled eggs.

Liam buries his red face in his hands and laughs into them. “I can’t believe you just said that.” He peeks through his fingers and blushes even harder at the smirk on Theo’s face.

It looks softer somehow, still naughty but really more of a smile. He leans over the counter and touches Theo’s hand. “I really like how we are when we fuck,” he says.

For some reason it feels very important for Liam to let Theo know now.

Theo seems surprised to hear it. “Me, too.”

“It’s, um, fulfilling,” Liam adds shyly.

“Yeah.” Theo’s surprise softens into something else. “For me, too.”

“Okay. I just wanted you to know how I feel.”

Theo nods, clearly affected. “Liam?”

“Yeah?”

“I like when we talk like this.”

Liam licks his lips, feeling overcome. He nods. “Me, too.”

*

Liam does the washing up. Theo tells him to go take a shower, but he hovers around for a bit, shuffling nervously in place.

“I wanna tell my parents about us.”

“You seem worried about it.”

“I’m not worried about them. I’m worried about how you’d feel about it.”

“Hey,” Theo says gently. Liam looks up at him. “Tell me what you’re worried about.”

Liam takes a deep breath. He scratches a phantom itch on his chest, then his belly. He shoves his hands in his pockets and then takes them out again.

Why are hands so complicated? What do you even do with them when you’re not using them?

And here’s Theo moving in front of him, taking Liam’s hands and holding them in his.

“Tell me what you’re worried about.”

Liam searches himself and tries to articulate the vague feelings and ideas that have been swirling in his mind since last night, made even more chaotic by this morning’s encounter with the pack.

“I dunno how private you want to keep this. Us. But I wanna hold your hand when we’re in public. I wanna kiss you no matter where we are or who’s around. I wanna tell you I love you where anybody can hear. I want everyone to know we’re together.”

“That all sounds good to me.”

Liam’s eyes fly up to Theo’s. His heart flips in his chest. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Okay,” Liam sighs in relief.

“Liam?”

“Yeah?”

Theo kisses his lips and says, “I wanna hold your hand in public.”

And kisses him again.

“I wanna kiss you no matter where we are or who’s around.”

And again.

“I wanna tell you I love you where anybody can hear.”

And again.

“I want everyone to know we’re together.”

Liam’s heart melts and his smile grows with every kiss and every declaration.

“I love you, Liam.”

*


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I offer this final chapter as a gift to all of the readers who have left comments and kudos and who subscribed and bookmarked.
> 
> This fic _was_ complete. But after the first few daily updates it became apparent from reader comments and the uptick in kudos and subscriptions and bookmarks that some of you were making significant time, energy, and emotional investments. I wanted to repay that by putting in the effort to make this story as good as I could while still committing to the daily upload schedule. So more than just copyediting and reformatting from my Notes app to AO3, I did more revisions and rewrites of chapters that were yet to be posted.
> 
> More than just out of gratitude, I did it out of respect for you and to honor the positive reception you've given this fic.
> 
> I didn't want to let you down.
> 
> Your comments on every chapter and your kudos and your subscriptions and bookmarks made _all_ the difference.
> 
>  _You are directly responsible_ for having made this story better.
> 
>  _You are directly responsible_ for the improvements in both large and small chunks of this fic.
> 
>  _You are directly responsible_ for ~11k words of additional content across the entirety of the work.
> 
> Thank you.
> 
> I hope that this story has been worth your time.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> *Again, this chapter also includes sexually explicit content relevant to the story, characterization, and plot. Please be aware of this if you decide skip or scroll through it.

*

“How can you tell if it’s ripe?”

“I dunno,” Liam shrugs, squeezing a peach and handing it to Theo. “Does this feel squishy enough for you?”

Theo cups the peach in his curved palm, drags a finger delicately, sideways across the bump and then down along the cleft. He stops at an arbitrary spot, somewhere just below the middle. Pokes it. “Medium squishy, I guess?” Pokes it again.

The edges of Liam’s vision blur.

Liam gulps. “Um. Can you tell by smell?” he asks. He feels a little hot. “Ripe fruit have a smell, right?”

“Uh, sure.” Theo frowns at the peach and brings it up to his nose for a long sniff.

Liam’s sight hones in on the fuzzy mound of the fruit as it all but grazes Theo’s nose, his upper lip. Would it burst with juice if Theo were to bite into it?

“Anything?” Liam croaks and looks quickly away from Theo and the damn peach.

“Lots of things,” Theo says confidently. “No clue what any of it means, though.”

“There’s gotta be some ripe ones here.” He busies himself looking through the pile, flustered and sweating.

“But does ripe even mean sweet?” Theo asks skeptically. “Like, is that a guarantee?” Theo puts the peach back in the crate. His brow creases as he takes a look at Liam. “You okay? You seem kind of…” he trails off, reaching out to wipe a bead of sweat from his temple. “You’re hot. Come on, let’s get inside where there’s AC.” He grabs Liam’s hand and herds him away from the crates of produce lining the outside of the grocery and they make their way inside.

“Yeah, just a little,” Liam says, breathless from Theo's touch. “Um, well, let’s get canned peaches, then.”

“That feels like surrender.” 

“Convenience isn’t a crime,” Liam rasps through his parched throat.

“They’ll know we used canned peaches.”

“It’ll give the cobblers a consistent flavor.” He wants to kiss Theo but he feels a little shy.

“That’s true. But, like, good consistent? Or one-note consistent?”

”We can add lemon zest so it’s not one-note.” He’ll wait.

”Sold. You have good instincts, Liam.” Theo smiles at him and squeezes his hand. It settles the wild thing inside Liam.

They head for the canned food aisle and grab a dozen cans of peaches. They won’t use them all. Maybe eight? Four for each cobbler they’re making; one to bring to Liam’s parents’ and one to bring to Scott’s. But Liam has a feeling the recipe will turn out well and wants extras on hand to make for just the two of them.

Theo tells him to go on ahead and that he’ll meet him at the checkout, and then goes off to another aisle.

He sidles up to Liam just as Liam is unloading the cans from the basket to the conveyor belt and adds a couple of items to their purchases.

Liam’s eyes widen when he sees what they are. The wild thing stirs once more. He looks at Theo who’s blushing but bravely meeting his gaze.

“For later. Or, you know, whenever,” Theo says in a low voice.

Liam looks at the things again.

Food grade sweet almond and coconut oils.

*

Preparing the peach cobblers is a relatively quiet affair. Theo preheats the oven and sets the _mise en place_ , while Liam unloads the groceries, opens the cans of peaches and starts draining them.

Liam nearly cuts his finger on one of the empty cans as he rinses them out with water, distracted by the containers of oils he sees in his periphery.

“Careful,” Theo says, “you all right?”

“Yeah,” Liam says absentmindedly. He discards the empty cans in the recycling bin under the sink. “Do you, um, where should I put those?” He asks, gesturing toward the stuff.

Theo’s cheeks pink up. “Oh, um. Upstairs? On the dresser, for now? I’ll clear out a drawer later where we can put them in with towels and stuff for…” He looks shyly at Liam and says in a husky voice, “Um, for when we fuck.”

“Jesus,” Liam exhales. “Yeah, okay. Okay. I can do that.” He looks down at his hands and flexes them open and closed as he tries to steady his breathing.

“You’re getting horny, aren’t you?” Theo asks.

Liam glances up at him. “For you, yes. You?”

“Yes,” Theo retorts. “But, um, peach cobblers,” he adds weakly.

“Right,” Liam nods. “Wanna fuck after?” He asks abruptly, shyly.

“Yeah,” Theo chokes out, “yes. Okay.” And then they’re interrupted by the oven beeping ready.

Liam takes the oils upstairs and quickly returns to the kitchen to help Theo finish as soon as possible.

*

“Theo,” Liam pants against the nape of Theo’s neck, his nose buried in Theo’s hair, as he pumps his hips and fucks his cock between Theo’s thighs. His left hand is working Theo’s cock, alternating stroking it in his fist and pawing at it, pushing and rubbing it against Theo’s belly, rubbing Theo’s cockhead with his palm.

Theo’s right arm is resting on Liam’s where it’s curled around his chest. His left arm is tucked slightly behind him, his hand grabbing on to Liam’s thigh.

They’re kneeling up on the bed. Their cocks and balls are slicked up with almond oil, and the sticky, viscous squelch and slaps of their rutting are the filthiest sounds Liam has ever heard, as pleasurable as the physical sensations.

Liam makes sure that his torso is pressed flush against Theo’s back as he fucks him, letting Theo’s bare back feel the bristle of his thick body hair just the way Theo likes. The difference in their height works to their advantage in this position; Liam doesn’t have to dip very much at all to fuck into the space right below Theo’s taint and balls.

Liam loves it like this—the feel of holding Theo’s big, buff body against his, Theo’s girthy cock in his hand, Theo’s balls dragging along the top side of Liam’s cock with each long stroke, even the mess of warm oil and pre.

He wishes they could kiss properly like this instead of the misaligned mashing of mouths and tongues they can manage.

Still, having Theo quivering in his arms, moaning and groaning, breath hitching and panting, cock as hard as marble and hotter than their combined body heat—Liam has never felt closer to Theo than he does now.

Nor has he ever felt more masculine. He’s fucking a dude and he feels manly as hell.

He thinks a lot of it has to do with how responsive Theo is to him. It’s clear how much he gets off on Liam’s affection and attention. What’s more, Theo is completely open in showing his naked, unvarnished, helpless, unrestrained, needy, _slutty_ desire for Liam.

Like Liam is all he’s ever wanted and needed, like Liam is everything to him, and he can’t believe he gets to have him.

And Liam makes a real effort, tries harder each time with Theo than he ever has before, getting off on how much Theo is getting off. It feels like it should be a dangerous, volatile cycle; instead it fuels his own desire and the intensity between them.

“Liam—I’m close—”

Liam nods against Theo’s nape. “What d’you need?” he asks, his hand curled over Theo’s cockhead and massaging it in circles with his palm.

Theo shakes his head jerkily. “Keep doing that.”

Liam has been teetering on the edge of his own orgasm for a couple of minutes already, just waiting for Theo and helping him find his way there with him.

“I’m gonna do it with you. I wanna cum at the same time.”

“Liam—” Theo groans, and then his body is bowing forward. “Oh fuck—Liam—”

Liam starts jacking Theo’s cock as he lets himself go. They cum together, shooting their loads all over themselves and on the towel laid out in front of them.

“Oh fuck—oh fuck—” Theo grunts.

“I love you, Theo,” Liam whispers against Theo’s back, fucking into Theo’s thighs and stroking Theo’s cock. “I love you.”

After they’re spent, Theo sinks into him and Liam holds them both up. They’re both panting and sweating, trying to catch their breaths. Theo grabs the towel and wipes his cock and balls, his thighs and the back of his legs. Then he turns around to clean up Liam.

Liam waits patiently, enjoying Theo servicing him in this way. And then he leans in for a proper kiss. His heart swells at the sweet way Theo kisses him, the way Theo makes him feel loved with it.

“Was that okay?” Liam asks between kisses.

Theo nods his head and hums an affirmative against Liam’s lips. “Yeah,” he says between kisses. ”It’s always really good with you, Liam.”

“Okay,” Liam sighs into their kiss. “I love you so much. I just wanna make it good for you.”

“You do. I love how we fuck. I’ve loved it every time.”

Theo sucks Liam’s bottom lip, lets it go and licks into Liam’s mouth. They kiss open-mouthed and sloppy. Theo seems needy for it. Liam craves the closeness and wants to give Theo everything.

Theo ends the kiss gently and gathers Liam in for a hug. It’s warm and affectionate, loving in the way that Theo’s hugs have always felt to Liam.

“I love you,” Theo says thickly.

Liam nods and squeezes Theo tighter. With each moment they have together, Theo burrows deeper and deeper in Liam’s heart.

“I love you.”

*

“Nervous?” Theo asks as he takes the turn to Liam’s parents’ street.

“No,” Liam replies. He mulls it over. “Eager,” he decides.

Theo raises an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Yeah. They already love you.“ Liam chews his lip for a moment. “And I’m leaving for college soon. I just think things will be easier all around the sooner they know.”

He could’ve phrased it differently, but it wouldn’t change the basic fact of it. He’s leaving. Soon.

He hates the way it deadens the mood.

When Theo pulls into the driveway, Liam unbuckles his seatbelt and just slumps in his seat.

Theo clicks his seatbelt off and hops out of the truck to come around to the passenger’s side. He opens the door for Liam and puts his hand on his thigh.

“It’s okay, Liam,” he says.

Liam’s heart clenches in his chest. “I miss you already.”

“I know.” Theo pushes up on his toes and kisses Liam softly on the cheek. “Come on,” he urges.

Liam goes.

*

Liam’s mom meets them at the door just as Liam is turning the key, and she gives each of them a hug. She must’ve heard the truck pull in and wondered at the delay.

“My boys!” she says happily.

“Me and Theo made a peach cobbler,” Liam says, holding up the casserole dishes. “One of them is for Scott's party, so I’ll leave it in the fridge.”

“Oh, that’s thoughtful of you. Go on through to the kitchen.” She closes the door behind them. She calls out to Liam’s dad as they approach the kitchen. “Come say hi to the boys.”

Liam’s dad pops in, beer in hand and smelling of grill smoke, and gives Liam and Theo hugs. “Good to see you boys.”

“Can I talk to you guys about something real quick?” Liam asks, catching his parents’ eyes meaningfully.

“Theo can watch the grill for a minute.”

Theo gives a two-fingered salute and heads to the backyard to stand over the grill.

His mom and dad exchange looks.

“It’s nothing bad,” Liam hurries to add.

His dad pops another can of beer and silently hands it to his mom. Liam rolls his eyes and gives his mom the go-ahead to take a swig.

Geez, hella dramatic for no reason.

Although, now that the moment is here, Liam may be a little nervous. Well, there’s no turning back.

He takes a deep breath.

“I’m with Theo.”

His parents blink. The silence stretches for a few seconds.

“I mean, Theo and I are together.”

They look at each other and take another sip of their beers.

“Yes?” his mom finally responds.

Liam frowns in confusion. “We’re together-together.”

His dad cocks his head confusedly.

“Hello?” Liam presses.

His mom grimaces. “Sweetie—I don’t—”

Liam begins low-key freaking out. “Theo,” he calls, “can you come in here, please.”

Liam takes Theo’s hand as soon as he gets close enough. He laces their fingers together and shows his parents. “Okay, let’s try this again. Mom. Dad. Theo and I are together. And it’s serious.”

His parents share another look. They seem to be having a silent conversation.

His dad raises his eyebrows as he mutters, “You don’t think…?”

And his mom’s face is contorted in some strange expression, “Theo’s a bright guy, but Liam…” she says very quietly, though Liam’s ears still pick it up.

And his dad’s like, “Yeah, but…”

Liam fidgets. “Guys? You’re kind of scaring me here.”

His mom clears her throat. “Are you celebrating an anniversary, or…?” she asks, fiddling with her beer can’s pull tab.

“What!” Liam yelps. “No, we’re not celebrating an anniversary! This just happened last night!”

“What.” his mom deadpans.

“What just happened last night?” his dad asks. “I’m confused. No, I think _you’re_ confused.” He turns to Liam’s mom. “They can’t possibly be this…”

His mom pinches the bridge of her nose. “I think they might be.”

His dad takes a swig of his beer and then puts it down on the table. He starts gesturing with both hands as he speaks. “Okay. Just so we’re on the same page: You’re together, and you’ve only been officially together since last night?”

Oh, thank god.

“Yes!” Liam cries in relief. “Exactly! Thank you! Wait, what do you mean ‘officially’?”

“Like, _officially_ ,” his dad says like it clarifies anything. It doesn’t. “Instead of _un_ officially.”

“Either!” Liam exclaims. “Both!”

“Ah.” His dad says like it means anything. It doesn’t.

“Oh, boys…” his mom says in a weird tone.

“Thank you for telling us. We’re happy for you guys.”

“We mean it,” his mom adds. She looks at Theo. “Theo, you’re already very much loved in this home.”

Theo nods, eyes bright. “Thank you.”

“Oh, Liam,” his mom sighs, and then looks at Theo again. “Just. Please take care of this one,” she tells Theo despairingly.

“I will,” Theo says firmly, squeezing Liam’s hand.

Liam frowns at them both. He levels his mom with a look. “Why are you saying it like that?” He looks at his dad. “Actually, what was all that stuff you guys were saying?”

His dad makes a face and tries to get up from his seat, but his mom pushes him back down.

He feels Theo start to move, too, but he pulls him back beside him. He looks up at him but Theo avoids his gaze and pretends to look out the backyard at the grill.

“Everybody explain themselves,” Liam demands imperiously.

His dad clears his throat. “We thought it’s been going on for a while.”

Liam recoils. “What.” He looks at his mom who just shrugs.

“I mean,” she says, and gestures toward Theo for some reason.

Wait.

“Did you know?” He hisses at Theo.

Theo dips his head and scratches at his beard. “Uh. Kind of.”

“And you didn’t tell me?” Liam yelps.

Theo shrugs. “I didn’t want you to start feeling uncomfortable around me.”

“And you didn’t bother to correct their assumption?”

Theo shrugs again. “I didn’t want to.”

He whirls around toward his parents. “And you?” He asks.

“We figured you were being really private about it. You’ve never expressed any interest in boys before. We wanted to respect that,” his mom offers.

He looks back up at Theo. “And you knew this whole time, going in here, that when I was going to tell them they already had their own ideas and you just _let me_?”

“Yes.”

“Why the hell?!” Liam cries hysterically.

“For the lulz,” Theo says evenly.

“For the—” Liam groans in frustration. “Do you wake up every morning and _choose_ to be chaotic, or were you just born that way?”

“You’re cute when you’re a disaster,” Theo says, tilting his head to the side.

“Oookay,” his dad says, standing up. “As fun as…whatever this is…I gotta get back to the grill.” He leans down and kisses Liam’s mom. “Gimme the highlights later.”

“There will be no highlights,” Liam grumps, releasing Theo’s hand so he can cross his arms and slump in his chair.

Liam’s mom gets up and squeezes him on the shoulder. She touches Theo briefly on the arm.

Liam’s only pretending to be upset. It actually is really nice all around.

*

Liam is scrolling through his phone when his mom sidles up to him and says, “I’m sure you can guess what I’m gonna talk to you about.”

He puts his phone away. “Is it gonna be embarrassing?”

“Yes,” she replies, "for both of us.”

“Oh, man. Okay.” Liam sighs and braces himself for it.

“Are you and Theo exclusive?”

Liam’s heart drops to his stomach.

“From your silence and the look on your face, I’m going to say that you’re assuming you are but you haven’t talked about it, and now you’re not sure if Theo wants to be exclusive.”

Liam nods slowly.

“Okay. You should talk about that.”

”We’re in love.”

”Even more reason to talk about it.”

“I’ll talk to him,” Liam promises.

“Good. If you decide that you’re not going to be exclusive—”

“Mom—”

“Do you know what PrEP is?”

“Oh my god,” Liam buries his face in his hand. “Yes.”

“Okay. If that’s something you need, we can talk about it, or you can talk to your doctor about it. Your dad and I respect your privacy, but you’re covered under our insurance so we’re going to see the bills anyway. That’s not a threat, just something you should be aware of.”

“Okay.”

“Liam, look at me.”

Liam meets her gaze.

“Are you and Theo being safe?”

Liam’s eyes widen and everything clicks into place.

“Oh my god,” he gasps. “Mom!” He exclaims. “This _whole_ time, _that’s_ what you’ve been saying? _Every time_ I went to go be with Theo you were—for months! _Oh my god_.” Liam buries his face in his hands. “We weren’t even doing anything!”

She raises an eyebrow pointedly. “ _‘Weren’t’,_ past tense?” she asks, unrelenting.

Liam feels caught. He and Theo have had sex several times since last night. He doesn’t want to lie to his mom, but he doesn’t want to go into the subject of shapeshifter immunity.

But being safe doesn’t just mean the physical stuff. There are mental and emotional components as well. He and Theo are communicative, they’re open, they check in with each other. And that’s important, too.

He looks his mom in the eyes and says honestly, “We keep each other safe, Mom. I would never let anything happen to Theo, and he would never let anything happen to me. We take care of each other.”

She nods, and Liam knows his careful wording doesn’t escape her notice. “All right.”

“Is there anything else?” Liam asks.

“No, not unless you have anything for me?”

“Yeah, actually.” Liam supposes this is as good a time as any. “I’m leaving for college soon. And me and Theo…Mom, we’re just getting started and I have to go already,” he says morosely.

“Have you talked about it?”

“Sort of. We’re still figuring things out.”

“That’s right. Just last night.”

“Yeah.” Liam swallows thickly. “I’m gonna wanna be with him as much as possible before I have to go.”

“More than you already are?” She asks tartly.

“Yes,” Liam answers seriously. “Is that okay?”

“Yeah, sweetie, that’s okay. And he’s always welcome here.”

“All right.”

“Okay.”

“You’re a good mom.”

“Oh—that’s. Thank you.” She looks out to the backyard where Theo is helping Liam’s dad plate the cooked meats. “Theo’s a good guy.”

“Yeah. He’s my favorite.” Liam’s heart warms as he says it.

Just like always.

*

The guests start arriving soon after. Liam and Theo help host for a bit, offering drinks to everyone, clearing out used utensils and debris, loading the dishwasher.

They hang out for a couple of hours. Theo wolfs down a frightening amount of tri-tip, which Liam’s dad always likes to see so he keeps Theo’s plate filled.

Eventually they take their leave. Liam grabs the second peach cobbler chilling in the fridge. Theo surprises Liam by being the one to ask Liam’s parents whether it’s okay for Liam to stay with him for a few days. Liam’s mom gives them her permission and insists that Theo feel free to throw Liam out for any reason whatsoever. Liam protests indignantly but everybody is super mean and just ignores him, going so far as to place bets on how many days it’ll take.

In Theo’s defense and to Liam’s delighted embarrassment, Theo bets on never.

“Did that go how you wanted it to?” Theo asks when they’re on the road to Scott’s.

“Minus the parts where you all kept ganging up to bully me, sure, more or less,” Liam grumps in mock upset. “But, seriously, Theo. Didn’t I tell you they already love you?”

Theo looks straight ahead, smiling wistfully into the distance. “Yes, you did.”

“Will you keep an eye on them while I’m away?” Liam asks. His voice sounds fragile to his own ears.

“I will,” Theo says firmly. “I promise.”

*

“Hang on for a second,” Liam says as Theo parks in front of Scott’s house and cuts the engine. He unbuckles both his and Theo’s seatbelts and then heaves over the center console to straddle Theo’s lap.

Theo has an amused and happy look on his face which makes Liam’s heart ache with love. He reflexively holds Liam by the waist.

Liam braces himself with his hands on Theo’s shoulders and leans down for some soft, lazy kissing. They kiss for its own sake, enjoying the easy, playful way of it.

Liam meant only to get a little affection, but now that they’re in it he doesn’t really want to stop.

“I wondered if you’d be like this,” Theo says when Liam moves away from his lips to kiss along his jaw and down toward his neck.

“Like what?” Liam asks.

“When we started getting close, you were always touching me or looked like you wanted to, even when we were in public.”

“Is that okay?”

Theo’s hands start moving along Liam’s flanks, rubbing and touching. “Yeah, yeah. It’s more than okay. I like that you’re affectionate. Before you, no one really—” He cuts himself off.

Liam looks up at Theo’s face, sees the _something_ shadowing his gentle expression and turning his small smile a little sad.

“I lived half of my life in a nightmare,” he says softly. “You’re the first person to show me any real affection.”

“Theo…”

“Why did you do that?”

Liam frowns in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Even your friends, your pack—I saw the way they would look—”

“We were friends, Theo. I cared about you. It felt right. I don’t care what anybody else thought. You’re what matters.”

Theo nods as if to himself. He tips his head up and offers himself for a kiss. Liam leans into the warmth and softness of Theo’s lips.

Liam has never been kissed the way Theo kisses him.

When Theo kisses him like this it feels like it could go on forever. Liam never feels hurried or pressed. There’s desire, yes, but it’s not on the leading edge of it, nor is it what propels them.

He just feels loved.

There are moments when he wonders whether he’s simply projecting his own feelings and mistaking them for Theo’s motivation. But there is the way Theo holds him—always carefully, always gently, soothing him even when he’s already calm. The way that he kisses Liam, pressure firm and that bit of suction just right, the press of his pillow-soft lips, like he’s carrying Liam through it to a destination of endless possibilities.

When Theo kisses him like this, Liam feels strong, secure, safe, unstoppable. He feels like he can do anything.

He feels brave.

And always, always that feeling in his heart that seems to grow too big for his chest, for his whole body. He doesn’t try to contain it anymore, just lets the feeling suffuse him as he surrenders.

“Liam,” Theo gasps, “You’re crying.”

And so he is. He tastes the salt of his tears wetting their kiss.

“Liam, hey,” Theo says gently, pulling away slowly and wiping Liam’s wet cheek with his hand. “What’s wrong?”

Liam shakes his head. “Nothing’s wrong.” He tries to sort himself out. He takes stock of his body and its signals, the shallow breaths, the slight trembling. His heart feels like it’s going to beat right out of his chest.

He wipes his face with the neck of his shirt.

He takes Theo’s face in his hands and touches his cheek, his nose, traces the line of his brows, the dip of his upper lip.

“I’ve never felt like this before.”

“Your heart—are you losing control?”

Liam shakes his head. “No.”

“Are you scared?”

“A little.”

“It’s okay. I love you. You’re not alone in it, okay?”

When Theo kisses him again he expects for the clamoring of his heart to settle, instead Theo’s affection wakes something in him. He feels the current of it run through him, the lightening of the weight in his chest, the prickling heat on his skin everywhere.

“Is it weird that I really wanna fuck right now?” he asks, feeling bashful.

The loud noise of a door slamming catches both of their attention, and they look toward the direction of it, primed to react to danger, but there isn’t anything there. Just the empty porch of Scott’s house.

“Theo,” Liam gasps as he starts rutting against Theo.

Theo surges up and gives him a firm kiss. “It’s not weird; it’s dopamine. We’re having an intense moment and you’re a little euphoric from it.” He kisses him again, this time lingering, his hands groping Liam’s ass. “If you’re still in the mood when we get home, we can fuck as much as you want. Okay?”

Liam nods quickly. “Okay. Okay, that sounds good.” He rests his forehead on Theo’s and tries to catch his breath. “It’s embarrassing how much I want you,” he chuckles self-deprecatingly.

“Oh yeah,” Theo says arrogantly. “I gotta tell you, my ego is like—oof.”

“Shut up,” Liam says without any heat, kissing Theo’s nose.

“And I suspect your sex drive is also very…” he trails off, peers at Liam.

Liam feels his face burn.

“Thought so,” Theo says smugly.

“Is that all right?” Liam asks shyly. “That I always want it with you?”

Theo grins and kisses him on the chin, then the corner of his mouth. “Of course, it’s all right. I always want it with you, too.”

“Okay.” Liam grins right back. “Oh, um…”

“What?”

Liam gulps. “My mom was asking if we’re, um, exclusive.”

Theo cocks his head, his expression surprised. “Are we?”

“You’re the only one I want, Theo.”

Theo grabs his hand and presses a kiss to his wrist.

“You’re the only one for me, Liam.”

Liam dips his head, stops just as his lips graze Theo’s. He holds Theo down gently with his hands and pulls away slightly when Theo tries to push up to kiss him. Holds him down and pulls away once more when Theo tries again.

He leans in.

“Say it,” Liam grunts huskily against Theo’s lips. “Say it, Theo.”

“Yes,” Theo says thickly. “Yes, we're exclusive. Liam, _please_ —”

Liam gives it to him.

*

It’s Malia who answers the door, and the smirk on her face is more than just a little disturbing.

She leads them to the kitchen where Theo sets down the peach cobbler, and then to the backyard to join everyone else.

At their arrival everyone drops what they’re doing and all conversation ends as they all turn to look at the same time. Scott’s face is red and he quickly ducks his head back down at the grill when Liam catches his eyes. Mason and Stiles are smirking lasciviously. Corey looks embarrassed, and Lydia looks intrigued.

“Hiii, guuuys,” Stiles greets in a super weird tone. “Welcome to the party.”

“Thanks?” Liam responds, awkwardly wiggling his fingers hello.

“We know you can’t wait to go back home,” Malia says from beside him. “But don’t worry, Liam. There’s plenty of meat here to tide you over.”

Liam whirls and squawks wordlessly. Stiles is cackling, and everyone else is either laughing or trying not to look at him. Scott’s ears are very, very red.

“Oh my god. You assholes were listening again. Of course, you were.”

“It wasn’t on purpose,” Scotts yelps, finally breaking his silence. “We could hear your heartbeat from here, and it sounded like you were either in trouble or having a heart attack, and then you were crying, so we went to go check—”

“Oh, my god, that was you at the door,” Liam realizes in horror. He buries his face in his hands and groans.

“I mean,” Scott shrugs, “everyone else was there, too. You can yell at them also,” he adds with a cringe.

“Okay.” Liam pinches the bridge of his nose. He takes a deep breath and marshals his patience. “You know what? A _lot_ of crap happened in the past that could’ve been avoided if only we all just communicated with each other more and kept each other in the loop. But this? This is egregious. _You have overcorrected_. _Reverse course_.”

Scott winces, but Mason and Lydia are nodding their heads in agreement.

Liam turns to Theo, worried how he’s taking it. “I’m sorry about them,” he says earnestly. “I’m sorry they keep being embarrassing.”

“I’m not embarrassed,” Theo shrugs. “Nothing would ever make me feel embarrassed about us,” he says easily, like it’s anything, like his words don’t hit Liam like a sledgehammer.

Liam hasn’t even recovered when Theo adds, “I love you,” looking right at him, uncaring of anyone who can hear.

And then Theo leans forward and kisses him softly on the mouth.

The breath steals out of Liam’s lungs. His heart thunders in his chest and in his ears. Sure, they talked about this exact thing just this morning. Liam made it clear this is what he wants. He just wasn’t prepared for how it would feel to have it.

Before he could react, Theo is already moving away, grabbing himself a plate and piling it with grilled zucchini. He walks over to the grill and asks Scott, “Can I have that fatty piece in the corner?”

Fatty piece in the—Jesus. Liam shakes himself off and grabs a couple of bottles of water from the cooler. He walks up to Theo, hands him one, and darts in quickly and kisses the corner of his mouth. “I love you, too.”

Then he joins Mason, Corey, and Lydia at their table, pretending no one’s giving him any shocked looks.

*

“Hey.” Scott jerks his head up at Liam and takes the seat across from him.

“Hey,” Liam replies. “Where’s your mom?”

“Work. It’s a busy weekend for her. Argent will come by in a bit to grab some food for her.”

“Cool. Cool,” Liam says awkwardly. He taps his finger absently on the side of his bottled water, casting his gaze here and there.

Scott looks like he’s gearing up for something.

“Listen—”

“Oh, lord,” Liam mutters. “Sorry,” he says when Scott frowns at him.

“So…you and Theo.”

Liam instinctively searches out for Theo, finds him holding a plate of peach cobbler to Malia. Of course. Trust Theo to notice how much Malia loved the bread pudding last night. Liam isn’t confident about this approach—bribery through baked goods—though he appreciates Theo trying.

Malia is a wild thing. She might be more receptive to something of a similar nature. For sure she would love to beat Theo’s ass, Liam is absolutely certain. And, honestly, he would be curious to see that. Two ferocious and beautiful creatures colliding together in a contest of strength.

Liam will suggest to Theo later to invite her next time they roughhouse with fangs and claws out in the preserve. It’s always fun when they do it, and perhaps Malia might enjoy it as well.

“Yep. Me and Theo.” Liam meets Scott’s gaze head on. “What?” he asks, concerned about the expression on Scott’s face.

“When I said last night you guys needed to talk, I figured you’d let him down gently. We all know how he gets when he flirts, and we all like the attention. Well, except maybe Malia.” He taps his fingertips on the table and shifts in his seat. “And I could see you liked it a lot. I didn’t think you’d end up together.”

“He’s not making me do anything I don’t want,” Liam says carefully.

“I honestly thought you were straight.”

“Yeah. Definitely straight,” he replies, taking a swig of his water. “And I’m in love with him.”

“Okay, um, was that supposed to make sense?” Scott asks, scratching his jaw and smiling awkwardly.

“You kinda have to want it to.” Liam shrugs.

“And do you want it to?”

“Yeah.” He’s gotta hand it to Scott, just taking it in stride.

“I guess that’s what matters.” Scott looks over at Theo and Malia. “You really helped turn his life around. You’re a good guy, Liam. It doesn’t look like you needed it, but I’m sorry anyway that I didn’t help.”

“You still can,” Liam says seriously. He waits until Scott is looking at him before he continues. “Theo’s a good guy. His past will always be his past, but he’s trying to build a future. Let him. There’s a reason Mason and Corey are friends with him despite everything he’s done. He’ll be a good friend to you if you let him. I saw him last night looking at the pictures you took—I don’t think you know how much last night means to him.”

“All right,” Scott says gently. “All right.” He gets up and squeezes Liam on the shoulder. “I meant what I said, Liam. You’re alpha material.”

Liam watches Scott grab his own plate of peach cobbler and join Malia and Theo.

Theo visibly relaxes, his body language opening up, as Scott touches his upper arm and slides his hand to his shoulder to give him a friendly squeeze.

Liam’s heart goes soft at the sight of it.

*

“Were you really crying?”

Liam’s forehead thunks on the metal table where he drops it as he considers passing away entirely just to leave his awful, gossiping, no-boundary-having-ass friends behind.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Corey says.

“It’s been an emotional week, okay?”

“Such a crybaby,” Mason says fondly, ruffling Liam’s hair.

“Don’t,” Liam whines, squirming away. “You’ll mess it up.”

“Oh, sorry to mess up your cute haircut that you got specially for Theo.”

“So what if I did?” Liam grumps.

“Dude, were you trying to… _woo_ him?” Mason asks, aghast.

Liam fidgets in his seat.

“Oh, my god— _you were!_ ”

“He said he liked it before,” he mutters, cheeks and ears burning. “I just wanted him to like me.”

Mason chuckles. “He knows you’re a dork, right?”

“Probly,” he mumbles.

“Oh, he does,” Corey says knowingly. Mason raises an eyebrow at him but Corey says nothing more.

Liam looks at Theo from across the backyard. He’s sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with Lydia on a blanket stretched out on the grass, the two of them hunched over Lydia’s phone as she shows him something. Until last night, this would have been really weird to see.

He remembers Lydia’s fascination with Theo’s apartment, the way she explored Theo’s space and Theo’s things with genuine interest. She complimented his taste and talked to him about his books. She engaged him about the work he does when everyone else showed only surface-level interest.

They read poetry together and talked about it.

Theo has never done that with him, and Liam doesn’t begrudge Theo this. In fact, he’s glad for him and happy that he’s making new connections outside of Liam and nurturing them with new context.

Looking at both Theo and Lydia now, Liam hopes for the best of what’s starting to form there.

Theo looks up at him and smiles when their eyes meet. He winks. And then the moment ends no sooner than it started and he’s attending to Lydia again.

“I told my parents earlier about us.”

“How’d that go?”

“They thought we’ve been together for months and were just keeping it to ourselves. Just like you did.”

Mason hums. “Well, yeah,” he says meaningfully. At Liam’s questioning glare he just shrugs and adds, “When you’re not over at his place, he’s over at yours; even when school was still on. The way you guys talk to each other, even in front of other people. And you guys are really, um…”

“Really what?”

“Intimate. With each other. You know?”

“ _You_ guys know that about us, but you didn’t think we were together, at least not until we actually _got_ together.”

“Yeah, but that’s ‘cause we all thought you were both straight. And then Theo came out, and you were all—god, Liam, did either of you even know what you were _doing?—_ nothing made any sense to anyone anymore after that. Literally nothing. And we talked about it _a lot_.”

“I worry about that,” Liam admits. “Not about what anyone else thinks. I don’t care that it doesn’t make sense to anyone else. But I worry that it doesn’t make sense to him.”

Liam feels a deep, yawning sadness, and the cold clawing of fear in his chest.

“I worry that he’s not sure of me because of it.”

*

Liam is helping himself to some mashed potatoes and gravy when Stiles sidles up to him, chewing obnoxiously loudly.

“Dude, I tried the peach cobbler. De-li-cious,” he says, slapping Liam on the back.

“Thanks,” Liam replies.

“Hey, do you think it’s weird that Malia has seen exactly fifty percent of all the penises currently in this backyard?”

Liam contemplates sticking his head in the grill.

*

They wrap up the party as the afternoon draws to a close. They clean and tidy everything up to make sure that Scott’s mom comes home to a pristine house after a long day at work. Corey and Theo scrub the grill clean, Liam and Mason do the washing up, Lydia and Scott pack away the food, and Stiles and Malia take out the trash.

It’s nice. They listen to some music and joke around. Malia eavesdrops shamelessly on Corey and Theo but she loses interest very quickly, because apparently they’re boring.

Liam looks at them through the kitchen window. They’re talking, sure, but it doesn’t seem like much. Just a lot of nodding and head jerks. It’s kind of…bro-y. Liam supposes that tracks with their personalities.

As the sun begins to set they drive to the preserve to hike up to the overlook where they can watch the fireworks.

It’s nightfall by the time they get there. Each couple breaks off naturally, seeking their own privacy as they look out into the glittering stretch of Beacon Hills holding up the expanse of the black sky.

Liam touches Theo’s arm.

“Can we talk about us?” he asks.

He must give something away in his voice or his face, because Theo’s expression seems to flicker.

“Oh. Um. Yeah,” Theo replies.

Liam takes a deep breath. “You’re right. I’m straight.”

“Oh.” Theo sags. His brow furrows and his eyes begin to shine.

“Hey, no, don’t look like that.” Liam hates how quickly Theo reacts to it, like he’s been waiting for it, like he’s been expecting it. It makes it that much more important for him to say what he needs to say.

“Liam, what—”

“Hear me out. Please.” He kisses Theo softly, tries to make his affection for him clear in the tender way he does it and in the gentle touch of his hand on the side of Theo’s face. When he pulls away and opens his eyes, Theo looks a little more reassured.

“I’ve been thinking about it—no, I’ve been freaking out, actually. Because you’re right, Theo: I’m straight. I just don’t think about guys like that. My body and my heart just don’t react to guys. I’ve looked and there’s just nothing there.”

He drops his hand from Theo’s face, slowly, letting it drag down his neck, collarbone, and chest, until he can reach for Theo’s hand to hold in his.

He looks out into the distance where the unknowable darkness of the woods, the mountains, and the sky coalesce into an ever darkening gloom held back only by the light of a city besieged by shadows on all sides.

It is easy to be afraid.

“Then there’s you,” Liam whispers. “I love you and I want you, and I’m worried that you think my feelings for you are motivated by jealousy or possessiveness.”

Now that he’s talking about it, the fear that it might be true starts to come back. But it’s not true. It’s not.

“I’m worried that there’s some part of you that thinks I only want you and that I’m fixated on you because I don’t want anyone else to have you.”

Theo remains nerve-wrackingly silent, looking only at Liam.

“That eventually our summer will end, and whatever I’m feeling will wear off and I’ll snap out of it and I wouldn’t want you anymore.”

And then Theo nods. Just a small, unsure movement, the fear and sadness clear in his eyes.

Liam looks at him, sees him not just as he is but as he’s come to appear to Liam. The light in his eyes, the gentleness of his face. He sees how he has changed and grown to become this integral part of Liam’s identity. No longer each in opposition to the other, but two helical strands bound by friendship, affection, loyalty, service, desire, need.

Love.

“It’s not like that. I love you, Theo. I love you and I want you. And I’ve known it in my heart even if I didn’t know it in my head. Maybe I didn’t think about wanting you before, but that’s ‘cause I didn’t know. I know it now. There’s nothing to snap out of because, if anything, I’ve snapped _in_.” He sniffles, finds himself aching and overcome, filled and overfilled, with love for Theo. "I’ve loved you all this time. It just took me a while to know."

“I believe you, Liam,” Theo says softly. “You’ve been showing me all day.” The corners of his mouth turn up into a small smile.

It’s a relief, though bittersweet. Liam thinks about the Japanese Tea Garden, of holding Theo’s hand, there in that place where time seemed to stop. He wishes he could stop it now. He thinks about Theo telling him he’ll meet other people at college. That he’ll meet girls. That Liam will be happy there.

He strokes Theo’s hand with his thumb, holds on firmly.

“I know we still have some time, but I didn’t want to go without you knowing. I didn’t want you to spend the next few weeks waiting for the other shoe to drop. There is no other shoe.”

Liam takes Theo’s hand and puts it on his own chest, over his heart. “This. It’s yours, Theo.”

“Liam—I—” Theo seems staggered. He reaches for Liam’s face, runs the pad of his thumb on Liam’s bottom lip. “I love you.”

Liam gives it a little kiss.

“When we were talking this morning, you said ‘only’,” Theo says.

“I said only?”

“You said I’m the only guy for you.”

Liam feels dizzy with the rush of understanding, and relief, and love. When he looks at Theo’s face, there’s no uncertainty and no fear. Just adoration.

“More than just that.” Liam shakes his head fondly. “You’re it for me, Theo.”

He looks Theo in the eyes. He touches Theo’s face tenderly, traces his handsome features the way he knows makes Theo feel loved, even before Liam voiced his feelings. The way Liam has always meant it every time he’s done it.

“Mason said to be careful with your heart,” he says softly. “He said that I might be your first love.”

Theo touches his cheek gently.

“You are.”

The explosion of fireworks, when it finally comes, isn’t the flash of lights igniting in the night sky of Beacon Hills or the thunderous booming in the distance.

It’s the soft press of warmth answering to a long yearning with a promise of an even longer future.

It’s the smoldering fire inside Liam roaring to a blaze, calming the wildness and burning away all the fear.

It’s the ball of sun shining on the lush summer field stretching endlessly in the wellspring of Liam’s heart.

 _Theo_.

*


End file.
